Dysphoria
by nimblnymph
Summary: Dysphoria: An unexplainable depression or moment of insanity. The Sanzo party finally sees who truly is the most dangerous member of their team... and what happens when that person starts to lose their mind?
1. Chapter 1

Gyokumen Koushu's expression registered little beyond an almost bored disdain for the handsome youkai kneeling before her, complete with entourage. Her gaze flickered to those behind him, narrowing slightly, but not so much as it might cause her pale white skin to wrinkle. Traveling with the confident, well dressed youkai were two obvious body guards... and one human. It was the human who caught and held her attention

The man was sitting on the floor, not kneeling first of all. He was rocking back and forth, one arm wrapped tightly around the knees held close to his chest while the other hand moved across the floor in random movements, like he was painting a picture on the slabs of smooth granite. His eyes were wide and blood shot, hair frazzled but cleanish, as if it had just been washed. There appeared to be bite marks and scratches all up and down his arms, more scratches covering his face and what she could see of his neck. His lips were moving, but nothing more than an incoherent murmur reached her ears.

"You begged an audience with me. Now what do you want?" she demanded, returning her cold gaze to the smiling face turned up to her.

"And I thank you most humbly for indulging me, my lady," he replied smoothly, his long pale hair nearly hitting the floor.

"The next time you use the word 'humble', you should do so without the cocky smirk."

"A thousand apologies, Lady Koushu. I thought perhaps I might be of some service to you."

Gyokumen Koushu very nearly rolled her eyes at this. "So says every insignificant minion that walks through that door," she answered. "What makes you any different?" She glanced back once again as the human began to edge closer to the youkai, fingers trailing across the floor toward his ankle. "And why did you bring that disgusting thing in here?"

The youkai's smile widened just enough to show the tips of his fangs. "To demonstrate my power," he said, moving his foot just a fraction of an inch away from the human, who whimpered. "Have you heard of the Toad Clan from the north?"

That earned him her undivided attention. "They were destroyed back when my dear lord was sealed away," she said slowly, her gaze now taking on a more interested light as she once again looked him over. The deep green-and brown speckled eyes were a trade mark of the Toad Clan. If only he weren't wearing such a high collar...

He seemed to know what she was looking for as he gently tugged the material away to show the slightly protruding glands in his neck. "Not all were destroyed, Lady Koushu. My name is Ankou, the last of those people."

"It was rumored that a single drop of the oil secreted by the Toad Clan was enough to drive a man insane."

Ankou finally had the decency to blush. "That, unfortunately, is a myth. It takes a little more than a drop, but the effect is the same. Once the oil comes in contact with the skin, the victim begins to experience a break down of their mental defences. Hallucinations, schizophrenia, unpredictable mood swings... most victims end up dying from the strain. The ones that managed to survive..." He looked over his shoulder at the whimpering mass of skin behind him.

"And you intend to do what, exactly? Make the entire Sanzo party go mad? And how long does it take to go into effect?"

"No, not all of them. Just Genjyo Sanzo. As for how long it takes...," he shrugged. "Sometimes a week, sometimes a month. But eventually, even the strongest willed person will fall to it. There _is_ a cure for the madness, Lady Koushu. And only I know what it is. If Genjyo Sanzo wishes to survive, he'll hand over the Maten Sutra in exchange for this information. If he doesn't, he dies from his own insanity."

Gyokumen Koushu's lips curved upward slowly, forming a smile that made even her own guards shiver in fear. "You better hurry. I'm a very impatient woman."

Ankou answered her chill smile with one of his own before bowing his head and rising. His guards began to try and drag the cringing human away with them, each one taking an arm and still having a difficult time with the dead weight..

"Leave the human here. Since I'll be deprived of watching Genjyo Sanzo lose his mind, I want to enjoy imagining this creature is him. Make him beg for the antidote first. And once the Maten Sutra is in your possession... kill him."

"Of course, my lady. I'll bring you a full report back."

"Mmm... do that."

* * *

"PREPARE TO DIE, SANZO PARTY!"

The Jeep skidded to a hault in front of about thirty youkai warriors. All of them were armed within an inch of their lives and looked like they'd been through hell and back again. Not the sort of people anyone would want to find blocking their path. Instead of looking afraid, however, the four occupants of the Jeep all wore the same, bored expression.

Gojyo smacked Goku's arm playfully to get his attention. "And that, Goku, is why you should never use the same pick-up line more than three times. After that, every dumb fuck in the bar's using it as well."

"Oooooh," Goku nodded, as if he understood exactly what the other man was saying.

"Gojyo, please don't corrupt Goku any further than Sanzo already has," Hakkai pleaded from the front, turning just enough with the seatbelt on to look at the red-head.

"I'm not doing a goddamn thing to him! He asked why I was coming up with new lines, and I told him."

"Are you implying _I_ corrupted him?" Sanzo asked coldly, arms crossed over his chest and peeking at Hakkai from under his fringe of hair.

"Let's be honest, Sanzo. You're not exactly role model material."

"Hmph, you're one to talk!"

"So, how far until we get to eat, huh?" Goku asked impatiently, leaning forward to peer at the map. Not that he could really read it besides knowing the squiggly blue lines were rivers and the brown triangles were mountains. Other than that, he had no idea how Sanzo and Hakkai knew where they were going.

"Well, we got a little side tracked back here...," Hakkai began.

All of this was observed by the thirty youkai warriors, baffled as to how these four bastards, who were about to die, could continue on like they didn't even exist. Didn't they look ferocious enough? Didn't they have just the right amount of flashing fang and eye? Weren't they the very picture of terror with all their weapons and their threat to prepare to die? It was insulting to be treated like this!

"HEY!"

All four looked up as one of the larger front line men took a menacing step closer. "Are you assholes ready to die or what?"

"Shit, he's as dumb as he looks," Gojyo commented, grinning and tossing a wink at the flustered soldier. Goku snickered from in back, but his eyes had become more serious and intent with the battle he knew wold be coming. If there was one thing guaranteed to get Goku's attention other than food, it was a whole lotta ass needing to be kicked!

"Gojyo, be nice. He truly meant to ask such a ridiculous question," Hakkai said, both scolding and insulting in the same breath.

"Dude, I'm with the monk on this. Fucker needs to not ask stupid questions!"

"Well..." Hakkai sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as if he were trying to find a way to justify it. Finally, he smiled and chuckled a bit. "You've got me on that one! It really wasn't the most intelligent question."

The big youkai blinked, mouth opening and closing a couple times without anything to say. These guys... What the hell did they have to be so cocky about? Growling low, teeth clenched tightly, he motioned over his shoulder and shouted, "GET 'EM!" The rest of his comrades surged forward, shouting fiercely and waving their weapons around. He, meanwhile, stayed a few paces back to watch the massacre. If they'd heard the same orders he had, they would have stayed back as well.

_"Your mission is to isolate Genjyo Sanzo and keep the others from reaching him."_

_"Yes, Lady Koushu. And once he's isolated?"_

_"Then HE will step in and take care of the rest."_

_"And what of my men? I've heard the rumors."_

_"Your men are good for one thing only; cannon fodder."_

_"I understand, Lady Koushu."_

Which is why he held back. He wasn't stupid. He wasn't going to let the last thing he'd see in this life be a human monk with a gun! There were always more soldiers to be drafted or bought. So, he waited and watched, eyes gleaming as the plan began to fall perfectly in place. Everything was just going perfect!

* * *

Hakkai moved easily to one side, grabbing onto the arm flailing behind the youkai and jerking hard as he pressed the heal of his hand between the shoulder blades. The sharp cracking of bones snapping free from their joints could be felt up his arm as the youkai fell screaming, trying to clutch his shattered arm. The next one that rushed him tripped over his foot, blood flying from his shattered nose as he fell right into Hakkai's open palm. Two more disintegrated from blasts of chi. He spun in a tight circle, eyes narrowed but lips smiling against the glare as he looked for more opponents.

Gojyo was surrounded, but for the red-head, that was a good thing. Screams came from his end as the shakujou chain rattled free, the blade arcing and glinting in the sun. A crowd was a very good thing for the messy weapon. He didn't need any help there.

Goku was shouting as he slammed his nyoi-bo into the ground hard, moving lightening quick to maneuver the heavy staff around and crush the face looming behind him. He swung back toward the front again, breaking knees, ribs and necks on six more youkai who barely had time to scream before they died. Hakkai should have known better than to assume Goku might need his aid. The boy was an army all by himself!

Lastly, he scanned the area for Sanzo, frowning when the obvious maneuver of isolating the monk became apparent. Sanzo must have been aware of the plot, but there was little he could do about it. Or, rather, there was little he _chose_ to do about it. They'd all sensed the extremely powerful aura out of the group, the one that was anything but common youkai foot soldier aura. The army was basically there to distract them while this one actually tried to destroy them. Sanzo had more than likely placed himself in this position of vulnerability in order to draw the true Bad Guy out.

Hakkai's gaze slid away from the snarling, cussing monk firing off round after round of shots, reloading quickly to start firing again. There, moving forward with the easy confidence of someone who thinks they've already won, was the youkai putting off such prominent vibes. He glanced back at Sanzo just in time to see the monk whip around and begin to blast the five youkai coming up on his back. The look on his face said clearly that he knew the other one was behind him now, and that he was expecting a lot of pain for having to kill the lesser ones off first.

"SANZO!" Goku went down, tackled by seven or so youkai. Gojyo was still busy keeping anymore from joining in. And from where he stood, it was too close to Sanzo for him to use his chi. So, Hakkai did the only thing that came to mind.

He ran right between the youkai and Sanzo. There was a harsh sound, and something wet hit his face as he dove between the two men, hitting the ground shoulder first just in time for Sanzo to unload his gun right into the youkai's chest. The youkai screamed, eyes wide and disbelieving that he'd been defeated before he disintegrated into ash.

"Yo, Hakkai, you okay?" Gojyo called over, hefting his shakujou over his shoulder and lighting a cigarette. His crimson eyes looked over at the one remaining youkai, the commander of the army it seemed, who was quaking and whimpering. The front of his pants looked a little damp as well. Grinning mischievously, Gojyo took a quick step toward the terrified youkai. "Boo!"

The youkai screamed as if he were being killed and scrambled away, tripping as he went before disappearing back into the woods.

Chuckling at his prank, Gojyo strolled over to them as Goku gave Hakkai a hand up. "So, you good?"

"Yes, it appears so," Hakkai answered, fingering the thin, oily substance that the powerful youkai had spit directly into his eyes. The monocle had saved most of his bad eye from getting hit, but some had still dripped from his forehead down, and a little a dripped into his mouth as well, which he spit aside as the bitter fluid coated his tongue. "Other than this, at any rate."

"Ew... did that guy SPIT on you?" Goku asked, peering closely at the clearish substance. "That's so nasty! Why would he spit on you if he's gonna die?"

"Probably just to be rude," Hakkai muttered, looking around for something to wipe his hands off on. He settled for the nearest body, wiping his hands on the shirt before taking off his bandana, grimacing when he noticed the spit there as well. "_Very_ rude," he amended. He had no idea anyone could collect that much saliva in their mouth so quickly. It was a good thing laundry needed to be done, or else he would have been rather more annoyed than he already was.

"You took that hit for the monk?" Gojyo questioned. Sanzo froze in stashing his gun back in his robes, violet eyes mere slits of contained malice. For now.

"I did," Hakkai replied.

Gojyo made a scoffing sound, flicking ash away irritably. "Yeah, the gods forbid His Holiness get defiled by a little spit! What, you can't handle your own fights now, Sanzo?"

Sanzo's glare intensified as he pointed his gun in Gojyo's direction. Gojyo cringed, eyes squeezed tightly in anticipation. He opened them again slowly when it never came. Instead of shooting, all Sanzo did was clench his teeth tighter and jam his gun back into the sleeve of his robe. "Let's go."

Everyone stared at him, surprised. "Um... you're not gonna shoot him?" Goku asked timidly.

For a brief second, Sanzo looked almost embarassed. "I'm out of bullets," he muttered. "And that was too stupid for the fan to have done any good."

"Haha, just admit you don't have the balls to ACTUALLY try and kill me," Gojyo taunted.

"Watch it, kappa, I can still banish your ass with two words."

That acted almost as quickly as a bullet or two to shut the red head up good.

Hakkai smiled and shook his head, glancing up when Hakuryuu cooed directly in front of him. "Just a little longer, little guy. We're almost to town, and I promise you a big meal once we get there."

"YAY! FOOD! Sanzo, can we eat first? Huh? Can we?" Goku piped up.

"No. Rooms first, shopping second, then food," Sanzo said firmly.

"But Saaanzo, I'm staaarving! I haven't eaten in forever!"

"Bullshit, I just fed you not even an hour ago."

"Yeah, but that was an HOUR AGO, an' I'm hungry NOW!"

Hakkai quirked a brow as Hakuryuu made a sound very close to a despairing chirp, which made him smile and laugh softly. Honestly, it was a miracle he still had most of his sanity some days. "If you don't mind, Hakuryuu?"

The little dragon fluttered away a few feet, glowing brightly shortly before he turned into his Jeep form. Everyone piled into their usual spots as Hakkai pushed into first, turned the wheel sharply... and began plowing down the forest path at break-neck speeds. All the while the two in back complained and Sanzo muttered something that sounded suspiciously like prayers for his own health and safety, Hakkai smiled brightly. And stepped on the gas.

* * *

Gojyo yelped when the paper fan went flying across the room and smacked him in the head. "OW! You goddamn dickwad! What the fuck was that for?" he shouted as Sanzo came storming over. The red-head quickly jerked to his feet and away from the irate monk as he scooped the paper fan back up... and held out a comb.

"You stupid bastard! You used my comb on your nasty hair," Sanzo snarled.

"Like hell I did! Anyway, you'll have to prove it first!"

Sanzo slammed the comb on the table top, jarring the mahjong tiles over. Hakkai and Goku both gave the arguing duo wide eyes before Hakkai began reshuffling the tiles once more. "There's fucking red hairs all over it!"

"So?" Gojyo insisted, tossing his still damp locks back.

"So? What the hell do you mean, 'so'? There's only person in this fucked up group with red hair and shit for brains!"

"I meant, so what if I used your comb? You stole my fucking shampoo!"

"Like hell I'd ever use that shit." Sanzo's voice was beginning to rise a bit as Gojyo continued to press his buttons.

"No, _I_ used your shampoo, Gojyo," Hakkai quickly voiced, frowning at the two. "And I did ask permission to use it as well. Remember?"

Gojyo thought about it for a second, plucking his lower lip. Finally, he looked up with a pleased smile, wagging his finger in Hakkai's direction. "Oh, yeah... I remember now. It was 'cuz I used your shaving cream. Hehe... HEY! Who took my tiles?" His glare immediately pinpointed Goku, who was oblivious to it and digging into another slice of pizza. Two large pizza boxes were already on the floor next to him. "YOU took them, didn't you, you stupid monkey?"

"Wha...?" Goku squawked, a string of cheese hanging from his chin. He quickly sucked it back in, eyes wide and darting from Hakkai to Sanzo to Gojyo and back again. "What the hell's he talkin' about, Sanzo?"

"Goku didn't touch your damn tiles," Sanzo cut in sharply, reaching for a pack of cigarettes on the table and lighting up. "They got knocked over when you stole my comb."

"Excuse me?" Gojyo demanded, jaw dropping in surprise. "YOU knocked the fucking things over when you threw that goddamn comb on the table!"

"And I threw it on the table because you stole it!"

"And who the fuck said you could steal one of my smokes? You Buddhist prick, you even used MY lighter!"

Sanzo gave him a cool glare that said more clearly than words he didn't give two damns about the issue. "Consider it a payment for the use of my comb," he commented. "And you owe me a new one tomorrow."

"WHAT?"

Pinching the offending hair care product between his thumb and forefinger, Sanzo tossed it into the trash can by the door. "You don't seriously expect me to use it after you did. The gods only know what filth lives in that disgusting hair!"

"Why, you... Hakkai, aren't you gonna say something?"

"Are we ready to play mahjong?" Hakkai asked sweetly, giving Gojyo his most innocent smile. Now was as good a time as any to change the subject.

Gojyo growled in frustration, flopping down across from Sanzo while still glaring at the monk. If the kappa's rage effected him at all, it didn't show in the arrogant lines of his face. "Let's get this over with. I'm in the mood to kick some holy ass!"

"Hmph, go ahead and try it, you goddamn watersprite," Sanzo muttered, ashing in the tray next to Hakkai's elbow.

Hakkai finished jumbling the tiles before everyone started reaching in and drawing their share. Another minor scuffle broke out between Gojyo and Goku as they fought over the same tile piece, but Hakuryuu played peacemaker for that one, snatching the white tile from their hands and depositing it in Hakkai's pile with a delighted little coo.

"Why, thank you, Hakuryuu," Hakkai exclaimed overly politely, knowing two sets of eyes were boring holes in the little white dragon. He stroked the soft fur lining the arched white neck, smiling a little more when he felt the soft humming that was Hakuryuu's form of a purr along his fingertips. Hakuryuu settled across his shoulder, wrapping his tail firmly around Hakkai's neck before curling his own neck and head around to peer with curious red eyes at the tiles they had in their collection. The little dragon kyuued a question at him, looking up. He agreed with Hakuryuu. He didn't have much to play on here. Keeping the smile steady and his eyes bright, he waited for Sanzo to start them off.

Sanzo played his tile, reaching down for the beer on the floor. He snapped the tab on it, glancing his question at Hakkai.

"No, thanks. I'm good for now."

The monk shrugged, tipping the can back and grimacing. "Shit..."

"What's wrong with the beer?" Gojyo demanded, voice almost near panicked.

"Nothing. It's cheap-assed canned beer. And it's warm," Sanzo muttered.

Gojyo rolled his eyes before nodding his head toward Hakkai. "You mind grabbing me one?"

"Oh, certainly." Hakkai popped a can free, passing it over to the red head, who was now studying his tiles and what was played intently. "So... are you going out tonight, Gojyo?"

"Nah. Not much worth my time here. Hehe... eat that, monkey!"

Goku scowled thoughtfully, eyes scanning what Gojyo played before an irritated growl broke from his lips. "Aw, man!" Gojyo'd just tripled what Goku had put down right before him. The boy slumped down in his chair, glaring at the tiles like it was their fault.

"Besides, Hakkai, I'm not a man-whore who goes out everynight just for a quick fuck."

"I never implied it." Hakkai kept the smile steady even as he played his only option. It didn't increase the points, but it effectively blocked Sanzo from claiming much more. When offensive wasn't an option, defensive would have to suffice.

"That's the best you can do?" Sanzo sneered, looking at the tile like it was a stain on his robe.

Hakkai remained perfectly blank and smiling. He didn't want to let on that he had absolutely nothing worth playing.

Sanzo shook his head, stubbing out his cigarette. Gojyo snatched the ash tray away from him so he could light his own. "I want to get out of here early tomorrow."

"How early?" Hakkai questioned, mentally going over what needed to be done before they all went to bed.

"Six."

"SIX? That's not early, that's TOO early," Gojyo complained.

"Then stay behind, what do I care?" The monk set his tile down firmly. Hakkai had to fight to keep the smile from slipping even slightly. Gojyo was a master at reading body language and would pick up on it. The tile Sanzo had just played doubled what he'd set down. It seemed everyone except him got the good pieces.

"Are we gonna have breakfast tomorrow, Hakkai?" Goku asked excitedly. "Cuz you KNOW I don't like gettin' up so early. An' pancakes would reeeally help!"

Hakkai laughed at the less-than-subtle hint. "I'm not sure about pancakes, but how would biscuits, eggs and bacon do?"

"Oh, that's cool, too. HA! How do ya like that, Gojyo?" Goku placed his piece on, grinning triumphantly.

"I like it just fine," Gojyo drawled, smirking as Goku's eyes widened a touch.

"WHAT? You've gotta be cheatin'! There's no way..."

"What do you mean, I'm cheating? Like hell I'd cheat when there's no money being played!"

"That's two in a row! TWO! Nobody gets that lucky!"

"I get lucky all the time, you scrawny bean-brained chimp!"

The argument raged on as Hakkai, Sanzo and Hakuryuu remained at the table. The vein in Sanzo's forehead was ready to burst at any minute. "Sanzo..." Hakkai cautioned, even though he knew it would be useless. Sanzo's temper rose in direct connection to the pitch of the voices arguing. And, seeing as Gojyo and Goku were both full out shouting in each other's faces, that meant Sanzo was teetering perilously on the edge of being irate and being homicidal.

"ENOUGH!" Goku and Gojyo quickly ducked as Sanzo began firing. "I've had it with your stupidity for one night! Just shut the hell up and go to bed!" The furious blonde stormed over to his own bed, flicking the sheets back sharply before stretching out on the creaking mattress. He gave his back to them and all was quiet except for the clock ticking and his teeth grinding.

Goku and Gojyo both slowly stood up, watching the monk's back in case he decided to sit up and shoot them anyway. Hakkai was already packing up the mahjong and cleaning off the table. "Dude... I thought for sure he was gonna kill you tonight," Gojyo whispered to Goku.

"Me?" Goku hissed angrily. "He was aimin' for you the whole time!"

"Bullshit, he was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was not!"

Hakkai ignored the whispered argument and very wisely stepped out of the way to start packing everything up. The other two clearly hadn't noticed the gun aimed blindly in the direction.

_BANG!_

"The next time I pull this gun out tonight, I start aiming for real, got it?"

The icy threat was enough to send the two scurrying for their own beds. Hakkai continued to get everything ready for the morning as quietly as possible. He waited until everyone was breathing deeply and asleep before letting the smile slip completely from his face, sitting back on his knees with a heavy sigh. Hakuryuu landed on the floor next to him, making a concerned little sound. He didn't even try to fake a smile for the little dragon. Hakkai reached his hand out, palm up, to let the soft white head rub against his hand almost cat-like. It was a little soothing, but it did nothing for the splitting headache he'd had all afternoon. It had gotten to the point where the stabbing pain was starting to make him a little dizzy.

Sanzo had noticed it in the market place and slipped him a few of the migraine pills he had on him. Hakkai opened the pocket inside his tunic where he'd stored them, staring at the little blue capsules thoughtfully. They were prescription strength, and he didn't want to know if they were obtained through a licensced physician or someone peddling them. Sanzo said they would work... He popped them into his mouth, swallowing them down without the aid of water. God, he hoped they worked!

Hakkai finished with everything, cracking his neck a little as he went over to his bed. He settled in, marveling that the drugs worked so quickly as the headache retreated to a dull throb that was perhaps tolerable enough for him to get some sleep. He had just settled in when he felt a slight breeze brush over his cheek shortly before a small ball of warmth dropped onto the bed. His eyes opened slightly as Hakuryuu settled beside him, tucking his head under a folded wing and humming in pleasure as Hakkai rubbed along his spine languidly. Hakkai smiled to himself and settled back again, hand stilling against the small dragon's hide as sleep took him.

* * *

"But, Merciful Goddess, this is a _terrible_ thing! This is a danger not only to the mission, but them as well!"

Kanzeon Bosatsu smiled languidly, head cocked on her fist. The leg crossed over the top of the other jiggled up and down, making the bracelets around her ankle chime softly. "It certainly is a danger for all involved," she mused, glancing out of the corner of her eye at her assistant. Jiroshin's forehead was dotted over with sweat. It couldn't be comfortable sweating with a mustache. Maybe if he shaved it...

"Then what are we going to do about it?" Jiroshin insisted, his eyes still wide and staring at the pool of water in horror. "We simply can't sit back on this! They have no true idea what exactly-,"

"Why, I'd almost think you liked the boys, Jiroshin. Aww... how cute!"

The body guard blinked before his cheeks turned a healthy rose shade at the implications of her joke. "I was only saying...," he began nervously.

She rolled her eyes, giving him a full out amused smile. "Relax, I was only kidding. You're too much a Boy Scout to ever swing _that_ direction." There, that should placate him. Honestly, what was so hard about loosening up even just a teensy bit? It wasn't like she truly needed a body guard. Jiroshin took his job way too seriously somedays. Most days. Okay, every damn day. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate his loyalty to her, but... it couldn't be much fun. Just once she'd like to see him report to duty in something other than his armor.

Jiroshin's shoulders slumped in relief. He'd truly thought she was serious about that liking the boys comment? Good grief... "Then what are we going to do about this, my lady?" he repeated more firmly.

"Not a blessed thing," she drawled, closing her eyes. It was almost time for her afternoon massage. Hopefully it was Hal this time. He was the only one who could crack her back just right.

"WHAT? But... Merciful Goddess..."

"Besides, it's about time this little group found out which of them really _is_ the dangerous one." Letting out a long breath, Kanzeon Bosatsu stood up, stretching her arms before her and yawning. Jiroshin fell into step behind her as she started to leave the courtyard, just as always. She looked back over her shoulder as they walked the halls for the massage parlor. "Jiroshin, I want you to come to work tomorrow in something else?"

Jiroshin's eyebrows drew together, confusion sweeping over his face. "I... don't quite understand your orders, Merciful Goddess."

"I mean, don't wear your armor. Just wear something comfortable."

"But... but I _am_ comfortable, my lady," he replied in all seriousness.

"Bullshit. It can't be much fun serving me in all that." Her fingers flicked in the air, motioning up and down his military garb.

His fingers touched the leather armor. "This is my casual uniform, my lady. I'm afraid I don't have-,"

"No armor. Wear your pajamas for all I care. You DO have pajamas, don't you?" The thought that maybe Jiroshin slept in his gear had popped into her head briefly. She wouldn't put it passed him, either.

"I do, but-,"

"Then it's settled. Tomorrow is pajama day in my court. Make the announcement while I get my massage."

"Yes, Merciful Goddess," he replied with some reluctance.

Kanzeon Bosatsu quickly hid her grin behind her hair. If he was shocked now, wait until he discovered she slept naked!

* * *

The breakfast table was it's usual scene of chaos as Hakkai put down the last platter of food, watching with a content smile as it disappeared in record time. Fortunately for the other two, Sanzo hated breakfast and was content with just coffee. Even more fortunately for the other two, he'd opted for oatmeal over the eggs and bacon on the plate.

"Hey, what's different about the biscuits?" Gojyo asked around a mouthful of said food.

Goku scrunched his eyes up thoughtfully as he chewed, hand already reaching for another biscuit. "Cheese," he said, crumbs falling from his mouth onto the table. "There's cheese in 'em."

"Was it a bad idea?" Hakkai asked. They'd had all that cheddar cheese Goku had made him get that wasn't being used. He'd thought adding them to the biscuits was a good idea at the time.

"No, s'good," Gojyo said, grabbing the biscuit Goku had been about to take. "You should always make them like this."

"HEY! That's my biscuit!" Goku shouted.

"Are we really gonna start this early?" Gojyo questioned, shoving the boy back in his seat.

A soft click came from behind the newspaper. "No, you're not," Sanzo muttered before flipping to the next page. Neither one felt the need to take the argument any further. That click hadn't been from a lighter.

"So," Hakkai said into the silence following Sanzo's threat. "Did you have fun going out last night, Gojyo?"

Gojyo stopped halfway from putting an impromptu egg sandwich into his mouth. He and Goku exchanged glances. Even Sanzo lowered his paper enough to give Hakkai a baffled stare. Hakkai's smile faultered a little as he saw their confusion. Hakuryuu cheeped from his shoulder, red eyes flickering around the table in question. "Sorry, did we already discuss this?" he asked. He didn't _think_ they had... but with the looks being directed at him, he was beginning to think that maybe they had.

"Um, no... because I didn't go out last night," Gojyo replied slowly, arching a brow as he continued to stare across the table. "Remember? We played mahjong right before this holy son of a bitch started whining about getting his beauty sleep?"

"But... I know I saw you leave," Hakkai insisted, glancing around the table himself. Even Goku was staring at him like he'd lost his mind. "You said not to wait up, that you didn't intend to finish before we had to go!" He knew he'd seen Gojyo leave. He could even describe what the red-head wore out that night!

"Unfortunately, the cocksucker's right," Sanzo added reluctantly. "His stench in the room kept me from sleeping all fucking night."

"Kiss my ass, monk!"

"I saw you," Hakkai interupted firmly before Sanzo could say anything else. "I remember Sanzo even saying to make sure you didn't return without his comb..."

"You were dreamin', Hakkai," Goku said cheerfully, licking his fingers as he grabbed more bacon. "Gojyo really WAS here all night."

"Like you'd know if he came or left," Sanzo sneered. "There could have been a youkai attack and you wouldn't have noticed a goddamn thing."

"That's not true! I'd wake up to kick some ass," the boy insisted.

"I'll believe that when I see it."

Hakkai sat back in his chair, mind going over the conversation he could have sworn took place. They all agreed that Gojyo had remained with them, so maybe it _was_ a dream. A very realistic one. But it was just so odd... Shaking his head and putting the smile back on his face, Hakkai joined back into the conversation just in time to catch Sanzo beating Gojyo and Goku with his rolled up newspaper. "Sanzo, if you're going to kill them, please take it away from the table. It'd be a shame to get blood splatter all over the food."

The other two yelped as Sanzo shoved their chairs over, spilling them across the floor. "Better?" he asked sarcastically.

"Much better, thank you."

Gojyo and Goku stood and ran as Sanzo took a threatening step toward them. "We're going, we're going," Gojyo called over his shoulder. "Cigarettes and a lighter, got it!"

"And get my fucking comb, too, asshole!"


	2. Chapter 2

AUTHOR'S WARNING: Skip the italic bit if you don't want to read something MATURE... wow second chappie, and the stuff's already MATURE. Um... did anyone miss the caps? The ones that said MATURE? No? Oh, jolly good, then read on!

>>>>>>>>>>

_"Kanan? Kanan!"_

_ He was running. He was slipping in blood and falling, twisting around corners knife first in case any more of those animals were coming. He didn't think there really were anymore, but he was being cautious just in case. "KANAN!"_

_Noises, from further down the hall. He recognized one of the voices. Kanan. She sounded like she was being hurt. Her screams carried him on, gave him an extra burst of speed and gave him the strength to kick the door down at the end of the hall, skidding to a halt as he entered the room. No..._

_Her hair was loose and almost hid the fact that she was naked, but it did nothing to disguise that she was on top of the youkai lord, body moving in long, languid lines. Just like she'd do for him. Those weren't screams of pain either. Her voice rose louder as sharpened claws ran down her back hard, drawing blood. Her head tipped back and she saw him... and smiled coldly. "You came all this way for me, Hakkai?" she purred, voice carrying that silky edge of orgasm to it, the one he knew and adored hearing. Her eyes closed in ecstasy as the pace quickened and they continued to fuck in front of him. He couldn't call it anything but that, not with that creature underneath her. "Mmm... you were never this good, never like this..."_

_The rage was so intense he thought he would explode with it right there. It boiled under his skin, burned his insides, ate at his vision until everything he saw was crimson tinted. Their bodies entwined, rolling together, the triumphant glare from the monster who had taken her from him... and Kanan... "Why?" he whispered._

_"Because he'll...ahh... protect me," she answered, skin glistening with sweat, hair damp and clinging to her face. "Like you... can't. You're weak, Cho Hakkai. Completely... ugh... and utterly... weak..."_

_(This isn't real! It's a dream, this wasn't what happened! She called you Hakkai, not Gonou. WAKE UP NOW!)_

_"Are you still watching, Hakkai? I hope you stay until the end. Are you going to kill us when it's over? Oh... yes... God... AH!"_

Hakkai sat up so sharply he nearly fell from the bed, shivering and feeling nauseous. Sweat coated his cold skin and his lungs struggled to draw a breath that wasn't too shallow or carried a gasp to it. He winced, hand going automatically to his stomach as the pain shot down there, making the scar burn. The images continued press against his skull, bringing the migraine back full force so that it pounded in time with his speeding pulse. Hakkai drew his knees up to his chest under the blankets and tried to regain some measure of calm again. It was only a dream, after all. He knew that wasn't the true course of events, but it didn't make the feelings go away. All the anguish he'd felt that night, all the horror and the agony, swept over him, intensified by the dream that had felt so real. If he didn't know any better, he would have sworn it was an actual memory.

He glanced up at the old-fashioned alarm clock on the small table between his and Gojyo's bed. It read a little after two in the morning and it wasn't due to go off until seven. Another night of interupted sleep, he thought bitterly, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes until little white specks floated in his vision. The specks slowly faded from his left eye, but remained in the right, which was perfectly normal. The doctors had said it would never be as fully functioning as it's twin, but they had done a marvelous job of matching the shade almost exactly to the original so he could handle imperfect vision. What he couldn't handle was another night with no more than four hours worth of sleep.

The headaches had gotten much worse, so badly in fact that not even Sanzo's prescription pills were working any longer. They didn't even dull the throbbing any longer. No one guessed at it, though, he was very careful in that regard. Outside, he continued to smile and banter and play peacemaker for the group while inside he wanted nothing more than to curl up in the fetal position and pray to God the migraines would stop for just a few minutes. And sleep... he just wanted a little more sleep! It wasn't healthy to get less than six hours of sleep for more than three days. He'd gone a week on four or less hours each night. If something didn't change soon, he wouldn't be fit to drive them. He'd be too worried about falling asleep behind the wheel and accidentally killing the others.

As if on cue, the migraine began to stab even more sharply against his skull, drawing a quickly muffled hiss from him. Hakkai forced his eyes open enough to glance around the room and make sure everyone was still asleep. He didn't want to wake anyone up because of a very persistant headache, after all. Sanzo remained unmoving on his bed, Goku was sprawled in what couldn't be a comfortable position across his, and all he could see of Gojyo was dark crimson hair peeking out from under the pillow and a limp hand falling over the side. Hakuryuu was curled up with Sanzo tonight (this morning, he corrected ruefully), and it was a good thing the monk was asleep or the little dragon might find himself trying to outfly bullets. Sanzo didn't mind Hakuryuu carting them westward, but God forbid he offer the poor guy a pillow every once in a while.

Satisfied all was well, Hakkai stood carefully, putting his shoes on without socks, and left the room as quietly as possible. It was going to be impossible to go back to sleep now, he figured, and some fresh air might actually help ease his throbbing head. The stairs creaked slightly in the little bed-and-breakfast they were currently lodged in as he walked, relying on the excellent night vision in his left eye to help guide him down and out the front door.

It was a little chill in the early morning, a thin misting of fog covering the quaint little village they had found accidentally. They'd gotten side tracked by an odd landslide and had been diverted in this direction. All of them, especially Sanzo, had half expected it to be some plan of Lirin's, but apparently it truly was just an odd coincidence and not some cock-eyed scheme by the young princess. How relieving! He took a deep breath in and let the crispness of the air fill his lungs before releasing it slowly to add more mist into the atmosphere. It didn't help much against the migrain, but the coolness was at least refreshing. He sat down on the steps leading to the door, glancing up and down the main street. Not a soul was in sight, as to be expected at this hour of the morning, but there also wasn't a sound to break the stillness either. No birds, no cats, no dogs... everything so very still. After spending all day with three very loud companions, the silence was a welcomed relief. It was so very-

"_Hakkai..."_

-Peaceful, he finished, frowning as he looked around again. The fog wasn't so thick as it would be able to hide someone and the streets were still emptied. But... he could have sworn he heard someone whisper his name! That was impossible if there was no one there. And it sounded so very close to him. Slowly, Hakkai stood up, hands held loosely at his side but ready for an attack as he stepped cautiously out into the main street. If this was someone playing games with him, they were seriously going to regret it. He was in absolutely no mood to handle this type of immaturity!

"Is someone there?" he called, letting the mist swirl around his ankles and up his knees. He could see the pavement underneath, hear his shoes move across it softly. He turned a slow circle, eyes scanning the dull greyness surrounding him. Nothing answered his inquiry. Sighing and shaking his head, he muttered, "Just my imagination, I suppose." It wouldn't have surprised him. He was very tired, after all. Maybe a cup of tea would-

_"Hakkai..."_

That time he was certain he heard someone! "Who's there? How do you know my name?" he demanded, spinning around in a tight circle in the middle of the road. This wasn't at all amusing! How could anyone here know his name, and why would they be calling him? The migraine retreated a little in the wash of adrenaline as he continued to search about for whoever was calling his name.

_"Over here…"_

Over where? His entire upper body snapped around, breathe stilling to the point where it was almost nonexistent. His entire body shut down, assuming a stillness that was near inhuman, tense with the promise of incredible speed should it be necessary. The only thing that continued to move constantly through the fog and the fading darkness were his eyes, scanning around for the owner of that voice. Who was calling him? Was it yet another person he'd wronged seeking revenge against him? Where were they hiding?

_"Here…"_

"Who are you?" he repeated, louder and more fiercely. He felt the chi energy start to form in his hand as a shadow began to edge toward him, footsteps crunching on the ground in an unhurried pace. Slowly, he brought his hand back, the glow intensifying as he prepared to launch it at whoever was approaching. Just a little closer…

"What the hell are you doin' out here?" Gojyo demanded, blinking and looking for all the world like he'd been dragged from bed unwillingly.

Hakkai let his shoulders relax, closing his eyes as relief flooded him through. The energy he'd been building up faded away, popping faintly into the air before dissipating completely. If the mist hadn't parted at just the right moment, he would have had Gojyo's blood to add to his hands. "Gojyo… God, you startled me!"

"I see that," the red-head drawled, eyes narrowing as he dropped his gaze to Hakkai's now empty hand. "Dude, you sick or something?"

"Huh? No. Why, do I look sick?" He must have if Gojyo was asking him point blank about his health. Gojyo would usually observe but refrain from saying anything unless he felt it was necessary. He knew by now that Hakkai disliked a fuss being made over his own condition.

"That's why I'm asking. You don't really _look_ sick but you're all kinds of outta whack. I mean, first I sneak up on you, then you're jumpy as fuck with the chi... hey, if you need to take a couple days and recoup, just say so. S'not like that fucking slave driver upstairs will have much of a choice anyway. Hakuryuu won't so much as lift a goddamn wing on Sanzo's command."

Hakkai smiled despite the raging ache just barely contained inside his skull. He knew Gojyo was correct about everything he said (especially Hakuryuu not listening to Sanzo) but he couldn't bring himself to admit that maybe a day or two extra in one place was exactly what he needed. Their journey was already taking so very long as it was. He didn't want to be another distraction along the way. It would only slow things down and make people more irritable. It was just a headache, after all. He could handle it.

"I'm fine, really, Gojyo. Please don't worry about it," he insisted.

Gojyo cocked a single eyebrow dubiously, but he didn't argue. Again, he knew better than to try. "Okay," he conceded reluctantly. "So, you mind me asking what the hell had you so spooked out here?"

That made him smile for real. A faint blush warmed his cheeks as he chuckled. "Well, to be honest... you did."

"Me?"

"Yes. When you were whispering my name not too long ago. It's stupid, I know, but for some reason... it just gave me a good start."

Gojyo's eyebrow rose again, eyes reflecting his confusion. "I wasn't whispering your name, 'Kai. First thing I asked was what the fuck you were doing out here."

Hakkai's smile instantly faded, a coldness creeping down his skin that had nothing to do with weather conditions. What the... He shook his head, rubbing his eyes. "Gojyo, please don't joke about this." He _would_ find a prank like this so very amusing.

"I swear to the gods I'm not joking around," he insisted. "Dude, I've been out here for all of five minutes. When the hell was I whispering your name?"

He looked so sincere about it, which made him very nearly believe Gojyo hadn't done anything. But, he knew for a fact he'd heard someone out there, calling his name. It would make sense if it was Gojyo trying to be amusing, but it wasn't like the kappa to continue a joke this long. Especially after he'd been outted on it. He raked his fingers back through his hair. It wasn't because he was tired, and it wasn't because of the headache. Someone out there in the thin fog and early light had been whispering for him. The trouble was, if it wasn't Gojyo then who? This wasn't like the dream he'd had of Gojyo going out when he hadn't. This was a very real occurance.

_Or maybe I'm just being paranoid_, he thought.

Hakkai shook his head again and let the hair fall back in place over his bad eye. "I really thought I heard someone," he insisted quietly.

"I believe you, Hakkai, but it wasn't me," Gojyo replied just as softly. "I don't know what the fuck you were hearing, but if you say someone out there's messing with you, then I believe it. Look, I'll talk to Sanzo, if you want. That way you don't have to deal with his fucking attitude. Hell, I won't even use your name. If you wanna stay here an extra day, get a little more rest-,"

"No, Gojyo. Thank you, but no. It was just a trick of the mind. A bird rising early or something." Yes, that made sense. The first bird rising for the day. Birds made all kinds of odd sounds. That's all it was. The smile returned to his face and he forced the doubt from his eyes as he met Gojyo's concerned gaze. He was fine, really. It wasn't fair to the others to make them nervous over nothing. And he wasn't going to be the one to halt their progress west. "There's no need to trouble Sanzo over a bird, is there?"

Gojyo looked less than convinced but he nodded anyway. "Yeah... okay. Whatever you want, 'Kai. C'mon, let's get back before the monkey wakes up and thinks you left without making breakfast."

He laughed at the joke, motioning for Gojyo to proceed him inside again. "No, we certainly don't want that, now do we?" Hakkai followed Gojyo up the steps, pausing at the door to look back over his shoulder at the rapidly retreating fog. The sun was streaking brilliant oranges and reds across the bleak grey, heralding the rising sun. And, now that he listened more closely, he could hear the birds clearly awake for the day. He smiled again, shaking his head. How very foolish of him to be so startled by a silly bird!

>>>>>>>>>>

Sanzo glanced up from his paper as Gojyo settled himself across from him at the now clean breakfast table. Hakkai and Goku had already left to get a few remaining groceries, which meant he had time to use his newspaper for things other than whacking morons with. Then again, maybe not. "Quit staring at me. I'm not interested," he mutttered, adjusting the one page up a little higher.

"The only action you're interested in is having that stick in your ass rotated," Gojyo snapped automatically.

Damn. That was actually pretty good for the kappa. "The mouth of a fool is good for only two things; kissing ass or sucking dick. You better be here for the first one, because the second is flat out." He permitted a little smirk for his own comeback. Hopefully that would either shut the red-head up or piss him off so badly it'd give him the excuse needed to beat the shit out of him.

"Pretend for five minutes you're a devout, caring Buddhist monk. Can you do that, please?"

Sanzo lowered the paper a fraction of an inch, glancing over at Gojyo from behind his glasses. There was something about the familiar phrase that lacked it's usual sarcastic edge. Maybe it was the 'please'. Or maybe it was the (gasp) thoughtful look on his face. In fact, everything about the bastard seemed off. And he was doing that annoying lighter thing. Flick it open, snap it closed, repeat process until Sanzo goes mad. Which would be very soon in the coming if Gojyo didn't stop. Sanzo folded the paper sharply, slapping it down on the table as he reached for his cigarettes. He was going to need them for this unavoidable conversation.

"So, spill it."

"Huh?" Gojyo asked dumbly, flicking the lighter closed and not opening it again.

"What the fuck's wrong, and make it fast. There's only so long I can pretend to give a shit about you."

Gojyo's eye twitched, teeth gnashing together hard. "You son of a... it's not me that's got something wrong! It's Hakkai."

Sanzo blew a thin line of smoke directly into Gojyo's face and could almost swear the kappa's nose sniffed in reflex. He knew for a fact that Gojyo had run out of cigarettes completely last night and that Hakkai probably wasn't going to be back for at least another hour with them. Watching Gojyo lick his lips a little brought an amused smirk to his own face. Let the dumb ass suffer for interupting his news paper. At least then it would make the conversation more worth while.

"What's wrong with Hakkai?" he asked cooly, noting how Gojyo's eyes followed the glowing tip of his cigarette as he ashed to one side in a tray before bringing it back to his own lips slowly. He sucked down the burning smoke, and it was even sweeter than usual just because of the sweat coating the kappa's forehead.

"He won't say," Gojyo muttered, narrowed crimson eyes still staring fixedly at the cigarette burning away. "But something ain't right. Haven't you noticed it?"

Sanzo remained silent, studying the cigarette himself. He had, actually. Hakkai was more restless than usual at night, tossing around more and muttering in his sleep. Eventually, he'd wake up, resettle himself and lie still again until the process repeated itself. It was extremely disruptive to his own sleeping, and he didn't appreciate it. "Maybe he's sick. Ever think of that?" he said noncommitally.

"Maybe," the red-head replied slowly. "But... somethin' tells me that's not it. You know, a gut instinct."

"Hmph."

"Sanzo?"

Sanzo met his gaze, inhaling deeply. He could see the thought forming before Gojyo ever said anything. "Impossible."

Gojyo leaned back in his chair, flicking his obscenely long hair back over his shoulders. "And why is that, O Brilliant One?" he countered sarcastically. "We're traveling with two full out youkai. Why's it impossible for the Minus Wave to be effecting them?"

"Two reasons," Sanzo explained, stubbing out the cigarette when it started burning too close to the filter. "First, they're both wearing limiters. They chose to control their youkai powers, thus protecting them from the effects of the Minus Wave. Second, the Minus Wave doesn't effect those youkai with a strong sense of self."

"What about that crazy bitch in the desert? She said she was in control of herself, you know. And she damn near tried to fucking bury us underground," Gojyo demanded, drumming his fingers across the table top. Damn it, why did he have to make such annoying noises when he was worried? It was nearly as bad as the lighter.

"Like you said," he began through clenched teeth, all his attention on those moving digits. "She was a crazy bitch. And stop that, it's annoying."

"Gimme a cigarette and I'll think about it," Gojyo sneered.

Sanzo opened the pack slowly, eyes all for the man across from him as the finger tapping faultered a little in it's constant drumming. He placed the new cigarette between his lips, flicking the lighter without shielding the flame so the other could appreciate the sight of the end turning bright red, see the first inhale of smoke before it was blown slowly from his mouth to circle the air. If this conversation continued much longer, there was a very good chance this could be the best pack of cigarettes he ever finished off in his life.

"Hakkai's not being effected by the Minus Wave," he concluded, sitting back with the faintest edge of smirk to his lips. Watching Gojyo practically drool over a fragile white stick was almost worth having his newspaper interupted.

"Because you think he has a strong sense of self," Gojyo demanded bitterly, fingernails now digging at a knot in the table surface. "I think you're fucking wrong about that."

"Oh, really? And who was it who thought 'enema' was Latin for 'enemy'?" He had the nerve to try and correct him? Ha!

"Fuck off, asshole!" he shouted, pushing up sharply from his chair. "I don't know why the hell I came to you in the first place!"

Sanzo watched him storm off toward the door quietly for a few seconds. On the one hand, he could now enjoy the rest of his paper in peace. On the other... Gojyo was going to be such a whiny bitch on the road. Paper now or hours of driving in misery? Muttering a very heartfelt 'shit' under his breath, he said louder, "What do you want me to do about it?"

Gojyo stopped in the door way, glancing back over his shoulder through strands of pure crimson. "Nothing, I guess. Just... watch it, okay?" he said softly as he opened the door. "Whatever's going on is only gonna get worse."

"Gut feeling?"

"Yeah." The red-head pushed through the door and left, letting brilliant sunlight into the room briefly before it was blocked again by solid oak.

Sanzo stared after him for a moment longer before pulling out another cigarette and unfolding his paper. As if things weren't annoying enough as it was. Now, the only person he could tolerate in the group was having issues. One would think having a holy title would earn _some_ added favor from the gods. But, noooo, they just had to stick him on this fucking mission, with these crazy bastards, heading to some gods-forsaken... The rant continued on in his head as he snapped the paper open fully once more to continue reading the obituaries.

>>>>>>>>>>

Hakkai barely heard Goku. The pounding was getting increasingly worse by the hour. At this moment, it was so bad he had to squint just to keep the torcherous sunlight from fully invading his vision. It made walking the crowded market area very difficult, and he'd made several people rather upset when he'd accidentally bumped into them. He'd apologized, of course, but they weren't very keen on listening and thus answered with several rude (and physically impossible) remarks.

It was a little difficult keeping up with Goku in the crowd, but he just managed to keep the mop of unruly brown hair in sight at all times. The shopping was finally done and they were now trying to decide on a place for some quick lunch before setting off again. He grit his teeth when the sun decided to come out fully from behind the clouds, sending an extra burst of light into his already aching retnaes. He stumbled, catching himself on a nearby stand and mumbled a quick apology to the enraged vendor. Everything was too bright, moving too fast... Hakkai leaned forward just enough to put his hands on his knees and tuck his head down fully to try and still the dizziness sweeping over him. What in the world?

Hakkai shook his head, blinking, and looked up at the crowd of faceless people surrounding him. A mouth was moving. That was all he could focus on. It looked maybe like Goku's mouth. The words were muted, as if he were underwater and someone was speaking above the surface. The sun was beginning to retreat mercifully again and he eased his eyes open a little more than the mere slits they'd become. The headache was easing just a tiny bit and he was finally able to make out more than Goku's mouth. "G-Goku?" he asked, not at all surprised that his voice sounded a little thick and hazy. he'd been pretty close to passing out, after all.

"Hakkai, what's the matter?" Goku asked clearly. Round golden eyes were full of concern as he crouched lower to peer directly into Hakkai's eyes. "You're all pale an' sweaty. And you came this close to fallin' over!" He pinched his first finger and thumb together to show Hakkai 'exactly' how close he'd come.

He smiled and knew it wasn't at all convincing in his current physical state. "I think the heat just got to me," he answered numbly. And it very well could have been the heat, too. The sun was a tad on the scorching side and the crowds pressing in wouldn't have helped to relieve that. Not to mention his existing headache, and there was the perfect mix for a fainting spell.

"Want me to go an' get the others?" the boy offered, helping get him into a chair some gracious soul had provided for him.

"No, that won't be necessary. I just need a few minutes to cool off," he insisted.

"Are ya sure? They're just up the-,"

"I said I'm fine, Goku!" he snapped, glaring up at him. What didn't he understand about being fine? If he said he was, then he was, simple as that. Goku was in no way near qualified to decide whether he was well or not!

Goku's eyes got even rounder before scrunching down a little angrily. "That was really mean," he said tightly. "I was just tryin' to help. You didn't need to yell at me, Hakkai."

Hakkai blinked and only a few seconds after that the waves of guilt flooded out the burning rage that had come close to taking over. How.. horrible of him. How absolutely uncalled for and... horrible! What in the world was he thinking, yelling like that? Goku certainly didn't warrant it. He was worried about him and trying to be of assistance. Why in God's name would he yell at him for that?

"Goku... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted like that. I know you're only trying to help. Please, forgive me," he said quietly, completely ashamed by his actions. That anger had come out of seemingly nowhere...

Goku's face remained stern for just a little longer before it melted into the usual open smile. "Aw, that's okay! I guess I kinda was buggin' you a bit. So, are you cooled off enough yet? Because I'm starvin' so bad my stomach's eatin' itself!"

Relieved that the boy had forgiven him that easily, Hakkai forced himself to stand up and ruffle the thick brown hair before him. "So, what did you decide on? Meatbuns or meatbuns?"

"Potstickers!"

"Potstickers? Well, I suppose you should change your diet up every once in a while."

As they continued to walk, Hakkai's mind wound over the events of the day and the past few proceeding it. Goku continued to chatter on in peaceful ignorance to the fact that his conversation fell on deaf ears. It was just as well, he supposed. It gave him a chance to think without having to worry about Goku becoming alarmed. Something wasn't right. There was no denying it now. The ever-present headache raged at the back of his mind, like a tiger snapping it's jaws at a fence in hopes of being released. Maybe he _was_ sick? Maybe he had the flu? The headache had come about rather suddenly, much like the nightmares, the inability to sleep...

The voices and the rage. Those weren't flu symptoms, though.

And they certainly weren't good.

He continued to smile and make polite sounds of interest as Goku carried on, the boy's eyes roaming from side to side in corelation to the direction his nose twitched. Was the Minus Wave finally starting to take a hold on him? He could feel it now the closer they got to India. He could sense it flowing like a river current in the air, moving swiftly passed him as if breaking around a rock. He knew without the limiters it would slowly start to erode at him, breaking him to pieces until he was swept away completely. The limiters helped keep him together. But what about those few occassions where he'd removed them? What if tiny trickles of the Minus Wave were starting to break him apart from the inside?

Not possible, he realized, holding the door to the restaurant Goku finally decided on open for the boy to march in and claim a table. He was forgetting another clause to the effects; a strong will. He knew he had that, particularly when it came to controling himself. How else was he able to ignore the near rapturous freedom that accompanied removing his limiters? It wasn't an easy thing to reel in that much power and bloodlust after letting it off it's leash. Ultimately, though, he won that little internal struggle.

So, if it wasn't the Minus Wave, then what? What could have possibly caused this-

"Helloooo? Hakkai? You there?"

Hakkai snapped out of his thoughts, lowering the menu with the expected smile covering his face. "What was that, Goku?"

Goku nodded toward the waitress, who was still rapidly scribbling down Goku's order. "Oh, I'm sorry! Tea and eggdrop soup, please," he answered hastily.

"That's it?" the girl asked skeptically.

"Yes, thank you." He handed her the menu, noting the relieved look on her face as she quickly closed the little pad of paper and practically sprinted to the kitchen. Oh, dear, Goku must have ordered more food than usual if she was in _that_ much of a rush to leave their table. "So, Goku, I was thinking about trying a new-,"

"Aw, damn it," Goku exclaimed suddenly, thunking his fist on the table hard enough to make the settings jump. He stared after their waitress' mournfully, dropping his head heavily on the table with the most upset pout to his lips Hakkai had ever seen.

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly. Something awful had to be wrong for that expression to cross over the usually-cheerful boy's face.

"I forgot to order the fried noodles," Goku mumbled in reply. "An' now the waitress is gone an' I can't! I really, really, _really_ wanted fried noodles!"

Somehow, Hakkai doubted the waitress would be back before it was time to serve their food. She'd been very quick about leaving their table behind. Poor Goku... It looked like he would have to do without his fried noodles until the next town. Sighing as he unfolded his napkin, he silently envied the boy. All he had to worry about was when he'd have his next meal. He, on the other hand, had to worry over what exactly was wrong with him... and how to stop it from occuring without alerting the others to his potential problem. Ignorance certainly was bliis, it seemed.

>>>>>>>>>>

"Aw, for the love of... and right before making camp, too," Gojyo groaned, sitting up straighter as the Jeep came to a complete halt. "OI! You ugly fuckers mind getting outta the way? We're kinda in a rush!"

The youkais standing directly across the road jeered and chuckled maliciously. "This is as far you assholes are goin'! Time to die, Sanzo party!" one shouted from their midst. Probably someone from the back who didn't have to worry that the battle would reach them immediately.

The four calmly stepped out of the Jeep as the youkai assassins began rushing toward them, swords waving and shouting as if that would somehow magically make them stronger. "Is it just me," Hakkai began, cool gaze belying to pleasant expression. "Or are these attacks become more and more repetitive the closer we get?" He flung his hand out, releasing the contained chi ball directly into the first wave of attackers.

Gunshots exploded and ash burst into the air amidst the screams, scattering across in the breeze. "They're annoying," Sanzo snarled, firing off three more rounds before ducking down and reloading.

Goku sprang over his head, landing solidly with his nyoi-bo whirling in elegant arcs over and around his head. "Yay, and they say the same lines all the time!" Blood began to splatter as the boy went hacking into the group of youkai, breaking bones and shattering skulls into glistening fragments of gore and bone. It was a beautifully repulsive sight to see the boy at work. A massive amount of strength contained in such a small form, moving fluidly and so quickly he was nearly a passing shadow. Goku was terrifying in his own right because of that.

"You goddamn fucking chimp," Gojyo shouted fiercely. The chain rattled noisily from the metal shaft as he swung the shakujo around, the crescent blade whistling shrilly before connecting with bodies in thick, wet sounds. He himself spun around, kicking one of the youkai directly between his legs before jabbing the other end of the shakujo hard enough into the other's ribs to spray blood and crack bone. The blade rattled back home with an easy flick of his wrist as he turned wickedly gleaming red eyes back to Goku. "Hakkai just said the same goddamn thing not even two seconds before that!"

"No, he ASKED, he didn't SAY," Goku countered angrily, using a falling body as leverage to propel his lithe body into the air just in time to avoid the exlosion of chi right where he would have been. He twisted midair to land crouched on his feet, golden eyes shining brighter with the joy of battle. "So, what I said wasn't at all what he said. AHH!" He fell backward on his ass as a bullet just grazed the top of his head.

"That made absolutely no sense," Sanzo said coldly, aiming without even looking as a youkai practically impaled himself onto the gun. One sharp squeeze and blood arced from a hole that seemed to appear out of nowhere on what used to be the solid back of a youkai's head.

The remaining five or six youkai were already retreating, dropping their weapons in favor of running as fast as the could away from the four. They'd been told the job would be easy and that the pay was damned good. This wasn't worth any amount of money. These guys were fucking crazy as hell!

"You almost shot me," Goku railed as he came over to where Sanzo was standing. He was rubbing the ends of his hair as if the bullet grazing had hurt them.

The monk only spared him a glance as he put his gun away. It was obvious he wasn't going to apologize or elaborate further on the conversation. After all, he shot at the boy quite a bit. What was one more hair-grazing bullet?

Gojyo lit a cigarette, being uncharacteristically polite as he held the lighter out for Sanzo, who took full advantage of the unusual act of charity. "That was fun. Nice, hard and quick." The leer that came to his lips clearly said he wasn't just refering to the fight.

"Ew... you pervy kappa!"

"Ew, you pervy monkey! Who said I was talkin' about that anyway?"

"Well, what else would a pervert like you talk about? S'not like you did any fightin' anyway!"

"WHAT? Why, you little ape-shit, I'm gonna..."

Hakkai tuned out of the conversation, staring at the blood covering the ground thickly in front of him. It seeped into the dry dirt, staining it such a deep crimson shade not even Gojyo's hair compared to it. So thick and dark, like liquid night... and not too far away was the source of all this darkness. A victim of the shakujo from the looks of the deep slashes. Just three steps away. Three steps that quickly vanished under his feet.

The others weren't watching him. Their backs were turned and they were preoccupied with the current arguement. They couldn't see him reach out with shaking fingers as he crouched down. A cold sweat coated his forehead and upper lip, his lips were parted as he took shallow, uneven breaths. His pulse hammered in his throat as he ran fingers through that thick darkness, speeding up erratically as the tips came away stained with blood. Still warm, barely dead, and so very thick and rich to the touch. Liquid velvet against his skin, so smooth and perfect...

And it smelled absolutely intoxicating. That deep, earthy iron smell coated over in a sugar that could only be the youkai's essence. Metalic candy to be licked and sucked at. He wanted to see if it truly did taste as it smelled. He wanted to roll that thickness across his tongue, feel it slide and cling to his throat. God, the scent was even more heady up close, he mused in wonder as his hand came steadily closer and closer to his parted lips. Just a quick taste and then...

"Hey, Hakkai! What the hell you lookin' at over there?"

Gojyo's voice startled him, snapped him out of the trance abruptly as he stood up, wiping his fingers off on his pants. Part of him was silently mourning the waste of such precious candy, but it was quickly smothered back and buried away by the civilized, controled half that said licking up blood was a big no-no. "Sorry, I thought this one was still alive," he lied easily.

"Either finish it off or forget about it, we're wasting time," Sanzo called. He was already sitting in the front seat of the Jeep. Hakkai shook his head to dispell the last bit of blood-induced daydreams. He must have spaced out for quite a while if Hakuryuu had time to transform again!

He walked carefully back to the Jeep, eyes lowered under the pretense of an embarassed smile. All the while, though, his heart was slamming into his chest as he thought about what he'd almost done... and how very much he wished he'd just done it. "Hold on, everyone. This next bit of road is going to be rough," he called back, shifting into gear. Inside, he continued pushing the sensations the blood raised in him back, prefering the headache that accompanied this pushing rather than the inability to focus on anything except his speeding pulse. Deep down, he was worried that his control was slipping so quickly. The voices, the abrupt anger and now this sudden infatuation with blood, all in one day. Whatever was happening to him was happening at an alarming rate.

And he was beginning to doubt he could control it for much longer.


	3. Chapter 3

"Get off my side!"

"I'm not on your side!"

"Stupid monkey, my side goes from here to here, now shove over!"

"SANZO! Gojyo's hoggin' the back seat again! Tell him to stop!"

"No. This is your fight, not mine."

"Hey, don't go running to the monk just because you're crowding my personal space!"

"I'm so NOT crowdin' your personal space!"

"Look, you goddamn, stupid, fucking chimp, I've been riding in this spot for one whole fucking year, and if you don't move your ass right this goddamn minute-"

"SHUT UP!"

Three sets of eyes rounded in shock at the outburst. Hakkai's hands tightened harshly on the wheel as he struggled to return that burst of anger where it had come from. The headache that had dissipated with his outburst came slamming back into his head, bringing with it awful images of him continuing to scream at them. Him punching Goku so hard his jaw broke. Him pinning Sanzo to the ground and ripping claws down that arrogant face. Him...

Stop it! Stop thinking about that. Since that fight two days ago, all he could think about was the blood he'd wiped off on his pants. The blood that the ground got to taste but he didn't. He couldn't seem to get the image of all that deep red coating his fingers out of his head. It certainly didn't help that everyone's hearts seemed to be beating louder either. God, he could almost see the veins pumping and pulsing in time with each heavy, wet thunk, forcing the blood to flow smoothly through soft flesh and firmer muscle. He wondered how it would feel to have delicate skin pressed between his teeth, so pliant and giving as he pressed down...

"Hakkai? What's wrong?" Goku called.

"I'm not feeling well," he called as he stepped on the gas a little. He resisted the urge to double up over the throbbing scar on his stomach. Slowly, his fingers began to relax around the wheel as he took a shaky breath and let it out unheard or noticed in the rumbling of the Jeep engine. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout, but your arguing is less than soothing for my headache."

"Hey, sorry right back at ya, man," Gojyo said with true feeling. "I didn't know."

"Yeah, sorry, Hakkai," Goku piped in. "We'll be quiet now, I promise."

Hakkai let out a little laugh, his smile becoming more natural as their genuine remorse touched him. He glanced over as Sanzo shifted irritably and muttered, "I complain about a fucking migraine the size of Goku's stomach, and they only bitch louder. You complain about a little headache the size of Gojyo's brain and they instantly shut up."

"Gee, it couldn't be because Hakkai's not a raging homicidal dick with a four-by-four beam shoved up his ass, could it?" Gojyo sneered.

"Plus," Goku quickly added. "He doesn't beat us with the-"

_WHACK!_

"Ow!"

"Goddamn it!"

Hakkai glanced back in the rearview mirror at the pair rubbing their heads as Sanzo flopped back into his seat and lit a cigarette. Those two were too much sometimes! His gaze returned to Sanzo when his hands moved to shield the flaming lighter. He couldn't help it when his eyes drifted from the flame over to watch the blonde's throat arch a little and suck in the first breath of nicotine. It made the leather go tight over pale skin, made the bluish veins stand out just a little more. And his heart beat had slowed from the hard, steady pounding to a softer echo of it. Just drumming and drumming, forcing all that deep-garnet fluid to his muscles. Just barely caged beneath delicate flesh, waiting to be freed. Sanzo wouldn't scream when he died. No, he was too high and mighty for that. A sharply inhaled hiss, a flinching of cold violet eyes... that was all he could hope for out of Sanzo.

No, he didn't hope that! This was Sanzo he was talking about. Genjyo Sanzo, the keeper of the Maten Sutra. The man who quite literally saved him from himself. He needed to stop thinking about Sanzo like this. Or, more importantly, he needed to simply stop thinking about how nice it would be to cause pain. That's what this desire was. It wasn't so much a bloodlust as much as it was a need to cause damage to someone. Oh, he couldn't deny that the blood was craved intensely, but it was overshadowed by the longing to watch someone struggle for life at his feet and know that he was the one to put them in that condition.

Hakkai's hard grip returned to the steering wheel, his knuckles whitening and aching. The small pain helped clear his head a little, helped to feed that growing apetite for destruction inside. There... that was better. The migraine became marginally less and enabled him to see more clearly than he'd been able to because of those stabbing pains. It also let the smiling facade return as he realized the two in back were bickering once again. "My, my, Sanzo, maybe we should let the two lovers share a room alone tonight?"

"Good idea. Let them wear themselves out fucking so we can get a quiet ride tomorrow morning," the acerbic monk replied with a slightly twisted smirk.

"WHAT? I am NOT sharing a room with the monkey," Gojyo exclaimed indignantly. "And I'm sure as hell not in love with his monkey ass either!"

"Ewwww! Sanzo, Hakkai, that's really gross," Goku groaned, clutching his stomach, "How can you two even joke about that?"

"Sorry, but you make it so easy with the open flirting," he added with just the right amount of apologetic tone to make it almost seem genuine. Sanzo's shoulders shook a little with contained laughter at that joke. The other two were less than amused, however.

"You think I'm _flirting_ with _Goku_? Are you fucking whacked?" the red-head railed. "You've gotta be fucking crazy!"

Hakkai hadn't meant his back to stiffen with those words, but it did. The two in back returned to their arguing, unaware of his physical reaction to the term 'crazy'. Was that what was wrong? Was everything finally catching up with him mentally now? It didn't _feel_ like the Minus Wave... He felt a certain weighted violet gaze on him and knew someone had noticed his loss of interest in the arguement as well as his tense posture. Not surprising, really, as Sanzo was almost eerily observant of things like that. He kept the smile in place and forced his hands to relax on the wheel a bit more. He wasn't crazy. He was perfectly fine, normal and well-balanced.

Except, it wasn't normal to be staring at your companion's throat and wondering how it would feel under your teeth.

And it also wasn't so normal to be near intoxicated by the smell of blood.

He let out a low sigh, the sound so barely there that he knew there ws no way Sanzo would have caught it. He didn't want the monk finding out about his little... problems. It was a sure way of waking up to cold metal against his forehead shortly before his brains exploded against his pillow. Sanzo was not one to keep a liability around for sake of friendship. If the brutal monk thought he posed a threat to the mission, he would ask only one question before taking care of the problem; buried or cremated?

"Idiot."

The one word snapped him out of the dark path his thoughts were taking and made him look at the man sitting next to him fully. "Pardon?"

Sanzo's hair hid nearly his entire face, the barest edge of his jaw showing around that golden fringe. The cigarette burned idly in one hand while the other was folded across his lap, fingers most likely curled around the fan to end the full out wrestling match going on in back. "You're no more crazy than those two." His lips barely moved, but Hakkai could hear him just as clearly as if the words were said pressed against his ear.

He permitted himself an embarassed lifting of lips, lowering his head while keeping his eyes on the road. "Sanzo, I-"

"Just shut up and drive faster, or you're going to have two corpses to dispose of when we get to town."

Hakkai continued to smile as he complied to the order and stepped on the gas. The headache still pressed against the back of his mind, just waiting for it's next opportunity to break free. For now, though, he had regained control over what was going on. God only knew how long that would last.

----------

Something wasn't right about Hakkai. It wasn't something he could see on his face or hear in his voice. It was... his smell. Right now, he smelled like Normal Hakkai. But earlier, in the Jeep, he didn't. He smelled like something else, something sort of like old blood and night time. He knew 'night time' wasn't really a scent, but it was the only thing he could think of for that indescribable whatever-it-was that had been all over Hakkai before.

Goku watched him from his bed, using the pillow hugged to his chest as a way of keeping his head propped up. Gojyo was shouting at Sanzo through the bathroom door, which was really stupid of the kappa because Sanzo took his gun in there to shower. Not that he wanted Sanzo to kill Gojyo or anything, but the water sprite always pissed Sanzo off, and when that happened Sanzo fired at anyone. Even _him_! Hakkai ignored Gojyo altogether and kept calmly gathering their laundry and sorting it out by color. Goku shifted a little as the stiff, barely used blue jeans dug into his legs a little. He knew his other stuff needed to be washed because it was starting to smell really gross, but he hated his other clothes. They felt really weird.

But back to smelling... Hakkai smelled normal right now. It wasn't like a perfume smell or anything like that, just something that was uniquely Hakkai and made him think of things like vanilla and brown sugar. Deep and a little sweet. Sanzo always smelled like sunshine on fresh snow, both cold and warm at the same time. Gojyo was like sticking his nose inside an orange, lots of tanginess and a little sugar. He'd told Sanzo about this before, and Sanzo had said he was creepy. Goku didn't think it was so creepy. He thought it was nice that everyone smelled like they did. It was comforting.

He didn't like the New Hakkai smell at all, and not only because it didn't make him think of food. He didn't like it because it made him remember seeing Hakkai without his power limiters. It had been the most awesomely terrifying thing he'd ever seen. Sometimes, he didn't think Sanzo knew how very scary Hakkai was. The power he'd felt pouring off him was enough to make him take Hakkai's advice and stay quiet and hidden until he was done. It was even more powerful than Kougaiji, and that was saying something! But, it also wasn't the Hakkai he knew, the one who was all vanilla-goodness. Whatever it was that came out when his limiters were gone wasn't at all good and it smelled dark and... well, he wasn't sure really how to describe it, but he didn't like it.

Didn't anyone else notice? he wondered as Hakkai stood from the floor and began sorting through their remaining groceries. Didn't they smell something, too? Well, maybe not Sanzo because he was a human, but Gojyo must have. Gojyo knew Hakkai better than anyone. Didn't he notice something was wrong? And even if Sanzo couldn't smell the change, he could sense it. Sanzo was very good about that sort of thing. So, fi they knew Hakkai wasn't okay, why didn't they do anything about it?

The change wasn't permanent, and it didn't just appear out of nowhere. He first noticed it a little over a week ago, right about when Hakkai was having headaches. He never said he was, but Goku had found some of Sanzo's headache medicine in his bag when he'd been digging around for candy. Since then, it had gotten even more noticeable, sometimes nearly overpowering the Normal Hakkai scent. Today had been the strongest he'd ever smelled it, though. It was when Hakkai had yelled at them to shut up, which also wasn't like him to do. Hakkai never said 'shut up'. It was too mean of him.

Goku heaved a sigh into the pillow, peering over the fluffiness to watch his bare feet curl into the bed spread. What if it was the Minus Wave? That wouldn't be good. If Hakkai was going crazy because of the Minus Wave, and he still had his limiters on, then would that mean Goku would go crazy, too? He'd asked Sanzo if he'd kill him if that happened. Sanzo had said yes without any hesitation. It didn't bother him, really, because when he took his limiter off he did really awful things. He hurt people he cared about and couldn't even remember it afterward. If it came down to him living and hurting people or Sanzo killing him, he'd rather die. The last thing he wanted was for Sanzo to get hurt, and he'd probably kill himself anyway if he was the one to hurt Sanzo. But what about Hakkai? Hakkai would remember hurting them. He'd remembered enough to put his limiters back on, didn't he? So, what if he _was_ going crazy because of the Minus Wave? He was still Hakkai. Sanzo wouldn't kill Hakkai... would he?

"Yo, monkey! Anybody home?" Someone rapped their knuckles on his head hard.

Scowling, Goku shoved Gojyo away roughly. "Quit it, Gojyo, I was thinkin' serious things!"

Gojyo's grin grew wider, the cigarette slouching a little in his mouth, "Oh, yeah? Listen, I hate to tell you this, but thinking about dinner is NOT serious thinking."

He ducked away from Gojyo's hand as the kappa tried to mess his hair up, slinging the pillow right at his face. "I wasn't thinkin' about dinner, an' dinner IS a very serious thing!"

"Yeah, maybe for your iddy little monkey brain!" Goku was knocked over as the pillow was ripped from his hands and whacked right back at him.

Now, he was getting mad! Gojyo was so stupid sometimes, especially when he _was_ being serious. Growling, Goku launched himself off the bed and right at Gojyo. The red-head's amused chuckle only made him even more frustrated as Gojyo easily managed to avoid being tackled and got him in a head lock in thirty seconds. How did he DO THAT? Goku struggled and struggled, fingers digging into the tight muscles surrounding his neck even though he knew Gojyo wasn't going to budge. Damn it... it was no fair! He knew he was stronger than Gojyo. He knew he was faster, too. So why did the kappa ALWAYS win?

Goku yelped as the older man suddenly dropped his weight completely around his shoulders, forcing him to the ground while still keeping his arm locked tightly around his neck. Now he was in big trouble. Once Gojyo got someone on the ground, there was no way of getting back up. Not even Sanzo could do it. Well, maybe he could. He'd only seen Gojyo get Sanzo to the ground once, and after that Sanzo had never let him get that close again. And he always yelled at Goku for letting Gojyo get a hold of him, but it wasn't his fault. Gojyo was just... good.

"Ow! Owowowowow! Stupid, nasty, pervert, watersprite, kappa! Lemme up," Goku hollered, trying to use his arms now for leverage and lift them both at the same time. He howled again as Gojyo's elbow dug sharply into his back, pressing against his spine and making it an option of either dropping back to the ground or hurting himself more. Goku chose the ground and tried a different tactic; thrashing about as crazy as he could to try and throw the other off.

Gojyo chuckled and held on. "Aw, is the poor baby monkey throwing a temper tantrum? What, he can't- HEY!"

Goku scooted free and onto his feet as Gojyo was suddenly jerked off his back. He started to smile when he saw it was Hakkai jumping in to save him, but that smile instantly faded as soon as he caught the glare in Hakkai's usually nice eyes.

"Damn it, Gojyo, he asked you to get off him! Instead of making him scream like he's being murdered, why can't you just let him up?" Hakkai shouted.

"Hey, relax man! I was only playing around," Gojyo replied defensively, his bare back taught with the beginnings of anger.

"Yes, it's all fun and games until someone gets too hurt to continue this godforsaken mission." Goku's jaw dropped at the sneer that came over Hakkai's face as the other man turned away. What the... Hakkai sneered? Hakkai never sneered! And he never yelled like this either. Biting his lower lip nervously, he took a hesitant sniff of the air.

And smelled dried, cold blood mixed with a deep muskiness that reminded him of a dark sky with no moon or stars and thunder growling in the distance. Thunderstorms at night after a really nasty battle. Hakkai was in one of those strange moods again. Watching Gojyo's fists clench tightly made him realize one other thing; Gojyo either couldn't smell the change or was ignoring it. But, even if he couldn't smell it, he could see it... right? Or he could feel the change in the aura surrounding Hakkai. It was very clear now, almost something solid and visible. It was surrounding Hakkai like little invisible heat waves, blurring the stuff on the other side if he tried to peer through it. And it wasn't friendly at all. Hakkai's aura was always very cool and calm, even in the middle of a crisis. This... wasn't. This was too close to the vibe he had when he took his limiters off. Scary Hakkai.

Licking his lips nervously, Goku wrapped a hand around Gojyo's wrist as the other man made to follow Hakkai across the room to where he had fallen on his bed, back to the room. "Hey, it wasn't a big deal or anything," he said quietly, his voice sounding a little rough to his own ears. He didn't want them fighting or anything, not over him. Gojyo was only playing around, and Hakkai was acting weird. "Gojyo was gonna let me up soon anyway, weren't you, Gojyo?"

Gojyo's back didn't relax in the least. If anything, it got even tighter as he jerked his wrist free and marched over to Hakkai's bed. "Look, you've been acting all pouty for the last goddamn week," he railed. Goku's eyes widened as the door to the bathroom opened quietly and Sanzo came to stand in the door way, dressed in nothing but his jeans with his wet hair falling into his eyes. Goku gulped when he saw the narrow, careful eyes watching the scene play out. Sanzo was gonna be sooooo mad at Gojyo! "What the hell is wrong with you, 'Kai?" He put a hand on Hakkai's shoulder and tried to roll him over to face him.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" The sound of Hakkai's hand slapping Gojyo's away was almost as startling as him screaming at the red head. Goku jumped and saw Sanzo's frown grow even more severe. They both stayed where they were as Gojyo slowly backed away from his friend, shaking his head slowly.

"Man... fuck this! Just... fuck it all! I'm going out." Gojyo grabbed his shirt off his bed and pulled it down roughly over his head before taking fourn long strides toward the door.

Hakkai sat up on his bed and looked like he was ready to puke. His face was almost grey in color and his eyes were huge. "Gojyo, wait... Gojyo!" The door slammed shut in the middle of his protesting.

Sanzo finally moved then, pushing away from the door frame and moving until he stood directly in front of where Hakkai was sitting. Hakkai didn't lift his head from his hands, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "Sanzo... I didn't mean to... I don't know why I..."

"Listen to me."

Goku couldn't help but obey the order that wasn't directed at him. Sanzo was speaking softly, the anger in the background of his words but something else was covering over that. It was that nameless, Sanzo-something that always made him feel warm inside. Like maybe he wasn't as annoying as Sanzo liked to tell him. He didn't know how to describe it other than it being Sanzo, and even when that voice wasn't speaking to him, he still listened.

"Gojyo's fine," Sanzo continued, still speaking softly but firmly. "He'll go out, drink, get laid and come back later no longer acting like a bitch. The monkey needs to be fed. You stay here and get your shit together by the time we come back. Got it?"

Hakkai nodded weakly, having looked up at Sanzo as he spoke. He pressed his palm into his real eyes and that was when Goku realized Hakkai was nearly crying. He was really, really upset about yelling at Gojyo! That wasn't cool, not at all. Why couldn't the stupid kappa stay long enough for Hakkai to apologize? Then everything would have been fine. Gojyo wouldn't be so pissy, Hakkai wouldn't be crying and Sanzo would be buying him dinner faster. Stupid, stupid KAPPA!

"Goku, get your ass moving if you want dinner!"

Goku blinked, reprocessed what Sanzo had said and sprinted for the door his friend was holding open for him. "I'm movin', I'm movin'! Where're we goin', Sanzo, huh? Huh? I saw a really neat lookin' restaurant that has five different styles of food! FIVE! That's a lot, can we go there?"

Sanzo's teeth ground together as he continued buttoning his shirt up. His robes needed to be cleaned, so tonight he was dressed like a normal person, which meant they could go anywhere they wanted and not be bothered with people coming up to them. Goku already knew what the bulging at Sanzo's back was when the shirt finally settled in place. The gun and the Maten Sutra. Those and the little gold card from the temple were the three things Sanzo never left without. "What the hell do you need five styles of food for when you're only going to get meatbuns anyway?" he asked in that irritated tone of voice.

"Well... it's always good to keep your options open, right?"

"Hmph, and now you're quoting Hakkai. Maybe you're a parrot instead of a monkey."

"I'm not either of those! Why do you always call me a monkey?" he insisted fiercely. Not that he really minded if Sanzo called him that. Somehow, even when he meant it as an insult it never came out that way. Now, Gojyo... _he_ made it sound mean.

"You're too goddamn noisy, you eat like a neanderthal-,"

"What's a neanderthal?"

"-And you smell," Sanzo finished, ignoring the question.

"I do NOT smell! I took a shower right before you," Goku exclaimed, glaring up at Sanzo's hidden eyes. His hair was drying quickly in the outside heat and fell in just the right way to keep him from seeing that violet gaze.

"You fart in your sleep, therefore you smell," he explained.

"Wha... I don't remember doin' anything like that!" Sanzo didn't lie... but he didn't fart in his sleep!

"Of course you don't remember, dumb ass. You were _sleeping_. Here, let's eat at this place."

Goku looked up at the big, fancy building and grinned. Sanzo had picked the very same place he wanted to go to in the first place! They had Japanese, French, Italian, Mexican and Indian food, all in one building. This had to be what heaven was like! "YAY! Food, food, food! I wanna sit by the fountain! Can we sit by the fountain, Sanzo?"

"Sure. Then, when you get too annoying, I can just shove you over and drown you."

Goku laughed at the joke... what he hoped was a joke, anyway, and followed Sanzo and the hostess to the table by the fountain. Little fish were swimming around the open area, mouths popping up to nip at bubbles like it was food. Everything inside was all deep reds, darkly stained wood, mirrors and gold paint. It was a really, really fancy restaurant, and while he was still a little bothered by Hakkai and Gojyo fighting, he was kind of glad that he had Sanzo all to himself for a bit. Maybe Sanzo was right and everything would be okay by the time they were done eating. He hoped so, anyway. If there was one thing that was even more wrong than Hakkai shouting, it was Hakkai and Gojyo fighting.

----------

He took a deep breath and held it for a split second, having to focus himself more than usual for the task. This wasn't simply creating a chi ball to fling at an enemy. This was creating that energy and controling it, holding it for as long as he could before letting it reabsorb back into his body. Hakkai fought through the pain in his skull and focused all his attention on the warmth gathering at the back of his mind. The chi began to spread, cutting through the migraine and pooling through his body. It tried to worm its way all over, tried to fill him with it's warmth, but he wouldn't let it. He forced it to flow down the path of his arm, channeled all that heat and energy into the narrow confines of his arm. It oozed like molasses being drizzled from a jar from his shoulder to his forearm and to his wrist. Normally, it was much easier just to let it flow faster and escape immediately, but he didn't want that now. This was about control and focusing on something other than how Gojyo's eyes looked like trapped pools of blood that he should free.

On the exhale, he allowed the chi to escape from his hand slowly, felt that warmth start to recede like a wave. The headache roared back into place with a vengeance and caused a faint tremor in the line of energy he was gathering into a ball in his palm. Sweat wound it's way free from the bandana tied across his forehead, slipping down along the side of his face to settle against the monacle over his eye. He pushed passed the physical discomfort and continued to feed more and more of the energy he created into that ball, letting the glowing mass expand and cast it's pale yellow glow over the cool blue tiles of the bathroom floor.

He stopped feeding more energy into it and switched his focus to maintaining it's present circumferance. He could feel the warmth moving down one side of his arm, through the chi ball, and back up the other in a continuous circuit. He continued to orchestrate the movement, not allowing the two separate flows of energy, one entering and one exiting the ball of light, to connect in anyway. The re-entering through his mind stabbed through the headache once again and gave him blessed pulses of relief from the throbbing pain. He held it for just a little longer, thirty seconds more... twenty... ten... As he counted down from ten seconds, he decreased the chi entering the sphere and began to reabsorb the energy, controling how fast his body took it all back. It took a great deal of effort to summon the chi, but less to withdraw it to where it came from. His body was like a sponge greedily trying to suck that energy back into itself and his control was like the hand wrapped around that sponge to keep it from absorbing too fast.

Hakkai repeated the little exercise four more times, each time letting the ball get bigger while pulling it back even slower to increase his control. The closed circuit of energy he let pulse longer before counting down and shutting it off. Slowly, he could feel himself returning to as normal as he could get with the murderous ache behind his eyes. As the final bit of glowing energy faded out, he released a heavy sigh, shoulders slumping forward wearily. The bathtub was cold even through the cotton of his shirt, but it was a welcomed relief after all that carefully controled heat.

This wasn't a permanent solution to the problem by any stretch of the definition. Sanzo had told him to get control, and this was the only way he knew to do just that. Raising chi was like a form a meditation when done correctly. Granted, during a fight, he took short cuts in the creative process and sometimes released more energy than he intented to, but he could still control that portion of his brain. The headache remained a steady pulsing behind his eyes, but as he'd hoped, the chi helped to ease the aching just that fraction of a bit that allowed the guilt to crawl all over him. He hadn't meant to yell at Gojyo. He hadn't meant any of what he said. Goku and Gojyo were only having fun, it wasn't their fault their antics only added to the stabbing pain in his skull. They didn't know any better, and he should have been more in control of his temper.

Which was yet another problem, on top of the possible going-crazy one. He was getting more and more easily irritated by his companions. All of their normal habits, the ones that would only mildly irritate him (like putting cigarette butts into empty beer cans instead of using the ash trays, he thought, gritting his teeth) before the headaches started were now full out rage provoking. He'd managed to reign himself in tonight with Gojyo, but if he couldn't learn to keep it leashed better in the near future, he was afraid of what he would do. Gojyo mercifully had no idea how very close he'd come to getting himself punched out over nothing, and he wanted to keep it that way.

Sighing, Hakkai slouched down against the tub further, leaning his head back along the rim and staring up at the cracked, bubbling paint on the ceiling. What in the world was going on with him? If it were the Minus Wave, Goku would have been showing signs of it as well. But nothing significant came to mind to spur this sudden faultering in his mental stability. So, what was-

_"Hakkai..."_

His eyes widened at the whispered voice. That voice again... Slowly, he lifted his head from the tub, scanning over the bathroom carefully. He'd chosen to do his meditative exercises in here to avoid anyone barging in on him. There were no windows, the curtain to the shower was drawn back and the tub was empty. The door was shut... but someone could be in the room. Or he could be imagining the whole thing.

_"Over here... Hakkai..."_

"Who's doing this and why?" he asked, voice harsh and grating. A cold sweat coated his skin, right down to between his shaking fingers. Maybe this was the answer to all the riddles. Maybe an old enemy _was_ the cause of his current condition. God knew he had plenty of enemies made. A thousand dead youkai, and almost as many humans... it was bound to stir some hatred for him.

_"Hakkai... the mirror..."_

Shaking, breath barely easing out of his tight throat, Hakkai stood up cautiously, hands loose by his side and the chi energy already forming and ready to escape through his hand. The mirror slowly came into view, revealing... He spun around quickly, the chi escaping from his hand and blasting a clean hole in the tub surround behind him. The powder from the blasted dry wall underneath and the bits of plastic hissing as they colled in the air were the only response to his attack. What? But... he saw someone there! Someone had been there besides himself, he was sure of it!

Laughter echoed around him, bouncing off the tiles to his left one minute and then circling to the right in the next, forcing him to cover his ears at it got louder and more cacophonic as it began to echo back on itself so the sounds ran together in a blur. He kept spinning sharply around, trying to press his hands tightly over his ears to keep the noise out of his aching brain while searching desperately for the owner of that laughter. "I'm tired of your games! Who are you?" he shouted against that overwhelming laughter.

_"Behind you!"_

The whisper cut through the noise as if it weren't even there, effortlessly like a scream. Hakkai whipped around in a complete circle and found himself facing the mirror again. The laughter stopped abruptly, such a total complete absense of sound that it was startling. His eyes narrowed as he took a step toward the vanity top. Just his reflection, him standing in front of the mirror with no one else in the room. Behind him? Was this another trick?

Hakkai leaned forward forward to study the mirror better. His own green eyes stared back. Black shirt untucked over neat khakis, hair falling free against his face without the bandana. Nothing to suggest it was anything but a mirror. He'd heard of youkai using reflective surfaces as a way of entering different dimensional planes, but he'd never seen one do it before. Was that what was going on? Why tell him to turn around and face the...

He jumped back with a startled gasp when he looked more closely at the eyes staring at him. The left one was slitted, like a cat's eye. And the hair... now that he looked closer, it was too long to be his, too unruly. And, wrapping around it's entire frame was a string of dark vines, like an intriquate tattoo. That wasn't his reflection. Or, rather, that wasn't the reflection of his current physical appearance. Hakkai shook his head, rubbed his eyes and stared again at the polished surface.

The reflection tossed an arrogant little smirk at him.

WHAT? That... that was impossible! There was no practical explaination for that! His reflection should be just that; reflecting what he did, how he moved. It shouldn't be acting by itself. He took a cautious step toward the door.

The reflection stepped in the opposite direction.

Dear God... Hakkai swallowed heavily, his stomach knotted tightly as he slowly approached the glass again. The mirror had to be fake. A spell to show one's true self or something of the kind. This wasn't real...

The reflection's smirk grew more confident as it ran a single, clawed finger along the vines encasing it's neck. The movement was slowly, deliberate and so very unlike him it was startling. In the wake of that claw flowed a thin line of crimson. His heart lurched and sped up at the sight of it. Blood. A much deeper shade than any ruby or garnet he'd ever seen. Thick enough to balance in a precarious little drop on the fingertip, but thin enough to flow like water. Something that meant life when contained and death when freed from the confines of the flesh. He could very nearly smell the earthy fluid, a scent he knew without question would carry over in the taste. It was a taste he knew would linger and cling like an earnest lover wrapping her legs around him. God, just a taste...

Hakkai shook his head again, jerking his attention with much difficulty away from the sight of that thin red line trickling down behind the reflection's shirt. "Who are you?" he asked, pleased to hear his voice wasn't shaking as badly as he would have imagined.

The image smiled wide enough to flash fangs before licking the blood coating it's clawed fingertip slowly, eyes glinting knowingly as he flinched and dropped his gaze to follow the sensual motion. It almost dragged a groan from his throat to see all that red disappear, lapped up by a pink tongue. His entire body began to shake, sweat running down his face and neck again. Control it... he had to control it!

_"Let me out."_ The mouth of the image moved, but the sound didn't come from the mirror. It was that all over sound again that encompassed him from all angles.

"Out? What do you mean, out? I don't even know what you are! How can I let you out?"

The now clean fingers traced over it's right ear. Exactly where his limiters were. He felt his own eyes widen as the understanding suddenly dawned on him, saw the image's slow smile return as it nodded once. It wanted him to take his limiters off. He shook his head, sharp and jerky at first and then more emphatically as the image's smile turned to a twisting, enraged snarl. "No," he whispered, balling his hands into fists.

_"You want this to end, don't you? You want it all to be done with? Then let me out!"_

"I can't... I won't! Just... go away!" He wouldn't do it. This was an illusion of some kind, from a youkai trying to drive him mad. He wasn't going to give in, he was in control of himself... Hakkai jumped a little further away from the mirror as the image let out a furious growl, bringing it's fists angrily against the glass and causing the entire surface to ripple and shake. It couldn't do that. It shouldn't have been able to do that. It was only a reflection, an illusion of himself. It shouldn't be able to...

_"How do you know what I'm capable of? You can't even look me in the eye, how in the hell can you possibly understand what I can do?"_

It was said with such scathing ridicule that if it were physical, he would have been burned. Hakkai slowly opened eyes he hadn't been aware he closed and felt the coldness sweep over him. It was the coldness he used to kill with, an utter emptiness and darkness that could take the guilt of ending yet another life and lock it away forever so that it didn't eat him up inside. "Go away," he said softly.

_"What!"_

"Go away." His voice got stronger as his confidence grew. The headache was at it's absolute merciless worst, hurting so badly he could barely keep his eyes open while fighting the urge to drop to his knees and curl up on himself. He had control of this. Whatever or whoever was trying to hurt him, he wouldn't let it.

_"I won't! You created me and locked me in here! Let me OUT!"_

"Go away, now!"

_"No!"_

"GO AWAY!" Hakkai's fists smashed through the glass of the mirror, right into where his reflection had been livid with rage. It vanished as the glass shards shattered against the vanity top, larger pieces still connected to the frame to show his wide, dilated eyes and shallow panting breaths. His skin was entirely too pale, but he was alone now. Alone... and hurting.

"Damn it," he hissed as the pain sliced through and dulled the migraine. He fell to his knees amidst the glass pieces on the floor, turning his hands up enough to see the cuts marring his hands. No pieces of glass that he could see stuck in the wounds... but there was blood. The smell hit his nose and flooded him with the almost coppery feel of it. It coated not only his nose with the scent, but his tongue as well. Hakkai swallowed heavily, swallowed that scent down his throat, shuddering with pleasure as it stuck there and caused his mouth to water just slightly.

Without realizing it, he was bringing his left hand up closer to his mouth, his whole body heaving with each breath. In through his nose, out through his mouth. He had control still... he... had... The last exhale brought his lower lips down against his hand, smearing a thin line of warm wetness against his mouth. The faint taste so close to his tongue sent a zing through his body, snapping up his spine almost as powerful as an orgasm. He still fought the urge to taste it, even as his tongue slowly flicked out, running along his lower lip experimentally.

It was delicious. No, better than that. There wasn't a word to describe the taste in his mouth. So rich and sweet, just that little sampling was enough to draw a heavy groan from his throat and cause his body to scream for more. More blood, more of that cloying nectar. A sound almost like a despairing sob came from him moments before his lips latched around the small wounds greedily, sucking up whatever his body could give him. He was rocking back and forth on his knees, mind completely lost to this teasing little bit. It satisfied the taste craving, but did little for the emotional one. This was blood, yes, but it was _his_ blood. He knew his blood very well, he wanted someone elses.

Each breath came with a little pleasure filled moan as he continued to work the wounds as much as he could with lips, tongue and teeth, squeezing around the flesh of his hand to encourage the drops to still pour. Damn his youkai body, it was healing those wounds already. He tore his mouth away angrily, watching as the cuts began to scab over. His other hand... there had been more blood there. Hakkai flipped his other hand around and growled in frustration when he saw it had scabbed up long ago. There was glass, on the floor. He could use it, make new wounds, tiny ones that no one would notice...

Hakkai's hand reached blindly for a shard of glass. Just a tiny cut along the vein in his wrist, nothing too serious. Just a little knick... his eyes locked on the piece of his reflection the glass showed back. Wild green eyes, blood smeared over his mouth and staining his teeth. He winced as the blood lust urged him for more. It tried to get him to lower his hand to the awaiting upturned wrist, but he forced it back, still staring at the sight of him with blood on his lips. His blood. He had drank his own blood.

"Oh... God..."

The glass dropped from his hand back onto the floor as Hakkai wrapped his arms around his waist scrunched in on himself, hot tears hitting his khaki clad thighs. His whole body continued to shake, this time with hysterical sobs that tore the breath from his lungs in ragged bursts that left his throat sore and cheeks red from the lack of oxygen. He'd just tasted his own blood. How repulsive! He screamed, knowing no one would hear him if he did, leaning so far forward his forehead came into contact with the doors under the sink. Was he really so weak as to cave in the moment he saw his own blood? And then to even comtemplate cutting himself to get another taste... It was a short crawl over to the toilet before he was puking, the contents of his stomach all tainted a faint pink from what he'd just added to it moments before.

He didn't finish vomiting until there was nothing more to come out and he was just dry heaving. Hakkai fell backwards, head thunking into the tub hard. The tears still trailed down his cheeks, but he wasn't hysterical any longer. Just... disgusted with himself for being so weak. He knew he should clean the mess up before the others got back, but he didn't think he was going to be able to stand. Just a few more seconds on the floor, he thought numbly, arms still wrapped protectively over his stomach. He felt dizzy, most likely from the sudden lack of adrenaline in his system and the fact that he hadn't eaten since breakfast. Not that he thought he'd be capable of eating again after licking... after doing what he'd done.

Hakkai closed his eyes and trembled, fingers digging into his sides hard enough he knew he'd be bruised, but he didn't want the sensory memories surfacing so soon after the incident. All they would tell him was that it had been nearly orgasmic to finally give in and sample his first taste of blood, even if it was his own. As if that made it all better, he thought bitterly. It didn't matter where it had come from, the point was he'd lost control and he'd tasted it. He was just glad the others weren't there to witness it.

----------

Gojyo muttered and cussed as he kicked an empty beer can down the nearly deserted street. Fucking Hakkai, ruining his good mood! He was so pissed off at the other man that he hadn't even bothered to pick up a couple chicks. He played a few rounds of poker, cheated for most of them, collected his money and went off down the street to a new bar to repeat the process. And all because Hakkai had to be in a fucking mood.

He knew something bad was going on with his friend, but that was no excuse to go taking it out on everyone else! Sanzo did that enough for all of them, they didn't need Hakkai jumping onto the Bitter Dick Wagon. How many fucking times in the past had he'd done the exact same damn thing to Goku, and not once did Hakkai bother stepping in? It was such bullshit to use that as a scapegoat just because he's got a fucking migraine!

"For fuck's sake," he sneered, stopping to finish his cigarette outside the inn. He looked up at their windows and saw all the lights were out. Either everyone was already asleep or no one was there. It was still only ten-ish, so Sanzo probably was still out feeding the monkey. That meant Hakkai was most likely asleep. Shit... now he was gonna go wake his snarly ass up!

Muttering another 'fuck' angrily, he ground the butt out so thoroughly it was near impossible to see the loose tobacco scattered in the gravel road. He yanked the door open sharply, giving a half-hearted wave to the cute girl sitting at the desk as she gave him a flirtacious smile, and stomped up the stairs. Maybe if he made enough noise, he'd wake Hakkai up without having to enter the room. Then, he could honestly say he didn't wake him up and that he didn't know he was asleep still...

He stopped outside the door, still muttering obscenities as he dug the little door key from his pocket, purposely fumbling the lock to give Hakkai a heads-up. Deciding the cranky bastard had enough of a warning, Gojyo finally twisted the key and pushed the door open. No lights on, but it didn't take long for his vision to adjust to the shadows. His eyes narrowed when he noticed everything was exactly as it had been before. Not even the beds were touched. So... that meant Hakkai went out without him? What the fuck!

Gojyo stepped in and shut the door after himself, eyes flicking over at the very thin sliver of light coming from under the bathroom door. Oh. Hakkai was in the bathroom. He went over to his bed, pulling his shirt off as he went before flopping down on the edge to lean over and untie his boots before kicking them off into the middle of the floor. It drove Hakkai crazy when he did that, but he couldn't give two shits and a piss right then if it did. Hakkai had ticked him off royally, so it was only fair that he do likewise.

He was about to light another cigarette when his sharp hearing caught something from the bathroom. A groan... and what sounded like broken glass scraping against the floor. He flicked the lighter shut and pulled the cigarette from his mouth, waiting for some other sound. There! Another groan, and it was definately Hakkai. Worry instantly shoved the anger back into the closet it came from as he stood carefully and went to the door, hand pausing on the knob while his ear pressed against the wood.

More scraping sounds, like someone gathering glass into a pile, and another moan that actually sounded a little closer to a bitter sob. His mind brought out memories of seeing Hakkai in a short sleeved shirt for the first time and seeing the very neat, precise scars that lined his wrist and inner arm area. They were ancient scars from a time long before he got the one on his stomach, but it was obvious he had used those same areas quite a bit to cut himself at. Old scars that were tended correctly eventually faded and paled out. These were dark against his nearly white skin, probably from repeated cuttings and healings. Shit, he'd said he hadn't done it since he was eleven...

Gojyo's worry finally overroad his caution as he jerked the door open sharply, stopping abruptly at what he saw. Hakkai was kneeling on the floor with pieces of mirror all around him. His shoulders were hunched over, head hanging down and blood was splattered on his khakis. Not enough the mean he'd cut himself intentionally, but it was still enough to make him nervous. The whole room smelled like freshly tossed cookies, and obviously the mirror was busted up nice and proper. There was also a big hole in the wall of the shower with melted plastic around it. It looked like a chi ball had exploded. And Hakkai seemed to be in a daze, totally unaware of his presence as he continued to very methodically sweep the glass pieces into a pile with his bare hands.

"Holy shit... Hakkai?" He was embarassed to admit that he sounded like a kid going through puberty, what with his voice being so cracked and hoarse.

His back stiffened before green eyes were slowly revealed to him behind strands of dissheveled black hair. Eyes that were near drowning in despair. "Gojyo, I... it was an accident," he said softly. He sounded as if he'd been screaming or crying for hours.

"Yeah, I see that," he answered just as softly, clearing his throat as he took a hesitant step closer. When Hakkai didn't react negatively, he knelt down beside his friend, picking up a few smaller glass shards to add to the growing pile. From here, he could see he was right and that Hakkai had puked, mercifully all into the unflushed toilet. The counter top was littered with more glass and the bath tub needed to have the plaster bits rinsed out of it. His gaze flickered to the shallow cuts on Hakkai's hands. Not the right spot or angle to be the self inflicted kind. Probably from punching out the mirror. Shit, something must have happened to make him snap like this. An attack or... something.

"I didn't mean to," Hakkai continued, sniffling a little as he returned to cleaning up the mess. "I didn't..."

Gojyo put a hand on his shoulder, having just caught something else wrong with Hakkai's appearance. Hakkai let himself be turned around easily, eyes still carrying that lost, forsaken look to them. But his mouth... "Fucking hell, is that blood on your face?" What the fuck happened in here? If there ws a fight, then were was the dead body? Hakkai's choked sob and the way he quickly hid his hands was what finally clicked everything into place and made his eyes close, body sagging when he realized why the blood was on his face. Hakkai had punched out the mirror, and that had sparked the blood lust. Hakkai was losing it, no matter how much he tried to deny it.

"I... I couldn't stop it, Gojyo," he began in soft, desperate tones. "I tried so hard, and in the end I couldn't stop it. Now, it's so hard to to think about it. Just the way it-,"

"Stop it," Gojyo commanded sharply. "Don't talk about it or you're gonna make yourself fucking crazy."

Hakkai's laugh was a little too wild for his tastes, too bitter. "And you don't think I'm fucking crazy now? For God's sake, Gojyo, _look_ at me!"

He also didn't like hearing Hakkai saying 'fuck'. It just sounded so wrong coming from him. "I am looking at you, 'Kai," he tried, leaning back far enough to grab a towel from the bar by the door. Hakkai's eyes closed tightly as he began wiping his face clean, ignoring the trembling that threatened to shake the other man apart. "And what I'm seeing is someone who's having a helluva fucking bad day. Everyone has one of those. Look, I'll clean this shit up. You got lie down, and tomorrow morning we'll talk to Sanzo-,"

"No."

"Hakkai, we've gotta-,"

"No! If he finds out, he's going to kill me, Gojyo. If he hears about this... I'll just be stronger next time."

Gojyo wanted desperately to argue with him, but couldn't bring himself to do it. If Hakkai thought he could handle it now, then he'd just have to trust him to do that. Nodding, he whispered, "Okay. We'll do it your way for now."

Hakkai let out a relieved sigh, long, elegant fingers closing over Gojyo's to squeeze gently. "Thank you." He stood up, grabbing the edge of the counter to steady himself before stumbling back into the room and leaving Gojyo to finish putting the bathroom in a fairly decent order.

----------

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was very hurriedly written for Greyliliy so that she may accept my 'formal note of apology'. Hehe, so now you must forgive me, m'dear, for accusing you of being lazy in my absence! And, speaking of being unlazy... I see you have an update for me to read (procedes to skip off and read)...

This is kind of random, but I really don't have any other way of doing this... I wanna say thank you to the anonymous reviewer who's been going through some of my older pieces and leaving very kind words behind. I do try to thank or acknowledge all the people who bother to review, but unfortunately, luv, I can't do that because you're anonymous! (fans self) I have a secret admirer, oooOOOOooo! Seriously, it's been very cool of you to do, and I do promise a new Just The Two Of Us very shortly. Aaaand, on that note, thank you to EVERYONE who has been reviewing. It's always nice to read what everyone has to say, botht the positive and the constructive.


	4. Chapter 4

Gojyo continued to towel dry his hair as if the startled, "What the FUCK?" hadn't just come from the bathroom. He smirked over his shoulder as the usually verbose monk spluttered ever so slightly, spinning around the ruined bathroom in disbelief. He'd cleaned up the broken tiles, the glass shards and dry wall dust as best he could, but there was nothing he could do about a busted mirror or a shower surround with a big melted hole in it. Aw, the pretty monk would just have to make do. Stuck up snob.

He tossed the used towel onto the foot of Goku's bed, shivering as wet crimson strands that almost looked black from the moisture slapped against the back of his neck and bare shoulders. Ignoring the fact that his mouth was minty fresh from toothpaste, he fished out the cigarettes from his jacket pocket, tapping one out and sticking it between his lips. Already, he could taste the tobacco inside, a combination of sharp menthal and that acrid, smokey taste that never failed to coat his tongue and burn mercifully into his lungs. He lit up, inhaled and let the chemicals do their best and worse to his body. There was nothing like the first cigarette of the morning. Worked almost better than coffee, in his opinion.

Speaking of coffee... Hakkai and Goku should be back any time with breakfast. The green eyed youkai seemed almost back to normal after the, er... incident yesterday evening. Gojyo had helped his friend to his feet, bracing his legs when Hakkai's couldn't seem to work and taking more of the surprisingly heavy man's weight himself as they stumbled back into the bedroom. Hakkai was built delicately, but every line of that body was muscle, and muscle that was nearly dead weight was heavy as fuck. He'd stretched the still shaking man out on one of the beds, pulling the covers over him as if tucking a child into bed. Once he'd been sure Hakkai had fallen into an exhausted sleep, he'd gone back to the bathroom to put it in order.

Unfortunately, Hakkai's little outburst wasn't so easy to fix. After all, he didn't know shit about repairing melted plastic or damaged mirrors. So, seeing as Hakkai didn't want a certain blonde with homicidal tendencies to find out about this, he'd have to just get creative and bullshit his way out of it. Hey, he wasn't a professional poker player for nothing! He could lie with the best of them. The good news was there wasn't a whole lot of blood. Just a few shards of glass from where Hakkai had punched out the mirror and a hand towel that had droplets on it that looked like someone cut themselves shaving. No biggie there. The tiles were fairly easy, too. It was the dry wall coating the tub that was a pain in the ass. The curtain and tub area were still damp from someone's shower, so the fine powder had settled and stuck to this, forming a greyish-white sludge that got up under his nails and stuck to his skin. It also left streaks and grit in the tub, even after he'd scrubbed it out three times.

He'd done his best, and that's all he could do. Gojyo sat on the edge of his bed and continued to smoke, listening to the monk complain about 'goddamn fucking morons, punching holes in the shower' and several other things he didn't give two shits about. His attention was still focused on the events from the night before. He felt like such an asshole for not having seen it sooner. What kind of friend was he when he didn't think anything of his usually mild room mate snapping left and right at people? He wasn't sure if anyone else had noticed the changes in Hakkai yet, but he would bet good money they hadn't. Or, if they did, they didn't make any sign of it. Shit, this was bad. Hakkai's control over himself was almost more astonishing than Sanzo's. Gojyo knew the type of damage an unleashed Hakkai could do. He still had nightmare flashes of it every once in a while, mostly of that eerie smile that came after the rampage. It was the type of smile you would expect to see on a man's face after the best damned sex of his life, not after going berserk and killing people. It was languid, triumphant and full of a darkness that didn't belong in the Hakkai he knew. It was like staring into the face of a stranger, only that stranger happened to be borrowing your best friend's face.

But, Hakkai had regained control of himself even then. Still smiling, he'd bent and picked up his limiters, calmly clipping them back in place before a massive shiver and a hiss of breath preceded him returning to his human form. He'd helped Gojyo to his feet and together they'd left that warehouse, minus the umbrellas Hakkai had 'brought' for him. Gojyo smiled and shook his head, a warmth touching him even as the images of Hakkai's claws ripping through flesh like tissue paper still fluttered around in his head. That had been the first time since his brother that he could remember anyone really caring what the hell happened to him. Hakkai was a stand-up guy. All polished, polite and smart as hell. But, for all that well-mannered upbringing, he didn't care a bit that Gojyo was pretty much his polar opposite. He would just have dinner ready for him if he was out late, and grin while downing massive amounts of beer whenever Gojyo decided it was his turn to cook.

He never in a million years would have seen himself living with someone like Hakkai. Hell, he never in two million years would have thought it possible care about someone else this much. In a strictly friendly way, of course. Hakkai was pretty, but he had a dick, and Gojyo didn't like any dick but his own. He flicked ash away, eyes narrowing thoughtfully as he tried to pinpoint what exactly he meant to think. Maybe... that Hakkai was like family? Yeah, that sounded about right. He felt closer to Hakkai than he ever had with his own brother. Jien's only real reason for stepping in was because he'd known their mom was crazy and was trying to protect her from herself. It had never been about him. It was always her, like it should have been. He didn't resent his brother at all for that.

"Fuck," he muttered, leaning back on the bed to glare up at the ceiling. Damn it, why'd he have to dig all that up? Now he was doubly depressed. First, his concern about Hakkai's sanity, and then all that bullshit about his mom. If it weren't nine in the fucking morning, he would have found a whiskey bottle to drown in. Unfortunately, he did have a bit of decency left in him, and that decency said drinking in the morning was a big no-no.

The door to the bathroom jerking open sharply drew his gaze from the water spotted ceiling to the glaring violet eyes demanding without any words spoken that he explain what the hell happened in the bathroom. He tried his best to manage 'fuck off' eyes in return.

Sanzo didn't seem to be having any of it. Even wearing nothing but tight jeans and with drenching wet hair, he still managed to put off a menacing air. Sanzo was bad ass and he knew it. "So, are you going to explain or am I going to shoot it out of you?" he demanded with nothing but cold arrogance.

Gojyo took a languid drag of nicotine and blew it in the monk's general direction, his eyes narrowing. "What can I say? I like it rough."

"Masochistic is a little more accurate."

He shrugged, keeping his eyes carefully locked with those smoldering violet orbs. He was NOT about to let Sanzo intimidate him into spilling. "When has that ever gotten the third degree?" he countered. Sha Gojyo was not a masochist, despite what the bastard monk claimed. However, if Sanzo _really_ wanted to go there... He tossed his most sexually charged smile at the blonde and looked him up and down like he was covered over in caramel sauce and needed a good tongue-cleaning. The reaction he got was absolutely priceless. Sanzo's back stiffened noticeably and his fists clenched tightly as if readying to punch Gojyo out. The glare in his eyes went from you're-gonna-talk to don't-even-think-about-it. Typical tight ass. "Unless you're asking because you're interested?" There, that should kill any conversation between them for a while!

Sanzo leaned against the door frame to the bathroom and crossed his arms over his naked chest, one dark golden brow arching contemptuously. "Fucking pervert. You're wearing thin on what little patience I have left for you. Answer me honestly, or I start shooting off body parts. Is Hakkai losing it?"

_Yes._

"Nope. Just got a little drunk, that's all," he lied, hoping the blonde would just leave it at that. Normally any talk concerning his social life ended with a disgusted snarl and Sanzo clamming up. Too bad that tactic didn't work this time around. Hakkai didn't want Sanzo to know, and that was how it was gonna stay. While he didn't agree with this, he wasn't going to argue with his friend. Besides, he felt it was only fair to give Hakkai time to control it on his own before that gun-toting, homicidal asshole took matters into his own hands.

It was obvious from the narrowed eyes that Sanzo didn't believe a word of it. Too fucking bad for him! He didn't owe him jack shit. He stubbed out his cigarette and stood, stretching his arms up over his head and arching his back enough for the pops to ripple up his spine. "Hakkai's fine."

"Keep the lying for your poker game, bastard," he muttered before stalking over to where his robe and leather were stretched out on his own bed.

Gojyo flicked him off behind his back and grabbed his shirt off of the chair where he'd flung it after playing Maid Service last night. "I'm gonna go out for an hour or so. We're leaving at noon, right?"

"Be there _at _noon or we leave without you."

"Aww… and here I thought we'd just bonded." Gojyo grinned as he shut the door to the room, enjoying the sound of grinding teeth and inarticulate growling from behind the door. Well, _that_ did wonders to improve his mood. Nothing better than priest baiting to cheer a guy up! He pushed the door to the inn open and stepped out into the bright morning light, tucking his hands in his pockets as he walked. He'd just have to trust that Hakkai could hold it together until this mission was over, he thought even as his eyes scanned over potential lunch dates. Hakkai could do this. Or, at least he was hoping so. If not, there was only one way he could see all this getting played out. Sanzo would kill Hakkai for going berserk. And he... well, he wasn't entirely sure what he would do to the monk if that happened. Gojyo sighed, his gut sinking dismally into his shoes. Gods, he hoped it didn't come that.

----------

Hakkai paused, closing his eyes when that laughing voice so much like his own sounded cruelly from over his shoulder. The normal routine of camping went on around him, almost completely unnoticed as his attention was focused primarily on _not_ focusing on the eyes drilling into the back of his head. Violet eyes, as cold as ice and sharper than any blade, regarded him intently behind the pretence of reading a four-day-old newspaper. He could feel the accusation and suspicion all the way across the clearing. It made the sweat along his spine run cold. Sanzo suspected something was wrong, and he wasn't ashamed to admit that it terrified him. He wasn't afraid to die. He deserved it several times over, but he didn't want to die at the end of a gun. He refused to die like a hunted animal. He was better than that.

_"Are you really better than that? Murderer_," his other self mocked.

He ignored it, teeth clamping together tightly as he stirred the pot more rapidly. The hiss of fluid hitting the fire from the soup slopping over the sides was sharp enough to make him jump and cause more of that wicked laughter in the back of his mind. That twisted his gut up tightly, pulling on the scarred tissue sharp enough he almost dropped the soup ladle to clutch it. He shook his head, ignoring the dizziness that accompanied the motion as the headache flared up harder and hotter than before. Ever since the night prior, that voice had become more insistant and more steady. It was driving him mad to listen to it's slyly suggested whispers during the night, or it's constant mocking during the day. It was like breaking the mirror at the inn had released it more somehow into his conscious thoughts, like a crack in the wall of a dam. It was secure for now, but that little chink would spell disaster soon enough.

_"Or freedom. Ever think about it like that?"_

God, why wouldn't he just shut up? He didn't respond to this and instead concentrated on scraping the bottom of the pot to keep the thick broth from sticking and burning over the open flame. Gojyo and Goku continued to argue over setting the tent up. It was the same argument they'd had ever since this journey west began. Both of them should know by now how to assemble a tent. It wasn't exactly the hardest thing... He quickly cut off that train of thought as the anger began to ball inside his chest, awaiting the moment he would simply let it explode out. His eyes looked up as pale fabric caught his eye, looking up the ivory silk to Sanzo's profile. The sunset catching through golden strands of hair was momentarily blinding as the monk resettled himself out of the glaring light to read better.

_"His skin is so soft. You already know how warm it is, how nicely it carries bruises. Don't you think he'd look beautiful bearing cuts made by your own claws down each cheek? Others have tried it before, why not you? Wouldn't it be worht the risk of death to watch him glare at you from the ground? All that deep color against his paleness..."_

He shivered, shoulders folding down over themselves as he fought that image from his head. Sanzo, curled around himself and trying to hold his entrails in place while choking for breath and casting him defiant glares from between sweat-dampened strands of pale gold was... God, he didn't need to think about that. His eyes wandered over to Goku as the boy loudly declared he was going to get some water. Wide, happy golden eyes, much darker than the monk's hair. Deep, chocolate brown pieces of hair that refused to sit nicely in place. It took on a near-black color when blood soaked, and the only time those eyes weren't wide open were when they were swollen shut from injuries.

_"His skin's more firm than the monk's. Less pliant. It'll be harder to cut through, but worth it in the end. You know he'll cry out. You know he'll whimper and make all kinds of delightful little sounds as you bite into throat. His heart will race faster and faster as you..."_

"Stop it," he hissed out, carefully keeping his voice down so the others wouldn't notice. After all, he was technically talking to himself. He knew he shouldn't acknowledge that presence, but he couldn't stand listening to it any longer.

He could almost see the slow curve of lips inside his head as the pleased vibe coursed through his veins. It was happy it now had his attention. Hakkai fought it as it directed his gaze lastly to Gojyo. Gojyo, who was trying to help him. His friend. Gojyo, with his streaming crimson hair, just this side too pale to look exactly like blood. His eyes though... they were exact. Gleaming mischievously as he taunted the monk, he couldn't help watch those eyes.

_"You could always make him cry tears of crimson. Small cuts beneath the eyes, running down tanned cheeks to become lost in the richness of his long hair. Gojyo wouldn't fight you on this. He'd let you hurt him. He's perfect. You could chase those precious drops as they race down his skin with your tongue, taste the saltiness of true tears intermingled with the tang you crave. Why, you could even give him a matching scar if you-,"_

"Stop it! Just stop!"

It burst out of him before he could stop it, hands shaking as the ladle dropped into the pot with a dull clank. Hakkai felt the icy sweat slip down his cheek and get caught in the high collar or his tunic. Two pairs of eyes regarded him intently as he stood on shaky legs and left the fire pit.

"Hakkai?" Gojyo asked. He didn't need to see the red-head's face to hear the heart-felt concern in his voice.

Hakkai didn't respond as his name was repeated again, this time clearly saying to hold up and wait. He couldn't wait. If he stayed there in this condition, God only knew what he'd do. The limiters along his ear prickled sharply, reminding him as always that they were still present. What good were they if they didn't keep him sane, he thought bitterly, the fingers of his left hand absently reaching up to touch the warm metal. The sting spread to his fingertips and did a little to push through the irritated growl of that insinuating voice that was still whispering for him to go back and spill the blood of those he cared for. It helped to speed up his pace through the slowly darkening forest and away from those tempting pulses he could swear were pounding in discordant rhythme in his ears. He'd always been aware of the beating hearts, but he'd never actually heard them like he could now. Goku's switching from steady to wild as his mood suited him. Gojyo's strong and fast, a perfect counterpoint the to steady smootheness of Sanzo's. His own pulse was stabbing hard into his ribs, contracting and releasing in time with his heavy, ragged breaths.

There was nowhere to hide out here, even amongst all the trees. Hakkai circled wildly, eyes wide and the sweat chilling as the sun began to descend faster in the sky, throwing ink black shadows long across the bracken and dead leaves. And that voice... it wouldn't stop!

_"Coward. Running away from what you want. You killed a thousand demons for your prize, what's stopping you from taking it when it's within your reach now?"_

"Shut up!" He'd stopped spinning, but the forest continued to arc and swirl madly, causing the pain in his head to explode behind his eyes in a blinding wash of white hot flashes. A groan tore up from his stomach and through his chest as he fell to his knees, hands connecting the the sharp jabs of broken twigs and the soft, wet squish of damp earth and rotting decay. He dug his fingers into that coolness and whimpered as that voice continued to slash at him.

_"We both want this. Stop denying it and indulge in this one little pleasure. You don't have to kill them to taste them."_

"Shut UP!" His hands covered his ears as if that would stop the voice, his fingers curling around his short hair and tugging hard enough that it brought pained tears to his tightly shut eyes. If God had any mercy, He would kill him now. His entire body shook and his shirt was near soaked with sweat as he struggled the urge and the visions that voice kept conjuring. Sanzo still struggling in the very end to fight the inevitable. Goku's betrayed eyes before they flashed wide in agony. Gojyo's willing resignation as the blood pooled and cooled around him. He needed to stop those thoughts right now.

_"Don't tell me to shut up! You know everything I say is true. You are a murderer, Cho Hakkai. You're a sinner. You're a youkai. And there are two things in common for all three identities; pain and blood. It's your fate to bring those to others and relish in the results."_

"No!"

_"This isn't something you can fight and win. This isn't a tangeable enemy to die from a blast of chi energy. This is yourself you're fighting. I AM yourself, and I'm sick of being locked away. Let me out and I promise to fulfill these lusts for you."_

"I don't want you to! Just leave me alone!"

"Hakkai, who're you talking to?"

Hakkai jumped and fell over himself at Gojyo's startled inquiry. The halfbreed stood behind him with the most puzzled expression on his face, an arm full of fire wood tucked against his chest. He knew without a doubt that he couldn't stand up just yet, his body was shaking that badly. Slowly, he raised a visibly unsteady hand and wiped the sweat from his brow, taking one shallow, gulping breath after another. It was Gojyo. He knew what was going on for the most part.

Wood dropping alerted him to movement shortly before warm, calloused fingers gripped his chin hard and forced him to meet crimson orbs full of intense worry. Gojyo's lips were set in a thin line as they stared at each other from a short distance apart. Whatever he saw in Hakkai's eyes obviously scared him nearly speechless. "You listen to me," Gojyo said quietly and with something very close to anger in his voice. "I didn't haul your ass through the rain and mud, bleeding your guts out all over me, just to have you break down on me now. You're stronger than this, Hakkai. I know you are. So get your shit together before that fucking monk starts to catch on. I'm not gonna sit back and watch his sadistic ass take care of this _his_ way, not when I know you can handle this yourself."

"G-Gojyo... I don't think..." He shook his head, sagging into the warm arms that circled him tightly and inhaling the familiar smells of Gojyo; old cigarettes, fresh beer and that warm scent that was only him. That helped more than anything to silence the purring voice telling him to reopen those scars on Gojyo's cheek. This was familiar and more dear to him than anything. Gojyo was safety and reassurance. He let out a slow, controled breath and allowed Gojyo to hold him tightly just a little longer before he pushed back, hanging his head weakly.

"What if I can't, Gojyo?"

"Shut the fuck up. You can, and I'll do whatever I can to help. Look, you think you're ready to go back now? Old droopy eyes might start to think we're off fucking in the woods and get jealous enough to come see for himself."

Hakkai let a startled chuckle burst from him, relieved as the steady migraine receded just enough to allow that simple action to occur. He waved away Gojyo's hand as the red-head stood and offered assistance, pushing to his feet on his own slowly. "I never did thank you for what you did last night," he said softly as they began to walk back.

Gojyo flashed his usual rakish grin, flicking his hair over his shoulders in a completely natural flirty gesture. "Yeah, well, the way I figure it, you've hauled my ass through the rain and mud, puking all over you, plenty enough times. It's about time I return the favor," he replied, mocking his own words from just a few minutes ago.

He smiled in answer and let the warmth seep into his eyes as best it could so that it was a true smile, and not that hollow facade that paraded around as one. He swore to himself right then that, no matter what happened, he wouldn't harm Gojyo. He would kill himself before ever doing that.

The voice, however, laughed it's disagreement of this shallow promise.

----------

Goku dropped the two heavy canteens by their packs, frowning when he saw Sanzo kneeling on the ground in their camp sight in front of a smooth, flat rock. His back was to him, but it looked like the blonde was writing something if the small movements of his right hand were any indication. Sanzo was writing something? What was he writing? Goku walked up behind the kneeling form and peered over his shoulder at the rock surface. It wasn't until he got closer that he felt the cool little brushes of power in the air around Sanzo. It felt a little like when the Maten Sutra was being used, but not nearly as strong or intense.

Thin strips of paper, wrapped neatly in those strips of paper used to hold money together, sat to one side with an open ink well and Sanzo's cigarettes. Smoke hit his nose the same time as the bitter dark ink did and made it twitch a little at two harsh smells in one go. Sanzo knew he was there but continued on with what he was doing as if Goku didn't exist. Goku leaned down further when he caught sight of the neatly painted script. "Hey... what're you doin'?" he asked.

"What's it look like, monkey?" Sanzo muttered around the filter between his lips, causing the cherry red end to bob with the movement. He stopped writing for a second, checking his work, before adding a final touch to one of the characters and setting it aside to dry as he pulled another one free from the wrapper.

"It looks like those tantras you stuck all over me when we went after Kami-Sama," he replied with just a little bit of bitterness. It'd taken him forever to get those stupid things off! "What're they for? There's not a barrier anywhere around here."

Sanzo stopped, ashed to the side, and returned to what he was doing calmly. "Keep an eye out for the other two morons while I finish this."

"But Sanzo, what's it for?" Goku demanded. He thought he knew, but he didn't want to say it and be wrong completely. He'd caught that smell of death and darkness as he was gathering water and knew that Hakkai was in scary mode again. He'd been in it last night, too, judging from the lingering traces of that same scent as well as the busted up bathroom. He didn't care what Gojyo said about it being because he got rough with some girl, he knew it had something to do with Hakkai. Gojyo lying wasn't unexpected. Gojyo lying about something THIS important wasn't cool at all.

"Never hurts to be prepared."

"Prepared for what? I don't get what you're sayin'!"

Sanzo stopped writing, pulling the cigarette from his mouth with a final exhale of pale smoke. The firelight cast his face and hair a deep golden, sparking in eyes gone dark with shadows. He ground the butt into the dirt before meeting Goku's gaze steadily. The words weren't necessary for him to understand with that one look what Sanzo intended the spells for. "For when it all goes to hell in a handbasket, that's what."

Goku nodded numbly before he mumbled an excuse about checking on Hakuryuu. He knew what those tantra were for now. It was in case Hakkai went scary and didn't turn back. He glanced over his shoulder as he knelt under the tree where the dragon was curled up, his heart sinking a little as he continued to watch his guardian prepare for the very worst. He hoped the tantras worked, he really did. Sanzo didn't know how very scary Hakkai could get, and he didn't want to be forced into the middle between the two of them. For the very first time ever that he could remember, he wasn't sure he'd have the courage to protect Sanzo no matter who was trying to kill him. He'd face crazy gods, crazy people who thought they were gods, powerful youkai. But he wasn't sure he could face Hakkai and win. And that scared him more than anything else right then. He wasn't sure if it came down to it if he really could kill Hakkai to protect Sanzo. Sanzo was everything to him... but Hakkai was a very good friend, and deep down he knew Hakkai would never hurt any of them on purpose. How was he supposed to stand against him knowing that he would possibly kill a good person?

Shivering, Goku scooped the sleeping dragon into his arms, ignoring the hissing protest. He knew Hakuryuu would settle quickly enough again, but right then he really needed some kind of comfort, and it didn't look like he'd be getting it from Sanzo tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

Hakkai forced the smile to remain fixed even though it was starting to strain his cheeks just to maintain it. He'd never had a problem sharing a room with Sanzo before, so he couldn't very well let on he had one now. Gojyo, bless him, had put up quite a struggle over the rooming arrangement, but Sanzo was oh-so-persistant. Meaning, in short, a round of bullets later and Gojyo gave him the 'good luck' look and followed Goku up the stairs while grumbling.

He placed his bag on the bed and took the opportunity of Sanzo being focused on unpacking for the night to squeeze his eyes shut against the near-blinding pain in his head. Ever since he'd acknowledged that voice two days prior, it seemed to be taking on a life of it's own inside his body. His dreams (nightmares would be a little mroe accurate) had become dark and blood soaked. Mostly, they were memories of his sins but they were now tainted with an indescribable thrill that had him awake and crawling across the tent toward his companions before he'd realized what he was doing. The last time had been the worst. He'd snapped out of his thrall right as he was running his fingers through Goku's hair and wondering how much effort it would really take to make the boy cry.

The voice growled angrily at the reminder, sending stabbing flashes of mournful regret and seething bitterness through him. "_He would have been bleeding before the others could have aided him."_

Hakkai struggled not to vocalize his demand for silence, teeth clenching hard enough it sent stabs of pain up to his already aching eyes. The voice snarled wordlessly and with such burning venom that it twisted his gut hard. He swallowed back the little groan that was struggling to surface with that extra presence inside him. Whatever it was, whether it was the Minus Wave or his own slide into madness, it was starting to try and exert control over various body functions.

Like his hearing. The voice was purring encouragingly for him to listen to the firmness of Sanzo's beating heart. He closed his eyes in an attempt to escape only to have even his blacked out vision invaded by images of a wet, pulsing heart. So wet and warm, tender flesh beating strongly in his hand. He would hold it carefully, like cupping the cheek of a tender lover, so as not to disrupt it's movements. A pale pink color edging steadily toward red as the air hit the blood and forced it to oxidize. He could see slippery grey-blue veins and deep crimson arteries attaching it to the gaping hole and glistening cracked ribs where it was formerly encaged. A shuddering breath, almost a sigh, escaped him as sweat coated his skin and made his shirt damp.

_"It's beautiful isn't it? To think that life is maintained through the simple rhythme of contract and release. Over and over again, in an endless symphony of percussion. He's human. Weak. It would take nothing more than a sharp punch to the chest to weaken the bones, and this glorious thing would be yours. You could hold it, watch it struggle to keep him alive, before crushing it slowly between your fingers. Even he would beg for death under these circumstances."_

No... Sanzo would never beg, not of anyone. The voice had no idea what it was talking about. He needed a distraction from the surge of adrenaline and need swimming through his body. He needed to stop seeing his current room mate as nothing more than pulse and blood. He needed... Hakkai's hearing picked up on another sound, one distinct and cutting sharply through those luscious pulses that filled his entire head. It startled him when he realized the headache had changed it's own tempo to match Sanzo's heart beat, a fact he noticed only after that sharp, contrasting sound invaded and broke the beat up. He very nearly let out an angry growl at the rude interuption to his private symphony. That sharp rustling noise, a crisp snap like...

A newsaper.

Cigarette smoke worked it's way into his nose, repulsing both of them at once. Even the voice didn't care for the smell of tobacco, but where once Hakkai would have found it invasive of his senses, he now clung to that distaste as a way of separating himself from the voice trying to flood his consciousness. He could almost see the disgusted curl of lip at the bitter, stinging reek coming from behind him. He sucked that acrid smoke into his nose greedily, for once glad of the stench. The voice growled in protest, it's heavy presence in his mind radiating disapproval for the monk's habit rather than a lust for that same monk's blood. Hakkai was never more grateful for that one similarity he and the voice shared than he was at that moment.

_"We agree on more than that, Cho Hakkai. Why won't you admit it?"_ the voice whispered. He could almost swear he heard it like it was it's own person, standing pressed close to his back, whispering these evil things in his ear. It continued to whisper to him, fluttering from one side to the other and so butterfly soft it almost felt as if there wasn't another voice at all. It was just him, on his own. His own fleeting thoughts of pale, blood slicked skin and violet eyes that slowly faded from passionately enraged to empty and sparkless. His own mind whispering how they were alone in the room. No one to intervene or stop the process once it was started. No one to forcefully wrench him away from his prize. It was just him and...

Genjyo Sanzo. The man who had given him this new life. Hakkai blinked, sweaty skin going ice cold when he realized he had somehow come to stand behind Sanzo's chair. The monk seemed oblivious to the movement, robes already draped around narrow hips to expose sleek, fimr flesh wrapped in soft black leather. The paper rustled noisily as long fingers turned the page before one hand dropped the greyish sheets and reached for the cigarette burning idly in the ash tray at his elbow. Hakkai watched the languid motion of that hand bringing the burning white stick to thin lips, saw the tip flare brighter as that horrid smoke was sucked down into a narrow chest and held captive for ten seconds... twenty... and then released slowly to curl away in the early evening light coming from the window.

"Well, are you just going to stand there or are you going to say something?"

The question made Hakkai flinch and the voice muttered darkly about silencing imperious tones. He swallowed hard, hands shaking a little as he crammed them into his pocket to keep from acting futher on the voice's suggestions. He didn't want to feel the muscles in Sanzo's neck strain under his fingers. He didn't want to see the smooth, ivory skin turn mottled and purple from lack of oxygen.

Slowly drawing in a breath that rattled ever so slightly between his lips, he said quietly, "I... I was wondering if you would mind... if I used the shower first." Hakkai closed his eyes briefly before quickly fixing his friendly smile across his face. It wasn't the most brilliant of responses, but it was what he'd stuttered out so he would have to make do with it.

Sanzo turned the pages of the paper again, and all Hakkai could think about was having those deceptively delicate looking fingers curled around his wrists and the blunt, neatly trimmed nails digging into his own flesh to try and fight him off. It made a ripple of delight run down his spine before he could stop it. He looked down at his wrists, still covered over with the material of his shirt, and could almost swear he saw dark red half-moon shapes and long, welting scratches from the struggle already. Dear God...

The voice smiled slowly, a curve of lips that was seductive and not at all like him. _"See? I told you we were more alike than you wanted to admit,"_ it taunted him

"Do whatever you want," Sanzo said at the same time, his lower, stronger voice cutting in clearly through that whisper of temptation. Rage gnawed at the edges of Hakkai's mind, the voice expressing it's displeasure for having been so rudely cut off by the monk.

A laugh somehow managed to work it's way from him, and it sounded almost genuine enough to his own ears. Whether or not Sanzo bought the pleasant sound was another story. Like Gojyo, Sanzo had an uncanny knack for reading people. "I should have figured that would be the response," he murmured as he turned and walked toward the bathroom. His only goal right then was to remove himself and the voice away from Sanzo and somewhere alone. It wasn't safe at the moment for him to remain around such a tempting subject for the blood lust being carefully fanned inside him.

The voice snarled and whipped him over in burning rage all the way to the bathroom, making it near excruciating to draw in a breath without that fire searing his lungs. Every step was dragged out of his feet and all he could hope was that Sanzo didn't take notice of this.

"Hakkai."

Hakkai froze, hand on the doorknob and heart threatening to explode. Oh, no... "Yes?" he asked, relieve that the query came out relatively calm.

"Fuck up the bathroom, and I'll kill you. I want a shower that doesn't involve dry wall getting stuck between my toes."

His shoulders dropped in relief as the half-joking threat seeped through his fear. Letting a small smile curve his lips, he said, "Of course." He walked in, shutting the door and locking it carefully behind him.

As soon as the door was shut and secure, Hakkai dropped to his knees on the cold vinyl tiling of the floor and allowed the small whimper to finally have it's own voice. The other voice, the one slamming him over in anger and visions of crimson, was now screaming at him. _"You walked AWAY? You want this, just as badly as I do! Get back in there and bleed him!"_

"No," Hakkai whispered, jerking his shirt over his head roughly. It wasn't the scream of denial he wanted, but at least the refusal exerted his control over the situation. He was going to shower. He didn't want to swish Sanzo's blood around his mouth like a fine wine and discover all the hidden nuances to that taste. He didn't want to see violet eyes tighten in a pain that the man would never give voice to. What he, Cho Hakkai, wanted was to take a burning hot shower in an attempt to relax his tightly wound body.

_"And what about me?"_ the voice insisted fiercely. _"I'm you as well. What about what I need?"_

"Your needs..." Hakkai muttered, hurrying quickly by the mirror that hung over the sink while carefully averting his eyes. He knew without looking that his own bright green eyes would be glaring back at him in an uncharacteristic show of emotion.

_"Uncharacteristic for you now. When you were me, you never had to hide. It's that damned monk in the next room that forces you to wear the mask. Hurt him. Make him bleed so that you can be free. Stop pretending you're harmless and be what you are; a killer."_

"When I was you? I was never like you," he argued, his voice still low. He twisted the dull metal knobs of the shower roughly, cranking enough hot water out of grudging pipes to create a fine steam and make it hard to breathe the thick air. Just a splash of cold so that he didn't burn the skin from his bones, and it would be perfect. Hakkai sucked his breath in and held it as he crossed in front of the mirror again. He couldn't avoid glancing out of the corner of his eye to look at his other self.

The reflection was standing still, its arms crossed at the chest and shirtless just like him. He cringed when he noticed the darker skintone of vines that clearly wrapped around the entire torso and spiraled down each arm. Dear God, was that really what he looked like without his limiters? How...

_"Beautiful, don't you think?"_ the voice supplied. Hakkai shivered and shut his eyes in order to complete his task of getting towels for a shower. The mirror fogged up, but the reflection was strangely clear, moving through the misting air currents like it was swimming through fog. _"No other youkai has such markings in all the world. Exotic is more accurate, wouldn't you say?"_

"It disgusts me," he answered, voice a little louder now since he had the water pounding in the shower to cover it. "I know how those marks came to be."

_"Through blood and death. The blood of sinners far worse than you. They're meant to remind you of what you were and what you still are. The vines root you to the earth of your own conscience and entwine you in your own sins. Isn't that monk always preaching about self-awareness? This is yourself, just accept that and look at me. I said look!"_

The force of that presence in his mind lashed out and slammed a headach into him so hard that he had to catch himself on the dampened plastic tub surround to keep from falling completely. He fought the urge to turn and look, wincing as his muscles struggled against themselves between two opposing persons in one body. The voice was trying to cram him out of his own mind and jerk him around to meet his reflection head on. He, the one who had been in control until this point, was gritting his teeth hard and groaning with the effort it took to literally fight himself.

_"You can't ever outrun yourself, Cho Hakkai,"_ it argued, voice sounding more and more real the longer they struggled. _"I'll always be here, no matter how nice it is to pretend I'm not. This is your self speaking, your true self. Not this pathetic lap dog creation of the monk's. Why is he the one holding your leash? You're far stronger than he could ever hope to be. You have every advantage you need, and every reason in the world to break free of him. He should die for imprisoning you."_

"No! Sanzo saved me. I won't kill him!"

_"Bringing pain is a form of dying. Every new hurt, every new betrayal, is a little death to that person. All you need to do is watch his eyes tighten in pain once. That's all it will take to satisfy the need inside. Dominate him, feel him struggle to break your hold on his wrists, before biting him somewhere of your choosing. His neck... or perhaps his belly. Imagine how delicious it will feel in your mouth, all that soft flesh quivering as the knowledge that you intend to make him bleed sinks in. You'll hold it carefully between your teeth for just a moment..."_

"STOP!" Hakkai winced as the shout broke from him. He jerked fully to his feet, unaware of when he'd slipped to his knees, and finished undressing with sharp, mechanical movements. A shower. That was what he wanted. And after he was clean... he was going to try and sleep. This inner turmoil was starting to break him down physically now. If he didn't get some relief from it, he would snap for certain.

The voice growled its displeasure, but eased back enough so that he could see as clearly as was physically possible for him. After all, it was in it's best interests as well that he remain physically in shape. Hakkai took a steady, long breath into lungs so sore from panting they felt ready to quit on him, and repeated the process once more before stepping into the still steaming water. It slapped against his skin like burning strokes from a whip, the sprays lashing around his back and thighs in an endless sting. He let out a grateful sigh and leaned forward to press his hands against the slightly cooler plastic surround, tipping his head forward so the hot streams beat against his neck and scalp.

Water dripped across his closed eyelids from his hair, carving a path down his skin in soothing lines before coming to a trembling halt at his jaw or clinging desperately to the end of his nose. This only lasted for a moment before they plummeted to the basin below and were swallowed up by the dark, greedy mouth of the drain. The voice remained silent and unobtrusive, lingering in the background patiently for him to finish his shower. He knew the respite from it's constant temptation of blood was being offered just this one time. It would be back soon enough, and just as voracious as ever. He had to savor the silence in his mind for as long as it would last.

Hakkai squirted a small amount of shampoo in his hand and began to lather it into his wet hair slowly while the water did its job to ease his tense back and shoulders. The burning was now a pleasant warmth that seeped deep into his skin and chased back even the throbbing headache that remained behind his eyes. It felt good. No, better than good. It was a catharsis of its own kind, giving him the blessed relief from what he'd been enduring and allowing him the opportunity to be himself again, if only for a little while.

What was going on with him? He stuck his head back into the stead stream, spluttering water from his mouth as it came bringing a chaser of shampoo. The suds moved down his skin more slowly than the water and leaving a slick trail behind before the water tried to force it down the drain with everything else. The blood cravings were in line with the effects of the Minus Wave, but everything else wasn't the same. The voice, the feeling that someone was sharing his skin and trying to break free... those weren't side effects as far as he'd heard. Besides that, he was limiting his youkai powers. If it was the Minus Wave, wouldn't Goku be effected by it, too? Goku remained as cheerful as ever while he barely staved off the urge to slit the boy's stomach open and revel in the warm contents.

Shivering in the fierce heat, Hakkai worked the conditioner through his hair before lathering soap across a wash cloth to scrub his skin with. He scrubbed hard enough that it actually hurt, scraping the soapy cloth across his skin until he wasn't sure if it was pink from the shower or the removal of flesh. The voice inside seemed to perk it's attention to the pain before settling back again without a single comment. It was behaving itself, giving him the illusion of peace in exchange for violence. He almost wanted to thank it for that... except that might encourage it to try this tactic of compromise again. A moment of complete silence for a taste of blood. Hakkai wasn't desperate enough for relief to succomb to bribary, especially when he was in a sense bribing himself.

It was getting hader and harder not to think of the voice as it's own distinct person, a fact that was only slightly more comforting than it being himself. Maybe he'd picked up a parasite youkai along the way... or maybe he was telling himself that because the truth was enough to make him want to die again. Even in his dreams he wasn't safe anymore. He'd wake up in the morning and wonder when they'd left the inn to camp outside, only to realize they'd been camping from the very start. The line between physical reality and what his thoughts created was beyond blurred now. It was so far behind him he couldn't see it if he tried. The pressure was definately taking its toll on him, so badly that he almost wanted to just let go and allow the voice to take over completely. Between driving, cooking, cleaning and trying to referee for their group, fighting off his own inner demon was just that last bit too much for him to take, he was afraid.

_"It would be easier if you'd just allow a simple splash of blood to coat your tongue every once in a while,"_ the voice suggested in only mildly frigid tones. It was angry with him still, but controling it for his sake. It seemed that the voice understood how dangerously close to a bodily break down he was from the strain.

Hakkai swallowed hard and turned the cold water off completely. He was wasting the hot water, he knew, and Sanzo was going to be more than a little irritated by that. He wasn't ready to step from the comfor the heat brought though, not quite yet. Whether it was simply the voice being compliant for a change or the extraordinary heat, this was the most in-control he'd felt for many days now. He almost could imagine that he held the reins again.

As if to obliterate this false sense of hope completely, the voice slammed back into his head full force, bringing him hard to his knees in the tub with a barely contained cry of pain. His skin began to itch and burn in a deliberate pattern, one he knew too well. Slowly, he managed to open his eyes to slits, vision blurred from the overly loud pounding of water around him. A broken cry strangled from him as he quickly shut his eyes again, horrified to see the faint tracery of vines trying to surface through his skin. God, no... please, not that...

_"You think you control this?"_ the voice screamed at him, so sharp and brittle it dragged a whimper of pain out of him and made his ears ache. _"If you control this, then why am I still here? Answer me!"_ Another body twisting burst of agony wrenched through him, shooting along his spine and twisting his gut so hard that he couldn't support his own wait and fell to the tub, crying and screaming now without a care that someone could hear. It continued to pulse and pound against his body, arching his back high off the tub before slamming it down again with jarring force.

His teeth ground together hard as he fought to keep his jaw locked and save his tongue from possibly being snapped off. The two warring forces, one trying to still the body while the other jerked it into motion, was a pain unlike any he'd experienced in years. Bruises and little scrapes began to break across his tender skin as he thrashed sporadically in the tub, the water continuing to spill around him. His heart... was it beating? He could barely tell anymore. Every so often a particularly sharp jab alerted him to it's movement before it disappeared in a wild bucking of his body. It was too much. If he didn't do something now, he was going to die, he could feel it.

"Stop... please just... stop," he begged, curling up as best he could into a shaking ball of twitching muscles and raking sobs. "You're killing me!"

The voice eased back enough for him to struggle to his knees, slipping a number of times as his body still quaked from the immense strain. Hiccuping breaths, shallow and almost insufficient, burst from him as he gazed down at his smooth, unflawed hands. No more markings, but that meant nothing. The blood lust... to say it consumed him was mild. All he could hear now was his own heart's rapid, uneven beats, the jagged burst of blood being forced through strained vessles. He couldn't deny it anymore, and he could no longer blame it entirely on the voice. It was sitting back, watching him through narrowed, predatory eyes. It was waiting for him to make the first move, whether it be to fight further or submit to it's demands to appease the blinding lust.

God, he wanted it. He wanted it so badly that it tore a moan from him, one filled with an aching desire. He remembered that first real taste not so long ago, how it had simply rolled and played with his tongue like the tongue of a lover inside his mouth. He had to have that feeling again. It would silence the voice and ease the headache. A small bit of chi, held steadily along his arm, would free it. It wouldn't take a lot of effort on his part, and then... the glory of it. That rich, intoxicating scent of metal and life entwined together. The pooling of thick red that would last for only half a second before the water whisked it away. It would thin and turn rusty in color, marred by the clear smoothness of water.

Unless he caught it in the warmth of his mouth. Caught it and held it there, savoring that rich texture that was not unlike a thick, dark chocolate cake. Almost too rich for the palate, but so addicting it was impossible to stop swallowing it. It was a taste to linger long after the first bite and would drive the gluttonous need for more into overdrive. And all it would take was one little gash along his wrist before he could satiate this craving.

Lips parted, eyes half closed and unfocused in the throes of lust. His breathing, while still shallow, was steady as he lifted his left wrist up, staring at the neat, pale scars lined there. So old now, just a slightly different shade than his natural coloring. His eyes searched and found the one that was more raised than the others. It had been his favorite long ago, reopened over and over again just because of where it was located. It intersected two veins along his forearm, nowhere near being lethal but situated in just the right spot for a good amount of blood. Memories from those dark, bad times replayed in little dizzying flashes. Even back then, he'd been fighting the demons inside him. How ironic he would become one himself and _still_ continue the fruitless battle. His right hand tingled with the delicate ball of chi he held, no bigger than a marble and just enough to do the job needed. It had always been opened before with a blade. Now, he would use his main weapon to do the necessary act. A new method for a new craving.

Slowly, Hakkai moved his right hand so it hovered over his arm, hesitating in tipping that palm over onto his own skin. The voice waited anxiously for him to do it, pacing back and forth with an eager little smile upturning it's cheeks. He'd done it before. He could do it now, and this time it wouldn't be for his own destruction. He would be doing it to keep his friends safe. Harming himself would keep the blood lust at bay and under control. It wanted blood and, while he knew his blood would never be what it truly wanted, it was the best his could offer it. All he had to do was reverse his palm...

Another memory surfaced, one that made his breathing stop completely and his heart skip a couple beats. _"Dude... don't ever do that shit again. You've got enough scars from other people. You don't need to give yourself more. Promise me right this fucking second you won't ever go that way again. Those closed up with the past and should stay closed, got it?"_ Gojyo... he'd promised Gojyo he;d never open those old scars again. He'd promised...

The blood lust fought back against that nagging guilt, telling him it was okay to do this since it would ultimately save the others from slaking his thirst. It argued this was the more humane method of staying sane. It tried to reason with him by saying Gojyo would understand. He knew better than that. He knew no matter how he tried to explain it, Gojyo would only see it as him hurting himself again. It was the one thing he'd ever asked of Hakkai... he couldn't break that promise. The chi ball wavered and faded out, his hands dropping completely to the tub. He couldn't do it, not even for his own sake. He'd promised Gojyo that he wouldn't ever go that path again. And nothing, not even his own insanity, would make him do that.

He fumbled behind himself and shut the frigid shower off, but couldn't stand for several minutes after that. The voice was strangely quiet, unmoving in his mind but ever watchful of him. What it was feeling he couldn't begin to guess, but it left him alone for now. His head was ready to explode from the pressure, and the blood lust still tormented him however. Slowly, he stood and used the shower to support his wobbly legs. Half stumbling, half falling from the shower, Hakkai dried his face off with one of the towels before moving it over the rest of his body. He'd almost done it. He'd been mere inches away from cracking and giving in to the urges. It was still a very real possibility that he might, but not from intentionally cutting himself. His eyes drifted down to the scars again, this time with disgust. He'd been so blinded by his own selfish needs that he'd almost broken a promise made to the two people he loved most in the world.

It wouldn't happen again.

There had to be another way around this, he reasoned numbly as he wrapped a towel around his waist. No blood from his friends, no wounds inflicted on himself. The lust still pooled it's demanding warmth in his stomach but it was controled. For now. Who truly knew when it would uncurl itself inside him and demand a tribute? Hakkai slipped on clean pajamas and fell on his bed, unaware that the room was completely empty of his would-be sleeping partner.

----------

Sanzo lowered the paper when the clearly shouted 'stop' came from the bathroom. The tension in his body increased as the hairs on his neck stood at attention. Something dark was permeating the air, seeping in and coating everything with a decided malicious flavor. Shit... fucking, _fucking_ shit! What felt like hot needles dancing along his skin made him squirm uncomfortably in his chair Slowly, he stood, dropping his paper and his glasses to the table in favor of one gun and five bullets.

He crossed the room carefully, each step closer to the bathroom door increasing the pin-prickling wash of power until it was a steady heat pulsating around him. Faint traces of Hakkai were intermingled with this new aura. Sanzo pressed his back to one side of the door, gun at the ready, and listened.

_"_You think you control this? If you control this, then why am I still here? Answer me!"

"Stop... please just... stop! You're killing me!"

Sanzo frowned harder at the odd conversation. It was definately Hakkai's voice talking, but it was like two different people were using his voice. The second was more like the Hakkai they knew while the second... The second sounded like he needed a bullet between the eyes, and fast. It sounded like someone who would do extreme bodily damage while smiling it's goddamn head off.

Silence followed this, spanning so long that his body began to cramp uncomfortably at the tension. Sanzo still remained at the door, ignoring the tightening in his arm as he held the gun. He had two options here; one, he could lower the gun and hope to hell the Hakkai who stepped out of there was the second one. Or, two, he could burst in, shoot the bastard dead and thus eliminate any future complication before it got out of hand. Either way, he couldn't just stand there all fucking day with a loaded gun and nothing to shoot. It was impossible... and he probably would look stupid doing it. Slowly, Sanzo lowered the gun and reached out for the door knob at the same time.

The door burst inward just in time to nearly scare the piss out of him. Snarling, he whipped the gun around on the assholes barging in, uncaring that he was met with big, stupid golden eyes and even stupider crimson ones.

"What the fuck do you want?" he asked, his words clipped and harsh even to his own ears. As if he cared, really, what his tone was like. Those dumb bastards needed to learn their fists were for more than cramming up their own asses. They were good for certain polite things. Like knocking on a fucking door.

"Shit, Sanzo, lower the piece already," Gojyo snapped, giving him a decidedly unfriendly look. It did little to intimidate the monk. The kappa needed bigger nads to stand up to him. "It's time to feed your stomach."

"I'm not hungry."

"I meant the monkey, dickwad. Plus, you owe me fourty bucks for feeding his ass."

Sanzo clicked the safety off and leveled it solely at Gojyo's head. "Like hell I owe you! You spent it on him, therefore it's your own goddamn fault you're too piss poor to buy a date."

"BUY a date? ME? Why, you cocksucking-,"

A thud stopped the red-head mid insult as both turned with slightly surprised expression toward the source of the racket. Goku was sprawled across the floor, eyes dull and drool hanging from his lip. He looked for all the world like he'd just been clubbed on the head. Which, as a weakly groaned, "huuuuuungry... so huuuuungry," issued from the boy's chest, was not a bad idea at all.

A couple quick flicks of his wrist had Goku howling in pain from a paper fan beating like none other before it. "OW! That one really hurt!"

"Stop acting like a complete moron and you won't get hit," Sanzo shouted, giving the kid still sprawled on the floor a sharp dig with his boot. "Up! Get the fuck up now or stay here and starve to death!"

"S-Starve to death? But... but that's gotta be illegal or somethin'," Goku whimpered, quickly pushing to his feet to chase after Sanzo.

"Rules were made to be broken, chimp. If it weren't for the fact you'd whine the entire time, I'd almost pay good money to watch you starve to death."

"Sanzo... that's so mean!"

Sanzo paused at the top of the steps, looking back over his shoulder as Gojyo remained in the room. The kappa was staring at the bathroom door intently and with what he'd almost say was a thoughtful look on his face. Too bad he knew the wheel wasn't turning upstairs due to the hamster dying a while ago. "Gojyo."

Gojyo blinked, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. He turned and reluctantly left the room, shutting the door behind himself. "You still owe me fourty dollars, tight ass," he muttered.

_WHACK!_

The resulting thud down most of the steps followed by a string of incoherent gurgling sounds from the taller man did wonders to relieve the lingering tension in his body. He'd have to remember to use the fan more often when going down a staircase.

----------

Unknown to any of them, a little fly with big, multi faceted blue eyes rested it's busy wings on the ledge of the window in the bathroom. It would have taken hearing more acute than any youkai possessed to catch the light whirring of mechanics or the delicate working of perfectly engineered joints. Such perfectly made craftsmanship was something only a genius could fathom.

And Dr. Nii Jianyi was most definately a genius. He slouched further in the ratty chair at the computer and took a languid drag from his cigarette. The chair was so battered that duct tape had been cleverly used to keep the stuffing in place. It creaked rhythmically as he rocked it back and forth, back and forth, smile spreading at the sharp slap of a clip board meeting the surface of a desk. She had to be on the rag if that was all it took to annoy her.

"Is it absolutely necessary to make that racket?" Dr. Hwang snarled.

"You're pretty noisy yourself... or so rumor has it," he replied, wishing briefly that his little bug wasn't projecting such delicious images for his viewing so he could turn around and face her. He adored the way that woman's cheeks flared up. It almost made him giggle the way she puffed up like a pissed chipmunk.

Wang cackled from the back, fingers flying over the keyboard in an endless cacaphony of sound. The old youkai was crunching figures, a always. The only time he ever really stopped work was for a chess game or to use the facilities. He was the perfect worker on his own, no fine tuning or rewiring needed. Plus, he wasn't half bad with a chess board either. The best he'd had in many a moon. Nii chewed lightly on the filter of his cigarette, clicking the mouse to zoom in on the shower.

That last game had been closer than usual, though. He would blame it on the uncomfortable gouges down his back rather than admit Wang had almost pulled one over on him. He'd ultimately won, but it had cost him his queen. No matter, the queen was disposable as far as he was concerned. He'd always played stronger with the bishop anyway.

"And Lady Koushu specifically forbade you to start any new projects yet," Hwang continued to rant, earning her an unseen eye roll. He didn't care if she wanted to kiss Lady Gyokumen Koushu's lily white ass... just so long as he got to watch.

"Mmm... she did, didn't she? Well, I guess it's a good thing I didn't start this little project." His smile returned as he watched the tiny black-and-white figure twist about in seizure like convulsions in the tub. He quickly pulled a side bar to the screen, carefully positioned so that it wouldn't cover the naked man. Vital signs were perilously close to overloading. Heart rate was alarmingly fast, brain activity sporadic. The body temperature had sky-rocketed as well. His body must be under such immensely agonize strain right now. How very lovely!

"Then what is THAT?" A well manicured nail painted a demure pink shade that churned his stomach stabbed accusingly toward the screne.

Nii shrugged, scratching his chin with an air of complete innocence. "That's a naked man in the shower. What, you've never seen one before? Ah... that's right. I almost forgot it's Lady Koushu's shower you're more interested in. Well, I have footage of that as well..." A swift click from his fingers and the image changed to one of full, pale breasts and streaming hair obviously wet from washing. He could just make out the hickey he'd left on her thigh the other night. That was why he'd been scratched up to begin with.

Hwang bristled, jaw dropping open as she struggled to find words and tear her eyes from the lust-inducing image. Nii quirked a brow tauntingly which encouraged the open mouthed gaping to continue for longer than was really necessary. If she didn't close that trap soon, he would have to find a better use for it besides catching a breeze. "You... I can't... You pig!" She stormed off, heels clicking noisily.

Nii snickered, adjusting his stuffed rabbit on his lap for better viewing as he returned to what he'd been watching before. "And this little piggy cried 'wee wee wee' all the way home," he called after her. The slamming of the laboratory door was the only response to the jibe. Usually, she was a bit more verbose than that, but she clearly wasn't in the mood to play. Flicking ash onto the lab floor, he tapped the rabbit's shoulder as if getting it's attention. "What do you think, bunny-kins? Think he's about burst?"

He twisted the rabbit's head to either side in disagreement. Just as he thought. "Well, I'm glad you concur. Wang?"

"You called?" the old man replied, eyes never once leaving the screen.

"I'm bored. Set it up." Now that everything was regrettably back to normal, he didn't have much to do anymore. Seeing as he just couldn't sit there and do nothing... chess it was. It went against everything he'd been taught, after all. Idle hands and all that other rubbish.

"If you don't like the show, change the channel. I'm still working on that last bunch of numbers you gave me."

Nii frowned and dropped his cigarette butt into Dr. Hwang's forgotten coffee mug. He could almost hear the grinding teeth now when she discovered it later. The tiny figure was getting out of the shower now. How disappointing. He'd been so certain the obvious blood lust would have won out. People with impressive strengths of will were such a drag. Letting out an irritated little huff, he turned his rabbit around and frowned thoughtfully at it. "Well... what do you think?"

"I think you should drop a dead rat in Hwang's desk again," Wang answered.

"First of all, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to bunny-kins here. Second... that's not a bad idea, but not right now. I don't want her getting too turned on, you know? The lab should remain a sterile area, after all."

Wang let out a small hoot of laughter, his fingers working more quickly than ever. "Gimme an hour to finish this garbage and we'll get a round in."

Scratching the back of his head, he returned his narrowed eyes to the screen, moving the mouse so that the little fly followed after the man into the bedroom. He'd known Gyokumen Koushu's assassins would be less than competant and would ultimately die... but he'd never imagined a more fortuitous mistake. The Sanzo party ripped to teensy little people shreds by one of their own... It was an interesting twist in things, to be certain. If there was one thing Nii loved more than chess and blowing Hwang's skirt up, it was when irony was behaving like a naughty bitch. And she certainly was a _very_ naughty girl right now!

Sighing as he stood up, he tossed the bunny in the air, catching one stuffed arm straining at the seams with his hand and tucking it under his arm. "I'm going for a walk to the soldiers' barracks."

"Oh?"

"Yep. It's about time this show got a better writer for the script." _Let's see what we can do to kick it up a notch or two_, he thought, his lips twisting up into an amused smirk. Slowly, he shuffled down the hall, whistling pleasantly as he went.

----------

AUTHOR'S NOTE: (grumbles grumpily) It's been far too long since I've written Nii. Sorry if I butchered him... I promise he'll be better next time.


	6. Chapter 6

"Prepare to die, Genjyo Sanzo!"

The Jeep came to a slow rolling stop at those fiercely shouted words from the cliff ledge above them. Gojyo sneered as he flicked the butt of his cigarette over the side. "Aw, for the love of... Don't you guys have any other pick up lines?" he shouted back up. Shaking his head, he muttered, "Un-frggin-believable! How many does this make now?"

"Twenty-three," Sanzo replied with an irritated twitch to his brow.

"Twenty-three attacks in three days? Goddamn, that's a lot!"

Goku's leap over the side caused the Jeep to rock violently, which then led to Hakkai gripping the wheel so tightly his knuckles bleached pure white. He felt a little bad about the sudden, seeing as Hakkai looked really, really sick, but he couldn't help being excited. "Man, this is awesome," he exclaimed, the easy weight of his nyoi-bo settling in his hand. He gave it a few twirls to loosen up before falling into a defensive position that just came naturally nowadays. "It's been ages since we've kicked this much ass! Bring it on!"

Sighing and giving his hair an expert flick over his shoulders, Gojyo swung his long legs over the side more sedately and summoned his shaku-jo. He leaned his weight into it, using it more as a staff for propping himself up than for a weapon at the moment. The casual, almost nonchalant stance may have fooled their enemies into thinking he wasn't taking the threat seriously, but those he traveled with knew better. Gojyo was forever battle ready. "How 'bout you ladies come down here and play?" he taunted.

"What?" the one who had initially spoken demanded. "Who you callin' ladies, pretty boy?" The reply rippled back angrily through the line of youkai, slitted eyes darkening to a new shade of ferocious. Nobody, least of all some half-breed bastard, called them ladies and lived to tell about it!

"Right, my bad. You're too damned ugly to ever pass for chicks," he fired back as he lit a cigarette and took a long, slow inhale. Sly crimson eyes knowingly waited for the anger to predictably boil over.

"Why you... GET 'EM!" Wordless growls and shouts designed to instill fear in those they were attacking erupted as they began to descend the cliff, running for the targeted foursome.

Sanzo finally stood up, glaring at the chuckling kappa with an even mixture of anger and annoyance to his already deadly violet eyes. "Why do you always have to rile them up more?" he demanded as he whipped the gun out and fired into the approaching hoarde. The assassins barely had time to scream before they burst into ash and were blown back into their comrade's eyes. Several of them stopped and began to wipe their eyes in brutal strokes, which wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do when masses were running directly behind. The youkai couldn't stop their momentum as collisions and tramplings occured in the rush to be the first to get the Sanzo Party on their knees. Unfortunately, the only ones going down were their own.

"What's a fight without clever word play?" the red-head teased, finally deciding it was about time he used his weapon for what it was intended. The metal shaft whistled in the air as he swung it over his head in a perfectly executed maneuver. The movement caused the chain to rattle free, sending the deadly crescent blade in a sun-blinding flash toward their foes. It sliced so cleanly through the air that the blade never made a sound until it struck through wet, meaty flesh. Six of them fell with various fatal injuries before that blade rattled home where it had started. The rest skidded and changed their line of attack away from the crescent blade now gleaming a slick maroon color.

"YEEEAAAAHHHH!" Goku took a running leap into the air, using the Jeep's back bumper as a platform, and soared high over the heads of the astonished youkai. Screams of impending doom and shouts to get out of the way were mingled with pained howling as the nyoi-bo came crushing down on them, smashing skulls wide open and cracking neatly through ribs. The boy dropped low to the ground, spinning out with one foot to trip another before swinging that staff down on the fallen youkai. The body arched off the ground at the impact before going completely limp, no traceable recognition that a face had existed underneath the newly formed shattering of tissue and bone. Goku was moving before it could hit the ground with a final thump, eyes flashing bright gold in his battle joy.

The only movement from the monk was the shifting of his eyes and the slight adjustment necessary for shooting off round after round before the need to reload made him pause briefly. Each shot was pulled off with an elegance any master marksman would be envious of, the cool violet gaze never wavering for an instant as each bullet exploded from the barrel and into it's intended target. Blood sprang like a ruby fountain in the wake of the whizzing projectiles, decorating the sunlit sky briefly before hitting the dirt ground with an almost unnoticed plop. The bodies disintegrated into ash that caught in the breeze brought out by the actions of the other two, scattering like a diseased snow across the ground. From start to finish, the entire act of death inflicted from the monk's hands held a macabre beauty and simplicity to it that was impossibly breath taking.

Hakkai closed his eyes and remained as still as possible, barely able to breathe or swallow for fear of what it would do to him. If he breathed, he would scent the blood. Swallowing would only drag that luscious scent into his throat and trigger his stomach to react. That needing warmth would soon follow, spreading slowly back up from his stomach to his chest where his heart would skip before picking up a faster beat. It would return up his throat, making him painfully aware of the pulse fluttering like a trapped butterfuly, before returning to the place of origin in his mouth. He could almost feel that teasing warmth on his lips right now, like gently nipped kisses from a lover, taunting him cruelly while promising more should he follow it through to the end. The death cries around him he couldn't ignore, not without covering his ears. Those cries aroused the voice inside him, making it uncurl within his mind like a cat stretching from a satisfying nap.

He could feel it smile mockingly at him, fully aware of what was going on around him and lavishing in his growing misery and weakness. _"What, we're not allowed to fight anymore?"_ it asked teasingly, no louder than a whisper to tickle along his skin. _"These are assassins. They were sent to kill you. It's not wrong to take the blood they practically fling at your feet. Kill them, plunge your tongue into their torn flesh as they die. Taste their mortality on your lips. They would do the same to you if it were you bleeding on the ground. They HAVE done the same to you. Don't you remember?"_

Hakkai shivered, his whimper going unnoticed in the chaos of battle around him, as that memory was jerked roughly to the foreground, ripping away the reality of his suroundings so that it felt like...

----------

It was dark and wet, but not cold as he would have expected. Rows upon rows of cramped cells with rusted iron bars driven into the stone floor and ceiling. They were barely big enough to stand in and completely bare of any furnishings save a tattered blanket here or there. Rotting flesh invade the air with it's overwhelming stench and he could see the vague outline of those bloated, insect infested corpses left in the exact positions they'd died in. Women all of them to judge by the sagging, fluid filled breasts and chunks of long, oily hair he could make out. This was the room they kept the captives in.

Chains rattled weakly, followed by soft pleas for help or merciful death. None of those hoarsely whispered cries were the voice he was looking for. Hands covered in filth, some of them so frail they were nothing but bones covered in tissue paper flesh, reached weakly between the bars for him as he walked by, scanning the gaunt faces and haunted eyes for ones he would recognize. The hands fell away as he passed, the light of hope dying from their eyes to return to the dull acceptance that he wasn't there to end their nightmare.

He rushed on, eyes searching from side to side for that one face, that one voice... Where was she? "Kanan!"

"Gonou?"

It was her. That broken, too-afraid- to-believe voice was her. He ran to the sound of chains shifting strongly, to the face that just barely caught the light of a quivering torch. Famialiar green eyes, much paler than his own, widened in shock before a strangled little sob was ripped from her throat and she was throwing herself at the bars, lunging for him. "Gonou!"

"God, Kanan!" The pain that stung at his knees from falling onto broken stone fragments was nothing compared to the pain he could see in her eyes. It killed him inside, leaving room for his consuming anger to step in. He would kill them all for this. If it took him his entire life, he would see them all suffer for the agony they'd etched into her face. His hands shook so badly he could barely keep them still as he cupped her face, felt the warmth of tears sear into his palms as she continued to cry and cling to his wrists. Her nails were broken and coated dark with a mix of her captor's blood and dirt. She could barely draw breath enough to continue the low, keening sobs that threatened to break her in two.

"You... You came! Oh, God, you came.. Gonou..." He pulled her as close as he could through the bars, felt his own tears cut through the drying blood on his cheeks. His lips touched her cheek, his nose catching the repulsive stench of youkai sweat and fluids in her hair. His sweet, beatiful Kanan... "I thought I'd never see you again!"

"Shh... I'm here, Kanan. I'm going to get you out of here. We'll go away, far away. Maybe to another continent even. Wherever you want, just so long as we're together."

Her sobbing ceased abruptly, her fingers curling a little tighter into his blood spattered shirt. He kissed her again, squeezing his eyes tightly shut to try and still his own tears. Her heart slowed to the point where he almost couldn't feel it anymore against his chest. She was calm again, he realized, pulling back with a smile. She was always so brave...

His relieved smile vanished at the look on her face. Resignation. Defeat. A sorrow deeper than any words was revealed in her eyes as she slowly pulled away from him. The dull rasping of metal leaving leather made him gasp, eyes widening before the tremors returned full force. His knife... why did she have his knife? The blade was dark now, stained with youkai blood, and shook as she tried to hold it steady between her shaking hands. "Kanan..."

Kanan gave him a bitter little smile through the tears that seemed to have no end. Slowly, she shook her head, biting so hard on her lower lip that a thin trickle of blood slipped down her delicate chin. The knife seemed to mock him, seemed to understand what was going on and why it was in her possession. He just stared at her, stared at it... and felt himself dying. "No! NO, KANAN!" The bars wouldn't budge as he shook them, their rattling like the cruel laughter of the gods as she stood away from him, just out of reach. She was close enough he could still see her eyes, once so full of joy. They were now begging him forgiveness and understanding.

"I can't. I can't, Gonou," she managed to whisper through her trembling lips. "That monster, he... he... I'm carrying his child. I can't do it, Gonou. I... I just..."

He screamed, unwilling to hear her words or acknowledge the grim reality of what was going to happen. He threw himself against the bars, putting everything he had into trying to break them and stop her from going through with it. His arm strained to the point where he should have felt pain, the muscles snapping ever so slightly at the pressure demanded of them. "KANAN, DON'T LEAVE ME!" She was just bare inches away, so close... so close and he couldn't reach. He couldn't touch her.

The forgiveness in those eyes fell away to something much worse; love. It dragged him back to his knees again, hands gripping the bars tight enough that the rusty flakes cut his own skin. He couldn't look away, no matter how hard he tried. She smiled, swallowing heavily as that trembling blade moved toward the slight roundness he hadn't noticed before. She hadn't calmed down, he realized with numbing shock. She had simply come to the decision she couldn't survive with this, not even for him.

"Please, Kanan," he begged, so softly it wasn't much more than his lips moving without any sound.

"Good bye, Gonou."

This was hell. No, this was much worse than hell. Her body slumped to the ground, the blade clattering free from her limp hand to skitter toward him. Now he could reach it, he thought bitterly. Now it decided to come to him, stained over in her blood. He reached for it, hand steady with the certainty of a man who no longer had anything to live for. Not even the fear of being condemned to hell for the act of suicide detered him any longer. Blood from her stomach began to roll toward him, following the deep grooves carved into the floor by other victims. She lay so still she could have been asleep except for the slashing across her belly and the quickly greying tint to her skin. He flipped the knife over, point facing his own stomach. She wouldn't leave with him here on earth, so he would follow her into hell.

"God, forgive me, I just want to die."

"Wish granted, though not the forgiveness!"

He gasped in shock as he was shoved forward into the bars, the knife cutting through his flesh cleanly. It took several seconds before the pain registered in a burning agony that zipped up his spine and shook another rattling gasp from his lungs. God... it hurt... It was much worse than anything he'd ever done to himself, and so much more gratifying as well. Deliciously painful, wonderfully agonizing... This was what he deserved.

A choked cry tore itself from his mouth as clawed fingers jerked him backward by his hair, tearing out small chunks of scalp and strands in the process. Cool, malicious eyes regarded him from what felt like a dizzying height above him. Or maybe that was the fire ripping through his belly making the youkai look so far away and almost angelically pure. Silvery hair, pale eyes and skin, white robes... This was his angel of death before him, he was sure of it.

"So, you're the one to murder my entire clan?" that voice purred at him, sounding very much like a man trying to seduce his lover rather than an angel granting him the request of death. Heavenly pale eyes flickered over to the cell and to where his life had truly ended. His own eyes strained to follow the the awkward angle his neck was arched. A sharp cry broke before he twisted his eyes shut against the pain of the youkai's leg shoving the knife in harder. That firm calf wriggled about, churning and slicing at his insides. The fire exploded through him and made every nerve feel as if it had been rubbed against harsh sandpaper.

"And that was... your sister, correct?" A gentle lifting of lips before derisive laughter slapped at him. God, he was being tortured, kept from the release of demise by this one's cruelty. That ethereal appearance was only the mask for his demon self. "Fucking your own sister? And you call us the animals." That last was sneered out, spit in his face as if it were foul to even speak. His eyes narrowed, the first stirrings of anger pooling through his stomach at this man, this... _youkai_ leering down on him. How dare he insult something he didn't understand! How dare he speak like that about Kanan!

He choked, unable to breath as something clogged in his throat, too thick for saliva and too thin for mucus. He coughed that thick, warm and metalic-sweet trickle from his mouth before he allowed his body to sink into the fire that the sharp movements fanned. The youkai's eyes followed that fluid as it stained a path down his cheek. A single claw flicked out delicately to catch it, coming away a deep red before disappearing inside a mouth. The youkai moaned, eyes closing as if in ecstasy. "For a sinner and a murderer, you taste divine. Unfortunately, now I feel the need to purge myself of that little tasting. If not for my curiousity, I wouldn't have bothered tainting my palate with the likes of you!"

Another pained groan issued as he was flung roughly away, the gaping hole in his stomach ripping further open as rough rocks and broken fragments snagged the aching flesh and ground its way into his body. His hand clutched the wound and tried to keep it together as best he could now that the knife was gone. The pain was blinding and overwhelming. He was starting to feel afraid now that it came down to it. He was afraid of dying... and it made him sick. Kanan hadn't been. She'd bravely faced death and conquered it, while he continued to lay on the ground struggling to keep his heart beating. He was such a cowardly fool.

"Now her... She was exquisite on the tongue," the youkai mused, dropping gracefully to his knees by the stubborn iron bars that separated him from his beloved. "Like sugar coated terror is what she tasted like. Sweet and with a tang that only the most grounding of fears can instill. I really can't decide if it was more fun fucking her or bleeding her. She made such delicious little noises when coaxed properly."

Rage. It boiled under his skin and consumed him, drowning out the fire of his wound. It filled him as if he were a glove for it's fingers. It gave him strength and made the blood flow faster from his gut. Slowly, he pushed to one knee, pausing to adjust his grip on his insides. He would die here, but not before he killed this one. This false angel. He would be the last sin he commited on this earth, and he would gladly play the eternal price in hell for this crime.

A booted foot connected with his lower back and sent him sprawling into the ground again. He struggled to one arm only to have that same boot slam into his jaw and send him rolling into the wall. His back thudded hard, his vision was all but shot and all he could do was lay there as the youkai approached slowly, that same almost peaceful little smile to his lips. The youkai bent and picked up his knife, the one stained with his and Kanan's blood. He flipped it neatly in the air and caught it by it's slickened tip, one eyebrow quirking appreciatively.

"You probably bought or stole this blade for just such an occassion," he commented. He didn't bother replying, not that he could have if he had tried. His fingers curled loosely against the rubble strewn floor, trying to find something to help him stand and fight. His only weapon was now in the hands of this creature. If he could find a sharpened rock, a spear head... anything...

A sharp hiss made his eyes roll over to the youkai, watching and unable to comprehend as his blade drew down that pale skin, pulling up a line of blood easily. The youkai's smile returned as he slowly licked the blade clean of any blood, eyes glowing with a pleasure that was bent entirely on him. "I heard a story once, about a human who became a youkai. He bathed in the blood of a thousand youkai and thus became one himself. Now, it's only a fairy tale, but all fairy tales do hold a grain of truth. I wonder... My father had close to a thousand serving him. You killed them all. Hmm..."

His eyes widened as much as they could as the youkai came over. He tried to rise, tried to move away and screamed when a booted heal dug hard into his side, grinding into his already damaged flesh. "Little worms that try to crawl away get squished under foot," the youkai laughed, still holding his dripping arm just out of the way. "This shouldn't hurt a bit. Just remain still...

It was cold. The youkai's blood was freezing compared to the inferno in his stomach. And... he could feel it mixing with his own, winding its way into his body and slithering around his organs. The youkai massaged the incision to encourage the blood to flow faster, spilling that thin fall of liquid all over his mid section and face. His skin sucked on it greedily, drawing it down into his flesh to mingle with his own. Oh, God, he could feel it molding and conforming to him. Please, let this all be a nightmare. Don't let this be happening!

He screamed, unable to bear the torment on his body any longer as his muscles began to shift and rearrange, bones lengthening to accomodate the changes. It had worked, he thought as his back bowed and spasmed, the movement practically forcing his organs out through the still dripping wound. God have mercy, it had worked...

---------

Seifu whirled around, horror struck at watching his companions falling dead or blowing away as ash around him. This wasn't what he'd signed up for! When he'd joined the army of Houtu Castle, he'd been promised his fill of whatever he raided in attacks on the humans and that the heavy taxes leveled on his wife and kids would be lifted. Sure, he'd jumped at the chance to go after the famous Sanzo party, but only because that freaky scientist had said they were sicker than dogs and this was the perfect opportunity to attack. Yeah, they looked _real_ sick. Lying bastard!

He couldn't back down now. If he returned while his comrades were completely slaughtered, then Gyokumen Koushu would not only go after him but his family as well. He'd heard stories about the things that she did, and he wasn't about to find out first hand. Nor was he going to subject his gentle wife that treatment either. However, if he stayed here and fought, he was a dead man. He knew from those few lucky enough to survive and assault that Genjyo Sanzo was without mercy.

"Shit," he muttered, ducking quickly to avoid a flashing silver arc that would have taken his head clean off. "I'm so fucking dead!" Either way he looked at it, he wasn't going to be alive the next morning. Gods, what was he going to do? He was forgotten for the moment, a lone youkai simply watching his friends twitch and scream on the ground. There were still plenty of targets for these guys without having to include him just yet. His eyes flickered from one form to the other, his breathing coming in short, uneven bursts that he could hear over the fierce battle calls and agonizing howls around him.

The monk, Genjyo Sanzo, was deadly. He never thought he'd say that about a human, but that's all there was to it. The few times a youkai got close enough to possibly snatch the sutra, those purple eyes would darken to a near black shortly before he sent his would be attackers sprawling to the ground with a sharp elbow jab, or a well placed kick to the chest. And he fought dirty, too! What kind of guy went around smashing other guys' nads in a fight? Just what the hell kind of monk was he anyway?

The half breed wasn't at all what he'd expected. The bastard hadn't looked this battle ready, but that shaku-jo he swung around with easy grace proved otherwise. Shaku-jos were heavy, messy weapons that were hard to control, and this guy made it look easier than breathing. Those muscles weren't all decoration like like he'd thought.

Then, there was the kid with the big, golden eyes. He didn't smell like a youkai from what he could tell, but he moved like one. Faster, actually. He would move in, swing that staff of his and take out a few youkai before he was moving away with a lightening efficiency that was mind blowing. They never had time to react with that one. How could these guys take on over fifty youkai warriors and confidently know they were going to win? What gave them the strength to fight like this?

It was while Seifu was watching the kid that he got is answer. That face and those gilded eyes spoke volumes about the person they belonged to. He felt his own eyes widening as he realized what exactly it was he was seeing. No fear. The kid truly fought with no fear that he very well might die. It would be termed recklessness by anyone who would have heard him speak about it, but as a soldier he understood. If you fear what it is before you even try it, then you've lost. In battle, losing meant death. Seifu felt something hot on his cheek and rubbed the thin tears away bitterly. He'd died the moment he'd stepped off that cliff in fear of what was to come. Shit!

He could leave now, go back to Houtu Castle and die at Gyokumen Koushu's grace. It would be slow, agonizing and brutal. She would make an example of him for all others who even thought about deserting. His wife and two boys would witness him being labeled a traitor and tormented until he begged for whatever death they had in store for him. They would then be outcast among the youkai, branded forever by him being a coward and disobeying orders.

Or, he could stay here, die a hero fighting the Sanzo party. His family would be cared for by the other soldiers, as was their custome when more widows were added to the ranks. Soldiers were like that, serving as a safety net for those left behind. His wife wouldn't have to worry about food or money, his sons would grow up remembering the sacrifice he made for a cause. He could choose his own death, not wait for others to hand it to him.

Seifu took in a deep breath, nose prickling a little at the blood and stench of bowels cut loose in death. He closed his eyes briefly and felt a calmness he hadn't felt since this mission was assigned to his unit. He was about to die, he'd accepted that fact. Now, to choose his poison so to speak. He wouldn't hand himself to the shaku-jo. If the half-bree missed even slightly, he would die an agonizingly slow death. The victims of the heavy staff the boy sported were still twitching on the ground, fighting to draw air through concaved chests. No, that wasn't the method either. And, if the screams of those meeting their fate through the banishing gun were any indication, he certainly didn't want that route. He was going to die, but he didn't want to die in pain.

His pale green eyes scanned the three fighting again, trying to decide. It wouldn't be much longer until his stationary position drew their attention and that choice would be ripped from him completely. Which one would do it? He was still terrified to the point that he thought he'd piss himself, but his resolve was firm. All he really wanted was to ensure his family would be taken care of. This would solidify that easily. His eyes narrowed when he spotted their Jeep just a little outside the battle area. Their fourth member, the human-turned-youkai, was sitting there. Now HE looked sick! His skin wasn't a very healthy shade of white, dark circles could be seen from where he stood framing heavily lidded eyes and... was he talking to himself? Seifu looked at the others again... before moving as quickly as possible toward the fourth person. This had to be the one who used the chi energy. From everything he'd heard, this was supposed to be the gentleman of the group. Reports said that no one who died in the chi had screamed their last. That meant it wouldn't be too painful... would it? Gods, he hoped not!

He ducked, hitting the ground as the shaku-jo blade snapped outward in his direction, aiming for the youkai trying to run for his very life. It sank into his comrade's back with a sickening thunk before it was yanked free roughly, dragging stringy bits of torn flesh and arces of blood in its wake. Eyes wide, breathing barely there as he watched the man at his side twist and scream for the relief of death, his assurance that his decision was right renewed itself. A gentleman was a nice guy, and nice guys would never deliver a painful death. Slowly, he stood and continued the blood slicked path to his executioner, who was... having convulsions? What the hell? The jeep had vanished and now a tiny white dragon hovered in the air above the man on the ground. The man's back twisted in impossibly sharp angles, fingers clawing at earth, his own hair, leaving bloody furrows along his skin. The scream that strangled from the arched throat went unnoticed in the fight.

Seifu watched the jerked vibrations and sharp shudders numbly. It was like trying to watch something crawl out of the man's body, clawing at anything it could get close enough to in hopes of inflicting so much pain that the man would stop struggling. He'd seen a guy once go into a seizure, but it was nothing like this. This was a very controled, deliberate thrashing about, a struggle between the man and whatever was going on with him. Watching the convulsions and the man fight himself, Seifu moved closer, his intent changing with each step. This wasn't normal, and it wasn't good. The man was suffering and he couldn't allow that. Was it foolish not to wish for his executioner to be in pain? Maybe, but he was hoping that perhaps that same mercy of a painless death would be granted to him. Besides, whatever was going on wasn't natural and he had to admit a perverse curiousity in regards to it.

"Hakkai!" The shout of the man's name came from the boy, but whether it was a warning against Seifu's approach or concern over the slowly stilling movements he wasn't sure. It seemed to take mere seconds before he was kneeling in the mud by the man. Hakkai was what the boy had called him. He hadn't really paid much attention to their names, not wanting to remember them should he actually manage to kill one. Seifu stared at the entirely too pale face, watched as the eyes moved rapidly behind closed lids, saw the chest rise and fall with uneven, ragged breaths that escaped cracked lips. The man's monocle was in the mud only a few inches away. Seifu picked it up, remembering for some reason that his grandmother had never felt completely dressed without her own glasses, and returned it where it belonged. It looked right at home on the man's face, completing the look a gentleman should have. He hoped he got the correct eye.

He gasped when those eyelids snapped open, revealing dark green eyes burning with hatred. Another choking gasp was wrung from him when a hand shot up out of nowhere, strong fingers curling hard into his neck. The fingernails broke his skin, the blood's trail getting lost in the frightened sweat that was pouring freely down his body. He couldn't breath. His head was pounding with the need for fresh air, his own clawed hands digging into the iron hard wrist desperately to try and break free. The man's lip lifted into a sensuous little smile, eyes completely on his face and ignorant of the fact that his wrist was now raw and bloody from Seifu's claws tearing the flesh away.

Seifu felt his eyes rolling , felt his lips working to try and beg but without air his voice wouldn't work. Everything was getting a little fuzzy as he felt himself being pulled down to that smiling face. Lips, no longer dry from the tongue that flicked out against them, touched his cheek intimately before slipping back toward his ear. Under any other circumstances, he'd swear the man was coming on to him, but with his quickly fading consciousness and that hand clamped around his throat with lethal intent it was nothing but naked threat. He could smell his own fear rising off his skin, intermingling with the other smells of the battle around them.

"You should run," a voice whispered against his ear before he was flung away, choking and coughing as his body responded automatically to get the air in as fast as possible. His vision began to return, eyes wide and filled with panic as the man stood up gracefully, twisting his neck from side to side before turning the monocle around the the other eye. Green eyes, like living emeralds, met his and promised him a death he had never wanted. It promised him pain, it promised him violence... it promised to take it's time with him. The look was too intelligent to be animal, but the ideas behind it were nothing but savage blood lust. Oh, gods...

The quirking of a dark brow was enough to reiterate the command to run. And Seifu, carried on the wings of his panic and fear of dying by this monster he'd been so concerned about before, did exactly that and ran.

Soft, quick footsteps gave pursuit behind him.

The last real thought he had before an instinct born of survival took over as he crashed into the forest in a desperate attempt to lose his foe was that he was being hunted. He was going to be tracked down and slaughtered like a beast unless he somehow managed to escape this. Something told him though that he wouldn't. He'd made a very bad mistake in picking this guy as his executioner.

----------

The youkai ran, and Hakkai gave chase. It was a beauty unlike any other to go flying recklessly into the forest, his senses telling him exactly where to dodge a tree, when to leap over a fallen trunk, constantly keeping a tab on his prey. The thick aroma of fear tried desperately to cloud out the richness of the blood that he could faintly pick up, but it could never hide it completely. No matter how much caramel was poured over the cake, he could still smell it. A slow smile spread across his lips and encouraged him into a new burst of speed he never thought himself capable of.

He caught sight of a pale bit of fabric dodging and weaving through the trees, saw terrified eyes a much brighter green than his were widen in horror at his fast closing proximity. Soon enough, he mused with pleasure. Soon enough and he would be able to watch those eyes cdull in death under his hands. He wouldn't use his chi for this, oh no. What he wanted was to feel that fluttering, frantic pulse writhe against his palms while his fingers pressed easily into neck bones and ligaments. The pressure of his hands would make blood vessels burst and flood just under the skin in a dark tattoo to match his grip. He could run his tongue over that abused flesh, feeling the difference between it and the uninjured skin that surrounded it. He new his prey's skin would be firm and a little hard, but once the blood was squeezed beneath it... It would feel soft and a bit mushy, like a bruise on a perfectly made apple. Unlike that damaged fruit though, once he bit into that tender spot his mouth would be filled with a delectible prize.

But only if he caught it first. A growl slipped between his lips when he realized his wandering thoughts had caused him to slow enough that his prey was beginning to put distance between them. "Oh, no you don't," he muttered, digging up every ounce of speed he could muster to make up ground. While he enjoyed the hunt, he was impatient. He wanted the struggle of life and death in his hands NOW!

The voice inside him was silent. That utter stillness and lack of vocalization only signified it's approval of his actions. And how could it not approve? It was part of their bargain, after all. If it stopped tormenting him, stopped making him relive his past as freshly as if it had just occured, then he would give it what it wanted. He would give it the blood it forced him to desire. He would give it the death and pain it craved. Anything to escape the nightmare of himself.

He could hear the ragged, half-screamed breaths now. The blood from where his fingers had dug into his prey's neck was dried, but that was no true obstacle. Wounds could be reopened very easily. He pulled the smell of fear into his lungs and reveled in it, letting it coat him as if it truly were a fine caramel sauce being drizzled against his skin. It was rich and had a scent all it's own. To try and compare it to something similar was impossible. Fear smelled exactly like it implied. The salty tang of sweat only enhanced its potent aroma and also signified that his time had come. He was within reaching distance now of the long, rust colored hair streaming nearly into his face.

Hakkai smiled as his hand flashed out, a blur of paleness that quickly wound itself in the ends of hair, jerking hard enough to feel chunks of it snap free, pulling bleeding little bits of scalp with it. His prey screamed as he was jerked back by his hair and down onto his knees. The fear spiked incredibly sharp as the sobs and pleads of mercy bubbled forth, most likely in an unconscious stream. His smile turned to a delighted little chuckle when his prey screamed again as he ran a single finger down the scratched, dirty, tear tracked cheek he could see. His fingers wound even tighter in that hair until his knuckles came into contact with the base of his neck. A stickiness from the thin bloody patches of skin clung to his digits as he used his grip to tip the head back and expose the throat in a long, quaking line.

His prey's eyes remained closed, his adam's apple bobbing with each gasping sob of breath. Lips that were pale and dry kept moving in a one worded chant of soundless begging. "Please, please, please..." Over and over again in a slower, contrasting counter point to the pulse that threatened to explode at any moment. His hand wrapped in thick hair that was sweat moistened was like a conductor's wand. A movement in either direction would change the tempo of those pleas and that pulse. Forward, loosening, giving his prey the false sense that he would relinquish his prize. Backward sharply, tightening the skin and muscles so harshly that the drum beating of his heart could be seen against pale skin traced over with thin blue veins. The crescendo came as a quickly inhaled hiss of breath as he gave another rough tug that caused him to smile a little more. His own private orchestra...

If it weren't for the sight of dried, blood-crusted cuts lining that stretched throat, he very well could have continued seeing how many different sounds his musically inclined prey could make. Youkai did have a wider vocal range than humans, after all. But those little marks, covered over in a crusted near-black gauze from the body's natural form of shielding itself, were teasing him cruelly. Teasing him like butterfly light touches along his stomach from a playful lover. A few of thse small cuts had cracked in the tugging on his prey's neck, letting out just the faintest whisper of that extravagant scent that was fresh blood. With a growl of impatience, Hakkai shoved the youkai forward and around, uncoiling just enough hair to allow the process.

"Please! Oh, gods, please..." the youkai screamed, eyes filled with a panic that was mirrored in the frantic hammering of his heart. He could feel the uneven, far too fast beats pound into his legs as he straddled the youkai's waist, effectively trapping the arms from any last-ditched efforts to fight for escape. Little whimpers and pleading gasps broke out with every single shallow breath, paler green eyes so dilated that the slitted pupils looked almost round enough to be human.

Inside, the voice remained fairly silent, watching him with an intensity that spoke of near intoxication from his actions. It whispered little encouragements every so often, not pushing too hard but urging him forward and onward. It reminded him briefly of his promise to repay the debt of his freedom from memories. It stroked along his own desire, however much he denied it was there, to lick those hardened little gouges until the blood flowed freely again. He shuddered, his own eyes falling closed as images so vivid they seemed real circled through his head.

His teeth closing around one of those small cuts, clamping down over firm, sweat-slated skin and holding it briefly before they broke through. The scream of pain and the wild jerking of the body beneath him as it fought for release. Then, those cries would change to wails of frustration when his prey realize no release was to be granted through his vain efforts. And, most wonderfully and clearly felt, the explosion of warm, thick heat in his mouth when the skin finally gave way as well. God, he could already taste the delicacy racing beneath that skin, forced faster and harder through the wildly ticking vein he could see jus under soft flesh and meaty muscle.

Hakkai leaned forward, felt the chest under his legs tense. The thin, fearful whimper puffed gently against his cheek as he slid his face next to the one beneath him, eyes closing at the contact of skin on skin. His prey's cheek was as cold as bone picked clean of flesh by birds, slightly stubbled so that it scratched his own cheek just slightly. He could feel the heat pouring off the throat just a scant few inches away, however, beckoning his lips to come and enjoy the warmth. The sudden tenseness in his prey's body was the result of him pressing a chaste little kiss against the juncture of ear and neck. He laughed softly and enjoyed the accompaning shudder of horror that followed such a tender gesture.

_"You're almost there,"_ the voice groaned, for once holding something other than violent demand or gentle temptation. It was a thick, breathy desire for the images that swam through his head. It mirrored the tight anticipation in his chest for what they both craved. "_Just a few inches more, and it's yours. Hurry and claim your prize."_

What a prize it was, too. He smiled against the quivering jaw and knew from the choked cry that his prey had felt it and wasn't pleased at all with the genial expression. He slid his free hand up under a slightly pointed chin, fingers bruising harshly as he had to twist the head to one side forcefully, exposing the rows of healing marks in the shape of fingernails to his gaze. He could already see the crimson-purple wash of his own fingers starting to form against pale skin, looking very much like the bruises on fruit he'd compared it to earlier. He couldn't resist his tongue flicking out to test his theory, delight intermingling with the bloodlust when he discovered he was correct. Tender, soft bruised flesh gave way to the normal firmness of undamaged under the careful exploration of his tongue. It was so mesmerizing in it's different textures that he very nearly lost focus again on what it was he truly craved.

His tongue accidentally running over a roughened scab was what triggered him back. The wound was still fresh enough that the course clotting could still be worked back to running freely with a little moisture. Hakkai gladly applied that, his tongue working the small cut until just the tiniest drop of freshly drawn blood touched the tip. It was only a drop, but it was enough to make him groan in bliss, lips parting to close around that small cut as his teeth worked to apply gently increasing pressure. His prey's breathing escalated to a rate that should have been alarming was it not for the fact that he was far too engrossed in other activities. Like wringing every last little tormenting drop of blood from that small cut before he enlarged it with the teeth clamped hard onto the skin.

"Please... gods, please... my wife..."

Hakkai froze as those words were whispered in his ear. Wife...

_"He's lying. Don't listen to him and finish what you started. What you AGREED to do for me."_

"Madeira... gods..."

His teeth pressed just a little tighter, almost not of his own doing. The youkai had said 'wife'. Madeira was the name of this wife.

_"Don't think about it, and just finish this now! You're so close to having what you desire, what you **need**. Quit stalling and take it!"_

The youkai had stopped pleading. He was praying now, to the gods, to look after his wife named Madeira and... children? "Please... watch them..."

Reality snapped back into his mind like a slap to the face. Hakkai froze, his body going stiff and cold against the one practically shaking itself apart beneath him. His teeth were still locked around the throat... of a man. Not his 'prey' and not a youkai, but a man with a family and a life outside of this battle. He was about to take someone's husband from them to satiate his own maddening thirst. He was becoming the very thing he sought to destroy with his anger.

Hakkai wasn't aware of when he'd rolled of of the other man, but he was suddenly kneeling on the forest floor, screaming as the two completely opposite thoughts warred inside him. The one side was demanding that he take the blood, demanding that he fill it and satisfy it. The other was reminding him of what he'd experienced when he'd lost everything he'd ever loved to another's lusts. "Oh... God!" He screamed again, this time with a mixture of pain as the voice came howling back in full force, slamming itself so hard into his skull that he thought he would black out with the pain.

_"GET UP AND FINISH THIS! TAKE IT **NOW!**_"

His back spasmed as he felt that darker will try and stretch itself through his body, try to take control and force him over to where the other man was now sitting up, staring in shock over the fact he was still alive. Hakkai's gaze caught on the deep, nearly bleeding impression of his teeth circling the small cut he'd worried at like a dog... and it filled him with a repulsion that rivaled to drown out the bloodlust.

_"You can't just leave it like this! YOU PROMISED!"_

"Run," Hakkai choked out, his body shaking voilently as he fought to contain the voice from taking control of his body. '"I won't chase you, but you need to run now!"

The man didn't need further encouraging. He stumbled to his feet and began to run faster than when he'd been hunted.

Horrified at what he'd almost done, still shaking with the strain of keeping his hungers inside, Hakkai closed his eyes and hugged his arms to his chest as he waited for the memories to be shoved back onto himself.

The voice inside growled angrily, it's eyes flashing to a terrifying near-blackness. _"You fool,"_ it snarled shortly before the agonizing ache returned in full force, sending him sprawling into the leaves as his own memories were used as a weapon to punish him. He managed to squeeze his eyes open a crack as his body convulsed and the pain electricuted through his system through his scar. The path through the underbrush was clearly marked, as if offering him one last choice of freedom from this torment.

He refused it, giving himself over to the demons of his past with another scream. This was his pain. He knew it very well and would _never_ inflict it on another person. All he could hope for now was the blessedness of unconsciousness.

----------

Gojyo remained hidden behind his tree, lips parted and eyes wide enough to actually ache. His shaku-jo dropped limply from his hands, unnoticed as Hakkai continued to scream and twist on the forest floor as if fighting a particularly nasty foe. His gaze slipped away briefly to follow the path the terrified youkai had taken before returning to his friend on the ground. He'd seen the whole damn thing, had been too frozen over with shock at seeing a totally different Hakkai straddling that poor bastard's chest to have tried to step in and stop whatever was happening.

He was still too frozen to do more than stare as Hakkai curled himself into a tight little ball, as if trying to make himself as small as possible so the world couldn't see him. Chances were, that was exactly what the green-eyed man was trying to do. Gojyo shifted from one foot to the other, unsure really what he was supposed to do. Should he go back to the others and ignore what he saw? Hakkai would be beyond upset if he knew someone had witnessed him almost breaking like that. However... The friend inside him was practically kicking his ass to get the hell over to him now and make sure he was alright. The battle of should he stay or should he go continued on for a few more moments as Hakkai lay twitching in his little ball and whimpering in a nonstop stream of suffering.

"Hell," he muttered, stepping forward. Screw Hakkai's pride right into the damned ground! He didn't care if the man was pissed over him finding out, he couldn't just stand back and watch this any longer. Gojyo didn't bother trying to conceal his movements, but Hakkai was too far gone in whatever had a hold on him to notice anything until he was kneeling and one hand was put to his shoulder.

Hakkai's head jerked up sharply when that touch came, green eyes for once betraying every scrap of emotion going on inside that head of his. Gojyo didn't need to hear the words spoken to know now what was causing his friend so much pain. It was the same thing that had him sitting up on a rainy night with Hakkai, simply sitting next to each other on the bed with maybe a little booze to help ease the time. It was the same thing that had sent him off with a bitchy monk and an annoying monkey when his roommate had run off three years ago. It was the thing he'd seen that night he'd practically tripped himself in Hakkai's guts on his way home through the rain.

They continued to stare at each other for what felt like forever, exactly like that night. The only difference was, Gojyo hoped to the gods that Hakkai saw what he was trying to convey without words; that he was there for him, would stick by him through whatever shit was going on. If this were a time when jokes would help, he'd even risk calling himself a mold that refused to go away. But, this wasn't a time for jokes or clever quips. Nothing short of making sure Hakkai knew he was cared for would help here.

Slowly, Hakkai unwound his body enough to close a trembling hand around Gojyo's wrist. Gojyo turned his hand in so their palms met, grip tightening against the cold sweat that coated the other man's skin. "T-Thank... you," he whispered before he closed his eyes and severed their wordless exchange.

Gojyo continued to sit with his friend, pushing wet hair back from a fever-hot forehead gently as he waited for Hakkai to regain himself so they could return to the group.


	7. Chapter 7

Kougaiji stood, hands clasped behind his back, in front of a man who seemed more inclined to shiver himself into pieces all across the floor than regain his composure and speak. Dokugakuji and Yaone were the ones to find him running up the barren hill toward Houtu Castle, near mindless in panic and screaming for someone to save him. They had to practically carry the man the rest of the way, Dokugakuji running to fetch their lord while Yaone remained with the man and slipped him a small amount of a sedative to calm his nerves.

The man had the look of someone who had stared into the fires of hell and survived it. His pale green eyes were so dilated that the blacks nearly over ran the true color, and the whites were completely bloodshot. Kougaiji would have at first assumed that the man was just a drunken soldier except for the dark spots marching across his cheeks under his eyes. The spots appeared at first to be freckles against skin darkened by work in the sun, but in reality they were broken blood vessels in the face, the results of oxygen not reaching every portion in his head.

When Yaone gently removed the man's shirt, making soothing noises as he began to scream and try to slap her hands away, he was confirmed of his suspicions when he saw particularly brutal bruising around his throat. Deep and black, they formed a near perfect tattoo of the hands that had been wrapped around him in a death grip. Slivered little gouges of a burnt crimson color said that whoever had him in a choking hold had been human. Youkai claws would have wripped right through his tender throat as easily as tissue paper.

Yaone continued to talk softly to him as her gentle hands turned his head to the side to examine the bruises. A small bit of demonic aura was circling the room, urging those who felt it to be calm and still. She was using her power to stabilize the man's shattered nerves and allow her to examine him without the risk of being attacked out of fear. His shoulders, while still quaking ever so slightly, began to ease back into the chair while his hands loosened the knuckle whitening grip he had on the armrests. Yaone gave him a reassuring smile before her attention returned to his injuries.

Kougaiji's eyes narrowed as she ran her fingers carefully along each of the finger prints, exploring them as carefully as she could for any deeper tissue damage. Her little gasp made him step closer, pausing when the man flinched and tried to press himself as far into the chair as he could go. "Shhh," Yaone soothed, feeding him just a little more of her calming energy. "Lord Kougaiji is only concerned."

"N-N-No... I-I'm n-not... g-g-g-going back!" he exclaimed on the edge of a fearful whimper. "K-Kill m-m-me... but I'm n-not... going... b-back!"

"What's your name, soldier?" Kougaiji questioned, sparing half his attention for the soldier and half for the discovery that had surprised Yaone. Teeth prints, on his neck. His skin remained unbroken, but whoever had bitten him had human shaped teeth and had come horrifyingly close to tearing into his throat. Each individual tooth could be seen and clearly outlined on his skin, each little indentation dark black with the blood pooling just under the surface.

"S-Seifu... S-S-Seifu, m-my lord."

"Seifu... you were on the list of the drafted, am I right? You have a farm just outside the small town of Duresh."

Seifu's eyes softened from their horror slightly at the mention of his home. "Y-Yes... my home..."

Yaone glanced back over her shoulder to give him a grateful little smile. He nodded in understanding and continued to engage the man in conversation while she pulled a small knife and began to cut away his torn, bloody pant leg. She had been waiting for him to calm down enough for her to examine the compound fracture in his leg.

"And you have a wife, too, am I right?" Kougaiji continued. He prided himself on knowing his men as best he could. It was the least he could do seeing as they were dying for his father's revival.

"Madeira..." The man blinked as a hazy curtain of unfocus swept over his eyes briefly. Kougaiji's eyes lowered as he saw Yaone place a syringe on the floor and under the chair so that it wasn't in risk of poking anyone else. Obviously, she hadn't given him a large enough dose of the sedative before.

"Madeira. That's a lovely name. How long have you two been married?"

Seifu's head began to loll to the side a bit before snapping back up. His eyes had dropped to half closed and looked content to stay there for the time. Yaone finished removing the pant leg before turning away with a slight gagging sound. Dokugakuji's breath was sucked down in a sharp hiss, and even Kougaiji couldn't hold back a flinch as the injury was revealed. A shattered shin bone would account to why the man had been reduced to crawling up the hill to Houtu Castle. The bone had punctured through the skin out the side, easily skewering its way through the most tender pieces of flesh and fat it could find. It continued to bleed copiously, thick splats of it hitting the floor without the pant leg to aid in stopping it. His ankle was also twisted at an unnatural angle, the foot turned nearly sideways and rolled in on itself. Good gods, what had happened to this man?

"My lord," Yaone said quietly, trying desperately to keep the choking sound from her voice. "I don't think... This is beyond my skill, my lord."

"I'm not giving him over to _him_," Kougaiji said firmly. The other two knew who the 'him' was. Dr. Nii Jianyi. Kougaiji would rather die a thousand times over than see this unfortunate man, drafted and forced into service because he couldn't pay the astronomically high taxes, handed over to that butchering madman. "Do the best you can, Yaone."

"As you wish, my lord," she whispered weakly.

"Does he still need a distraction of some kind, Yaone?" Dokugakuji asked from his very safe post by the door. The swordsman was in no way a squeamish man at the sight of blood, but the sight of Seifu's leg was one that would keep him securely by the door. Kougaiji didn't fault him at all for the small display of weakness. If he himself could be anywhere else in the room, he would most certainly pick the door as well. Even Yaone, who was used to treating injuries like this, seemed sickened by the bloody bone peeking out through the skin. Most men would have been embarassed over a woman having a stronger stomach than they did. Neither Kougaiji or Dokugakuji envied her in the least at this moment.

Yaone shook her head. "He shouldn't. I might need a little help laying him out flat so I can try to repair the damage to his leg and ankle."

Dokugakuji and Kougaiji exchanged glances, their eyes equally wide and silently daring the other to do it. It made more sense for Dokugakuji to assist her. He was taller and easily the more physically stronger of the two. But, Kougaiji was the man's lord, and a lord's duty was to his people. Sighing, Kougaiji muttered, "Have fun training the troops for the next month in the swamps."

"I'll take that stinking cess pool over this any day, Kou," the swordsman answered back with a wide, triumphant grin. He'd known from the start that the prince's sense of duty would win out in the matter.

Kougaiji moved around behind the moaning, barely conscious man. "Where do you want him, Yaone?"

"On the floor is fine, Lord Kougaiji, and please be careful with him," she said, gathering her medic bag and moving far enough away to allow him more room to maneuver the injured man in.

Hooking his arms under the nearly dead weight of Seifu's shoulders, Kougaiji grit his teeth and lifted the taller man as carefully and as much as he could, being mindful of the blood slicked floor as well as the source of all that blood. Yaone reached out to gingerly steady the fractured leg as he squatted to lower Seifu's shoulders to the floor. Kougaiji stood, shooting a glare at Dokugakuji, who was still firmly pinned against the door a good distance away. "Two months," he amended from his earlier statement. "Get used to the smell of festering water, Dokugakuji."

Dokugakuji's amused chuckle quickly turned into a gagging sound as Yaone chose that moment to move across the floor on her knees to one side of the drugged man, revealing the bone jutting out from the skin of his calf in an all new, horrific angle. "Gods... Oh, gods!"

Kougaiji caught the twitching little smirk across her lips before she bent her attention to repairing at least a little of the damage. It took a moment for him to realize what the smirk had meant before he himself chuckled lightly and murmured, "Hell hath no fury..."

Yaone looked up at him with a softer smile and a shrug. That smile quickly faded as she set up two small metal bowls and tray onto the floor, lining up everything she would need to stitch the skin and set the leg. "My lord, what do you suppose happened to him?" she asked as she disinfected her hands, drying them on a small towel inside her bag.

Gloves snapped into place on her hands, ones made from a new latex blend Dr. Nii had created that would protect against youkai claws breaking through the thin covering. He didn't know how she'd come to be in possession of the item, but he knew for a fact they weren't freely given. Kougaiji let out a long, slow breath. His thoughts were already circling in that direction as well, a myriad of scenarios racing and playing inside his head. Finally, he shook his head grimly, his lips turning down into a tight frown, as he said softly, "I don't know. Whatever it was, he's going to be scarred in more than one way from it. Dokugakuji?"

"Yeah?" the swordsman replied. Any other noble would have chastized the man for his less than respectful tone, but those who knew him understood this wasn't the case at all, in regards to Kougaiji at least. Dokugakuji had all the respect in the world for his lord. He simply felt comfortable in their friendship to drop the formalities. To Kougaiji, it was a welcomed change from the normal court policies.

"Find his wife, Madeira. Tell her that her husband has returned and is being treated for injuries by the prince's own healer. Reassure her that he's safe and alive, and inform her that all debts against their family and farm have been excused per my orders. She is to be granted entry to the Castle to see her husband as many times as she wishes until Yaone gives him the go-ahead to return to his home. In the mean time, I want a list of necessary concerns from her. Everything from repairs to their house to clothing for the children. Until Seifu is healed enough to return to work, they're going to need assistance."

"No problem, Kou. Um... can I make a suggestion?"

Kougaiji's eyebrows rose slightly, encouraging the other man to say his part.

"Look, the swamp is all well and good," Dokugakuji began, trying hard to keep the mischievous light from his dark eyes. "But... maybe for the first month I could help him out? In between my other duties, of course."

Shaking his head, the youkai prince smiled and replied, "You're shameless, Dokugakuji. However, you have a point. Very well, you have my permission. Swamp training begins next month."

"Great. That'll give me a whole month to talk my way outta that one, too," the swordsman tossed back over his shoulder as he left the room.

Kougaiji shook his head before kneeling on the floor next to Yaone, mindful as always to keep a certain distance away from her while she worked. It wouldn't do to startle her out of concentration and risk a sudden action on her part. "When you're through, and he's able to talk, I want to be informed," he stated quietly.

Yaone nodded once, her eyebrows creased nearly together in heavy concentration. She was gently poking around the gaping wound in Seifu's leg, her very expression one of intently creative focus. One would have to be creative in finding a way to return a bone through torn skin, stitch that same forced exit together, set two separate bones and then ensure there wasn't too much pain felt by the patient. Kougaiji remained just a moment longer, standing and backing away cautiously as she finally seemed to make a decision about approaching the problem. The minute one of her hands disappeared inside the hole in the man's leg was the minute he was at the door and excusing himself. He wasn't by any means squeamish himself about inflicting wounds. It was the repair process that would ensure he would be missing dinner, and possibly breakfast the next morning.

----------

No one had argued with Gojyo as he insisted that he drive after all but carrying Hakkai out of the woods. Sanzo had simply snorted and climbed into the passenger seat while Goku climbed in back and alternated his worried glance from Hakkai to Gojyo and back again, though it was fairly obvious his worry over the kappa was more in regards to his driving abilities than anything physical. No one had complained as Gojyo floored the Jeep forward, grinding the gears slightly as he struggled to find first. In fact, no one had said a word about anything the rest of the way to the next town. No one, except...

Hakkai closed his eyes and bowed his head over the steaming cup of tea clutched in his hands. He ignored the burning press of china against his skin and the wash of hot steam beating against his forehead, cheeks and eyelids. None of those physical noncomforts mattered when the demon inside his head wouldn't sit still. In his mind's eye, he could see the owner of the whispered voice, pacing back and forth, snarling at its containment. Every so often, it would dive against the weakening barrier that separated it from invading his every day consciousness. He would fight back against it, but his defenses were beginning to fade and thin under such a constant assault. Both of them, himself and the voice, knew it was only a matter of time before that last remaining barrier would snap like a rubber band pulled past its limit, and then...

God help him, and everyone else around him.

In his head, green eyes that were tinted slightly darker than his through malicious intent glistened in anticipation. Even the left eye, which maintained its human appearance, held such a feral light that it could only be called demonic. A smile, the slow unveiling of sharpened canines just begging to be put to use against flesh, curved across pale cheeks and interupted the smooth trailing of vines that circled downward around the neck before disappearing under its shirt. Even though he knew what dark thoughts resided in that consciousness, he couldn't help but admire the sleek, predatorial grace that seemed to ooze off it's very person.

_"I am but a mirror, allowing you to see the beautiful creature you are, Cho Hakkai. You're the Angel of Death made into flesh. A stunning, perfected testiment to the art of destruction. Stop hiding your perfection with those ridiculous bits of metal. Why veil such a masterpiece of nature?"_

It wasn't nature that created the monster inside him. It was blood. The blood of his enemies to be more precise. This was an addiction, this never ending thirst for blood. Every time he lost the fight not to listen to his companions' hearts beating, he promised himself it would only be this last time. Every time he saw the tell-tale gleam of light off of a razor sharp blade, it hurt like a small death inside not to turn it to his own skin, just to get that taste in his mouth. God, that taste... what he wouldn't give for just a tiny drop of bright red to splash onto his tongue...

"Hakkai?"

Gojyo's voice drew him unwillingly from his haze of craving. Slowly, he took a breath, unsure of when exactly he'd held it locked in the base of his lungs to begin with. He didn't lift his head, merely tipped his eyes up to peer at his friend from behind pieces of dark hair. Gojyo sat across from him at the table of the room they were sharing. He only vaguely remembered hearing the red-head say something about Hakkai not feeling well and being insistant that they room together. If he'd been capable at that time of voicing his gratification, he would have. He was in absolutely no physical condition to successfully deceive Sanzo into believing all was well.

Hakkai lowered his eyes again, staring into the murky reflection of his face in the surface of the tea. The reflection wasn't his. He was still wearing his limiters, and the reflection had a tracery of vines across its face. It also flashed a cold, cruel smile at him, one he was most certain didn't curve his own lips. Gojyo saying his name had been a soft question of concern as well as a firm demand to know what was going on. It had surprised him out in the woods to know his friend had most likely witnessed everything he'd done and been about to do to his victim.

_"Prey,"_ the voice corrected patiently. The lips of his tea-soaked reflection moved to the word, an evil delight glinting in its eyes from the taste of the word on its lips. _"He was nothing more than prey to us. He was weak and submitted to you too quickly to be anything but a prey animal."_

"Hakkai... what're you staring at?" Gojyo asked softly, drawing his eyes up from the tea slowly. Hakkai met worried crimson eyes, dropped his gaze to the hand holding an idly burning cigarette. The smoke was sour in his nose, sharp and bitter. It smelled like the eventual death it promised, something painful but unavoidable. Just a little piece of death rolled up neatly and burning cheerfully at the end... He took a deep breath and let it out once more, refocusing his shifting attention back to Gojyo's initial inquisition.

"I've been... having dreams," he began, his voice low and soft, fairly stable considering the strain it took to form speech. "They started a couple weeks ago. At first, I didn't think much of them, but now... Gojyo, I can hear it speaking to me. It's constantly beating at my thoughts, making me relive all the pain and agonizing sorrow. God, it keeps trying to get me to..." Hakkai closed his eyes, letting out a pained gasp as the voice surged forward once again, delighted that the conversation was about him and wanting to prove the words true. The headache was so common in its pain now that he barely noticed it, his focus more on ignoring the voice and what it whispered he should do to the man sitting across from him.

_"Wouldn't he be just lovely stretched out on those clean, white sheets? His hair streaking across the pillow, bared chest pulsing with each ragged gasp of air... Imagine the little trickle of sound that would slowly squeeze from between his lips as you dragged a single claw down his chest... right down the middle, from collar bone to naval... All that thick, luscious blood thinly oozing against such perfect skin..."_

"Is it talking now, Hakkai?" Gojyo asked, his voice dropping to a more intimate level as he leaned forward. "What's it saying?"

Hakkai felt the twisting smirk cross his face, heard Gojyo's sharp intake at the unfamiliar smile. "It's telling me to make you bleed, Gojyo," he said, a soft growling texture coming with the simple truth. "It keeps reminding me how delicious it is to hear your heart speed up at hearing me say that. It loves the smell of your cold sweat and fear mingling together. Your eyes are wide now, Gojyo, and it desires to see that thread of fear lingering in your gaze turn into full blown certainty that death is just a few brutal steps away."

Gojyo sat back slowly, lips parted and eyes still round. The hand that brought the cigarette to his lips shook a little, but he managed to successfully suck down a hit of acrid grey smoke. The breath that released the slow poison from his lungs rattled a little as he ran his free hand back through his hair. "Shit," he muttered. "Just... holy shit. Is it just me, or-,"

"No, it's everyone." Hakkai was aware that his voice was now almost dreamlike in quality, serene as it explained the inner struggle with an indifference that was far from felt. the intensity from moments before was gone, only a bare fraction of his attention on the conversation as he tried desperately to bottle up the growing need to see Gojyo broken and bleeding on the floor. "Goku's pulse is so fast, like a hummingbird's wings are trapped in his chest. He never smells of fear, and it wants to change that. It wants to be the one to cause that fear to flood his system. It adores Sanzo's steadiness. It knows that he would fight until the very last breath shook free from his torn lungs. It enjoys the fact that he's so wonderfully dominant."

"Oh... I see. So... uh... yeah..." Another shakey intake of nicotine, another brief flaring at the tip. Ash collected and sat precariously at the end of the white paper, completely unnoticed by the man holding it. Hakkai watched as minute flakes drifted to the table top, looking to him like rotted snowflakes coating a hard, brown wooden earth.

"It's torture going into town for supplies," he continued, feeling the heat from his tea fade slowly through the tight grip he had on the porcelain cup. "Just endless cacophony of sounds, smells and textures... Every face I look at, it makes me see that person at my mercy. Each scenario is different, and each time it gets more... pleasurable."

"Pleasurable?" Gojyo demanded. "You mean like... you get aroused?"

"No, not really, although it is quite the aphrodisiac in its own sense of the term. What I mean is... it's becoming quite difficult not to slam you down to the floor and sink teeth into your skin. It wants you to struggle. It wants to feel you hit and kick at me, hear you cuss at me and fight frantically to get away."

Silence met this, one so thick that it spoke clearly for the both of them. Neither could look the other in the eye. The voice continued it subtle song of seduction in the back of his mind, luring him to grab the wrist that rested on the table and bite into it. It wanted him to haul Gojyo across that table with his teeth still locked to his wrist and pin him to the floor. He could do it, too. He was much faster than Gojyo. It would be over in only a matter of seconds, and all he needed to do was...

Gojyo's voice cut through those thoughts like a hot knife through softened butter, melting away the edges of that particular bloody fantasy. "Is it the Minus Wave, you think?"

"No... This slowly came to life, over a period of several days. The Minus Wave is near instantaneous. I have no clue what it is, or how it came to be. It's just... Gojyo, it's killing me. Slowly, day by day, I feel a little more of myself die under its words and visuals. I'm... I'm becoming a liability. Tomorrow morning, you three should-,"

"Now, just shut the hell up right there," Gojyo snapped, eyes flaring angrily as his heart rate spiked sharply. It sent a curling wisp of hunger straight through his gut and made his chest tight with the longing to scare the anger right from that bloody gaze. "You're a part of this thing, and I'm not gonna just let that shitty-assed priest pop a cap in you! The way I see it, whatever's happening to you is his fault anyway. It happened because of this gods-forsaken mission of his we're on. So, I don't wanna hear crap about leaving you here to try and deal with this!"

Hakkai blinked, a little surprised at the vehemently spoken speach. Gojyo's passionate nature was something Hakkai couldn't deny, not even with all the fears and cautions for his safety. His shoulder slumped a bit, a strange feeling of relief pulsing through him. He hadn't wanted to be left alone with this, not truly. It was offered as a way to protect those he cared for and keep them away when the time came and he could no longer battle the voice and its urgings back.

"Right, so now that _that_ bullshit is all done with," Gojyo continued with a firm, decisive expression that said the idea of leaving Hakkai truly was buried away beyond mentioning again. "We need to figure out how to control this thing. Is it just blood that it craves, or does it want a death with it?"

_"You couldn't control me with all the blood in your half-breed veins_," the voice sneered, eyes narrowing derisively at the red-head.

"Gojyo, it can hear you, you know," Hakkai pointed out. "And, as far as I'm aware, blood is all it really desires right now. That could very well change when it finally breaks free."

"Dude... that's just fucking creepy. I thought you were talking about it metaphorically, but you're not. There really _is_ another voice inside of you, isn't there?"

Hakkai nodded once and pushed his cold, untouched tea away from himself to fold his hands together on the table top. It was easier to restrain himself rfom grabbing Gojyo like this.

Gojyo let out a long, low breath from his lungs, slouching back in his chair and raking his fingers through his hair again as he processed this. Hakkai waited patiently for his friend to sort out the information given to him. After a few slow minute passed, Gojyo sat up again, a look of decision on his face and certainty in his eyes. Hakkai's eyes narrowed curiously as the kappa dug into his back pocket and pulled out a small folded pocket knife. The flash of silver as it was opened caught the voice's attention as well. It swayed closer, head tilted curiously as to what the knife was intended for.

"Okay, if blood is what it takes to get it to leave you the hell alone, it can have it," Gojyo declared, rolling the sleeve to his jacket back. Hakkai remained frozen, too overcome with shock and the sudden flaring of lust at the possibility of Gojyo's words to move. The voice was also taken by delighted surprise, claw tipped fingers running over its lips in anticipation of the first spattering of blood along its mouth. Every little inch the knife moved closer to flawless, golden skin sent tingles of anticipation sizzling up and down his spine. His skin was positively aching for a feel of dark, thick heat smeared across it. The tip was almost there. So painfully close it drew a faint whine of need from his throat...

Until he realized what Gojyo was intending to do. Hakkai hadn't been aware he could move so fast. One minute, he was sitting and salivating over the blue veins winding underneath smooth skin. The next, he had his back slammed to the wall and as far away from Gojyo as he could get. "No, Gojyo! Please, I can't do it," he begged, dropping to his knees and rocking back and forth sharply. His hands wound through his hair tightly, craddling his head as he crushed his eyelids closed, trying to erase the stunning picture his friend had made of preparing to open a vein to satiate his hungers.

"Hakkai, if it'll help-,"

"It won't, don't you understand?" he shouted. "Every little taste I get makes this so much harder to control! Giving in will only make the cravings so much worse. Please... just..." He froze as the voice suddenly ripped itself through him, the anger so hot and burning along his skin that he wished he could simply shed it and run for his very life.

_"This was blood given freely, and you're denying it? He's willing, he WANTS you to take it! No killing involved, no forcing of your will onto another! Let him feed you his blood NOW!"_

"NO! I can't do it!" He screamed as his spine bowed, arching him hard off the floor and sending his fingers scrabbling to anchor himself back in place. Oh, God. it was trying to break out! He could feel it practically ripping through his body, force its own physical differences through and out his natural shape. It felt as if his entire body were about to explode in favor of the new one blossoming through his muscles, his joints. Hakkai screamed wordlessly, twisting his body onto its side in an effort to redirect it to his will. The voice fought him every step of the way, jerking him spastically on the floor in body-slamming pulses.

"Hakkai?" Gojyo's voice sounded beyond worried, but Hakkai couldn't do anything to reassure him. It was all he could do to simply maintain the focus he had. He continued to scream and struggle, calling upon every last shred of control he had on himself to shove the voice back into its nearly broken prison and slap the caged bars back into place. It felt like ages that he fought for control over his own body, his shoulders, stomach and back aching painfully from the strain forced upon them, but at last... he felt it. It was like a light switch suddenly flicking off, and so rapid was his sudden repossession of his limbs that he fell against the floor with a harsh gasp.

Hands were on him, warm and quaking as they pulled him to a sitting position. His lungs were heaving with every strained, gasping breath. Sweat soaked the cotton of his shirt and tunic and caused the wet material to stick hotly to his slicked skin. He couldn't stop the violent shaking in his body as tears squeezed from his scrunched eyes, mingling with the sweat on his cheeks. He could feel Gojyo at his back as he continued to hyperventilate.

Strong arms enfolded him from behind, jean clad thighs raised around him to form a little haven of stability for his body. Hakkai continued to fight for some form of normal breathing, hearing but being unable to comply to Gojyo's soft voice against his ear, urging him to calm down. He couldn't seem to, no matter how hard he tried. The voice was silent, sulking in its prison while petulantly enjoying his continued struggles with his body. Black spots began to eat at his vision behind closed eyes, a dizziness from lack of proper oxygen making him want to wretch the contents of his stomach out onto the floor. Gojyo continued to hold him steady, smoothing the damp pieces of hair back from his head while rocking him back and forth gently and whispering for him to take deep, slow breaths.

Finally, Hakkai felt the tremors that threatened to shake him into a million pieces begin to ease. He continued to choke and gag on the air trying to find his lungs, but at least they were coming steadier and growing more solid. His eyes stung from the sweat and tears as he slowly cracked his swollen lids open. He began to uncurl his fingers fromt he bruising grip he'd taken on Gojyo's wrists, guilt washing over him at the darkened splotches already forming. He relaxed bit by bit further into the comfort of Gojyo's arms, groaning faintly while Gojyo's whispered encouragements reassuringly lied to him that everything was fine, that everything would be okay.

The sound of metal chinking against metal in the familiar form of a gun cocking made both of them stiffen. Hakkai's eyes opened fully, his body still except for the near hiccuping jerks it involuntarily gave. A gun... Oh, God... He knew the sound of a bullet dropping into the chamber like the very back of his hand. Slowly, his gaze shifted to the doorway that he now realized with horror was wide open. It traced up black combat style boots to buttery soft ivory silk. He traced the individual pieces of a leather armored chest plate, up the barest peeking of black leather until...

It met cooly glaring violet eyes that were narrowed lethally in his direction.


	8. Chapter 8

Kougaiji's head snapped up in surprise at Yaone's pleased announcement. "What, already?"

Yaone nodded, her face showing a relieved flush spreading across her cheeks. "Yes, my lord. Seifu woke about an hour ago. He's eaten and says he feels ready to talk about what had happened to him."

"Tell him to rest. I don't want to force him to talk too soon." After the way that man had been discovered, so terrified that he hadn't realized his leg had been shattered horrifically, the last thing he wanted was to force Seifu to relive the events that had led to him crawling up the hill of Houtu Castle with bones poking through holes in his skin.

"Actually, Lord Kougaiji," Yaone continued softly, her eyes showing her own sympathy for the victim she'd helped to save. "It might be beneficial for him to get it off his chest now. It would be a terrible thing if his body was healed and his mind was left untouched."

Kougaiji let out a low sigh as he raked his clawed fingers back through his hair. She had a point on that one. He'd seen trauma victims from the war return, receive medical attention and then commit suicide because of the damage done to their minds. Sometimes the psychological wounds were the ones that truly killed a person. He nodded and indicated with one hand that she was to direct him to the room Seifu was in.

Yaone walked briskly down the hall, understanding that words weren't necessary in the tense air surrounding them. The mood was somber and heavy, and she respected that with her silence. Her ability to read his mood and adapt hers to compliment it was a bonus he hadn't expected upon first employing her. To him, that was worth more than any skill in healing or explosives. Yaone was someone he could talk to honestly and expect that she would understand and react accordingly. It was a blessed relief from the constant double talk of the court.

They came to a room with windows that faced down across the dull, greyish hued city hidden from view behind the castle. When most people came across the rather abnormal structure that was Houtu Castle, they usually never saw the small city stretching out behind it. It was tucked away between the hulking fortress and the small forest that marched down the southern side of the mountain. This was where the farmers, the craftmasters and the commoners who served the castle all lived. In times of peace, they were cared for and respected by those in the castle due to the unique skills they possessed. In times of war though, they were usually left to be the first to die from invading forces. Or, at least that's how it was when his father lived in these darkened halls. Gyokumen Koushu had been beyond furious when he'd ordered stone workers to build a smaller gate that attached to the city for the protection of the common folk who looked to the castle. Soldiers could be found anywhere, whether volunteered or hired. It didn't take a lot of talent to kill someone. Finding a skilled farmer who could supply wheat for those soldiers was a far greater commodity, and one that he would do everything he could to protect.

Yaone knocked on the door politely and waited for a few seconds to be sure Seifu didn't have any guests visiting him. Dokugakuji had gone down to find the man's wife and children, and had returned with the nearly hysterical woman in tow. After assessing the damage herself, she'd flung herself into Yaone's arms and sobbed her undying gratitude for the young healer's skills. Yaone had turned an amazing shade of red and passed the crying woman off to Dokugakuji with a mumbled thanks in recognition of the words. Kougaiji had then explained to the woman that they were investigating the incident fully and that she need not worry about their children, farm or house. Then, it was his turn to stumble under her sudden collapse against him and the renewed tears that seemed to flow never ending from her eyes. Dokugakuji had been highly amused by this... until Kougaiji told the woman that the swordsman would be available to help with whatever manual labor needed to be done. He'd walked away smirking as Dokugakuji found himself assaulted by those tears and the grateful cries. When would the man ever learn that the prince always had the last word?

That had been this morning, almost a full sixteen hours after Seifu had come pathetically crawling and terrified back to the castle. It was now early evening and his wife had been to see him at least twenty-three times. Twenty-three times in sixteen hours... He understood she was terrified to see her husband near comatose, but twenty-three times seemed a bit like overkill. He followed Yaone through the heavy wooden door, his eyes quickly adjusting to the near pitch darkness of the room. The thick curtains had been drawn, cutting off any view the windows might have offered of the city below. The room was the typical guest room reserved for lesser nobles who happened to come visiting. Worn stone floors with an ornated rug to offer some relief to bare feet from the coolness stretched across the room. Expertly crafted hanging lamps were strung on thin, gold chains from the ceiling. The bed itself was a little overly large for the space... but then again, considering how lusty most of the men of rank were, an excedingly large bed was almost a prerequisite.  
Seifu was sleeping on the side closest to the door. Apparently, the enormous bed wasn't to his liking either. His green eyes skimmed over toward Yaone and a smile of neary worship and gratitude tugged at the one side of his face that could function under the heavy bruises. "Milady, it's good to see you," he said hoarsely as a greeting.

Kougaiji, still hidden from the man's view by way of the full curtains that were tied back around the tall bed posts, arched a brow at Yaone as a smirk crossed his lips. Her cheeks flared up again at the courteous title, but the glare she shot her own lord in response to his amusement was anything but friendly. "Please, Seifu, I'm not a noble so there's no need for the formality," she said through gritted teeth. Obviously, she'd been over this with him before. Kougaiji crossed his arms over his chest and suppressed the chuckle at her discomfort. Perhaps this would teach her why he kept insisting she simply call him by name. "I brought Prince Kougaiji with me, Seifu, as you requested."

The man in the bed's eyes widened a little as he struggled to lean around the curtains to see Kougaiji. "My prince... I had no idea you were here!" A hiss broke out as his efforts to rise into a sitting position strained some of his wounds. Both Kougaiji and Yaone were instantly at his side, Yaone pressing him gently back into the mattress while Kougaiji took a seat toward the foot of the bed and waited for the healer to resettle her patient.

Seifu finally relented to her gentle hands, letting his head drop back on the pillow as his breaths came in shallow pants. A faint trailing of sweat slithered along the skin of his forehead and down into the sheets beneath him. Kougaiji waited patiently for the man to regain control of his breathing and get comfortable again before asking in a cautious tone, "I'm interested to know what exactly happened to you, Seifu. Please tell me what you can and are willing to. I understand whatever happened was... traumatic. Don't push yourself too hard."

Green eyes slitted open narrowly, and the haunted look in them made Kougaiji suck in a breath. That gaze spoke of scars that no amount of physical healing would cure. It was like taking a punch in the gut for the prince, seeing such a look in any of his peoples' eyes. His fists clenched tightly, the claws on his fingertips biting into the skin sharply, but not enough to draw blood. If it was the last thing he did, he would find whoever did this and make them suffer just as much horror as they inflicted on this poor man!

"I... I had to join the army, milord," Seifu began in a thick voice that was barely loud enough to filter into the room. "The taxes were so high, and my farm is such a small one... I had no choice, milord!"

"You don't need to worry about the taxes any longer, Seifu. Any debt you may have had has been taken care of. Your farm is being seen to, as is your family," Kougaiji replied soothingly to the desperation in the other man's voice.

Seifu nodded, closing his eyes in relief. "Good... Good. Thank you, milord. I was very worried about my wife and children."

"They _will_ be kept safe. I promise you that."

The man nodded again, but didn't open his eyes. He remained silent, as if gathering himself to continue with the report. Kougaiji waited for the man, allowing him the time to find the words he wanted without being forced. If it were Gyokumen Koushu here in his place, he had no doubt the careful questioning of Seifu would have been more like an interrogation. So far, they'd been fortunate in the fact that she seemed to have very little concern for one injured soldier's return. Yaone shifted on the bed, glancing questioningly at her lord. She was asking if she should maybe prod Seifu into a response. Kougaiji shook his head in the negative, and she returned to watching with her hands folded in her lap neatly.

Finally, Seifu's eyes opened a crack, the pale green of his eyes catching in the dim light of the room. This time, Kougaiji couldn't stop the hiss of breath at the dulled, broken stare he could tell was hiding behind fringed lashes. It was like another person completely staring out of that bruised and beaten face. That look was one of a man who didn't care whether or not he lived or died. He knew from the way Yaone's back stiffened that she'd seen it as well. He suspected that from now until he was discharged, Seifu would be kept on a constant watch in case of suicide. Kougaiji closed his own eyes to try and supress some of the burning anger toward whoever attacked his people. What kind of monster were they up against?

"I was part of the recent group sent to kill Genjyo Sanzo and collect the Maten Sutra," Seifu said. His voice held no trace of emotion to it, a dry retelling of the events that had occured. No doubt his mind was trying to shield him from the horrors by shutting him down emotionally. "My commanding officer had received information that one of the members was sick to the point of being unable to fight. It was the perfect time to attack, he said."

"Who gave you this information?" Kougaiji asked tightly. He had his usual list of suspects, of course, at the top of which was a certain human scientist who would find a good deal of humor in sending farmers to get slaughtered by a monster.

"I... I don't know, milord. My commanding officer wouldn't say," he muttered. "My commanding officer was Shuneshi, though... if that helps?"

"It does greatly. Now, can you tell me what happened to you and your comrades? You were sent to find the Sanzo party and were waylaid, correct?"

Seifu laughed, but humor was the last thing that sound indicated. It was bitter and a touch too wild to be perfectly sane. His eyes opened fully to stare at the bed without actually registering the fine silken coverlet on his lower body. Yaone shifted uncomfortably and rubbed her hands together, sending Kougaiji a look out of the corner of her eye that said she was doubting the decision to talk to this man quite yet. "_They_ happened, that's what," Seifu said with just a hint of a snicker to the edge of his voice. "We were told it'd be easy. None of us were stupid, we'd all heard that _they_ fought like crazy people. When our commanding officer told us it would be easy with one sick, we weren't as scared anymore. And then..." He burst out into a cackle of laughter, eyes wide and pupils so closed that the brilliant green of his eyes almost overtook them. Yaone wasn't the only one this time to stiffen warily.

"Seifu... maybe we should continue this another time," Kougaiji suggested softly. "Wait until you're healed a bit more. I don't think you know what you're saying fully."

"Were you there?" the man practically snarled. "Did you see what they did to us? Did you see _him_? Gods... he wasn't normal, not normal at all... Those eyes... H-He didn't care... didn't care at all that I... that we..." He whimpered, teeth snapping close hard enough that it had to have hurt. "All I feel are those hands around my neck, squeezing so hard I couldn't breathe. All I can see now are those eyes, so cold and so... bloodthirsty. _He_ wasn't fighting. He was hunting. Gods... like an animal..."

"Who? Who was hunting you, Seifu?" Kougaiji pressed, ignoring Yaone's hand on his arm cautioning him not to push too hard. They were so closed to knowing what had happened. He couldn't leave it now. Kougaiji had suspected from the moment he saw those injuries that Goku had removed his limiter. He shuddered as his own memories of the terror that was Goku in his natural form swept over him. Yaone's thumb rubbed against his wrist soothingly, but she didn't take her eyes off the man shivering with tears trailing down his cheeks. She knew what her lord was thinking about and understood to some extent how terrifying it was to face something so utterly devoid of reasoning that all it saw was destruction, blood and death. If he found out Nii had somehow forced Goku into removing his limiter just to see these untrained men get slaughtered, Houtu Castle would be in need of a new scientist for the revival project.

"I...I-I don't know which one," he suddenly cried out. "All I remember is that HE told me to run, and... I did. I ran even though I knew he was going to catch me and kill me. Those eyes... Why can't I stop seeing them? Those cold... inhuman... green eyes!"

Yaone gasped as she covered her mouth with her hands. Kougaiji's entire body went frigid and cold, as if his blood had been chilled before being pumped through his body. He knew he was gaping and that his jaw was slack, but he couldn't help the reaction. Green eyes... not gold. Green eyes... Yaone's entire body was shivering hard as she slowly let out ragged breaths, trying to control a body that was sinking into numb surprise. He couldn't believe it himself. Hakkai... of all of the group, he was the least likely to be accused of something so viscious. Something wasn't right here. Something was so unbelievably off that he didn't even know where to start in the thought process. Hakkai attacked a clearly untrained man, savagely ordered him to run and then proceded to hunt him down and torture him. Kougaiji shivered again before he cleared his throat and tried for speech.

"Thank you, Seifu. I swear I will personally look into this." Kougaiji took a firm grip under Yaone's arm and practically had to lift the shocked woman to her feet. He steered her out the door to the room and shut it before he turned her around to look at him, his hands resting on her shoulders and rubbing soothingly. "Yaone, are you going to be okay?"

"I-I think so, my lord," she whispered unconvincingly. "It's just... He must be mistaken, my lord! Hakkai wouldn't do something like... that."

"I would normally agree with you, Yaone, but Seifu seemed positive about the color of his attacker's eyes. A detail like that isn't something to be easily confused or muddled."  
"But... It's _Hakkai_! Lord Kougaiji-,"

Kougaiji nodded, silencing her as his hands rubbed down her arms in an attempt to calm her frayed nerves. "I know. Believe me, Yaone, I do know. But, that's the only lead we have, so it's what we need to work with. I don't think this is something Hakkai would have done without some... outside persuasion." He gave her a meaningful look, one he hoped she picked up on.

Yaone's eyes narrowed coldly as she caught his meaning. "I'm out of surgical gloves. I think I need to restock them," she replied with just a smattering of sarcasm in her tone. They both knew the surgical gloves would only be a perk for raiding the laboratory.

Kougaiji smiled a little at her joke and released her arms. "Then I suggest you get those gloves, along with whatever else you may need. And I also think Dokugakuji needs to play mahjong in the commanders' barracks tonight." She offered a weak smile to him before giving a little half bow and hurrying off down the hall way.

Sighing, Kougaiji's face twisted into one of faint distaste. Yaone would search Nii's lab. Dokugakuji would try and get information out of the officers. That meant he had to pay a little social visit to his dear stepmother. How thrilling.

----------

Gojyo stared up into violet eyes that were colder than an ice cube down the back of his neck, and just a shiver-provoking. The look Sanzo was giving them was one he usually reserved for the field of battle. Hakkai's quaking body had frozen to the point of absolute stillness, as if by not moving a muscle he could avoid that shrewd, piercing glare. Then, just as suddenly as the seizure like shivers had stopped, they resumed again so badly that it took a good amount of strength to keep him steady. The first step the monk took into the room seemed much louder than Gojyo knew it was. It made both him and the friend he hugged closer to his chest flinch.

"Sanzo... this isn't-," Gojyo began as he back peddled on his ass across the floor, dragging Hakkai with him. Hakkai's fingers dug painfully into his wrists, the nails threatening to break through his skin. He took the pain and shoved it aside. Hadn't he said that if his blood would help, he'd give it to his friend? He'd be damned if he let that holy bastard get a shot in on Hakkai!

"Shut up, kappa," Sanzo said in a tone of voice that rivaled an iceberg in chillness. He was the only true human in their group, but the merciless expression on his face was anything but that. He took another seemingly loud step into the room, and that step was echoed by a lighter one behind him. Gojyo's eyes flickered beyond the pale ivory robes to meet golden eyes wide and round with shock. Goku's gaze kept switching from Hakkai's terror of the monk and the back of Sanzo's head. The kid's uncertainty was clear as day; he didn't know if he should back Sanzo on this or help Hakkai. Gojyo grit his teeth and almost snarled his outrage over such a decision. This was _not_ the time to be siding with the bitchy priest!

"I never thought I'd have to do this, especially to you," Sanzo said in that lethally soft voice. It was low, what would have passed for seductive if they had been in a bar and he didn't have a lapful of terrified man that he was slowly dragging away from an enraged monk. Gojyo wished to the gods he could just haul to his feet, sling Hakkai over his shoulder and make a dash for it, but as it stood (no pun intended) there was no way he could coax Hakkai into releasing the death grip on his wrists. He could smell his friend's sweat being this close, and something just under it that woke the protective beast inside him. He wasn't a full youkai, but he knew the smell of fear just as well as the next guy. Hakkai's heart was beating erratic and fast against the forearm he had locked around his chest. If he could see the green eyed man's face, he knew those eyes would possibly be wider than his own.

"Sanzo, don't do this!" Gojyo shouted, trying to jerk one hand free from Hakkai to summon his shaku-jo. The adrenaline was finally kicking into his system and was fanning his own fierce temper even hotter. If that monk wanted to try and kill something, then fine! But he wasn't going to kill Hakkai, and there was no way in hell he was about to lose to a blonde. He growled low in his throat and jerked hard on a wrist. "Damn it, Hakkai, let go!" Another hard jerk and his wrist was free, but at the expense of losing some skin He hissed at the sting and watched as a few tiny drops of blood surfaced on his skin.

He felt the change in Hakkai's body the minute the scent of fresh blood hit his nose. Hakkai's back went just as stiff as when Sanzo first walked in the room before relaxing and practically melting back into Gojyo's chest. "Oh, God..." The breathy moan was enough to give everyone pause. Gojyo blinked, surprised to the point of being speechless. He didn't know Hakkai was capable of making such sensual sounds. If it were a woman sitting on his lap and sounding so needy, it would be one thing. But... it wasn't. Not only was it a man, it was Hakkai. His very good friend, probably the best he had. Both of those facts were what made him very uncomfortable about that hungry little moan. Another hiss broke from him as Hakkai grabbed his scratched wrist and began massaging around the little wound, something very close to a whine leaving his throat as the movement coaxed more blood to collect on his skin.

"Sanzo... is he...?" Goku licked his lips nervously, casting a worried glance toward his keeper before returning to where Hakkai was practically sprawled across Gojyo. Gojyo had frozen completely in backing away from the monk once Hakkai had started teasing the blood from his wrist. The back pressed to his chest was relaxed, the only sign that an internal battle was being fought showing in the panting breaths sucked quickly into his lungs. The sweat remained, but the fear had disappeared completely. Being this close to Hakkai in this state also made him notice the slight change in aura surrounding the usually restrained man. Where Hakkai's aura usually reminded him of cool, refreshing water, this new aura stung along his skin. It felt like tiny insect bites marching up and down his arms and the back of his neck. The power was hot, sharp and not at all comfortable. Gojyo pulled on his arm, trying to dislodge it from Hakkai's grip carefully. Hakkai growled and tightened his grip painfully. Gojyo winced, knowing he would have bruises in the morning, and tugged again. And, like before, Hakkai refused to let go, squeezing his hand down harder. Now he could feel the ache in his bones and he couldn't hold back a choked little cry from it.

"Hakkai."

The way Sanzo said his name made Hakkai freeze, but not out of terror. It was the wariness of a predatory animal, the calmness as it decided whether or not to flee or fight. The two stared at each other, not a word spoken for the longest time until Sanzo said in a very soft, controled voice, "You're hurting Gojyo. You don't want to do that."

For a second, the grip on his wrist tightened to the point where Gojyo had to bite the insides of his cheek to keep from screaming. His eyes scrunched closed and he found himself now panting while his heart began to race faster. He wasn't scared, not too much at any rate. And he could take pain just as easily as the next guy, but this... He could take the pain when it was quickly given and quickly over. This pressure was constant and never ending, the only variance being when Hakkai squeezed tighter. He hated being left on the brink of pain too long. It made the injury that much worse. Gojyo's eyes flew open as Hakkai, with a startled gasp that bordered close to a sob, suddenly flung his wrist away like it was the most distasteful thing he'd ever touched. "Oh... my God!"

The moan this time wasn't at all like the first one. There was nothing at all sensual to it, nothing to hint at the hunger Hakkai had expressed before. This moan carried all the self loathing and the agony of fighting against the cravings for blood in it. Hakkai rocked forward, away from Gojyo's chest and his limp hold around him. He brought his knees up and curled his arms around them, trying to shrink himself from sight again. Gojyo could see the repulsed shudders twitching down teh curved spine facing him and felt his own heart ache at the sight. Gods, he couldn't stand seeing Hakkai so... broken. Yeah, that's what he was. Hakkai was being broken down by this, ripped apart one piece at a time and reshaped into something he wasn't. It as killing Gojyo to watch his usually resolved, calm friend get stripped down so heartlessly. It pissed him off something fierce, and gave him a greater need than saving the world to head west. If this was the Minus Wave, the sooner they got to India and stopped it, the sooner Hakkai could return to normal.

Slowly, he reached a hand out and touched Hakkai's back. Hakkai gave a protesting little cry as he shrugged away from the touch. Not one to back down so easily, Gojyo returned his hand firmly to the damp fabric of his friend's tunic, waiting to see if Hakkai would pull away again. When he didn't, Gojyo moved himself closer again, running his hand soothingly up and down the faint ridges of spine he could feel through the sweat soaked fabric. Hakkai allowed the gentle massage but didn't uncurl himself from his little knot.  
Ivory robes whispered as Sanzo took another step toward them, standing over Hakkai's hunched form. A soft click made Gojyo's eyes snap upward fearfully before a flickering light heralded the arrival of a cigarette being lit. He felt his mouth water as the first wafting of nicotine hit his nose. Gods, a smoke would be so good right now! He didn't dare move for his own smokes, seeing as Sanzo was still putting of deadly vibes. He contented himself with inhaling the monk's second hand smoke, eyes watching that cooly arrogant face for any sign that he was going to draw his gun and fire on Hakkai.

Sanzo took a hit and exhaled it slowly, his thin lips curving downward in a disapproving frown. "You... are just as idiotic as the other two," he muttered.

Goku and Gojyo shot each other confused looks. Hakkai slowly looked up, his lips parted and eyes red from the strain. "Huh?" he managed to get out through his hoarse throat. Despite what could almost be considered a conversational tone for the monk, Gojyo didn't relax in the least. Sanzo was the king of poker face during any situation that might require him to use his gun.

That was when Sanzo did the unthinkable. Neither Gojyo or Goku were prepared for it, and couldn't stop it once they saw it start. All Hakkai had time to do was blink in shock before...

**THWACK!**

**  
** Two faces cringed in sympathy for the sting that Sanzo could create with paper. The third had only a moment to register his shock before the pain registered with his brain.  
"Ow! That really _does_ hurt, Sanzo!" Hakkai exclaimed in disbelief, rubbing where the fan had smacked his head while giving the monk a sour glare.

Sanzo grunted at the comment as he tucked the fan back in his robe. "It's supposed to. Remember that the next time you even think about doing something as stupid as not informing me of these things. Not that you really could have kept it a secret anyway. Did you honestly think I wouldn't notice your sudden jonesing for blood?"

"Well, I..."

"Hn, you're an even bigger idiot than I thought."

There was a tension in the air as the two stared at each other, one wearing a look of smug triumph while the other still gaped and fingerd what was going to be a good sized lump on the side of his head. Gojyo and Goku waited quietly, the boy watching his guardian while the red head watched his friend. Hakkai's shoulders curled over again, his head dropping as he finally looked away from that all-too dominating glare cast from above. "I don't know _what_ I was thinking," Hakkai murmured.

"You weren't, which isn't like you," Sanzo replied before moving away from them. The scraping of a chair made the floor vibrate a little as the monk finally took a seat at the table. Gojyo began to relax himself, the adrenaline slowly fading from his system. If Sanzo was going to kill Hakkai, he would have tried to do so by now. It seemed the pissy monk was only here to make a point of some kind. "How bad is it?"

"It's pretty bad, Sanzo," Gojyo answered for Hakkai while he resumed the gentle rubbing of his friend's back. "It's not the Minus Wave, though." That last was added a touch more fiercely, as if driving that fact home through a thick, blonde skull would save him from the banishing gun.

"I wasn't asking you," the blonde sneered. "You're not the one with the problem, so why would I ask you?"

"Hey, lay off, asshole! I've lived with the guy for three years. I know him well enough to speak for him, damn it!"

"Um... guys?" Goku interupted quietly. Glaring crimson and violet eyes snapped on the boy. One comment about food, and that kid was gonna get an ass whoopin' the likes of which hadn't been seen before, Gojyo swore to himself. What Goku said instead instantly doused out any animosity the other two might have held toward each other. "I think Hakkai's not doin' too well with all the yellin'."

Both of them glanced at the other man, whose fingers were woven into his hair with his palms pressing hard on his temples. He was muttering under his breath, the words inaudible from even as close as Gojyo was sitting. Gojyo moved closer, leaning his head forward across Hakkai's shoulder to try and catch the words. "No, no, no, no... not that... I won't... I won't!"

"Hakkai, what's it telling you to do?" Gojyo asked softly. He heard Sanzo suck in a sharp breath and saw Goku shift nervously out of the corner of his eye. "Hakkai? C'mon, man, what's it saying?"

"It... It's saying I should tear all your throats out. That's the only way to stop the bickering," Hakkai mumbled miserably.

"It?" Sanzo questioned, sitting forward in his chair.

Gojyo nodded as he pressed himself closer to Hakkai's back, settling his head on his friend's shoulder. He'd done this for Hakkai through all the rainy nights, just sat with him and offered comfort if he needed it. He himself wasn't much of a cuddler unless it got him some companionship for the evening, but Hakkai had changed all that. The first rain they had together had been the worse. He'd come home, soaking wet from having to run through the downpour, to discover the lights were out, the furnace hadn't been turned on and that what should have been their dinner had burned to the point of smoking up the house. And Hakkai... was in the bathroom with one of his razors. Gojyo forgot about everything except seeing the little trickles of blood winding their way down Hakkai's skin. It was a combination of his own need to help _someone_ for a change and the expression on Hakkai's face that had suddenly turned on the cuddle switch he hadn't known he'd had. That look was too similar to the one on Hakkai's face now. Agony, to put it in its most simple of terms. The type of agony that drove a person out of their mind slowly but steadily, like a knife stabbed into the lungs and twisted slowly upon being removed to increase the amount of damage done. Gojyo had promised himself then that he wouldn't allow that look to return to Hakkai's face.

Well, that look was back, and gut instinct told him no amount of physical comfort would make it go away. Whatever was happening to Hakkai was much worse than any rainy day. Gojyo heaved a breath before glancing at Sanzo through a fall of his own hair. Hakkai wasn't going to answer... so Gojyo could at least do that for him. Who knew, maybe the holy prick might have an answer? The dude liked to pull the oh-I-just-remembered card a lot, and usually _after_ the bad stuff happened. "He's hearing voices telling him to kill us," he explained.

"One... not multiple," Hakkai corrected with a numbness that said he was trying to remove himself mentally from the conversation. "It says it's me... but it's not. It can't be me. I don't want... I would never..."

"Well, of course it's not you," Goku said as he sat cross legged on the ground directly in front of where Gojyo still held Hakkai loosely. He gave the green eyed man a look as if to say that fact was painfully obvious. "I mean, there can't be _two_ yous. You're Hakkai. You look like him. You talk like him. An' you smell like him, too. You can't be anybody else."

Gojyo wasn't the only one not following Monkey Logic today. Sanzo blew out a violent stream of smoke before kicking Goku roughly in the leg. "Make sense or stay quiet, monkey!"

"But I AM makin' sense, Sanzo! An' stop kickin' me already," Goku shouted back. "All I'm sayin' is that whoever this voice is, it's not Hakkai. So Hakkai shouldn't be listenin' to it since it's not him."

The kid's meaning finally registered and made Gojyo smile slightly against Hakkai's shoulder. "I don't think it's as easy as all that, Goku. It's not like ignoring someone on the street. The voice is in his head. You can't run from the shit in your head."

Goku frowned and stared down at where his hands gripped his ankles. "I was just sayin' that we know Hakkai wouldn't do somethin' like rip our throats out," he mumbled dejectedly.

Hakkai's back moved with the soft, weary chuckle he managed to drag up. That little amused sound made Gojyo release a breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding shortly before a wave of relief rolled through him. It did wonders for his own stress levels to hear that Hakkai could still manage genuine amusement. When Hakkai leaned forward, Gojyo released him enough to do so, sitting back to allow the other man to cover one of Goku's hands with his own. Goku blinked, caught off guard by the gesture before a wide grin split his face. "Thank you for confirming that, Goku," he said with a wealth of sincerity and warmth in his tone. Goku had, as was usual when facing the optemistic youth, managed to alleviate some of Hakkai's inner turmoil with his simple words.

"Sure... s'nothin', Hakkai," Goku replied as redness crept into his cheeks.

"Whenever you three are done with your feel-good moment, we should probably discuss this a little more in depth," Sanzo's voice cut in sharply.

"How much more in depth do you wanna get?" Gojyo snapped as he pushed to his feet. Hakkai was fine now, he didn't need anyone at his back. That meant he was free and clear to pick a fight with the monk if he wanted to. Right then, the matter shouldn't be discussed any further. Hakkai had been pushed enough for one day. Any discussion could continue later that day or the following. As far as he was concerned, he was satisfied with it for now. Sanzo and Goku knew, so it wasn't a big secret any longer. That was all he'd wanted anyway.

The glare Sanzo flung at him was one of the most deadly cold he'd managed so far. Unfortunately for him, Gojyo was immune to scathing glares from bitchy blondes. "Until you can say something that has even an ounce of intelligence in it, keep your mouth shut. This discussion isn't closed until I say so."

"Oh, really? How about I tell you we're done and you go learn to deal with disappointment!"

"Gojyo... Sanzo's right. Now that it's in the open, it would be beneficial for everyone to understand what exactly is happening," Hakkai suggested meekly.

Gojyo blinked, mouth opening a little in surprise that Hakkai was actually defending the bitter bastard. "Yeah, but... dude, you're wiped out. It can wait until you get a little sleep."

"Gojyo..."

It was the plead tied into his name that finally made the kappa relent. Scowling and huffing out an annoyed breath, Gojyo swung a chair around backward and sat down in it, pinning his crimson glare onto a flashing violet one. "Start the interrogation anytime you want, O Wonderous One!"

Sanzo's lip curled upward in a sneer at the slurred title before he crushed his cigarette out harshly in the ash tray. "How long ago did this all start?"

"Only two weeks at most," Hakkai replied automatically, his voice devoid of any sort of emotion that could give Gojyo grounds for refusing the questions. "Maybe a little longer than that. I'm not entirely certain though."

"How did it start?"

"Headaches, sensitivity to light and sound, a shorter amount of patience and decreased control of my temper. From there, the voice started whispering. It was quiet at first and not at all distinct, but it left impressions in my head." Hakkai rocked back slightly on his knees, tilting his head back with his eyes closed toward the ceiling. His fingers were digging hard into the fabric covering his thighs. He swallowed hard, the movement bobbing down his straining throat visibly. "That was when the cravings began and when I realized something truly was wrong. It got worse when I... slipped."

"Slipped? What'dya mean by that?" Goku questioned as he scooted a fraction of an inch closer to Sanzo.

Hakkai's eyes opened, cold and hard as glass. Gojyo sucked in a sharp breath as Hakkai slowly straightened his head before turning to fix that hardened stare onto Goku, who backed away further without bothering to hide it. "It means, Goku," he said in a voice that was edging back toward the dangerously seductive one earlier. "That I slipped. I cut myself when I punched out a mirror and I licked the wounds. Even now, when I know how wrong it was, I still can't get that taste out of my mouth. The experience of it was near... orgasmic. And that was just with my own blood. Imagine how much more it would be if it were someone else's."

"Um... " The boy turned frightened gold eyes to Sanzo. Clearly, he'd thought Hakkai meant a slip and fall incident. He hadn't expected a slip in resolve.

"Why did you punch the mirror, Hakkai?" the monk asked quietly, earning him a startled blink from the one the question was being directed at.

Hakkai's fingers curled into his thighs, hard enough that bruises would be left. Gojyo's eyes narrowed as he watched the physical effort it took his friend to mentally collect himself for the question. Green eyes closed again, his narrow jaw clamped so firmly shut it looked as if his teeth were going to be crushed permanently together. "It ws there," Hakkai squeezed out through his teeth. The next breath he took was sucked in harshly as his shoulders hunched forward a bit. No one said a word or moved an inch while he supressed whatever it was that was trying to control him. "I saw it... in the mirror."

"It? You mean the voice?" Sanzo pressed as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

A sharp, quick nod was the answer before Hakkai hissed in pain, his hands rising from his thighs to his temples again. "It kept saying such awful things and I... I punched it."

"Well, if you saw it, then it's gotta be a real person. So, why don't we just find it an' kill it?" Goku asked with a shrug of his shoudlders.

This time, Gojyo was the one to kick the kid, who howled a protest as he rubbed his abused shin. "I swear, if it's not about meatbuns, you don't understand jack! The voice isn't real, get that through your thick skull now. What he saw was an illusion in the glass. You can't punch an illusion."

"You're explaining that to the wrong person, Gojyo," Sanzo replied dryly. Gojyo scowled at him, but refrained from flicking the sarcastic prick off.

"There's only so long you can ignore a fly buzzing around your head before you try and squish it, Sanzo," Hakkai said with a weak smile.

"You aslo don't listen to a fly buzz and then think to yourself _you _are a fly either," the monk returned quickly.

"Hakkai doesn't have a choice _but_ to listen to this thing," Gojyo snapped. He ran his fingers back through his hair irritably before reaching for the smokes in his back pocket. Nicotine... now! Before he bitch slapped a holy man... "I saw it. Whatever is inside his head was trying to take over not even ten minutes ago."

Sanzo remained silent to that, his entire focus bent on where Hakkai was kneeling. The two stared at each other for what felt like hours, both of them intent as if having some private conversation in their minds. It was Sanzo who finally broke the silence, pulling out his cigarettes and tapping one out of the carton. "You obviously have an idea about what to do from here. Let's hear it."

Hakkai took a dep breath and let it out slowly, lowering his eyes from the violent purple glare pinned on him. "I shouldn't continue any further west," he said slowly. It was obvious from the tone that he didn't really like the suggestion he was putting forth. He was just thinking of everyone but himself, as was usual. Gojyo shook his head slightly and rolled his eyes. "It would be detrimental to all of you as well as the mission. Tomorrow morning, I propose the three of you continue on. I'll leave this place and go where I won't be a burden or a dange to anyone else."

"Hakkai..." Goku's comment about how that wasn't going to happen was cut off by his guardian's own dismissal of the idea.

"Out of the question." Sanzo took a hard suck on his cigarette before releasing the cloud with an irritated little frown.

"It's a perfectly logical solution, Sanzo," the green eyed man reasoned.

"It's bullshit, that's what it is. I can think of several good reasons why your logic won't work," the monk argued.

"Such as?"

"First, Hakuryuu isn't going to haul ass for anyone but you. I am _not_ walking the rest of the way to India. Second, whatever is going on with you has its source westward. I would bet my last pack of smokes on it. If you want it to end, you're going to have to go to the source. Third, the sanbutsushin put you under my watch. I'm responsible for your good conduct, and you running around in a bloodlust is _not_ good conduct. You're going to stay where I can keep an eye on you, end of discussion."

Gojyo quickly hid his smile by taking a hit of his own, though he did kind of hope the monk caught his grateful glance. Normally, he'd be damned if he thanked Sanzo for shit, but this time... he'd suck up the blow to his pride if it meant Hakkai didn't do something as stupid as run off on his own to handle this. Judging by the wide eyes and the way his lips moved without any words coming out, Hakkai couldn't find a loophole through Sanzo's own logic. This time, Gojyo didn't bother hiding his smirk as he nudged his friend playfully with his toe. "So that means you're just gonna have to live with the fact that you're stuck with us."

"But what if I hurt you? Gojyo, I really don't think I could live with myself if I did," Hakkai pleaded.

Gojyo rolled his eyes and shook his head as he sucked down a quick draw of nicotine and spoke with swirls of grey coming from between his lips. "We're not made of glass, Hakkai. It would take more than what you're packing to hurt us, you know that."

"Gojyo..."

He arched a brow, daring Hakkai to finish whatever it was he was about to say. He, like Sanzo, wasn't going to allow room for argument. He helped Hakkai through heavy shit before, and he would make damned sure he was there to do so again. Finally, Hakkai sighed in defeat, that faint trace of an exhausted smile touching his lips. "I really don't have a choice about this, do I?"

"Nope," Goku answered happily, a grin splitting across his face. "Ya can't get rid of us _that_ easy, Hakkai!"

Hakkai shook his head, that smile widening a bit further. Slowly, his fingers began to uncurl from his thighs. His palms smoothed out over the wrinkles in his khakis as he took another calming breath. "In a way I'm kind of glad I don't have that option. I'm terrified that I'm going to wake up one morning and not be me."

"We need to understand how serious this is before we find a way to fix it," Sanzo said practically. He took a final deep drag on his cigarette before crushing it out. "I don't buy the bullshit Gojyo spewed about you not feeling well after that last fight, and you looked pretty close to losing it completely when I came in. Do I need to sleep with the safety off or what?"

"You are _not_ gonna shoot him, asshole! Let's just get that clear right now," Gojyo shouted, picking his head up off his arms to give Sanzo a glare that proved he meant business here. "This is Hakkai we're talking about here, not some random dumb ass trying to take the scripture!"

Sanzo gave him a cool glare back as he crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't care if it's Buddha himself. If he snaps and tries to kill me, I'll kill him. Let's get _that_ clear right now."

"You sadistic son of a-,"

"I understand."

All three turned to look at Hakkai after that quiet acceptance. Hakkai in turn offered a sad, resigned smile as he bowed partially in Sanzo's direction. "If it comes to that, I truly do wish you kill me. I don't want to die if it can be avoided, but I won't risk harming my friends to stay alive. Please... can we stop arguing about this?"

Gojyo exhaled another violent stream of air as his lips twisted into a bitter frown. "Fine, we can stop talking about it. It's not gonna come to that anyway, so we didn't need to talk about it to begin with."

Hakkai's shoulder relaxed again, satisfied for now with the change in conversation. "To answer you honestly, Sanzo," he continued, speaking as if the last topic had never existed. "I'm not sure. Sometimes it feels like I'm about to lose myself to this, and then at others the voice is almost benign. It's constantly whispering to me and I'm finding it difficult to stare at my own reflection without it... changing. All I truly know is that it's getting harder and harder by the day to contain these urges."

"Whaddya mean your reflection changes?" Goku questioned, leaning forward with his legs crossed. Gojyo was a little impressed that the kid seemed to be so focused on Hakkai that he'd not mentioned food once in about... fifteen minutes. Wow, a new record.

"Do you remember when we were trapped inside that gourde not too long ago and I removed my limiters to defeat that enormous character?"

Goku nodded slowly shortly before his eyes went wide as the meaning behind Hakkai's words suddenly sank in. "Oooooh... THAT'S what it becomes?" He shivered and sat upright again, his face now registering something close to fear. "That's really creepy!"

Hakkai nodded his agreement, folding his hands together on his lap. "Imagine how it is for me to see that particular face staring back out of a mirror when I know I have my limiters on."

"Do you think it can break through completely even with your limiters in place?" Sanzo asked.

"No, I don't think so. If it could, I'm fairly certain it would have by now. But, then again, who's to say? After all, it fans the lust for blood while I'm wearing them."

Sanzo shrugged to indicate the point was valid before he shifted on his chair to ease a cramped muscle. "But it's not been able to take total control. You've taken blood and not lost yourself completely, that's what I'm saying."

"I tasted my own blood, Sanzo. I'm not sure what someone else's would do, and I don't care to find out." Hakkai winced, scrunching forward so that his chest was pressed almost solidly against his knees. A little pained groan broke from him as the others watched, tensed in case they needed to back up for a fight. Slowly, his back began to relax again and after a minute or so Hakkai returned to his upright position. His skin was considerably paler and dark circles colored under his bleary eyes. "Forgive me."

"It was speaking again, wasn't it?" Gojyo asked softly, his concern for his friend overriding caution as he touched a slightly quaking shoulder. Hakkai nodded, closing his eyes again as a deep shudder racked through him.

"I know you mean well, Gojyo, but please remove your hand from me. It's... very difficult... to focus on not ripping your hand from your arm with my teeth right now."

That not only made Gojyo jump back quickly, but Goku as well. The boy was now plastered to Sanzo's side, one hand curling into ivory silk robes in fear. Sanzo arched a brow as he glanced down at his charge before rolling his eyes and muttering, "Pussy."

"You'd be doin' th' same thing if you'd seen Hakkai go all scary," Goku insisted fiercely, glowering up at his guardian.

"Yeah, for real, monk. You've not seen the show, so save the comments until you do!" Gojyo added in Goku's defense.

"Anyway," Sanzo interupted with an impartial glare directed at all of them. "Back on topic again. I agree this isn't the Minus Wave. Reason being, it doesn't effect youkai who choose to limit their powers or have a strong sense of self. Until recently, you had both of those. I think someone slipped you something to cause this. It couldn't have been something you ate or drank, otherwise we all would be like this."

"Oooh, good! I was startin' to get _really_ scared there for a second," Goku exclaimed with a relieved chuckle. He ignored the narrowed eye look and head shake of disbelief Gojyo shot at him, still souly focused on the fact that his precious food hadn't been messed with.

Sanzo's brow creased thoughtfully, his eyes narrowing to the point where where only a sliver of color could be seen as he recrossed his arms over his chest. "Now that I think about it... Didn't we fight a group of youkai around that time?"

Gojyo's lips curved into a derisive sneer as he said, "More than likely. When _don't_ we get assassins after us? You've gotta be more specific than that if you wanna make a point."

"I'd get to the point faster if you didn't interupt me every five seconds, kappa! Wasn't that the group with the spitter in it?"

All of them collectively looked at the monk with wide eyes. Slowly, his meaning began to filter through their heads. Yeah... that WAS the group where Hakkai had a massive spitwad launched on him. Gojyo groaned and covered his face with his hands as all the scattered pieces finally began to collect and fall into place. "Shit... Oh... SHIT! Sanzo, you think maybe..."

"That guy seemed pretty eager to die just to douse Hakkai in saliva, don't you think?" the monk persisted, one brow arched and a slight smirk on his face as he watched the idea process across their faces. "It's been nagging at me for a while, but I couldn't make any sense of it until now. All I really know is that in a fight for life, your last attempt at staying alive wouldn't be to cough a lougie on your opponent. That's just fucking stupid. It can only be assumed the guy knew what he was doing when he attacked Hakkai."

"Um... but wasn't that guy comin' after you? An' didn't Hakkai jump in front to save you?" Goku asked timidly, a cringe already forming across his features in preparation of the fan smacking he expected to get.

Sanzo scowled darkly down at the boy. Gojyo, however, nearly fell from his chair in shock. The monkey was right... That guy WAS going after Sanzo! Hakkai simply got in the way. It was often that they caught Sanzo up like this, and it was even more rare for it to be Goku who did it. The assassins were always after that damned sutra around his neck anyway. "Yeah, you're right! That bastard was coming after _you_, Sanzo, not Hakkai. Hakkai was only watching your back... so that means whatever that crap he spit was meant for you!"

"Hypothetically speaking."

"Hypothetical nothing! Hakkai took the hit meant for you, and this is what happened because of it!"

"Oh, lovely," Hakkai remarked bitterly. "So, this problem was supposed to be Sanzo's, not mine. How marvelously wonderful."

"Again, hypothetically," Sanzo insisted firmly, his teeth snapping closed so that the words were all but growled out. "Who's to say who the target really was? The enemy already knows what happens when Goku's limiter comes off. Maybe this was meant for him and Hakkai was just an act of desperation to carry the mission out successfully."

Goku frowned and gave his guardian a confused look. "But why would they-,"

"Because having you kill us is easier than sending loads of assassins after us. To control you would be to control the perfect weapon."

"Oh. So... Hakkai's really scary without his limiters, too. Does that mean he's a perfect weapon, too?"

"Unlike you without your limiter," Sanzo explained with a thin thread of patience. "Hakkai retains some portion of himself. He can still choose not to kill if he doesn't want to. You go berserk. He stays controled. However, with the way this thing works, it's anyone's guess how long that control can be maintained."

"Okay, so we know what caused all this," Gojyo summarized as he whipped out a rubber band and pulled his hair back. It was a habit of his that meant he was trying to sort through all the shit on his plate. Hakkai recognized it very well and gave him a patient, albeit strained, smile. "We know who's behind it," he repeated more firmly, shaking his head to let the layered strands toward the front fall free naturally. "So... what do we do now?"

"We need to find out who ordered the attack," Sanzo answered before stretching his legs out in the chair. "Whoever ordered this most likely has the cure."

"That would be Kougaiji. I say let's find the dear prince and beat the cure outta him," Gojyo declared.

Goku snorted and a smirk that was eeriely similar to one Sanzo normally wore crossed his face. "Stupid kappa, this wasn't Kougaij!"

"And how the hell do you know that, baby chimp?"

"Cuz he wouldn't do somethin' like this. He'd rather take us out at our best than poison one of us for an advantage."

"Good point," Sanzo agreed, earning him a radiant beam for the praise he bestowed upon his charge. "Don't let it go to your head." The beam instantly reversed itself into a bitter scowl as Goku huffed and put a little more distance between himself and the ivory robe. Sanzo ignored this as he continued with his line of thought. "However, I'd say the chances are very good he probably has some idea about what's going on. We should expect him to come exploring himself sometime soon, and when that happens let's see if we can get some information out of him before kicking his ass."

"And until then, what do you suggest I do?" Hakkai asked dismally. "There's no guarantee that Kougaiji would know anything for certain to begin with. Not to mention this talk of poison is all speculation as well. What's going to happen if I can't control this before we get our answer?"

The question was directed at anyone who could possibly answer it, but judging from the room full of silence that greeted it no one had a solution. Well... except for Sanzo, but his method of solving this wasn't at all acceptable to Gojyo. He didn't need words to know the monk's answer. The set, resolute lines to his face said it clear as day; if Hakkai lost control, there was a bullet with his name on it. And, if the look on Hakkai's face was any indication, the green eyed youkai knew it very well. Gojyo felt the muscles in his jaw work angrily. He wouldn't let that happen, not while he was still alive and conscious. If he had to take that holy bastard out to stop him from executing Hakkai like a rabid dog then he would. He stood up in a sudden jerk of movement, grabbing his coat from off his bed and swinging it on as he stormed for the door. Just staring at the arrogant face made him feel violent!

"Gojyo?" Hakkai's voice held both a question as to what was wrong and a plead to stay in the room with him. For once though, the pleading didn't work. He was too damned frustrated over the situation and needed to get the hell away from everyone so he could think. Preferably he wanted to think with a couple shots of vodka to help the process, but he wasn't picky. Sake or beer would do just as well.

"I'm going out. I'll be back later," Gojyo mumbled as he twisted the door knob hard and swung it open almost into the wall.

"We're leaving at seven," Sanzo warned.

"I'll be back when I fucking feel like it!" Gojyo snapped irritably.

"And don't you dare stumble back with a hangover either. With the way Hakkai is, it's best to not have him drive."

Gojyo managed to flick the monk off before he slammed the door after himself. As if Sanzo had to worry about him getting blasted at a time like this! As if he'd even _think_ about having a good time while his friend was going painfully insane. No, he simply had to come up with his own way of saving Hakkai, and he couldn't do it when all he could see was a pissy blonde holding a gun to a brunette's head. He jammed his fists into his coat pocket as he walked, his mind wheeling so fast he could barely process one thought at a time. All the shock of the evening, from when he'd offered his blood to the very end where nothing had truly been resolved, just wouldn't sit still long enough for him to focus on it. The only thing that wouldn't leave, no matter how hard he tried to force it out, was the feeling that he was dangerously close to losing the only true friend he had in the world.  
His lips thinned down into a stubborn line as he pushed the door to the bar open and quickly found a stool tucked in the corner by the counter. As he ordered the first round of shots, he felt the stubborness hard into something stronger. It was an unwillingness to lose what was important to him, and Hakkai was definately at the top of his list. Sanzo kept preaching about those who kill had better be prepared for others to kill them in return. Well, he better not think Gojyo was going to just tolerate him putting a hole in Hakkai's skull simply because things got too difficult. If Sanzo DID execute Hakkai, and they found out that his insanity was curable... Gojyo's eyes narrowed as he tipped the shot of vodka back, reveling in the warmth that stung his throat from the sharp liquor.

He would make damned certain he was the youkai who finally took down the infamous Genjyo Sanzo.

----------

"Anything at all?" Kougaiji questioned as his two servants came to flank him on either side. They matched his quick pace easily as all three of them hurried through the twisting halls of Houtu Castle. Scouts had just reported back with the current position of the Sanzo party. They would have to leave quickly if they expected to catch them before they entered the forest and the trail was potentially lost. Damn it... he'd hoped to have a little more time to conduct the search for information!

"All I got was a couple hundred from the poker, four bribes to fix Yaone up with them and a commanding officer who was too drunk to remember issuing the orders to attack in the first place," Dokugakuji replied bitterly. He either missed or ignored the indignant muttering from Yaone about 'insufferable men' as he ran a hand back through his short hair.

"Not that I expected much anyway, what with a couple of generals mulling around the place. No one in their right mind would spill anything, sober _OR_ drunk, in front of those loyal to Gyokumen Koushu."

Kougaiji sighed wearily and glanced over at Yaone, whose cheeks were still a little pink from the comment about bribery. "Yaone?"

"Well, shortly before that harpie of an assistant chased me out shrilling about proper authorization, I noticed an unusual amount of research documents regarding natural hallucinogens. Particularly those found in insects and amphibians," she replied with just a hint of sourness about her run-in with Dr. Hwang. It was common knowledge in the castle that the two women did NOT like each other.

"That's something at least. All I got out of _her_ was that she would inform me if it was necessary, and shouldn't I be out trying to retrieve a sutra right now." This was not going at all well. The only plus side to all this was the fact that they now had evidence to suggest that Nii was in on this somehow, and that Gyokumen Koushu had to have been aware of it from the start. Not that he'd ever doubted their involvement to begin with. They also had a clue as to what was used on Hakkai as well.

A long, drawn out shout of, "BIIIIIIG BROOOOTHER!" shortly before the wind was knocked out him by someone jumping on his back heralded the arrival of Lirin to their group.

"Lirin, I can't play right now. I've got a lot I need to see to," Kougaiji rasped out, reaching up to loosen the hold she had around his neck before dropping his hands to disengage her legs from his waist.

"I know! You're goin' after that old, bald monk an' his friends, aren't ya?" Lirin supplied with a knowing grin. "That's why I came to find you. Ya can't expect to win without me, can ya?"

Normally, having Lirin come along wasn't a big deal. However, with one of them potentially unstable... especially the one who summoned chi blasts that took out whole regiments of soldiers... He didn't want his sister anywhere near those four. "Not this time, Lirin. I'm sorry, but you need to stay here today."

"Oooh, why d'ya have to be like that, Kougaiji?" she whined. "I just wanna go see Baldy-Head, that's all. Pleeease? C'mon, pleeeeeease?"

"Lirin, I'm not going to say it again."

She pouted but finally climbed down off his back. "You're so mean, big brother," she complained before running off in the direction of her room. Kougaiji let out a relieved sigh when she finally disappeared from view. If it meant she didn't get in harm's way, he could tolerate being 'mean'. He'd rather have her mad at him than bleeding or dead any day.  
"So... the plan is what, exactly?" Dokugakuji pressed. "Just show up and attack?"

Kougaiji grimaced at the idea, one brow arching briefly at the statement. "Yeah... something like that." He didn't like it, but he doubted conversation was on the menu for this stand off. He would bet everything he had that Sanzo and the others had picked up on what was going on, and had correctly traced it back to Houtu Castle. They would be out for revenge first, questions second.

"Greeeat. This is gonna be fun," Dokugakuji added sarcastically. It was obvious he was thinking the same thing as Kougaiji in regards to the temperment of those four.

"As much as I'm dreading it myself, I believe this is the only course of action we can take," Yaone added, backing Kougaiji up loyally. "We need to see how badly things are before deciding how best to proceed."

"You do realize we're probably gonna be facing off against our usual partners," the swordsman persisted. "I'm not at all liking you going against Hakkai."

"If we switch who faces who, they're going to figure out we know something. It works to our advantage to continue playing as if we don't, just to observe for ourselves." She leaned forward to smile her reassurance at Dokugakuji around Kougaiji's body. "Please, don't worry too much, Dokugakuji. I can handle myself."

Dokugakuji's face didn't change from the near sullen expression. "If you say so," he muttered.

Kougaiji silently agreed with the man on the sentiment, but he couldn't argue Yaone's logic. He let out a slow breath to try and dispell the lingering unease at putting one of his people against a possibly insane man. This was going to be tricky. He had to somehow keep one eye on Yaone at all times during the upcoming confrontation while also trying to keep Goku from wiping him out completely. This was one of those days he knew he was going to regret ever deciding to get out of bed.

---------

Hakkai grit his teeth as the gears ground harshly for what felt like the millionth time in one day. For some reason, Gojyo failed to realize it wasn't necessary to shift every five seconds while driving, and that lack of realisation was starting to unravel his own nerves. He closed his eyes to shield against a mercilessly bright sun as he stretched out in the back, trying to find a position that didn't slam him around or bruise his skin. The voice, once again, agreed with him that the back seat was NOT pleasant to ride in, but its suggestions for improving the quality of the ride were unnecessarily... violent.

"_But they would solve the problems nicely_," it pressed. "_Breaking the kappa's hands will solve his poor shifting, and using Goku's freshly killed body as a cushion solves the discomfort of being back here."_

It took everything he had to fight off the alluring image of laying on top of Goku's shredded corpse, lathering the blood across himself luxuriously as he listened to Gojyo screaming about his hand. Hakkai shuddered and licked his suddenly dry lips as his fingers curled hard into the spare tire he was using as a seat. When he finally managed to force his eyes open enough to see, he noticed Goku watching him warily. The wind was moving so fast that it sucked away the smell of fear he knew would be present in the boy's sweat. There was no fear in that molten gaze though, and for that he felt very disappointed. Cheated, almost. Wait... no, _he_ didn't think that...

"_If playing the scapegoat gives you the courage to finally act on what you desire, then do so_," the voice insisted with a hint of cold mockery to its tone.

Goku's eyes narrowed and one of his hands drew back defensively as Hakkai shifted across from him. Hakkai quickly restrained himself from reacting to the sudden movement violently. Goku was understandably on edge riding so close to him. Plus... the slight change in their position was enough now so that the wind wafted the faintly salty tang of sweat mingled with traces of fear back to him. He swallowed as his mouth was suddenly full of saliva. Images popped into his head the last time he'd smelled fear.

It had been stronger than this, and so utterly intoxicating he almost wished he hadn't initiated the chase. But... the thrill of it. The absolute wonder of running headlong through the forest after his prey was so... liberating. He'd simply been running, using muscles he hadn't been aware he'd possessed and using instinct he was certain he hadn't had before to process when to dodge, weave and leap over obstacles between him and that deliciously fearful prey just in front of him. And when he'd caught sight of that streaming, pale hair that caught in faint bursts of sunlight through the canopy of leaves... He could still feel that coarseness wound between his fingers, feel the tension shortly before the strands rpped free from the scalp in a faint pop. He could still see the raw, red patch where he'd torn hair and skin away shortly before his prey had screamed and fallen to the ground.  
That scream... Oh, God, he still heard it in his head. It was a sound so beautiful and glorious he doubted even a full choir of angels could match it. It was the sound of someone who knew they were only a few seconds away from dying. The screams continued, albeit in a weaker form, as he straddled a chest that was bucking wildly for a full breath. He could still remember how very soft the throat was as he curled his fingers around it. He'd been torn between biting through such tenderness to taste the treasure it protected fraily or to simply sink his fingers through to watch the crimson stain cover his hands and seep into the dry, brittle leaves underneath. In the end... he'd let the man go. Because that's what he had underneath him; a man. A living man with a family and a life he couldn't be taken from. He wasn't some prey animal to be cornered and slaughtered. He would NOT become the monster that he loathed.

Slowly, he opened his eyes fully, half afraid that the light would stab through his retenaes and blind him. It didn't. The pressure in his head was retreating a bit. Hakkai sighed as relief swept over him at having beaten back the cravings once again. He still had control of himself, it seemed. He had beaten back the voice once again, and much easier this time. Perhaps he was finally gaining some control over it after all.

The voice snorted its disagreement with that statement. "_Don't flatter yourself. I let it drop, for your information. I'm just as much a part of you, and therefore have just as much control!"_

As if to prove the point, it surged upward through his consciousness, laughing coldly as Hakkai's entire body snapped tighter than a bow string as he fought to keep it back. The searing heat of its power began to flood through his, stretching like fingers underneath his skin. Hakkai slid down off his make-shift seat, body spasming wildly as his mouth opened for a scream that couldn't break free of his straining neck muscles. His fingers clawed helplessly against the metal back of the Jeep as the voice continued to pour itself through his system.

"_Control me_," it taunted. He could see a slow curving of lips behind his scrunched eyes, revealing just a hint of sharpened fangs that caught a light which had no source. The delicate stringing of vines that crossed over a thin nose showed more clearly as green eyes, filled with an awesome malice, glinted at him. "_Show me that new-found strength of will you were babbling on about. Or were you only trying to fool yourself into believing you really had control over me? The cage door is open, Cho Hakkai, and I will NOT be shoved back and locked away again. I have just as much right to this body as you!"_ It flexed the power it was thrusting throughout him, pulsing through his body as it fought to fill his skin up like a new suit. Tears from the strain and the agony of being forced from his own body leaked between the creases of his eyes. He could hear Goku shouting something while Gojyo and Sanzo shouted something back, but the words were lost on him. All he could focus on was how each time this happened, he felt like another small piece of him was being cut away and replaced with something else, something that didn't quite fit.

The voice chuckled and flexed again, sending spasms through his body like shockwaves. "_What a lovely metaphor that was. Fitting a new piece in place of the one cut away... I rather like that." _

"S-s-stop! Gojyo... STOP!"

He barely registered the fact that he'd finally managed the scream that had been choking his breath. The Jeep's breaks screeched harshly to a stop. Goku was quick to jump out the back, and Hakkai was quick to follow, falling to his hands and knees on the side of the road and trying to gasp breath into lungs that didn't seem to want the fresh air.

"What's goin' on with him, Sanzo?" Goku shouted anxiously.

"Goku, get away from him!" the monk ordered sharply. The voice dragged an enraged snarl from his throat at Sanzo's indomitable strength of will. He wasn't afraid. He knew what was happening and he was afraid. A glare cast through the fall of short hair in his eyes confirmed his suspicions. Cool violet eyes met his with the deadly calm of an ocean shortly before the hurricane struck.

"_We can change that very easily. Just one quick slash to his stomach, not too deep as to spill his innards. Don't you want to see that lovely purple widen in shock, darkening slightly to resemble the early evening sky? It's about time he learns you are NOT his lap dog. You are YOUKAI. You're stronger than he is. You're superior to him in every way imaginable. Show him that."_

Hakkai shook his head, a strangled scream of pain leaking through his clenched teeth as another pulse burned through his body. He struggled to remain on his hands and knees, fighting the other force trying to slam his body into the ground. He wouldn't let it win. It would NOT take him over!

It laughed at him and thrust harder through his body, this time tearing the scream full force from his throat. "_If you don't want it to happen, I suggest you control me_," it replied with cool mockery. "_Because the first thing I'm going to do when I break free is stain that pretty golden hair with blood!"_

Something cracked inside of him, and he wasn't sure if it was purely in his mind or if it was perhaps his back in retaliation of being bowed so sharply. He still held on though, fighting with everything he had internally to maintain that slim edge of control. The voice was trying to keep him in a subjugated position. He wouldn't tolerate that. Slowly, and with an effort that sent tremors waving through his body, he pushed to one knee.

The voice snarled and pressed harder against him, curving his shoulder sharply toward the ground.

Hakkai planted his hands firmly to the ground and held himself from falling. He could feel his muscles pulling against the pressure of two opposing forces jerking for control of his body, one shoving him toward the ground while the other tried to push upright. Deep down, he knew that to fail here would mean yet another piece of himself would fade away. He couldn't allow that to happen. He couldn't allow the consciousness he knew was true to be corroded away so that monster whispering in his skull could take over. Once again, he tapped into that hidden core of strength inside him, that one little place where he could still resist the callings for bloody violence. It was him, the person he knew he truly was and not this terrible presence trying to drown out his reasoning. It was what gave him the strength to continue to push back, never allowing the voice to dominate him completely. With his last line of sanity ande defense, he reclaimed his one-kneed defiance of the command to remain subdued to the ground.

The voice let out an enraged scream, eyes flashing wildly in his mind. "_Stay... DOWN_!" It threw everything it had at him, slamming into his frame so hard that the scream he gave voice to caused something to pull tightly in his chest before snapping free in a viscious burst of pain. His eyes flew open at the all-too familiar agony of a rib being broken shocked through his system. He could already feel the damage done to his muscles from the pressures put on his body. His heart beat was a chaotic pulse, pausing and then pulsing wildly, completely unstable like his state of mind. If this didn't end soon, he very well could rip his body to pieces. He refused to put his knee back down, fighting a battle he could feel himself losing the longer it continued. Oh, God, if he fell...

Strong hands curled around his upper arms and hauled him up sharply. The voice drew back, surprised at this turn in events, which gave Hakkai the brief opportunity to coax his heavy eyelids open to see who was helping him. Goku's face was inches away from where his own head lolled against deceptively thin shoulders, a small grimace of effort at trying to hold up his nearly dead weight showing across the youthful features. "Somebody... help me out, would ya?" the boy hollered. "He wants to stand up, an' I can't hold him up on my own!"

The sound should have been sharp to his ears, seeing as Goku's naturally loud voice was so close to him, but he hardly noticed it. He was drained, but the voice was at least fading back to a tolerable level. It hadn't expected assistance from the others, which then allowed Hakkai's self awareness to spring forward, shoving it roughly back toward the cell it had twisted free from. There was no way that gate could be closed again, seeing as it had been ripped from its hinges. All he could hope to do at this point was keep it in there as long as possible. Another set of hands came into view, those of Gojyo, who quickly took some of the burden from Goku. Hakkai planted his feet firmly to the ground just as a third and final set of hands came to assist. Together, the three of them helped him to stand, unconsciously boosting him internally as well. They came to his aid despite the knowledge of what was going on. They trusted him to control. He couldn't let them down.

The voice sneered at that, pacing before him with the deadly beauty of a predator. Its movements were smooth and rolling, as if fluidity could take a humanoid form. It was in no way defeated, simply waiting for another crack in his defenses. Vaguely, he could hear Sanzo's muttered comments about being more trouble than he was worth, Gojyo's worried assurances that they wouldn't let him fall and Goku's quick agreement to the positive reinforcement. He winced as Goku's elbow caught where his rib had cracked, and he was finally starting to feel the sharp stabs every time he took a breath. He managed to move his hands enough to squeeze the hands clasping them, letting them know he was good for now. He had a tentative hold on everything, so he could stand alone now. How long that control lasted was unknown, but at least he...

"Well, just the foursome we've been looking for. It's been a while, Genjyo Sanzo. You know what I'm here for."

Hakkai's eyes opened fully, the movement languid and almost against his will. The voice cocked its head to the side curiously as the faintest tracery of power swept down along the air currents to caress his skin. There was only one person he could think of whose aura threw off so much blistering heat. There, looking down at them from a faint ledge hanging over the road, was Kougaiji and his group. Dokugakuji and Yaone flanking the noble to either side while Lirin waved cheerfully down at Sanzo, who growled in irritation.

"Funny, we were hoping to run into you as well," Sanzo tossed back while ignoring the demand for his sutra.

"Oh, really? I'm touched," the prince sneered mockingly back at the monk. "If I'd known you missed me so much, I would have tried to get here sooner."

Indicating Hakkai with a jerk of his head, Sanzo said, "I believe this is your doing. What the fuck did you do to him?"

"Give me the Maten Sutra and I'll tell you what I know."

"Get bent."

Kougaiji smiled, but there was nothing pleasant to the expression. "If that's the way you wanna do it... fine. Like I said, it's been a while since we last met." The malicious intent was obvious behind the words as the four on the ledge leapt down to their level.

The voice, sensing the imminent fight, grinned slowly. Its fangs caught a light and flashed back like sunlight off ice in winter. Hakkai remained standing as Gojyo and Goku fell away, each of them squaring off with their own respective opponents. "_Excellent... how wonderfully excellent_," it murmured appreciatively. Hakkai swallowed hard and ignored the flash of pain in his lungs as he did so. Already, he could feel it stretching out inside him again, very careful in its movement. It was waiting for the fight, waiting for his consentration to be more on dodging the explosives his own opponent would use rather than keeping it in one place. He stood facing Yaone and sent a quick prayer to whoever would listen for her safety. Already, images of licking blood from her smooth white skin were flickering inside his head. He knew it was the voice making him see her like this, but even that knowledge couldn't stop him from nearly groaning in anticipation. This was exceptional bad timing on her part. He had just been regaining his control when they'd shown up, and now...

All he could think about was how lovely she would look with a trail of teeth marks stretching from around her neck to between her full breasts. A purple so dark not even plum could describe the shade. He could hear her screams in his ears as he laid each bite mark carefully in place. She would arch her back, her claws tearing into his own flesh to try and rip him free, but all her struggles would earn her would he his teeth sinking in harder. His need to see her marked by him was so intense it almost made him dizzy. He barely registered the fact that others were fighting around him. Yaone took a wary step to her right. He mimicked that movement by taking one to his right, starting a slow, circling dance that would lead to only one finale.

Yaone's hand dropped to her side, a tiny silver ball emerging between her sling fingers. Hakkai crouched low, a smile hew knew by her startled expression wasn't his typical one spreading across his face. The voice was near purring now, its tense excitement pouring through him and further melting at his too-thin resolve. "She has skin like a blank canvas, so pure and unmarred. Take your time with this one. The struggle is one worth savoring here." It remained poised and waiting patiently, just enough in the wings of his mind to allow him a small sliver of control still.

"Well... I guess we should begin," she stated softly. The wind kicked up from the battles next to them brought her scent to his nose. No perfume but her own natural sweat, and a fear that seemed more sweet to his senses. He inhaled carefully, letting it roll across his tongue as an appetizer for what was to come.

Her arm flicked back behind her in a graceful arc of practiced confidence.

He rushed forward, moving so swiftly that everything between him and his target was a blur.

----------

Kougaiji had been beyond enraged to discover Lirin had followed them out of Houtu Castle. How none of them had picked up on her presence until she was crashing out of a tree at them, a delighted expression stretching across her features, was beyond him. Her timing, as usual, was impeccable for her and horrible for him. She had just found them when they'd heard Goku's distinct voice coming from just below a ridge of earth, dead leaves and twisted roots. He grit is teeth and consoled himself with the fact that she normally fought Sanzo... if one could call getting fed meatbuns fighting. At least she would be out of the way and relatively safe with the monk. Sanzo, despite being a cold bastard and their enemy, wouldn't allow Lirin to get hurt. He knew that just as surely as he knew his own name.

What had him worried was Yaone going against Hakkai. He continued to duck and dodge Goku's flurry of attacks, which was a difficult enough feat on most days. Adding the fact that his concentration was split between his own fight and trying to watch Yaone, and it was all he could do to put up a fairly descent defence. Goku continued to pound away at him, using a strength that was near fearsome. Kougaiji understood that part of the boy's surprising strength and speed during this battle stemmed from the fact that he was worried about Hakkai, but that knowledge wasn't going to help him press any type of attack in retaliation. He barely avoided a brutal swing from Goku's nyoi-bo, hissing as the rounded end grazed against his shoulder hard. That graze was enough to send tingles down his arm. His fingers went cold briefly, but son faded as his hand curled into a tight fist and he landed a hard punch to Goku's side. Goku dodged it, and the momentum carried him forward... and put his back to Yaone for just a brief second.

The sharp cracking sound followed by a startled, very feminine, scream brought all fighting on both sides to a complete hault. Kougaiji spun around so swiftly he very nearly lost his footing. What he saw made his eyes widen briefly before the burning anger flared hotter through his blood. Yaone was on the ground, obviously dazed and rubbing a cheek that sported a perfect handprint to it. Hakkai stood over her briefly, an eeriely pleased smile tracing his lips. Faster than Kougaiji could blink, the other man was on Yaone, one hand supporting his weight while the other curled harshly around her neck. She gasped quickly before it was cut off and then her hands flew to his wrist, scratching and clawing with everything she had to get the vise like grip off her throat. Her legs kicked and bucked as she fought to get him off while everyone remained frozen in shock.  
The shock didn't last long for him, however. With a snarl that was more animalistic than human sounding, Kougaiji tore across the ground toward Yaone. He'd failed to protect her from meeting harm... but he'd be damned if he failed to protect her altogether. He didn't care at that point if this was something artificially caused. What he saw and registered was that Yaone was being hurt, and he wouldn't stand for it. Hakkai was his, and the gods help anyone who tried to stop him!

----------

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Geeehhhhh... sorry. I'm dead right now. Sooo very dead, and tired. I apologize for this chapter. It's not my best and I'm rather upset about that, but there really wasn't much else I could think of to make it better. I promise that the next chapter will be MUCH better. Really, I do.

Thank you to Greyliliy and Shinigami's Wrath for theorizing with me on certain issues that will be revealed in the next chapter. Also, thanks to Jessie Katz. She's now posting Dysphoria on her website, and is the ONLY person authorized to do so for now. She's been a wonderful dear for everything she's done for me, and I do appreciate it very much. Everyone, go check out her site. She just redid it and it's AWESOME!

::yawns:: I'm gonna go watch some more Bleach now. I am such a whore for IchigoxRukia it's not even funny.


	9. Chapter 9

He remembered once when he was imprisoned in that Catholic orphanage coming across a rather rare find while hiding in the well cared for garden from the sisters and their constant demand for attendance at mass. It was a beautiful find, a treasure that was rare to the point of happening about as often as a solar eclipse. This find came in the form of delicate black softer than the velvet used to wrap the silver crucifix brought out only for special services that was interlaced with the rich pink of freshly chewed, but illicit, bubble gum. He remembered being fascinated by the slow lift and drop of wings that were as wide as both his palms placed side by side. He had set his book aside without marking the page and had simply watched this gorgeous butterfly rest itself on rich green foliage. He knew exactly what kind of butterfly this was from a book one of the sisters had given him in an attempt to encourage more outdoor activity in his daily routine. He'd read the book because it was a book, but had taken very little interest in its content, nor really remembered it until that day.

This particular butterfly was incredibly rare for these parts, most likely having been brought over in a supply shipment via boat. _Byasa alcinous_, or by its common name of the spicebush swallowtail and lived near the city of Himeji. They called it jakou-ageha. He didn't think that either the common name or the Japanese name suited such an elegantly stunning insect. _Byasa alcinous_, its Latin title, was more suitable. He had no idea how long he remained sitting, watching its beautiful wings flutter ever so gently in the greenery, the sable black serving as a dramatic backdrop to the candy colored pink markings. All he could really recall about that moment was he'd been dazzled by the fragile beauty it displayed before him.

And that he'd wanted to destroy that beauty.

He'd captured that _byasa alcinous_ very carefully between his palms and thrilled in the way it struggled to break free. It couldn't, no matter how valiantly or violently its wings moved. He'd taken it to his room, forgetting the book he'd been reading in the dirt and somehow managed to pin its still beating wings to a piece of white cardboard. His hands were covered in the nearly microscopic black particles of its wings, looking very much as if he'd just rubbed his palms through spilled ink. It took four pins, one in each wing, to safely secure it. Then... he'd watched it die, trapped and helpless in its useless beauty. It had taken three days before the twitching to the wings had stopped. Three days in which he'd kept it hidden in his trunk lest the nuns see it and demand he dispose of his secret treasure.

He would check on it every chance that he'd had, his heart leaping into his throat with hushed excitement every time he'd knelt before his trunk, fingers cold with sweat and shaking as he'd opened the small, rusted lock. Was it still fighting? Did it feel the horror of being trapped? Did it register pain with those pins boring holes through its only true means of escape? Was it regretting the beauty that led to its downfall? He must have asked himself a thousand unanswered questions within those three days. It was one of the most exquisite things to witness the wings tug as the lid was opened and light shone in on it, reacting to the change in darkness as if it could taste the freedom it could never possess. He'd thought then that nothing could ever compare to the magnificent struggle that fragile, desperate _byasa alcinous_ had put forth.

Until today.

Hakkai felt the smile on his lips curl further upwards as he dug his fingers in harder into the lily white neck he held trapped, pinned to the ground with his own hand. No wings fluttered wildly here, but something much more desireable and beautiful. He could feel the pulse through that soft, white skin. It would burst fourth in a cacophony of movement, break briefly and irregularly, and then resume its rapid beating once again. It pushed against his palm, flooding the dents his fingers made in the paleness that surrounded it with dark purple blotches. The bruises stood out in magnificent contrast to the white skin. Black on pink... purple on white. Exact opposites in coloring, but equal in the way they had excited something inside him he'd thought was long gone. That rush was back, the one he hadn't felt in years. Heady, intoxicating, addicting... adrenaline through his blood shocking his system like too much sugar. The first time he'd felt this was with the _byasa alcinous_ and he'd been too distracted with his myriad of questions to really enjoy the thrill. The second time he'd been foolish and focused it into the hatred he'd felt toward those murderous animals. It had returned again ever so briefly in the forest, but it had been so weak he hadn't paid it much attention.

This time, however... God, she looked more beautiful than that ridiculous butterfly ever had. Her face held a natural beauty that was only enhanced by her dilated pupils and flushed cheeks. Red painted over white. Pink painted over black. Rich copper brown eyes gave voice to the replacement of panic for rational thought for the throat that couldn't utter more than gasped attempts to force air beyond his clenched hand. Tears trickled along the lower edge of sable brown lashes and marked her white skin in a cold, crystaline path brought forth through sunlight reflecting off the moisture. From the shoulders up, she couldn't move beneath the weight of his body, but the panic found its way into her wildly kicking, thrusting legs. She bucked him and he rode it out as smoothly as a surfer through rought waves. She jerked and he squeezed just hard enough to cancel the movement.

The only thing he didn't control were her hands. Her delicate, seemingly fragile hands tipped in claws that were deceptive in nature. They dug into the wrist locked around her throat, ripping away pieces of skin in bloody red welts. The sting that followed barely had time to roll through him before it was replaced with yet another scratch. His blood trailed down his shredded wrist, winding a smooth path along the skin of her collar bone before disappearing beyond her shoulder. The crimson road moved slowly at first along her chest before balancing for a matter of breathless seconds on the very beginning curve of her shoulder and then... it plummeted like being dropped off that initiating hill on a roller coaster. Red on white again, such a visually appealing palette.

Her fear filled his nose, coated his tongue and was quickly swallowed down his throat. It mingled with the scent of his own blood and nearly made him gasp at this new, intoxicating combination. Her fear was like vanilla ice cream. Sweet enough to please the tongue, spicey enough to be interesting yet gentle to fully digest. This scent was covered over in his blood, as if that vanilla was conservatively drizzled with hot chocolate sauce. The chocolate was thicker and richer than the vanilla, but used so sparingly that it couldn't over power the delicate nature of the dessert. He wanted to lick those two seemingly opposing tastes, her sweet fear and his rich blood, off her skin and let them melt into his mouth and memory. He saw no reason why he couldn't have both. Hakkai leaned forward, lips parting eagerly for what he knew would be heaven on his tongue.

His head snapped to the side harshly and he hissed as a warm sting suddenly snapped across his cheek. This was followed momentarily by the tell-tale oozing of blood along his jaw. It dangled briefly to his chin before falling with a wet plop to splatter on the curve of her breast, creating an abstract painting on the white canvas of her skin. Slowly, he turned his head back to face her, his eyes narrowing when he took note of the spark that cut through her panicked eyes. There was still fight left in this butterfly, he mused with another pulse of excited adrenaline through his body. He caught the hand she swung at him like a weapon, her clawed fingers curved to exact the same damage she'd caused before on his other cheek. He slammed it into the compact ground, grinding his palm along the bones hard enough to make the tears run faster and draw a choked cry from her throat. Her other hand, claws coated in the fresh blood she'd drawn across his face, came whipping toward him again, and he released his grip around her throat in favor of grabbing that frail wrist as well. He didn't trap this one to the ground however, his eyes lingering on the crimson paint his blood made across her claws.

She choked, lungs jerking spastically off the ground to try and get air into her deprived body. Her entire focus was on breathing and not on him. She couldn't fight him as he slowly brought her blood coated fingers to his mouth. Slowly, eyes on her frightened face, he ran his tongue along the pad of her middle finger, a shiver running down his spine as his eyes drifted close against his will. Such saccharine delight... The taste of her skin intermixed with his blood was more rapturous than he'd thought. Hakkai quickly sucked her entire finger into his mouth, his tongue curling around it to suck every last drop of that bloody candy from her. He couldn't hold back the needy moan in his throat as the desire for more of this ambrosial delight surged through him. He took all he could from that slender digit, his hand tightening around her wrist as she sought to pull it away from him. He wouldn't let her go, not until his tongue had taken every last luscious bit of their combined flavors from her hand. He released her middle finger, now devoid of any blood, and immediately moved to take the next one into his mouth.

Hakkai felt his breath get shoved painfully sharp from his lungs as something suddenly bowled over him, tumbling him away from his prize in a burst of bruising speed. His body responded reflexively, hands curling into the hard muscled biceps of his attacker and using that grip to keep them locked and rolling harshly across the broken ground. Sharp bracken, hard rocks and snapping twigs dug and tore into him as they continued to struggle across the ground. Burning aura swept over him, making his skin feel as if fire were beating against it. A snarl broke from his twisted lips as his eyes finally focused on who exactly came between him and his prize.

Kougaiji's indigo eyes were glowing with rage from mere inches away shortly before the prince finally broke free and whirled about ten feet from where they had been. Hakkai pushed off his back and sprang to his feet as soon as the heavy weight of the other man was off him. Anger scorched at him, replacing the heady rush from a moment before in a burst so sharp it was hurt his head. Kougaiji had taken away his blood. Kougaiji had gotten between him and his prey. He wouldn't tolerate that, and he wouldn't share. That was _his_ blood on _his_ prey! It was all his and he'd be damned if he'd let anyone take it away from him. Before he'd tasted that sweet nectar, there might have been a chance, but not now. Now that he knew how incredibly bewitching it was, he wasn't about to let someone else have it.

No words were spoken as they raced toward each other, their speed so quick that they barely disturbed the forest they had tumbled into. The slam of their impact startled birds into flight and was momentarily numbing as his rival made a last minute adjustment to his attack and sent a rock hard shoulder into Hakkai's chest. Firey pain ripped through him, but he battled passed it to counter with an upward punch that sent Kougaiji arching backward through the air. The prince twisted about and managed to land on one knee, spitting blood from his torn lip into the dead leaves sent flying from their fight. Hakkai wasted no time in pressing his advantage, letting out an enraged growl as he uncosciously pulled the chi from his mind.

The forest erupted into a burst of greenish yellow light. The ball of pure, molten energy swept everything in its path up and disintegrated it into ash so fine in texture it was like watching rotted snow fall from the sky. Hakkai saw the quick shadow flash of Kougaiji dodging the attack and immediately sent another burst of chi toward his rapidly moving figure. Kougaiji evaded him again, and he followed the movements closely. The prince was circling him, trying to keep him in a stationary position. There could only be one reason why. Hakkai heard the final releasing words to the spell the firemage was casting and threw a shield up just as the flaming dragon fiend came roaring toward him. The impact of the fiend on his shield shocked not only through his body but through his mind as well. It was his turn to be airborn, his back and head snapping painfully into the hard rock wall of an over hanging ledge.

Hakkai fell to his knees, blood splattering from his lips to hit borwn, crackling leaves. His body ached in ways he couldn't begin to imagine, but he stood all the same, blinking as more blood flowed from a gash in his head into his eye. He wiped it away with his hand, bringing his moistened fingers to his lips to lick the fluid away. It coated his tongue thickly, but it lacked that exotic flare that his prey had given to it. Desire for that taste quickly reignited and gave him the strength to ignore his abused body and move away from the rock wall. He summoned thin threads of chi, trailing it outward from his body like tentacles of barely visible power to search out where his rival was hiding through that impossibly hot aura.

He found it just in time to slam another shield up to counteract another fiend, this one searing white and hissing like a thousand bolts of lightening. It opened its mouth and sank flashing teeth of energy into his shield. Hakkai grit his own teeth and sank to one knee under the pressure of such awesome power beating around his own energy. There was a series of blinding light bursts that radiated from the gaping maw and streamed around his shield like white veins against pale yellow sunlight. A scream tore from him when pain as sharp as electric shocks all over his body moved through him. It worked its way through his skin, stabbed through his muscles and rolled across his bones directly into his blood stream. His blood carried it to his brain and delivered it to the focal point he used for channeling the chi energy. Another scream sounded as those electric shocks burst in explosive little packages of agony along his inner psyche and forced his shield to shatter like brittle glass under a stone.

Hakkai didn't register anything except this horrible pain inside his head as he went down onto the dead leaves and dirt, unable to stop himself in anyway as his entire body shut down.

* * *

Sanzo normally didn't mind decking out some asshole who had it coming. He didn't mind laying a couple swats to Goku's head when the kid was being dumber than usual, and he certainly didn't mind giving that same treatment to Gojyo when the time called for it. But, for some reason only the amazingly twisted minds of the gods understood, he really hated when Lirin expected him to fight. He never discriminated between male or female youkai in terms of a fist to the face. Just Lirin. He didn't know why, but it didn't sit well with him to shoot at the girl, or really to fight her in anyway.

So... he didn't. Goku wasn't the only reason he kept a few items of snack food in his sleeves. Food worked remarkably well in killing any thoughts Lirin might have for wanting to fight him. For once, avoiding the problem entirely was a very good thing. They sat off to the side, Lirin muching happily on an apple while he smoked and watched the usually ridiculous farce of a fight with more interest than it normally would have deserved. In particular, his attention was on one apothecary and one poorly controled mass murderer.

If Hakkai were at all his self, he wouldn't have given a damn about Yaone fighting him. Their fighting was the most absurd of all. She threw bombs, he threw up a chi shield. Whoop-di-fucking-do. At least with the kappa there was some fairly decent weapon combat. The only time Goku's fight ever got truly entertaining was when Kougaiji pulled some magic shit out of his ass. Unfortunately, Kougaiji was the type to play fair. Using a fiend against a boy armed with a stick (albeit that stick could shatter bone like it was tissue paper when wielded) was too much like dirty pool to the prince. Other than that, it was Goku running around chasing him while shouting off some piss-poor attempt at banter, which was only mildly more entertaining that Hakkai verses Yaone.

However, if Hakkai lost it and Yaone was hurt... Sanzo's eyes darted over to where Lirin was taking her final bite of apple. He automatically handed her another one, which she took without much more than a glance to say thank you. If Yaone ws hurt, Kougaiji would step in. If Kougaiji stepped in, Lirin would want to go after him. As much as Sanzo didn't like fighting Lirin, it was ten times worse when the little brat was hurt by someone else. There was no doubt in his mind that she would be hurt if she went to help her brother. Hakkai wasn't at all in full possession of his mind, and that other part that was slowly taking over wasn't exactly kid friendly. It wouldn't hesitate in seeking out the princess as weaker, easier prey.

So, this meant that if or when it all went to hell, he'd have to be ready to stop Lirin from jumping in. Stopping her would mean incapacitating her in some manner. The only way to do that would be to knock her out, possibly with a hard enough punch to her stomach. He wouldn't like it, but he'd rather she have sore kidneys then get be killed by a man who would never intend her harm under regular circumstances. It wasn't just Lirin's life he was protecting. He didn't want Hakkai to break down completely from being the one to take her life, as he undoubtedly would. The green eyed man was angsty enough without that added to the mix.

He saw the slap coming, but it still made his back tense when the cracking sound rose sharply over the normal sounds of battle. The movement had been so fluid and fast he almost would have thought Hakkai practiced it regularly. As far as he knew, Hakkai had never bitch slapped anyone before in his life. One minute, Yaone was standing and the next she'd been hit to the ground by a rather impressive backhand. His attention shifted to Lirin, who froze mid chew at the sound.

"Yaone..." she breathed, eyes wide and a little confused to see the apothecary slowly pushing herself up so that she wasn't completely proned.

"Your apple's turning brown," he immediately deflected. Instantly, if a little reluctantly at first, her attention went back to her apple. Sanzo returned his own attention back to the fight only to have a wave of shock flood through him briefly at the sudden change that had occured within the space of those few stolen seconds.

Hakkai was sitting across her, one hand wrapped around Yaone's neck. Her own hands were tearing at his wrist, trying to claw her way free through his flesh. Her efforts to draw breath could dimly be heard from where he sat, but the way her legs flailed and kicked to gain freedom was unmistakeable. The other fights had stopped upon the initial slap as well, all eyes trained on the duo as minds remained numb by the shock. Sanzo didn't register getting to his feet, but he instantly regretted it when it distracted Lirin from her apple.

"Hey, where ya goin', Baldy- Yaone!" Sanzo reflexively grabbed her shoulder and spun her around as the girl made to run for where Hakkai was strangling the young woman. "Lemm go! I've gotta help- BIG BROTHER!"

Sanzo heard the thud of hard flesh hitting hard flesh in a bruising impact and tightened his grip on her shoulder as the blur that was Kougaiji bowled Hakkai clean off Yaone's spluttering form and carried them both down a steep incline into the forest below. It took everything he had to restrain Lirin as she fought to get to her brother. He grit his teeth through every stomp to his feet, elbow jab to his gut and one particularly sharp blow to his inner thigh. He silently said a thank you prayer to the gods for allowing her aim to be off the slight few inches that saved him from having his balls hammered by a terrified youkai girl. Wouldn't _that_ have been a wonderful thing for the kappa to throw at him?

Their struggle continued as both Gojyo and Dokugakuji raced for Yaone, while Goku raced to the summit of the deep hill, skidding to a hault just before it rolled downward sharply. "HAKKAI!" he shouted, hoping to get some kind of response that the other man was at least conscious. Birds took flight a good way further in, giving them the location of the fight. Goku immediately went racing into the forest toward that disturbance.

Shit... double shit! This was so _not_ the time for Goku to act spontaneously! Gritting his teeth, he knew the time had come to stop trying to restrain Lirin and just take her out of the fight completely. Goku was racing into a fight between a pissed off firemage with the ability to summon fiends and a mass murdering chi master losing his mind. When he got his hands on the little brat... He spun Lirin around sharply, quickly eyeballed roughly where the pressure point in her upper gut was and sent his fist flying directly into it. Green eyes widened in surprise before she slumped over his fist. He dropped her to the ground without another thought or concern and went racing after his own charge, ignoring Dokugakuji's irrate shout about kicking his ass for hitting the girl. Yeah, right... whatever. He refused to let Gojyo get a hit on him, and he'd be damned if anyone sharing the kappa's blood would either!

He wasn't as fast as a youkai, and dodging tree roots completely like they seemed to do wasn't in his repertoire of talents either. He stumbled through his speed downhill, cussing with a couple combinations he hadn't thought of before but would remember for future use, and continued running. He could feel immense amounts of energy in the air, one the familiar coolness of chi and the other a very uncomfortable burn. Both would flare and dim down slightly, but neither of them faded completely. They were fighting through their powers and making his job of tracking them easy enough he could have done it blindfolded if it weren't for the trees. Goku crashing wildly through the brush encouraged him to run faster in hopes of getting to his charge before the boy did something so incredibly beyond foolish that he could end of dead.

If ever the gods were to get off their asses and cut him a break fate wise, this was a wonderful opportunity for it.

* * *

Kanzeon Bosatsu smiled down on her nephew's incarnation and blew gently across the lily pond that served as her window on the world below. As her breath disturbed the surface and caused lily pads to dip in response, the ripples circled away and took with the quite a few of the trees and bracken that had previously been before the running monk. It created a slightly smooth more trail for him to get to his golden eyed heretic without disrupting the balance too badly.

"As you wish, Konzen," she murmured before resettling herself on her throne. A gods main duty was to play spectator on the world below, but sometimes spectating had to turn into audience participation in order to help move the story along.

* * *

_"You can't beat him like this."_

Yes, he could. All he had to do was move... except his body wasn't listening to his brain. Why was that?

_"You were hit by a lightening fiend, you idiot. An electric current just zapped through our body, that's why it's not listening right now. It disabled your ability to summon chi, thus stripping you of both offense as well as defense. Any minute now and he's going to come over here to kill us off."_

Who would? All he could remember was light... lots of light... and pain...

_"Kougaiji! He separated us from that lovely apothecary, remember?"_

Yes, he supposed Yaone was rather pretty.

The voice groaned, lowering its head in defeat. _"Would you mind focusing for just five seconds, please? We're about to be ripped to shreds here!"_

Kougaiji wouldn't do that, not without reason.

Imagery pulses throbbed through his head. Images of licking blood off slim fingers, of dark bruises on pale skin, of butterflies and pins... Just like that, he remembered what was going on. Kougaiji had gotten between him and his prey. Yaone... not prey. Good God, he'd almost killed Yaone!

_"You bruised her. Not a drop of the blood on her beautiful skin was hers, unfortunately. Still... tasting her through our blood..."_

Yes... now he truly remembered. It made his stomach lurch in anticipation for that taste again. He wanted it. God, how he wanted it. He wanted to capture that beautiful white butterfly again. He wanted to pin her down and slice his arm over and over until her paleness was covered over in crimson slashes of his blood. He wanted to take his time licking that sweet, sweet essence from her body, rolling her fear and his blood through his mouth while listening to her sobs. And he would have it... but first he had to dispose of his rival.

Slowly, he forced his body to respond, pushing his upper body off the dirt of the forest floor. His breath was ripped from him and he was sent rolling across the ground into a tree as a heavy boot connected with his stomach. Sunlight through green leaves spun in dizzy relief against the spots eating at his vision. He could vaguely make out the shape of Kougaiji stalking closer, fists curled fiercely at his side. Squinting, he could see those thinned lips moving but the words were lost on him. The movements were regular, like a chant... Kougaiji chanting... that was bad.

_"He's about to summon a fiend!"_

Then he should probably raise a shield. Yes, that would be a wise thing to do.

_"You CAN'T! He disabled that ability! If you expect to live, there's only one thing you can do."_ The voice ran its hand along its elegantly tapered left ear. He wasn't so completely out of it that he didn't know what the gesture meant.

No... no, he couldn't remove his limiters. It would be a very bad thing to do.

_"It's the only way. If you want to reclaim what was yours, you need to defeat him. You can't do it in this condition. You need ME. Let me out."_

No. He could do this. A shadowy fist slammed into his jaw hard enough to make the tree canopy disappear under the spots exploding into darkness. One blink... two... and he could now barely make out that he was in the air again, hitting the ground on his side. Something cut his shoulder and brought out the coppery smell of blood to his nostrils. It smelled delicious... but it was missing her fear. He wanted it so badly!

_"If you want it, then let me out! Let me out NOW!"_

But... He blinked and the movement seemed to be in slow motion. He was losing consciousness... and there was an enormous, one eyed monster bathed in flames rushing toward him. It took him another moment or two before he realized he wasn't just seeing things and that it was in fact real. And heading straight for him. He knew that was definately not a very good thing.

_"Damn it all, you HAVE to let me out or we're dead! LET ME OUT!"_ The voice was screaming at him, its anger and frustration over his inability to truly grasp the situation until now serving to trigger him into action.

His left hand found his ear.

His fingers slid along metal warmed by body heat.

He slid the metal clips free and allowed them to fall limply from his hand.

* * *

AUTHOR'S ASIDE: Finally, an update that is decent! HURRAY! Corrections were made to chapter 8 as far as spelling goes. Still reading through it to better flesh it out. Hope everyone likes this one though! 


	10. Chapter 10

There wasn't time to revel in the amazing explosion of freedom. One minute he was surging against the invisible mental bars that kept him just barely contained, and the next... he was free. The _other one_ simply dropped his frail hold and stepped aside so that he could rush to the forefront of consciousness. It was now _his_ hand that felt the cool dampness of forest earth. _His_ nose that took in the musky scent of decaying leaves with an undertone of freshness that spoke of new greenery fighting its way to the surface. _His_ eyes that looked down at the hands that were pushing his body up, a delighted thrill tingling down his back when he saw the delicate tracery of vines disappearing under the sleeves of his shirt. He didn't have time to marvel properly at the beauty of that design, or the beautifully curved claws that were soon going to be painted in fresh blood.

His lips curled upward as the air began to warm in response to the approaching fiend. He could sense it so clearly now, without those damned limiters or the _other one_ muffling his abilities. The aura flooding off of that creature was impressive, a force that felt so very heavy and solid... but it was breakable. Because now that he wasn't being dragged down by the chains his other half used to try and control him (a laughable thing at that), he could feel exactly how this fiend's aura was comprised. And, since he knew how it was made up, he could very easily dismantle it. He could tear it down flaming piece of flaming piece and laugh when that youkai prince gaped in horror at the destruction of his fiery pet. He wanted to laugh now with the anticipatory joy of decimating this creature... but the heat was getting a little too close to his back now. He was out of time to relish these small pleasures.

It was an act done almost more out of instinct rather than a conscious decision to do so. He knew what to do, how to manipulate the immense amount of chi that was gathered inside him. It was practically begging to be let out. Slowly, as if he had more time than he actually did, he lifted his hand from the ground and released the flood gates that contained this energy in his psyche. The chi came rushing forward, racing along the curving path of the vines circling his entire body. It pulled from around his ankles, down the bridge of his nose, along the curve of his hip, and pulsed away from the scar across his stomach. All of it pounded its way through the vine markings to his arm, leaving a slightly warm, stinging wake in its path. When it reached his wrist, he slammed his hand hard into the ground and shuddered ever so slightly as the vines rippled from his skin into the ground. God... did it feel good to release it!

The shadowy pattern flew across the dead leaves and bracken, not disturbing the under growth so much as flowing over it to reach its destination. With those quickly moving tendrils came his power, the chi that was now screaming its thanks for finally being allowed out of his person. It was a mental type of orgasm, one that left him a little short of breath and tingling all over with the sheer wonder of the aural released. He glanced through lengthened strands of hair at the fiend's gaping maw. Its eye was closed as it scooped up and disintegrated everything in its path just to get to him. His smile widened as his eyes followed the flickering movements of his vines. It was almost upon the fiend...

When the two powers collided, it was as if all the sound in the area had been sucked up into the meshing of flaring greenish-gold and burning orange-red energy before it suddenly exploded outward. The impact of the sound wave flattened the young saplings and shrubs nearest the energy clash and blew his hair back from his face. It ripped leaves and smaller twigs from the larger trees and continued to surge outward through the forest like a tidal wave. His ears rang with the booming blast while his eyes closed against the blindingly bright explosion of light that shot upward through the trees and turned everything it touched to smoldering ash. The heated energy burnt through everything so quickly that the fires literally put themselves out. A scream, deep and roaring and most definately not anything that was human or youkai, followed closely in the wake of the sound eruption. It was pale in comparison, but it was equally as satisfying in its pained agony. The fiend fractured as his vines climbed all around it, pushing the chi into the areas necessary to break the creature. Those fractures deepened, sinking into the very making of the creature before it finally cracked completely. The broken pieces ripped away from each other before fading into the air as if they'd never existed at all.

He slammed the flood gates shut, the shadowy vines vanishing with application of control again. He couldn't release too much of the chi right away, not if he intended to have a good, hard fight before killing the youkai prince standing a good distance away from him. The name of the prince escaped him, and he honestly couldn't have cared less to know it anyway. What had his attention were the rounded eyes that were displaying a horrified shock, the slight paling to darkly tanned skin... and the smell of blood rushing just under that same blanched skin, encouraged faster by the increased pulse the prince had no control over. There was power in this one's blood, something he suspected would taste like hot cinnamon on his tongue. It was a taste that would be delicious when first tasted and swallowed, but not to hold in his mouth and savor.

_"You're not going to do that anyway. You're only going to defend us from his attack and you're going to leave Kougaiji alone. That's his name, by the way. Kougaiji."_

He almost laughed out loud at the _other one's_ stern tone. Was he actually being scolded like a child? How utterly amusing! HE was in control of the body now, not the _other one_. He had been released from his prison for the sole purpose of dispatching this rival and returning to the lovely woman with his blood on her skin. That was exactly what he intended to do, and there would be no detering him from that cause. Perhaps he would bleed his rival dry over all that lovely, white female skin that smelled heavenly of fear. Hmmm... what a truly beautiful image that would make. Her, pinned to the ground by his vines while he stood over her with his rival's heart dripping onto her smooth, flawless skin, the heart still warm and beating faintly from having been ripped fresh from his chest. Yes... the more he thought about it, the more he had to have it as reality.

_"NO! You can't do that!"_

He actually did chuckle at the outrage from his other self. "Oh, really? And why not?" he murmured, his eyes narrowing as his rival shifted his foot ever so slightly. He silently cursed the less than perfect vision which marred the incredible brilliance of his body, one eye seeing as a human would while the other was youkai sharp. It saw colors in a sharper contrast, picked out minute details in scenery much clearer than his other eye. How he wished he could throttle the _other one_ for doing that to his perfect eyes! His rival began to circle slowly, hands limp and loose in preparation of attack. Gonou turned and followed his movements, his ears tuned in on the sounds of shouting and wild crashing through the underbrush. It sounded like the little one, the one whose blood would be as rich and metalic tasting as the forest earth. His was the kind of blood that truly tasted like life. Perhaps when he was done here he could sample that bounty as well.

_"YOU WILL NOT HURT GOKU!"_

Sneering at his other self's scream of sheer anger, he decided it was time to remind the _other one_ just how incredibly terrible paybacks could be. In his mind, he envisioned chains streaming from the darkness. Thick chains, heavy and sealed together with padlocks. The _other one_ had time to blink before he was suddenly wrapped in those chains, the very weight of them dragging him down onto his knees. He would have prefered locking his other self into that same damnable cage he'd been forced into... but he wasn't quite strong enough yet for that. The _other one's_ presence was still to strong in this body. He could restrain it, but he couldn't lock it away. Yet. _"What are you doing?"_ he demanded, his voice filled with nothing but panic. How disgusting to think he had to share this magnificent body with something so weak! _"You can't do this! How is this even possible, it's MY body!"_

"Correction; it's OUR body. I just happen to be controling it at the moment," he replied quietly, shoulders rolling with an easy grace as he sank into a low crouch. His claws scraped against the dead leaves, a harsh sound that was being quickly drowned out by the shouting of his other name. He was right, it was the little one running down the hill making more racket than he wisely should have. He smiled, running his tongue over the nicely sharp point of his elongated eyeteeth. His other self shivered inside his head and turned away, knowing exactly what he was thinking in regards of how to use those wonderfully sharp fangs.

His body went still. As in, he controled it perfectly to the point where not even the necessary breaths disturbed the absolute and utter lack of movement everywhere else in his body. He remained crouched with one hand on the bracken strewn carpet of the forest, waiting for the man across from him to move. A thin wind invaded their stand off as the other also went completely still, one foot in back as he stood perfectly straight with fingers curled into fists. He wasn't going to bother being so polite as to use his knuckles. When the inevitable rush came, he was going to tear that tawny skin straight from his rival's bones. The tension in the air grew thick as all else faded except for the sound of two beating hearts and the feel of adrenaline surging into his blood. It was the type of excitement that bordered close to pure arousal for him, the thrilling thought that soon he would have his foe pinned to the ground with his hand ripping a hole through the softer mid section of his stomach.

But first... the _amuse bouche_. The build up of adrenaline, the constant pressure from his brain to just go-go-go, was what he craved. A simple little appetizer provided by the one who would also serve for the main course. The endorphines kicking in was a remarkably heady, thrilling thing, a simple pleasure amidst all the many greater ones to come. He could feel the excitement tightening his chest, each breath a little shallow and tinged over with that zinging sensation that started low in his stomach and worked its way through his lungs into his throat. He knew he was smiling, and he also knew that uncontrolable expression of glee was further irritating his rival. He could smell the seething rage bubbling through the other's blood. A hot, musky smell that only spiked the adrenaline rush higher. There was no fear in this one, nothing but that anger tempered over with a thin veiling of cool restraint. It wouldn't take much to rip that veil away, he mused, eyes narrowing and smile slipping ever so slightly as his rival shifted the back foot. No doubt attaining a better grip in the slippery leaves for when the rush would come.

He was ready for it. He didn't hesitate for even a split second as the other man let out a fierce snarl and went racing across the forest at him. He kicked up off the ground, leaping as high as the trees would allow, and came whipping down like a falcon on its prey. His rival just barely bent over backwards to avoid his slashing claws, one hand immediately following through to deflect the lightning quick follow through of his other hand. He swept low, avoiding the flashing fist coming for his head, and swung his leg around in the hopes of taking his opponent down. His hands touched the ground and he released the chi, the vines rushing across the ground and uphis rivals leg.

A bright burst of flame shot downward for his shadowy vine trails. He hissed as the burning tendrils acted like his chi in reverse; they traveled back up the vines and into his skin, searing the skin areas around his markings. He drew back sharply, withdrawing his vines from the assault. He was both angered by this action as well as impressed. And all this time he'd thought the other man could only make giant fireballs and summon fiends. Apparently, he had some skill in chi manipulation.

His other self sighed wearily, the chains clinking as he slouched forward just a bit. _"You shouldn't underestimate Kougaiji. It's very foolish to do so, and will probably get us both killed."_

Yes... the _other one_ did have a point there. He caught the wrist of his opponent's hand, the fist curled tightly to heading straight for his face. A cruel smile twisted his lips, and he made certain to let the other man see it. His vines flowed easily from his hand and down the other's arm to his shoulder. Quickly, lest his rival summon some more of that chi-made fire, he simply released his hold completely on his own chi. The intent was to flood his rival with so much of his own energy that it would do exactly as the lightning fiend had done and immobilize him. His rival's eyes widened and he tried to jerk away. The sharp movement prompted him to squeeze his hand harder, his claws finally breaking through the much firmer skin. Blood, thick and oozing and oh-so-beautiful in the glow of energy and sunlight, immediately burst outward. It splattered across his own hands and flowed down along darkly bronzed skin before disappearing under the dark material of his opponent's jacket. The lighting turned the blood to liquid rubies, rich and dark yet able to reflect the light around it as clearly as a mirror. Its darkness against the rich tone of his rival's skin was a sight worthy of whatever gods looked down on them.

His rival hissed, a pained sound that was sharp to his ears. He quickly caught the other wrist coming at his stomach and used his own body weight to his advantage. He simply dropped to the ground, his grip throwing his opponent off balance, and flung the other man over his shoulders. He continued to hold on, the claws of his other hand now also bathed in the gorgeously thick blood, as his opponent smacked hard into the earth. Breath escaped from the other man in a loud puff of sound that became a wheezing cough as his lungs quickly tried to bring more air into his battered body. It was amazing the shoulders didn't dislocate. Amazing... but disappointing as well. How he would have loved to hear that wet popping noise of joints sliding out of place!

He released the bleeding wrists and quickly rolled awar from the slashing kick that would have connected with his jaw. He sprang to his feet easily, reveling in the way this body responded so beautifully to what he directed. His other self was struggling against the chains, trying to twist free and reclaim the marvelous vessel he was currently using. Already, he could see one hand was working its way through the mass of links and locks; the _other one's _will was still too dominant for him to completely subjugate it. That would change... but for now, he had to be quick or else his chance to satiate his cravings would be lost until the next time this situation arose. He ducked the next three punches, dodged a sharp kick and a knee, and finally managed to weave his way through the flurry attacks to inflict some of his own. back.

The first slice of claws through flesh nearly brought him to his knees in delight. It was a thick sound, almost like scissors cutting through stiff paper except that it was firm and wet and... oooh, the blood... He placed two more rips through his rival rapidly, tearing streaks from inner stomach to upper shoulder diagonally and another down along a hastily turned hip. His rival gasped, eyes widening as the flare of pain finally broke through him. He acted on that surprise and took a half running step into the knee thrust that sent the other man into the air. The solid cracking sound and the way the other's chest gave to his blow told him more than a couple ribs were now broken. He smiled and remained where he landed to watch his rival struggling a mere ten feet away.

His opponent (_"Kougaiji,"_ his other self reminded him with an edge of impatience) was choking for air, blood staining his lips like poorly applied lipstick. Blood flowed freely from the deep gouges that raked their way across his body. Tears could be seen along his pants in the hip area, the lighter colored material stained dark from the liquid soaking through. He laughed softly as his opponent sat up gingerly, wincing at the undoubtedly agonizing pain that was in his chest. He waited until those indigo eyes fell on him... and was very disappointed to see there was still no fear. If anything, that glare became more heated, but that heat was still being carefully controled. That wasn't the reaction he'd wanted to get. He knew his lip was curled into a slight pout as he considered this very surprising reaction.

_"It's over. You've already proven you can beat him. We're safe. It's time to end this without further injury,"_ his other self insisted with the firmness of one used to having his orders obeyed.

He grinned, his eyes catching sight of his bloody hands. "This will end when I feel like it, and not a minute before hand," he murmured in response. "Just sit back and enjoy yourself. You know you are. This is what you've been longing for as well, and you can't deny it."

_"It's what YOU wanted. YOU were projecting this through ME. Believe me, I would never want this."_

"Liar."

_"I'm not, and I want me body back __**NOW!**_"

"Then take it back... if you can." For added effect, he mentally tightened the chains around the _other one_, laughing when his other self gasped and winced at the sharp dig of metal into his metaphysical flesh. The hand that was almost free was trapped again under the immense pressure of those chains, the fingers curling into a tight fist. He relaxed the pressure ever so slightly, his eyes returning to his opponent as he slowly lifted one blood coated hand to his lips. The fluid was beginning to dry, sticky and unfortunately cold, but its taste was what he was after.

Indigo eyes flashed with surprise, but still no terror as he slowly began licking his fingers clean. It was just as he expected it would taste; a sweetness that had a sharp spike to it, a cinnamony-metalic combination that zinged across his tongue. The _other one_ closed his eyes in disgust and began trying to break himself free again. He kept his eyes on his rival as he chased a thin trailing of blood down his palm and to his wrist, a drop that had been stirred free by the laving of his tongue on his flesh. The flavor of this particular blood rolled through him, filling his throat and nose with that slightly spicey undertone. All blood smelled the same on the surface. It wasn't until one actually _tasted_ it that the finer nuances could truly be appreciated. It was those subtle differences that he craved, along with the fear he could invoke in those to die at his hands.

"You're... sick. You're not... Hakkai..." His rival was on his knees now, watching as he switched hands and ran a tongue all the way up his first finger and across the claw tipping it.

"Mmm... you're right. I'm not that pathetically weak one," he replied, lips curving into a smile he knew was terrifying in its beauty.

_"Now that's just being unnecessarily rude and cruel,"_ his other self scolded, pausing in his bid for freedom just to say so.

He laughed again, truly amused by how restrained his other self was. This... his body, his power, everything... was something to revel in. It was the simple beauty of pure and honest freedom. He was genuinely free of any and all constraints that the _other one_ believed were necessary. Wasn't the monk constantly preaching about not being bound by anything? _Muichimatsu_ was such a wonderfully splendid concept, one that he participated in fully. But now was not the time to ponder the many nuances of philosophy. His body was screaming for another taste of that hot cinnamon-spiced blood wastefully dripping onto the forest floor.

He pressed the attack this time, running full tilt toward his rival in a rush of speed so fast that the forest seemed to disappear around him. His rival managed to avoid the slashing claws that went for his mid section in the hopes of spilling intestines in a steamy wash, but in doing so he missed the free hand that slammed into the forest ground. The vines twisted and curved down his arm, for now simply acting as a way to bind his rival. He jerked on that extension of his power and his rival fell as it forced all his weight onto his injured leg. The thud of him falling hard to the ground caused the leaves and bracken to dance briefly in the air. His rival's breath left him in a great gush of sound, his arms flailing to his side to try and lessen the bruising. There wasn't time to start a counter attack. His vines swarmed over his rival, wrapping and coiling tightly. There were too many of them to attack at once, too many to try and thrust his burning aura back through. The man struggling against a hold that was just as solid as chains, had just sunk from 'rival' to 'prey'. Once the fighting option was taken, there was no rivalry. Only feastin.

He smiled as he watched his new prey continue to fight the vines that were quickly covering every surface of his body. He didn't care if there was still no fear in those fiery eyes, what he wanted was that exquisite crimson treasure locked beneath the skin. Slowly, he knelt by his prey, the vines clearing from across the muscled stomach with a simple thought from him.

_"Don't,"_ the _other one_ commanded with an icy sharpness and an equally frosted glare. That other presence pulsed hard in his head, blinding him for a second with the excruitating agony of it. Damn it... He tightened the chains and was rewarded with a pained cry from his other self. The headache lessened to the point where he could open his eyes again, but remained as an uncomfortable pressure at the back of his mind. His smile returned again, a slow predatorial curve of lips that made sure to accentuate the sharpened teeth just waiting to tear their first piece of tawny flesh away. Later... he was still playing right now. Keeping his gaze locked with the eyes that appeared to be ink dark in their burning ire, he took a single claw and sliced it with deliberate slowness across his midsection. The stomach muscles jerked in response, but no pain was evident across that haughty face. It infuriated him to not get the reaction he wanted. Teeth gritting, eyes narrowing maliciously, he drew his hand back to simply rip open the entire stomach and have at the soft organs inside. Perhaps _that_ would earn him the desired reaction!

"HAKKAI!"

He and his other self both froze at the name, and the voice shouting it. The crashing through the trees came to a sudden hault, the cacaphony of chaotic movement now replaced with huge gulps of breath. He turned toward this sound, his hand having stopped within a bare inch of striking the tense skin of his prey's abdomen. Ah... it _was_ the little one! He'd been correct all along. Tossled brown hair that reflected auburn and copper highlights had dead leaves and broken twigs stuck in it. Fresh dirt and grass stained his pants. Golden eyes were round and filled with... there it was! The fear he wanted. He glanced at the prey he had fastened to the ground, his smile turning thoughtfully sly. Was it even possible to have his vines attack another while still holding someone securely bound? He wasn't sure... but this was a remarkable opportunity to experiment with it. He pivoted around on his knees, one hand already caresing through the crunching leaves for the cool, moist earth beneath. His power was pulsing and pounding against his control over it, eagerly pushing to be freed into the awaiting soil.

"Run, Goku! Get out of- AGH!" A quick thought from him tightened the vines to a new degree of painful around his bound prey, one choking hard over his throat to stop the warning. He would _not_ have his experiment interupted! He returned his gaze to the boy standing a good distance from him, eyes narrowing as those eyes darkened to the color of antique gold. The little one's face went almost blank, a wary tension still present in the firm press of his lips and the subtle shifting of one foot further back. He was positioning himself for a defensive stance, preparing for the iminent attack.

He frowned as the little one took a deep sniff of the air, eyes closing briefly as the smells of the forest were processed through his brain. When those golden eyes opened again, they were filled with worry and confusion. "You're not Hakkai," he said, his voice low but still audible due to the utter lack of sound in the forest. "You're usin' his body... but you're not Hakkai."

His smile quickly turned into a cold little laugh. How interesting... it seemed the little one could actually smell a difference between himself and his inferior half. Perhaps he wasn't as incompetantly naive as he'd originally assumed. "Very astute observation," he commented sarcastically, his fingers brushing across the clumped dirt. He would be patient. He would wait until the boy relaxed ever so slightly and then... the experiment would truly begin.

"Then who are you? You've gotta have a name if you're in Hakkai's body but you're not Hakkai," the little one pressed. He held his staff low, the heavy globed ends pointing toward the ground and the trees. That didn't mean it couldn't be swung for an attack at any moment though. He could feel the aura surrounding this much smaller creature. It was ungodly strong, as if all the might and hardness of the mountains were contained within one pulsing, heavy power that was somehow carefully contained. It was enough to give him pause in releasing his own power. If this was how strong he was with the limiter, what must he be like without? Hmm... but, he was getting too far ahead of himself. One experiment at a time. Besides, the little one had asked him a question.

He opened his mouth to answer... and froze, jaw snapping shut as his lips formed a thin frown. His name... did he have one? It made sense that he would have one. The _other one_ did, so why shouldn't he? He could have sworn there was another name that had bene used at some point. He searched back through their combined memories, trying to recall what exactly it had been. The _other one_ tensed up as he began to search, eyes widening when he finally uncovered the name he remembered.

_"No... you can't use that name. That person is dead,"_ his other self said, something very much like cold terror in his voice. Whatever hesitation he'd had before about using it was quickly dissipated by that tone. If his other self didn't want him to use it...

The if it belonged to a dead person, there was no reason why he couldn't have it, he thought. He smiled at the little one waiting nervously for his answer and made certain to enunciate it as clearly as possible for the benefit of enjoying the _other one's_ reaction. "My name... is Gonou." He had barely gotten that out before burning, searing pain ripped up through his arm, traveling the twisting trails of his markings. He hissed, dropping his control over the binding vines in a reflex to escape that wash of heated energy being shoved through him. Gonou whipped around, snarling as his prey immediately leapt to his feet and away. The beautiful blood was drying in crusty patches to his tanned skin, marking it in an uneven splatter design.

His prey glowered at him, lips thinning back away from sharp fangs. "Your fight is with me, remember?" the other man sneered, "Leave him out of this!"

Hmmm... it seemed his other self wasn't the only one who didn't want him near the boy. Gonou knew his grin had twisted sadistic by the sharply intaken breath the little one sucked in and the slight widening of his eyes. His gaze flickered over to the smaller one, taking in the soft skin that had a naturally golden undertone to it. It still had the freshness of youth, though it was obvious from the thinned fingers curled around his staff that there was quite a bit of muscle to this one. Still... baby soft skin marked over with his claws and teeth was a _very_ attractive image. He glanced again at his prey, who was waiting with just a small amount of fire dancing in his hands, and cocked his head almost curiously. Without warning, he sprinted toward the little one, running so fast his feet barely disturbed to forest floor. His prey immediately took off after him toward the boy standing with a frozen look of shocked horror on his face. Excellent...

Gonou fell to his knees as something slammed and ripped its way through his brain. God... what in the hell WAS this? He heard the little one shout, felt and smelled him as he rushed by and dimly recognized the sounds of fighting, but the pain... His claws clenched tightly to his hair, pulling hard enough to tear strands from scalp, but even _that_ pain couldn't cut through this. He fell to the forest floor completely when he felt what amounted to a mental jerk on the back of his shirt before he was spun around harshly by the _other one_. How in the hell did _HE_ get loose? His eyes widened and his back arched off the forest as that dominating presence began to shove its self back through their shared body, trying to force him out. No... he was NOT giving this body up! It was HIS!

_"I told you before... you will **NOT** harm Goku, nor any of the others. Even if it kills me in the process, I'd rather we both go down than see one of them get killed by you,"_ his other self explained with a deadly coldness that was both thrilling to hear and a little intimidating at the same time.

Gonou snarled, thrashing onto is side in the leaves as he continued to fight the battle that was rapidly being lost. His other self was quickly shoving him back toward his cell... His teeth gnashed and ground together as his hand remained buried in his hair. His heels dug into the forest floor in an effort to prove that he was still in control of the body. He shoved at his other self's presence in an attempt to keep himself from being locked in that cell again. The _other one_ shoved back, and shoved back hard. As in, hard enough to make him scream at the pain it caused. More voices, arguing, but the fighting had stopped. Gonou jerked over onto his elbows and knees, face all but buried in the sweetly decaying leaves. This was his body, and he wasn't about to give it up to a hopelessly weak entity! He focused his attentions not on getting his body to move but on trapping the _other one _again.

The _other one_ was jerked away from him, a small gasp of surprise torn from his lips as the chains circled him again, quickly dragging him down despite his efforts otherwise. Gonou immediately felt some of the pressure ease from his mind enough to pick out the snippets of arguing around him.

"...But it's Hakkai..."

"Move or I'll shoot through..."

"...Get the hell outta my way, you Buddhist..."

"...Hey, ease down a bit, bro..."

A deeply intaken breath told him that everyone was there. He could smell that faint sun-after-the-rain scent of the monk. There was the deeply aromatic, rich smell of the half breed, something that reminded him strongly of dark chocolate and fresh vanilla beans. Another smell, this time one that made him think of sun-kissed ocean waters, a scent that was both warm and a little tangy at the same time. And the woman was here again. He'd recognize that soft aroma of her skin anywhere. The _other one_ was jerking hard against the chains, one hand sliding free easily as he worked to try and shove the chains down and off his psyche. Gonou knew he couldn't hold him there forever. His time was limited for achieving the blood and fear he wanted. He looked at those surrounding him a good distance away through the shaggy tendrils of his hair.

The monk was holding the little one back, using one shoulder to do so while keeping a constant eye on where Gonou knelt. The larger man in white was keeping the half breed in check. His lovely female prey was tending the fire youkai in a space set farther apart from the others, her fingers flying over the wounds he'd so carefully inflicted. How rude, repairing the damage he'd caused! Gonou used the rage at her presumptuous nature to leap to his feet in a single, elegant movement to run at her. Both of them looked up, her eyes widening in the fear that smelled so wonderful on her while his eyes narrowed and a snarl snaked its way free from his throat.

He could here the other shouting, rushing in to try and stop him. None of them would be fast enough, not with the way his marvelous body could move. His other self was very close to breaking free, the pulsing push of his presence starting to make dark spots dance in his vision. He had to hurry, or he'd be taken down again by _that one_. Gonou was on them, his hand flying back in order to rip new gouges into the fire youkai's face and neck. It would be interesting to see her try and sew together a torn trachia, all the while coating her body in that spicey blood. His claws whooshed as they cut through the air, heading directly for the exposed throat his prey had left open for him.

* * *

Everything was going so bad! Goku felt frozen as Hakkai (or Hakkai's body with that dead-smelling guy using it) ran amazingly fast toward Yaone and Kougaiji. He ended up falling flat on his face as Sanzo, with a sharply snarled, "Shit," suddenly stopped trying to keep him from running to where Hakkai had been kneeling and instead ran for where he was going. His own panic kicked in at that; Sanzo... running toward the scary Hakkai... Sanzo...

"SANZO!" Goku didn't remember getting on his feet and didn't remember any of the steps it took him to get to his guardian. He skidded to a hault when Sanzo suddenly stopped. He heard that voice, the one that always filled him with warmth even when it was shouting death threats, begin to speak softly and in a kind of rhythme. He'd heard something like this before... It took him another second before he remembered what it was; a chant. Sanzo was activating a spell! His mind flashed back to that day when Sanzo had been busy writing neatly on those strips of paper. _"This is for when everything goes straight to hell."_

Goku felt as if someone had dumped ice cubes down his boxers and duct taped the legs together to hold the ice there. The tantras... Sanzo was gonna use the tantras on Hakkai! "Sanzo, no!" He made a grab for his guardian, this time in order to save Hakkai's life.

Sanzo was quicker. He flung his hand out, the paper whistling through the air as four of the tantra whizzed by. "_Kinbaku!"_ Sanzo shouted. Light, a faintly violet glow that looked almost like the Maten Sutra in use, flared around those frail strips of paper. They struck Hakkai in the back, sticking firmly to his shirt... and Hakkai fell to the leaves completely imobile.

All Goku could do was stare at where Hakkai fell. Sanzo... He couldn't believe Sanzo had actually... He was so busy staring at the completely unmoving Hakkai that he wasn't aware of the angry boots crunching through the leaves, or of the outraged snarl from from Gojyo's lips as the red head jerked the monk around by the silky shoulder of his robe.

What finally broke him from his daze was the shout of, "You fucking bastard!" before the sharp crack of flesh hitting flesh sent Sanzo sprawling to the ground with a broken, bleeding lip.

* * *

Author's Note: Whew... been a while since I've updated this one! Sorry about that, I blame the fact that I just recently got addicted to the Hellsing soundtrack. Which, obviously, prompted Bob the Muse to wanna write Hellsing stuff when he SHOULD have been writing this one! Anyway, thank you for the patience and I promise to TRY not to let this one go so long again before updating. Thank you especially to Angel's Wings and Ophelion for being so amazingly patient. I do hope you guys haven't chewed your nails to the knuckles yet...

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

"You son of a bitch! What the fuck did you do to him?" Gojyo struggled to shove his way passed Goku, shouting from around the boy's smaller yet stronger frame at where Sanzo was sprawled on the ground . His crimson eyes were burning with an intense fury that bordered dangerously close to being hatred as the monk pushed himself up on one elbow and spit the blood from his cracked lip to one side. Gojyo could feel the burn of frustrated tears just behind his eyes as he slid his glare over to the unmoving form of Hakkai. The usually smiling man was laying face down on the ground, arms outstretched to either side and resembling one of those horrible statues of a man being crucified. The comparison of Hakkai stretched like a lamb for the slaughter sent him shoving and twisting even harder to get by Goku. The boy wasn't budging, misreading his urgency as an attempt to kill Sanzo. Not yet. First, he had to get to Hakkai. Hakkai was most important right now, not tarring the hell out of that bastard of a monk. His best friend... the only person he really had in this world... And that fucking prick went and-

"Three years of dealing with you and you still manage to wow me with your stupidity," Sanzo sneered as he got to his feet, dusting his robes off with sharp gestures that indicated his own temper was very close to snapping. The pale skin stretched over his jaw bore a text book perfect blossom of darkness that even managed to retain the points of Gojyo's knuckles in it. Experimentally, Sanzo fingered his jaw, wincing ever so slightly as he touched the tender area. It brought a small falre of satisfaction to Gojyo to know that he finally got one in on the monk, one that he would feel every time he took a bite of food. "Goku, let him go. He got lucky with that one. He won't do it again." The cool certainty that there would be no repeat to the punch landed fueled Gojyo's temper higher.

Goku, reluctantly, did as Sanzo said and stepped away from Gojyo nervously, eyes watching the kappa with a wary uncertainty. He moved back until he was standing near where Yaone was quickly examining and repairing Kougaiji. The prince was watching the scene unfold with a curious look on his face, as if he were truly interested to see how this would all pan out. Gojyo knew the minute he stepped toward the monk that he was going to beat Sanzo into the ground. He was faster than the human, stronger as well. Sanzo didn't stand a chance. He swung back as he took another rushing step toward the blonde, fist cocked to land a bone crushing blow to the man's ribs.

He froze at the last second as a gun barrel was jammed hard into his own chest, directly over his raving heart. Violet eyes were nothing but ice, cold and completely free of emotion as he cocked the hammer back and waited for Gojyo to decide whether he was going to continue the attack or step down. "If you keep this up, you won't be alive long enough to help him," Sanzo threatened. There was something to his tone that made Gojyo blink, lips parting a little in surprise at the slightly softer edge to the hard words. Sanzo actually sounded as if he might be concerned as well, though that thread of emotion was very thin and heavily clouded over by the coolness he used when threatening people.

It took another second before his words finally sank in, and the effect of them was more sobering than ice down his pants in the morning. Gojyo's arm dropped, his mouth opening further as he replayed the words again and again in his head. Help him... Help Hakkai... Did that mean that... He swallowed hard as his stomach suddenly lurched, his legs shaking so badly he thought he might actually fall to the ground. "Y-You mean you... didn't...?" His question trailed as he wiped a hand down his face to remove the cold sweat that was coating his skin. A shiver rippled down his spine, one that was a mix of relief and horror. He had no words to describe how incredibly overjoyed he was that Hakkai was still alive and there for him to help if he could. He also couldn't find words that could encompass the near sickening realization that he'd been ready to kill Sanzo right then and there without first checking the facts.

Sanzo snorted disdainfully and flicked the safety back in place as he leveled the gun at ground, his eyes gleaming their distaste and disgust for the red head's slow realization. "Of course I didn't kill him," he replied derisively. "Use your goddamn head a little more often, kappa, and I'm not referring to the one in your pants. If I wanted to kill Hakkai, I would have either shot him already or ashed him with the sutra."

"Then what the hell did you do to him?" His eyes, while still wide, were a little less wild than they were before.

Shrugging indifferently, the blonde answered, "Binding tantras. I prepared them a while ago just in case something like this happened. He's pretty much unable to move, but I can only hold him for so long. That _is_ a suggestion for you to move your ass and get those limiters back on him before he breaks free."

It took another moment or two and several confused blinks before the monk's words finally sank in. Gojyo immediately fell to his knees and began searching through the dead leaves for a glint of silver. Sanzo snorted to himself before walking over to where Goku stood. The boy looked up at him with eyes that easily took up half his face. His eyes expressed clearly his relief that Hakkai was still alive, his lingering concern over the fight and his wary uncertainty of his guardian. The boy knew damned well he was due for a good fan-beating for running head first into a battle. "Hey," the monk said, pausing to light a cigarette.

"Hey..." Goku replied hesitantly, his entire body tense and wary with unease. Sanzo didn't _seem_ angry with him... but then again, he was sometimes his scariest when he didn't appear angry. Although, maybe he wasn't angry at all-

_**WHACK!**_

The fan cracking over Goku's head made everyone gathered jump before a few sympathetic glances were cast at the boy howling on the floor and clutching his head. "OOOOOWWWW! That was my head, Sanzo!"

"If I have to crack your skull open until your brains leak out, YOU WILL LEARN **NOT **TO ACT WITHOUT THINKING, PRIMATE!" Sanzo shouted with a few more punctuating whollops of his fan to any area that Goku couldn't cover quickly enough. Somehow, his cigarette miraculously stayed put between his lips, grey smoke swirling in front of his fiercely glaring violet eyes. He didn't stop until Goku was stretched flat on his back with several large lumps and dark bruises forming across his head and hands. Kougaiji, Dokugakuji and Yaone, who were all unused to seeing this type of behavior, stilled instantly with startled eyes and gaping jaws. Lirin's mouth was hanging open, but her eyes were glowing almost warmly as the monk huffed and tucked his fan away into his robe before blowing the cigarette smoke out in an irritated puff of grey from his lips. Slowly, she walked over to them, her eyes flipping from Goku's prone form to Sanzo's tense one and back again.

"Woooow... hey, I've never seen someone twitch like that before," Lirin exclaimed with something close to appreciative awe in her voice. She leaned over Goku's prone form, grinning as groans and half formed sentences managed to trickle from his lips along with the drool. "That's gonna be one heckuva bruise!" The boy groaned louder as she nudged him with her boot, his arm flailing in a half-hearted attempt to shoo her away.

Sanzo shook his head but left Lirin to her game of Explore The Injured Monkey. He knew Goku wasn't _that_ hurt... maybe. He took a hit of his cigarette and indicated where Gojyo was now hauling an unconscious Hakkai to his shoulder. "Like I was saying, prior to your stunning pro-wrestler debut, care to explain what you guys did to him?" His hand tightened on his gun, adding a less-than-subtle threat to the simple question. It wasn't lost on the three still crouched on the ground. Dokugakuji's dark eyes sparked a fierce warning as his hand curled more surely around his sword. Yaone's concerned face instantly hardened to one of outrage at his actions as she shifted herself just a little more in front of her lord.

Kougaiji however offered him a puzzled frown as he sat up, eyes crinkling at the corners just slightly as his rapidly healing injuries pulled a little with the movement. "_This_ wasn't us," he stated firmly, his tone almost daring the monk imply otherwise again. "When we defeat you, I want all of you to be in the best physical and mental condition possible. There's no honor in _this._"

"Pretty words. He started losing it shortly after an attack by assassins sent in your daddy's name. You're telling me you don't know anything about it? I'm not inclined to believe you."

"It's the truth," Yaone blurted out hotly, her cheeks flushed with anger at the insult directed at the prince. "Lord Kougaiji wouldn't do something like this. Where's the honor in a victory that's not fairly earned?"

Sanzo snorted but refrained from commenting further on that particular point. She was right about one thin; Kougaiji was way too wrapped up in his personal honor to even consider taking one of them out like this. His glance slid over to where Gojyo had Hakkai propped against a tree, checking the unconscious man's pulse with enough hesitancy to indicate that the red head was more than a little nervous for his friend. Hakuryuu hovered just above his owner, completely silent except for an occassional coo of concern. "The assassins sent definately came from Houtu Castle," he finally stated, dropping his cigarette butt and grinding it out with his boot heel. No need to start a forest fire while he was still in it after all. Goku was standing up again and giving him the most irritated pout he could muster with the meat bun sized lump on his cheek. Now that her entertainment was up and moving again, Lirin gave a pout of her own and trudged back to her brother's side.

"Then they were either lying or they were sent without my knowledge," Kougaiji insisted firmly, shrugging off the arm Dokugakuji tried to put around his waist in order to help him stand. "And no assassins are sent without first being cleared by me."

Gojyo snorted and tossed a glare that made his crimson eyes flash nearly black with extreme dislike. "Yeah, right," he snarled, getting to his feet with his hands curled into tight fists. "I think we all know that's complete bullshit."

"If someone _did_ override my authority with _my_ people, believe me when I say there will be hell to pay," Kougaiji snapped back with an iciness to match the heated words from the kappa.

"One of th' guys felt kinda weird," Goku offered hesitantly. He gave the prince and his associates eyes the size of tea saucers that expressed more succinctly than his plaintive tone his hopes that perhaps they might be able to help Hakkai. Not likely... but Sanzo wasn't going to be the one to kill the boy's hopes this time. Besides, it never hurt to try and Kougaiji seemed to have some kind of respect for Goku on most occassions. He added to that the fact that he knew damned well how those puppy dog eyes of the monkey's could really soften a guy's resolve. "He was definately not just one of th' normal assassins either."

"Did he work any spells or use his aura in anyway?" Yaone asked softly, the gentling of her protective expression indication that, once again, Big Sad Eyes win every time.

"No... well, not really. I mean, he spit all over Hakkai's face, which was way beyond gross. But then Sanzo killed him," Goku finished, his face brightening with something that very well sounded like pride in his guardian's shooting abilities. If it weren't for the fact that there were others in the area, Sanzo probably would have messed that mop of brown hair up for the confidence in his abilities. As it stood though... not a chance in hell was he doing anything like that. Maybe he'd buy the kid some ice cream later. No... ice cream was too sticky and he was guaranteed to get it all over his robes. Maybe something less sticky... like a banana. Monkeys loved bananas anyway.

The reaction to his statement was mixed. Dokugakuji registered surprise while Yaone and Kougaiji exchanged thoughtful glances. Lirin on the other hand wrinkled her nose and exclaimed, "Eeeeewwww! That;s so GROSS! Why would anybody wanna do that?"

"I dunno. He was one of _your_ assassins," Goku mumbled back with an irritated twitch to his lips at the girl's tone.

"Yeah, but that's just nasty! No wonder Baldy-Head shot him."

Kougaiji clamping his hand firmly on her shoulder shut her up faster than even food could. The princess craned her neck back to look up at her brother, grinning her apology for being so forward. "How long ago was this?" he asked, directing the question at Sanzo instead of Goku.

"A few weeks ago. Maybe a little over a month," Sanzo answered. "At first I thought it was the Minus Wave, but then I remembered it doesn't come in little bursts like this was. One minute, Hakkai's barely hanging onto control and the next he's bloodlusting. His aural patterns change drastically as well, as if he was becoming a completely different person. The only real clue we have is that dumb ass who hacked on him before eating lead, and the people with _him_ were claiming to be sent from Gyumaoh. Come to think of it though...," he paused as he folded his arms across his chest, his brows furrowed thoughtfully as he replayed to fight in his head for about the millionth time. "Those guys seemed to be a little more full of themselves than usual. Normally, when we start laying into them they're pissing themselves within five minutes. These guys didn't start breaking rank until after I shot the Spitter."

"An outside agent perhaps, Kou?" Dokugakuji asked in a low tone. The swordsman wasn't trying to hide the question from the others, he was simply inquiring the prince's thoughts on the matter.

"Possibly... and if so, _she_ and I will be having a very long talk," Kougaiji muttered back, his eyes flashing cold hatred when he said the word 'she'. Whoever was pulling his strings wasn't on his buddy list for sure. Straightening his shoulders, he met Sanzo's gaze again and said firmly, "We'll withdraw for today. Rest assured I _will_ be looking into this matter."

"Fuck that," Gojyo said darkly, his face carrying a look that said Kougaiji's people were in some deep shit as far as he was concerned. "You didn't even know this guy was sent out. And who gives a shit if you're looking into it? You plan on giving us a cure or something?"

The smile Kougaiji gave the red head was anything but friendly. "Do you plan on handing me the Maten Sutra in exchange for that priviledged information?"

Gojyo snarled and if it weren't for the warning shot Sanzo fired at him he would have lunged at the prince's throat. He stood his ground and shot a glare at the monk that promised a good shouting match later. Oh, goody. He just _loved_ to hear an idiot blow hot air into the atmosphere. Sanzo leveled the gun on Kougaiji, ignoring the fact that both his bodyguards instantly stepped in front of him and his sister. "You'll get the sutra only if you can pry it from my dead hands," he sneered back. "Giving us the information you uncover is the _honorable_ thing to do, don't you think?"

He knew he'd used the right wording when the prince's back stiffened angrily and those indigo eyes darkened to a purple that possibly rivaled his own. "Let's go," Kougaiji ordered before using the inhuman speed of a youkai to almost literally disappear from the forest.

Lirin waved enthusiastically at them as she tossed Sanzo a beam that damn near stretched off her face. "Bye, Baldy Sanzo! See ya later, stupid monkey!"

"Bite me, ya stupid... girl!" Goku hollered back, growling under his breath as she followed after her brother. Sanzo grit his teeth at the bald reference again, instantly retracting anything kind he could have possibly thought toward the girl. The next time... she'd have lumps rivaling Goku's!

Smacking the still muttering boy on the back of the head, he glared up at Hakuryuu, who was still hovering anxiously, and said, "You. Transform. Now. No sass, no tricks. We're getting to the next town and I'm driving."

Goku's groan of, "We're gonna diiiiiiie!" was rewarded with a series of warning shots that set him dancing to avoid getting hit. Hakuryuu cheaped in alarm but was quick to listen as he transformed himself into his Jeep form. Sanzo sat roughly in the front seat and took the time to light a cigarette as the others climbed on board. Goku's whining about being shot at instantly faded when it became obvious that Gojyo was going to ride in back with Hakkai, leaving the boy in the passenger seat for the first time ever during their journey. Any excitement he had over that disappeared when Sanzo ground the gears into first and the Jeep gave a lurching jerk forward as he eased off the clutch a little too fast. Sanzo ignored to squealing protest from the Jeep and continued to drive his way back up the steep hill and onto the road again. He didn't give a shit what the others said about his driving. If it got them there fast, what the hell did it matter? He wanted then settled into their rooms and Hakkai secured safely in bed (possibly with a few more binding tantras thrown on for safe measure) so he could weigh out over a bottle or two of beer just what the hell he was going to do about all this. Hakkai being indisposed due to youkai inflicted insanity was definately a big obstacle in their mission.

And hadn't he always said that he would kill anyone and anything that got in their way? He let out a huff of breath and pressed the gass petal down until the speedometer plunged well over the one hundred kilometer line. Gods, wy was he always stuck with this shit?


	12. Chapter 12

AUTHOR'S NOTE: None of you really knows what kinda hell it was trying to get this chapter out! It was written and then it died when my evil computer murdered the external hard drive I had it saved on. The stupid thing took every scrap of writing, from originals to fanfictions, with it. Me, pissed? Imagine a very drunk Sanzo after being groped in a very unenjoyable fashion by a local bar pervert and you've got my temperament. God... where can I get a banishing gun, and will it work on a possessed and evil computer?

* * *

"Do you really think all that's necessary?" Gojyo asked with a dubiously arched brow, looking over the series of restraints, spells and other bindings still strapping the bed's occupant firmly in place. He ran a finger over a make-shift ankle restraint (there were three on each ankle) constructed out of his own leather belt and felt another crashing wave of guilt slam into him. Hakkai was still completely passed out from the fight in the woods the day before. It was now early evening the day after the fight, and Hakkai still looked like a dead man. It was beginning to scare the shit out of him. That fear was quickly being overshadowed by his annoyance with a certain bitchy monk. He hadn't slept a wink all night due to the fact that he kept glancing over at the bound man. He didn't like the combination of guilt and feeling sick that came over him every time his glance strayed that way.

The slight scrunching of Hakkai's facial features was the only sign that he was still even somewhat aware of his surroundings. Whatever the hell the monk did to him had knocked him out cold. He wasn't going anywhere, at least not under his own power. The towns folk had gaped at them when they'd come screeching into town, and continued to do so as Gojyo carried Hakkai up to their room for the evening. The minute the door had shut, Sanzo had ordered Goku to start tying the unconscious man up. Goku had hesitated briefly over the order, casting his guardian a nervous glance before setting about finding whatever was available to do the job. Gojyo, under threat of being shot for real, grudgingly helped with the task although he did mutter constantly about doing so. It went against his reasoning to tie a guy up when he was out of it, but it went against every fiber of his being to tie up Hakkai.

"I'm not taking any chances," Sanzo stated firmly, casting a slightly malicious glare at the red-head. "He's not stable, even with the limiters on. The gods only know what he'll do if he snaps completely, to himself as well as others. Personally, I'd rather keep him restrained and my ass alive."

"It just seems like a bit of overkill is all," Gojyo insisted, running his eyes over the series of knotted ropes, handcuffs (stole from his own bag, no less), and belts keeping the unconscious man from even twitching a muscle. He could feel the faint thrum of energy coming off the tantras and knew they were pretty damn solid. They had to be, of course, seeing as the power activating them came from Sanzo's force of will. That monk was a tough son of a bitch.

The look Sanzo gave him, an arched brow over are-you-serious eyes, said clearly that the monk didn't agree in the least. Gojyo sighed, shaking his before running his fingers back through his hair and shrugging. "Fine, whatever. It's your fucking party." He grabbed his coat from the chair he'd flung it in and stomped toward the door.

"Where're ya goin', Gojyo?" Goku asked from one of the other beds, lifting his round eyes from where Hakkai was lying pale and unmoving.

"Out," he answered curtly. He couldn't sit in this room or with the monk knowing that Hakkai was suffering and bound up in bed. He hated the fact that he was completely useless to help his friend, someone he cared about as the only real family he had. It made him feel like absolute shit and he didn't like it. He needed to get out of there, get away from all of them and just wallow for a bit in his own self-loathing.

"You're pretty good at running away, kappa," Sanzo remarked dryly before a lighter clicked softly to indicate he was lighting up.

Gojyo wanted to reply to that… but how could he when the bastard was right for a change? He was doing exactly that, running away from everything, but it wasn't because he didn't want to deal with it. He was the type who saw something and had to step back to process it. That was why he was leaving. If he wasn't facing the problem, then maybe he could come up with a way to fix it before everything got worse. So, instead of calling the prick out like he soooo wanted to, he gave a flick of his fingers over his shoulder before opening the door. "See you guys later," he called back and let the door swing shut after him.

He left the inn and stepped out into a mildly crowded main street. People were just now getting ready to go out for dinner or on their way home from a day of work. The whole atmosphere of this place was welcoming and friendly, despite a few obvious signs of youkai attack. There were a few bars in the general area of the inn, but the clerk had been helpful in mentioning earlier (while giving them a wary look) that the 'entertainment district' was a seven block walk from there. Normally, that would have been nothing to him, but with what was going on with Hakkai… he didn't want to risk being too far away should he be needed.

Gojyo tucked his hands in the pockets of his jeans and made a beeline for the first bar he saw that looked relatively empty. He didn't feel like crowds of people and women flirting with him this evening. He wanted to be alone with a beer and his own worthless hide. Seriously, what the hell did he think he could do if Hakkai snapped? He had his fists, his shaku-jou and his concern for the man. That didn't do shit in keeping him from going insane. As much as he hated to admit it, their only bet right then was that Sanzo could control Hakkai should something happen. Oh, that and the off chance Kougaiji's group could get their heads out of their asses and find out what had happened.

He scoffed at the idea, kicking a stray stone into the dusty street. Yeah, right. Whoever ran things at Houtu Castle wasn't letting them in on shit. The chances they would find anything at all were pretty fucking slim. The chances for them openly sharing that information was even less so. It was up to them, as usual, to figure this shit out on their own and fix it.

Except… here he was, running away to a bar to get drunk. Thinking while drunk wasn't ever a good idea. That was how idiots ended up passed out naked in trees wondering what the fuck happened to them. If he really wanted to help, he'd be trying to figure out what was going on, not drinking and hoping the Inspiration Faerie would sprinkle him in magic dust! He stopped in the middle of the street, ignoring the odd looks people walking around him tossed his way, and let his head drop to his chest. "I am so fucking clueless," he muttered to himself.

His head picked up at the sound of children shrieking in time to see a group of small girls go running from around behind a stack of empty crates, one of them crying hysterically as she wiped her hands on her skirt. Curious, he took a couple casual steps closer until he could see the group of boys laughing and congratulating themselves for scaring the girls off. All of them would probably get lecture later by their mothers for being covered from head to toe in mud. One of them held a squirming, wet mass that he discovered was a toad when it managed to escape briefly from the boy's clutches. It was quickly recaptured for further poking and prodding by the group.

A crooked little smile crossed his face and he couldn't help the little chuckle that escaped. No wonder the girls ran screaming. If he thought they'd listen, he'd go over and explain to them that was not how you impressed the ladies. He sighed and turned his back on the happy normal scene and scanned the area around him. Okay, he wanted to help. Fine. How did he go about doing that? He realized he had absolutely no idea where to even start with his search for a 'cure'. Where was he supposed to go for information anyway?

The answer came to him in the form of a worn sign hanging outside a building with one word etched in the window; Library. He almost wanted to smack himself in the head with the obviousness of it all. After living with Hakkai for three years, going with him back and forth from the town to return books or pick more up and all the lessons at the temple for Goku, it was borderline stupid of him not to think of looking at a library. His long legs lead him quickly to the long, squat building and again he couldn't help the little snicker that escaped his lips. Him, in a library? Hakkai's jaw would have hit the ground in shock! Thank the gods they weren't back home where people could actually see him going inside one of these things.

* * *

Goku squeezed his arms around his stomach in an attempt to get it to quiet down. He was so hungry it was starting to hurt. He glanced plaintively in Sanzo's direction and chewed his lower lip uncertainly. He really wanted to eat… but Sanzo was already cleaning his gun and that usually meant he wasn't in the mood to go anywhere. With Hakkai passed out, they had no one to cook. He'd tried Gojyo's cooking once. He never wanted to do that to his poor stomach ever again.

His gaze flickered over to where Hakkai could barely be seen under all the straps and knots and tantras. He could just make out the shallow rise and fall of his chest and the occasional twitch of a finger, but no there was no sign he intended to wake up any time soon. He took a deep breath through his nose and puffed it out from his mouth to blow his hair off his forehead. At least Hakkai smelled normal now. Back in that forest… It made him shiver to remember it. All cold and lifeless, like blood that had dried into his shirt after a fight. Or like those corpses after Rikudo had done his nasty thing.

He was really scared for Hakkai. Unlike when he lost his limiter, Hakkai would remember anything bad that he did to others. It was just a lucky thing the older man had picked a fight with Kougaiji instead of someone else… like Lirin. Kougaiji was super awesomely strong and could handle himself. Lirin was… well, she was pretty strong for a girl, but she wouldn't have stood a chance if Hakkai had gone after her instead. He knew first hand just how scary Hakkai could get without his limiters. It made him wonder just how bad he was without his. He hoped they figured out how to make him better before Hakkai did something really bad. Hakkai had enough things to make him sad. He didn't need to remember something awful he did when he was out of it.

Goku glanced again at Sanzo, who was reading the news paper and smoking. Even he was scared for Hakkai. It was obvious in the little things Sanzo did. To anyone else, he knew it would look like the monk didn't care two craps about what happened so long as they kept driving a west. But he knew Sanzo. He knew from the way the monk's fingers crinkled the paper edge that he was bothered by something. He could see a little of it in the crease between his eyebrows and the tightness of his mouth. Sanzo was really, _really_ worried about what was going on. The fact that his guardian didn't have a clue on how to fix this was almost as scary as Hakkai without his limiters. Sanzo knew all kinds of stuff. If _he_ didn't know the answer, who did?

Well... Kougaiji _did_ say something about trying to figure out what was going on. Maybe they would find something on their end. That Yaone was pretty smart. She had to be to fight Hakkai all the time. Plus, she was a healer. Who better to fix someone than a healer? And Dokugakuji... well, he was Gojyo's brother, and that kappa was pretty stupid. Then again, Dokugakuji didn't act anything like Gojyo. Maybe he could help, too. He really hoped they could find out something. It just wasn't cool to leave Hakkai hurting like he was.

His head snapped up at the sound of a chair scraping back from the table. Goku flinched as Sanzo stood up, tucking the newspaper under one arm an returning his glasses to the small leather case on the table. He watched as his guardian went over to the bed Hakkai was on and began tugging and testing the restraints, running fingers over the tantras to make sure they were in place. Every time the monk touched one of his spells, a little flare of power spiked through the room. It was an odd sort of feeling, like being hot and cold at the same time. In a way, that power was just like Sanzo, Goku thought curiously. He thought he heard Sanzo saying something about tantras working because of a person's will... but he couldn't remember if that was exactly what he'd heard or not. He jerked a little when Sanzo called his name. "Goku."

"Yeah?" he asked from his spot on the bed.

"Check these, but don't touch the tantras. After you do that, we're going out. There's no reason why the kappa gets to be the only one to have a couple drinks tonight." The last was muttered darkly and with a glare that said Gojyo was going to get the Fan of Doom brought down on him when he got back.

Goku bounced up immediately and began pulling on all the ties hard, making the leather creak and the ropes twist to accept the hard tugs. "So... does this mean I get to eat?" he asked eagerly as he stepped away from the bed, satisfied that nothing was going to give.

"I refuse to listen to your stomach _and_ snores tonight, so, yeah. And if you see that perverted watersprite anywhere, let me know. I've got a fan with his name on it."

Snickering at the malicious smirk on the monk's face, Goku quickly followed after him out of the room. Not only was he going to get fed, but he was also going to get some time with Sanzo... AND there was a really good chance of seeing Gojyo get his ass kicked! He paused in the doorway of the room, one hand getting a grip on the wood so he could lean back and take another look at Hakkai. It made him a little uneasy leaving Hakkai all alone. What if he finally woke up and there was no one there? He bit his lower lip as his wrists began to itch a little at the memory of begin bound. He'd woken up like that, too. Yeah, he couldn't remember it clearly, but still... He knew what it felt like to be all alone and tied to one spot. It sucked worse than anything he could think of, even never having a meatbun again.

"Goku."

His head whipped around at the sound of his name and his eyes lock with Sanzo's cool violet glare. He wasn't certain, seeing as Sanzo's eyes always looked a little angry no matter what he was thinking, but he could almost swear that some of the coldness eased up. He sucked in a breath and flinched a little in anticipation for a fan assault as his guardian came back over to him. Instead, it was one of those rare, treasured moments when Sanzo actually reached out to him. Familiar fingers slid back through his hair, ruffling a little before coming to rest at the back of his head. If it were anyone but Sanzo messing with his hair, he would have gone off on them. He usually hated when people did that... but Sanzo made it something very nice. It always made him feel like everything really was going to be okay. He liked the warm feeling the monk gave him. It felt like the first time he'd stood in the sun and _finally_ had its warmth on his skin. He was the only person to see Sanzo act like the sun, and he knew it was a very special thing.

"Sitting in the room and staring at him all night isn't going to make it go away," Sanzo explained firmly, his eyes unreadable. He was watching Goku, waiting for something out of him. It was one of those looks that meant Sanzo was testing him on something. He'd been getting a lot more of those looks in the last year or so. He just wished he knew why. He didn't like tests at all, especially the kind Hakkai used to give him during class. Tests equalled bad things and headaches in his book.

Letting out a long breath, Goku twisted his mouth thoughtfully before saying, "Yeah... but at least someone'll be there if he wakes up. An' besides, isn't Hakkai always there when we get hurt? It doesn't seem right leavin' him all alone when he's hurt."

He must have gotten the answer right because he got the biggest prize of all in response; Sanzo smiled. He never actually smiled the way most other people did. It was just the barest curving of lips, sometimes with a small laugh thrown in. Goku could keep the count on both hands how many times he saw Sanzo smile since being taken off that mountain top. But no matter how small it was, it always made him so happy to see it that he nearly cried. Making Sanzo smile was the absolute best thing ever. Even better than a life time supply of meatbuns!

"If he wakes up, give him some water but don't even _think_ about letting him loose," Sanzo warned as the smile faded almost as quickly as it had come. "And if Gojyo returns, don't let him do it either. I don't care what you have to do, just make sure that idiot doesn't remove a single thread of rope. I'll be back soon."

"Where ya goin'?" he asked as the monk began walking away again.

Sanzo paused with his back turned and looked over his shoulder with an arched brow. "I'm in the mood for meatbuns and there's a stand across the street. Want anything?"

Goku couldn't contain it any longer. He felt a wide grin break across his face as he began bouncing up and down. He knew Sanzo didn't like meatbuns at all, so the only reason he was 'in the mood' for them was because he knew Goku loved them. Sanzo was the best, and he didn't care what that stupid roach had to say about it! "Meatbuns, meatbuns, meatbuns! I wan meatbuns, Sanzo!"

"Well, duh. It's a meatbun _stand_, monkey. That's all they make. Do you want anything else?"

"MEATBUNS!"

"No, shit." Sanzo let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head. "Fine. Meatbuns. Don't leave the room and remember what I said; if that kappa tries to remove those bindings, do whatever it takes to stop him."

Goku's grin turned wicked as his fingers curled into fists. "Even kick his ass?" he asked, delighting in the very idea of doing it.

"Take pictures if it comes to that," Sanzo called back as he headed down the stairs. Goku watched him until his head disappeared from view before turning back into the room and shutting the door. He glanced at where Hakkai was stretched out on the bed and hesitated on the way back to his own. Hakkai looked like crap. He was all pale and sweaty at the same time, and he kept twitching a little. The aura coming off him now wasn't as prickly-hot as it had been. It was a little closer to how Hakkai normally felt. Did that mean...

Goku took a deep sniff of the air and let out a surprised sound when he didn't smell the decaying scent that was Hakkai's evil twin. Maybe, he was getting better on his own. He approached the bed slowly, his entire body right down the the smallest hair ready to leap back if necessary. Slowly, he reached out a hesitant hand and touched Hakkai's cool, damp forehead.

He jumped back when a little whine preceded the partial opening of green eyes. The look in those eyes was not at all like the Hakkai he knew. There was nothing in them but exhaustion, pain and a whole lot of sadness. Goku felt his lungs get tight at that look, his own eyes widening to the point that it almost hurt, as Hakkai's lips parted and a croaked groan came out. "Go...ku..."

"Yeah, I'm here, Hakkai," he said quietly, dropping to his knees by the bed. "An' everyone else is, too. Well, not here right _now_... Sanzo went to get some meatbuns, an' Gojyo's, um... well... somewhere. Are ya thirsty? Sanzo said you can have some water. I'll get it if you want!"

He wasn't certain, but he could have sworn he caught the faintest trace of a smile from Hakkai. There was the slightest shake of his head to say that he didn't want water before he hissed, wincing tightly. "Goku... leave. Have to... leave... now."

"Huh? Ya want me to go away?"

This time, Hakkai shook his head with more strength than Goku had thought he'd be able to pull out with as weak as he was. It was a little violent in motion and definately more than a little frustrated. "No, me. I... have to... leave. Have... to leave... before..." He hissed, his body arching off the bed sharply.

Goku scurried backward on the floor, his heart speeding up to slam against his ribs. Hakkai wanted to leave? But why? He was sick, and he could barely walk as it was. The aura around him was pulsating wildly, one minute feeling like a steady, welcoming warmth and in the next it felt ready to scorch his skin right off. That nasty, dead, old blood smell was starting to get stronger, too. It wasn't a big stink like what would be left on a battle field, just a fain trace of it that changed Hakkai's personal smell. Hakkai was really unstable, he realized as the man bucking on the bed growled with the strain of his body trying to contort against the straps. Any thoughts of pity and perhaps letting him go faded with the change in aura and smell. Goku shook his head firmly and said, "Uh-uh. Sanzo said not to let you go, no matter what. I can't do that, Hakkai."

"Goku... please! Please, before... AH, GOD!" Hakkai's body fell into a series of sharp, spastic fits that rocked the entire bed frame. Goku jumped to his feet and backed away until his knees hit the edge of a bed and sent him falling across it. He couldn't do anything but stare as Hakkai continued to scream and twist as much as he could, like he was trying to escape his own skin. What was going on? What was he gonna do? If Hakkai died... Maybe CPR... except he didn't even know what it was! All he knew was that it was supposed to save someone's life. It was pretty useless not to know something that could save a life. Where the hell were Gojyo and Sanzo, damn it? They'd know what to do. He was just a kid, for crap's sake!

Just as suddenly as the spasms started, they stopped completely. Goku blinked, staring at Hakkai's panting form intently. There was no movement except the rapid rise and fall of his chest, no sound except for the gasps for air. Tentatively, Goku managed to unglue himself from the wall, sliding across the bed with just as much caution as he'd shown when he'd first approached the other man. His heart was beating so fast he could feel it pulsing against the skin on his neck and wrists. When he put his feet on the floor, his legs felt all wobbly like he hadn't eaten in three hours. He wasn't embarassed to admit he was scared. The room was practically flooded with that nasty, stinging aura from the woods and there wasn't a trace of Hakkai's scent left to pick up. He could hear another frantic heart beat besides his own, but the pace was uneven and sometimes a beat didn't come at all. The other man was still in human form, but that didn't make him any less dangerous. He'd seen Hakkai take out plenty of youkai assassins with his limiters on. Great, he was in a room with Scary Hakkai... and he was all alone.

"Crap-tastic," he muttered, licking his dry lips nervously. He wanted to go over and make sure Hakkai was okay, but he really, _really_ didn't want to get that close to him when he was in scary mode. Hell, he'd almost taken out Kougaiji when he was like this! Kougaiji was no joke in a fight, too. Goku knew, he had the bruises to prove it. He somehow managed to catch a deep breath and took the first step closer and further into that awful aura. The aura was changing, too. He'd felt it when Hakkai was without his limiters and it stung like this... but it never felt like an evil energy. Dangerous, hell, yeah but never bad. Whatever was going on was beginning to change him completely. That was so beyond uncool! He took another step, the floor boards creeking under the weight. Goku froze, sucking in a sharp breath.

Hakkai's eyes snapped wide open, his lips parting in a deep gasp of air as he stared at the ceiling. The energy level shot upward so that it felt like a bunch of tiny, burning hot needles were being stuck all over his skin. Goku wanted to rub his arms but he didn't want to move and draw attention to himself. No such luck there. He swallowed hard as Hakkai slowly turned his head to look at him, green eyes darkening in color as well as mood. A smile began to curve on his lips, slow and definately not the usual Hakkai Smile.

"So... they left the little one to do the babysitting," he commented, his voice flowing in a smooth purr of sound that was more pervy Gojyo than Hakkai. It made Goku tense nervously. Hakkai took a deep breath and let it out slowly, stretching against the bed as much as he could while being bound up. It was a movement that was entirely too sexy for the smart, kind man he usually was. He lifted his head off the bed and arched a brow at the belts, ropes and spells tying him in place. "Hmm... well, this certainly complicates things. I don't suppose there's anyway you would just remove one of these tantras?"

Goku shook his head and somehow managed to coax his voice to come out of the corner it was cowaring in. "Nope, Sanzo said not to," he said, his voice a little hoarse and much quieter than normal. This was just really creepy, seeing this stranger use Hakkai's voice and body. He wasn't shaking any longer, which was good, but his heart was still beating pretty hard.

"Ahh, yes... It figures you're under _his_ orders," Hakkai sneered, his face twisting into a sour, angry look. He laughed dryly and cast a disgusted glare in Goku's direction. "You don't even dare to breathe unless he says you may. How very fortunate for you, to follow along so blindly. It must be nice not having a single opinion that is your own."

"That's not true, an' you know it, Hakkai," Goku argued, his hands tightening into angry fists. He knew it wasn't really Hakkai saying those awful things, but he couldn't help feeling hurt by them. He did a _lot_ of things without Sanzo's permission! Like sneaking that dog into the temple... and eating peaches out of the Merciful Goddess' tree... He had is own thoughts, and he had a lot of them, damn it!

Hakkai smiled at him, but there was nothing nice to it. "Actually, allow me to rephrase that. You cling to him like a disgusting little parasite. You eat away at his very existance like your life depended on it."

"Sh-Shut up! You know that's not true, Hakkai! I wouldn't ever to somethin' ta harm Sanzo!" he shouted, unable to stand hearing those words any longer. He didn't care if it w_as_ the other person speaking! He wouldn't let anyone say that about him.

A low, harsh laugh came from the man on the bed, the cruel delight in that laugh mirrored in his eyes. "And just like that parasite, you're going to be the death of him."

"I wll NOT! I would _never_ do that to Sanzo! Hakkai, tell him it's not true. Ya've gotta get him ta shut up," Goku hollered as he fought back frustrated tears. It was all a bunch of crap and it was being said just to get him to act stupid. If so... why did a tiny part of him actually think that it could be true. How many times had Sanzo risked his life for him? Every time he remembered waking up after his limiter came off, it was Sanzo who was there for him. Sanzo who was cut up worse than the others for getting close to him. For the first time ever, Goku began to wonder if maybe he more of a risk to Sanzo's safety than a help. Yeah, the words were said to be mean, but there was some truth to them. His fingers curled even tighter into fists, his short nails cutting small little half moons into his palms. Goku turned his face away and closed his eyes as a hot tear fell. He was dangerous for Sanzo.

"You're a horribly selfish boy, you know. Completely uncaring and ignorant of the fact that the very people you wish to protect are the same people you will ultimately destroy. And why is it that you cling so desperately to them? Because you're afraid to be alone? You were better off to everyone around you on that mountain top!"

"So says the psycho strapped to the bed, " a low, cold voice said from the doorway. Goku's jaw drop as his gaze whipped over to see Sanzo leaning casually against the door frame. His entire body was relaxed and calm, but there was nothing except a cool anger in his violet eyes. Sanzo was _pissed_... but was it at Scary Hakkai or him?

Hakkai gave another slow smile as he picked his head up off the bed to look at Sanzo. "Ah... we were just discussing you, Master Sanzo. What marvelous timing," he commented with fake cheer.

Sanzo pushed away from the door frame and entered the room, his arms crossed over his chest and his full attention on Goku. Goku swallowed hard, and looked at the floor. He didn't want Sanzo seeing him close to tears. The hem of the monk's ivory robe came into view near his feet and made him shift a little nervously. "Save it, fruitcake. I just came back to collect something I forgot." Goku jumped and jerked his gaze back to Sanzo's in shock when his guardian clamped a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Well, parasite, are you coming or am I going to have to carry you?"

While he cringed at being called a parasite (and was he gonna be pissed if that became his new nickname), Goku nodded with a relief that was felt all the way into his toes. If it weren't for the fact that it was Sanzo and that the person who had just hurt his feelings was laying in the same room, he would have thrown himself on the monk in a grateful hug. He didn't hesitate at all in getting out of the room, stopping just outside the doorway to wait for Sanzo.

The monk lit a cigarette in the room and blew the grey, nasty smelling smoke in Hakkai's direction. "You must be pretty desperate to get out of those things," he said in that low, deadly tone of his that usually meant pain was about to be inflicted.

"Oh, really?" he heard Hakkai's voice ask back, no longer mild and amused but openly hostile. Goku took a half step back to the room out of instinct to protect Sanzo before he remembered that the guy doing the threatening was tied to the bed. "And whatever gave you that impression?"

"Why else pick on a kid, asshole? Piss him off and hope he fucks up and lets you out... that was the plan, right? News flash, prick; Goku makes no mistakes in a fight. So, if you want to keep your pretty face intact, I'd suggest laying off of him in the future. He's got a right hook that'll wire your jaw shut for the rest of your life." Sanzo paused, tapping his lower lip almost thoughtfully. "Actually... I take that back. Do us all a favor and piss the monkey off. That way, we won't have to listen to your bullshit day in and day out."

There was an angry snarl and the sound of the bed thudding against the wall as it was jerked hard, but Sanzo ignored it as he walked out of the room and shut the door. He looked at Goku and arched a brow at the wide grin he could feel spreading across his face. "What?" the monk demanded.

"Nothin'," Goku replied, laughter creeping through in his words. He followed after Sanzo down the stairs, once again floored at how awesome the man was. "So, ya forgot me, huh?" he asked, brimming over with happiness that his guardian had come back up to spend time with him.

"Actually, the meatbun stand was closed. I was just coming up to tell you that you'd have to make do until breakfast," the blond said indifferently.

Goku skidded to a hault as all his happy feelings were flushed down the toilet. He didn't really... did he? He shook his head and ran to catch up with Sanzo. "Hey... ya didn't mean that, did ya? I mean, that's pretty funny as a joke, but... Sanzo! SANZO! You DID mean it, didn't you? Ah, man! You're so cold. You're colder than an ice cube. No, a hundred ice cubes! No... make that a _thousand_ ice cubes! Not even _that's_ cold eno-"

_**WHACK!**_

Stars exploded in his head at the familiar feel of thick paper being brought down across his skull. Goku stumbled and just barely caught himself from falling. "Oooowww...," he groaned, touching his sore head carefully.

"Shut it, parasite! I get it, I'm cold. Get over it and pick a restaurant already!"

"An' I'm not a -did you say pick a restaurant?"

Sanzo shrugged and blew a line of smoke into the night air. "We're out, might as well stuff that pit you call a stomach. So just pick a damn restaurant. I don't feel like sitting down to eat at midnight."

Goku grinned, and stopped rubbing his head to point eagerly at a seafood buffet restaurant he saw. All You Can Eat Crabs? Heeeell, yeah! "Then I want here! Can we go here, Sanzo? Huh?"

The monk rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath before shoving him between the shoulder blades toward the entrance. "When I die due to the poor sanitary conditions of this place, you _will_ be digging my grave, parasite!"

Scowling over his shoulder, Goku walked inside the restaurant with a heavy feeling on his heart. "Why're you callin' me that instead of monkey?" he demanded as his stomach did a sick little somersault. He hoped he wasn't going to be sick. The food smelled amazing.

Sanzo's eyes narrowed briefly before he landed and open handed swat to the back of Goku's head. Right over the lump from the fan beating. Goku glared back at him as his head pounded in pain before sliding into the booth the monk indicated with a motion of his fingers. "It's a good descriptive word, idiot. I'll be using it on the kappa, too, so don't think it's exclusive."

"I'm not an idiot," Goku muttered darkly before setting the menu up in between him and his guardian. He sank lower into the booth seat and glared holes into the menu. He didn't need to look at it, seeing as he was getting the all-you-can-eat crab special, but it never hurt to take a peek for later.

"You are if you believed what he said."

Goku's stiffened at the statement and slowly lowered the menu to notice Sanzo was watching him with vague amusement in his eyes. He could feel his good mood returning instantly as he realized that Sanzo was right. It was only a word. Why was he getting so upset over a word? Especially if that word could be used on the kappa, too! He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah... I guess I was kinda bein' an idiot. Sorry."

"Whatever." Sanzo crushed his cigarette out and managed to get the waitress' attention. "I take it you know what you want?"

"Uh-huh. Hey, Sanzo?"

"Hm?"

"Can I please call Gojyo a parasite first?"

"Knock yourself out, kid."

* * *

Yaone jerked awake so quickly at the touch on her shoulder that she nearly felly right off of the stool in her laboratory. A deep, amused chuckles reached her ears just as two strong hands quickly came around her waist to help settle her back on her perch. "Sorry, Yaone," Dokugakuji said as he leaned against the table she had been working at. Normally, the hardened black rubber surface would have been littered over with pieces of metal, different types of powders and a number of mixing vessels. Now though, there was so much paper on it that the black surface couldn't be seen. Both of them looked over the different stacks and shared a moment of dismay at the amount of work.

"You've been down here for almost sixteen hours straight now," the swordsman continued. "I know you haven't eaten, and so has Kougaiji. He told me to come collect you for dinner in his room."

"No, I'm afraid I can't," she replied regretfully. Dinner sounded very good, and it probably wouldn't hurt to eat something, but there was still so much that had to be done. She still had massive amounts of notes to cross reference, and if she took a break for food that would mean even longer than Cho Hakkai had to suffer. They had been fortunate in finding a few clues in Nii's laboratory and the Sanzo party to point them in the right direction. As soon as they'd returned after their first encounter with a deranged Hakkai, she had gone straight for her lab and Kougaiji had gone to track down the commanding officer of the last assassination attempt. Unfortunately, the man had met with an 'accident' that involved him being found dead in his room after hanging himself from the ceiling. The funny thing was... there was no chair near him. It would have been impossible for him to have strung himself up to hang without the aid of something to stand on.

Off how those types of coincidences always seemed to happen when Lord Kougaiji wanted answers.

Kougaiji had tried his next option; Lady Gyokumen Koushu. Obviously, the only thing resulting from _that_ conversation was him storming into her laboratory, livid and cursing her roundly while she quickly made him an herbal tea to relieve headaches. After three cups of tea and Dokugakuji coming down to hear what had happened, Kougaiji confirmed that the conversation went as everyone had expected. Lady Koushu was 'offended he would even think such a thing', reminded him that 'the Sanzo party was to be destroyed anyway, so what did it matter', and that if he had done his job right the first time around none of her 'poor soldiers' would have to feel inclined to do it for him. Oh, and naturally she had no idea the commanding office had been suffering from suicidal depression.

Naturally.

Yaone shook her head and began running through the list of toxic and hallucinogenic plants again to cross off any that didn't have a permanent or long lasting effect. She shook her head and muttered about the politics of living in a castle while ignoring Dokugakuji in favor of work. Once she was done with this elimination, she would have to consult her own notes and medical reference to see which of those plants could possibly effect a youkai. From there, it would be a simple matter of checking the supply listings for Nii's lab against her findings and she would then have the cause of Hakkai's ailment. After that, mixing an antidote would be nothing.

Kougaiji was still of the mind that they were dealing with a youkai and not some kind of natural toxin, but he wasn't having much luck in supporting his theory. He was basing it off of what Goku had said, that a youkai with stronger aura had spit into Hakkai's face. Both of them agreed that the act of spitting was to deliver the poison, but Yaone theorized that perhaps it was part of a new suicide pill or something of the like. It wouldn't be unlike Nii to start making them standard issue, to be used only if faced with possibly being kept alive for interogation. Not that the Sanzo party had a history of doing that... but the idea behind it was sick enough for the 'good' doctor to find it an intriguing side project.

She was banking on the youkai having popped some kind of pill or potion to terminate himself and that his saliva introduced the toxins to Hakkai's system in a dose that was small enough not to kill him but large enough to effect him. Kougaiji suggested that the act of spitting triggered a poison that the youkai carried externally, a defensive mechanism. The list of youkai types that produced poison was limited and well documented, but none of them used spitting as a way of attacking their enemies. Not to mention, there was no record of any new youkai with poisoning capabilities having been hired by the castle... but again, that wasn't too surprising. There were a lot of names that didn't make the payroll reports, which meant that in order to get the information questions had to be asked. Unfortunately, there were only two people who could answer those questions. One was dead. The other wasn't talking and couldn't be made to do so.

Yaone's heavy sigh quickly turned into an outraged squawk when a strong arm curved around her waist and hauled her off of the stool so quickly that it fell to the floor with a loud clatter. An 'oof' escaped her as she was flung over a solidly muscled shoulder like a sack of potatoes and march toward the door. She could hear the one responsible for her sudden departure from her notes chuckling wickedly. "Doku, what do you think you're doing?" she demanded as she squirmed to try and break free. A blush stained her cheeks when his hand moved lower down her back to control her movements, still being mindful of who he was holding with the placement of his hands.

"Oh, yeah... I forgot to mention the _other_ part of Kou's orders," the swordsman laughed. "He said if you wouldn't come willingly, then I was to get you to dinner however I could."

"And this was the most reasonable way you could come up with?" she asked wrly.

His shoulder shrugged under her stomach and she didn't to see his face to imagine the impish grin. "Brute force, what can I say?" he teased.

Yaone did give him credit though for setting her on her feet outside of the laboratory door. He waited for her to lock the door, keeping a firm grip on her wrist in case she had any ideas of bolting back in and locking him out. She wasn't about to deny that the thought _did_ cross her mind... but that would be a childish thing to do. She tucked the key away into the pouch on her waist and arched a brow at where he was still holding her wrist. "Treating me like a potentially hostile prisoner isn't helping to make me more inclined to have dinner with you two."

Dokugakuji grinned and leaned down so that their noses were almost touching. "This is to keep you from booking it back. Kougaiji wants you to eat a _proper_ meal, get a _proper_ rest and relax for a bit."

"Are you certain this is just Lord Kougaiji talking?"

The taller man chuckled and drew back, lifting her arm by the wrist he still held and wiggling it to emphasize the fact that he wasn't letting go. "Those weren't is exact words, but the idea is the same. Besides, I agree with him. If our healer gets sick, we're screwed. So, food then rest and then you can go back to research. Any luck with that, by the way?"

Yaone shook her head and didn't bother fighting the tug on her arm as Dokugakuji began to lead her down the hall. This had to be how a leashed dog felt, she thought bitterly. "I have a few sound ideas, but I need the evidence to back them up. Once I _have_ the evidence, I need to find the source of the toxin in order to make an antidote."

Dokugakuji glanced over his shoulder and arched a brow. "So, you're still sticking with the whole poisoned-by-drug scenario?"

She nodded, frowning at the question. "You don't agree?"

The swordsman shrugged and made a face that clearly stated he was beginning to doubt the theory. "I'm no scientist, and I suck at research, but it seems to me that if Nii _was_ behind this he'd be praising himself from the highest tower to the lowest dungeon. He'd want to rub in the fact that he finally took out one of the Sanzo party before Kou did. The fact that there's been nothing said makes me think perhaps _she_ acted independantly of everyone and that it didn't go exactly as planned."

Yaone let out a low, controled breath as his words spun through her head and were processed accordingly. Yes... that _would_ make sense. Gyokumen Koushu had done things like this in the past, hiring assassins with no clearance through Kougaiji and then not mentioning anything about it when those assassins failed. When she'd been confronted before about doing this, she'd simply said it was part of the 'do anything' statement in regards to freeing Gyumaoh. There was just one tiny flaw in his theory, the same as with Kougaiji's. "If there _was_ an independant contract put out, Doku, and the person to pick up that contract _was_ a poisonous youkai, there would have been a good deal of testing and notes taken about them. There's nothing so far, from what I've been reading, to support that."

"Or maybe you're not seeing all the possibilities," he countered quickly. "You've gotta admit, Kou's theory is a lot simpler than yours. If it's a youkai attack reflex, like that scorpion clan that was wiped out in the desert, then we just need to identify what clan we're dealing with and go from there."

"But, Doku, you're not listening to me. There is _nothing_ to tie into a youkai attack reflex. No documentation, no notes... not one single scrap of paper. The list of poisonous youkai is very short and very well documented. If that was what we were looking for, it would have been there." They had come to the door to Kougaiji's rooms already and had remained outside debating. The smell of food wafted under the crack of the door and made her stomach lurch hungrily. Hmm... perhaps this stopping to eat and relax wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Dokugakuji sighed heavily and ran a clawed hand back through his short hair. He obviously still didn't agree with her, but he wasn't going to push it any further. He offered a smile and shrug as he reached for the handle of the door. "We can talk about it later, but right now we're under strict orders to do nothing but eat, sleep and take our minds off of it. I know it's important, but we've gotta look out for ourselves first, right?"

Yaone gave him an answering smile and nod as he opened the door. Both of them stopped dead in the doorway, jaws dropping at the sight before them. Kougaiji's room was usually to very image of tidy. Not even dust bunnies dared to disturb the organized perfection of his room. However... Yaone blinked and shook her head to be certain she was seeing correctly. Rolls of faded parchment were stretched out across the floor in a carefully arranged pattern that left very little stepping room for those seeking entrance. The parchment sheets were so wide that they _had_ to be placed on the floor in order to see them all more clearly. Various objects, from a leather slipper to a crown worn only for special occassions, were placed on the corners in an attempt to keep the sheets from recurling on themselves. Books covered in faded leather and with pages so old that the writing was a pale brown against yellowed paper were spread across the bed, opened and marked in places with colored ribbons.

"My... lord?" Yaone called hesitantly, stepping carefully onto a blank floor segment. She could hear him somewhere in the disaster of his room, and it sounded like he was on the balcony.

"Out here," he called back before returning to a muttered voice that she could only faintly make out.

She glanced back at Dokugakuji who shook his head to deny he knew what was going on. Sighing, Yaone began cautiously picking her way between the scrolls on the floor, heading steadily toward Kougaiji's voice and the smell of food wafting in from the open doors. As she went by, she couldn't help but glance at the writing, her natural curiousity taking precedence over respecting her lord's privacy. She frowned as she leaned closer, nearly tripping Dokugakuji to the ground by her sudden stop.

The swordsman cursed under his breath and quickly caught his balance before giving her a mild glare. "Warn a guy next time you make a sudden stop directly in front of him," he reprimanded lightly before bending over and squinting at the paper with her. "Anything interesting?"

Yaone very gingerly kneeled on the floor, trying not to disturb the papers as she did so. "I can't tell," she answered honestly. "It's not a language I know. It _looks_ like sanskrit, but I don't think-"

"It's pali," Kougaiji said, causing both of them to look up guiltily toward his voice. He was leaning against the arched frame to the balcony and looked vaguely amused as Doku helped Yaone to her feet. "It was on its way out of being used when my father decided to start his warmongering."

"We didn't mean to pry, Lord Kougaiji," Yaone explained quickly.

The prince waved her concerns away before motioning for them to step out onto the balcony. "It's an ancient language, one that was once considered the language of scholars and Buddhists."

"And you're giving us this little lesson because..." Dokugakuji prompted as he placed a hand to Yaone's back to encourage her after their retreating lord. Yaone finished picking a path through the scattered documents, finally emerging onto the stone balcony that circled nearly half way around one of the upper levels of Houtu Castle. Up here, the clouds weren't nearly as thick and black, a faint trace of greyish sunlight peaking through to brighten the cold stone that the castle was made of. A low table with cushions surrounding it was set up just to the left of the door and was covered in plates of food. Kougaiji took a seat at the head of the table, looking oddly pleased with himself. Yaone and Dokugakuji sat down on either side of him and waited for him to explain.

"Because it occured to me," the prince said as he poured wine into the two glasses on either side of his own. "That there was one very critical flaw in all of our searching. We weren't looking back far enough."

"Far enough for what?" Yaone asked as she took a sip of the deep red wine.

Kougaiji flashed a quick smile, one that instantly removed the weariness aquired over years of fighting and turned him back into the young man he was. "We've only been considering the documents from the last few years, ever since Gyokumen Koushu started the ressurection project. During the time my father ruled, there were almost fourty-two distinct youkai types."

Dokugakuji let out a low, impressed whistle as he ladened a plate with food. "Damn, that's a lot! Fourty-two, you say? What happened to them all?"

"They aided my father and were annihilated by the Heavenly Army. My point is, at that time in our history there were more youkai to keep track of. Poison carrying clans were still very rare, but they were just as well documented as they are to this day. And there were a lot more of them."

"But, my lord, if you're looking in ancient records for a specific clan that's most likely extinct, how does this help us?" Yaone interupted before taking a bite of chicken.

Kougaiji's indigo eyes were glowing with excitement as he answered her question. "Because, as with all wars there are survivors. Those scrolls in there," he nodded toward his room for emphasis, "are the family lineage for the Toad Clan, thought to have been completely wiped out during the war."

Yaone exchanged a look with Dokugakuji and was glad to note she wasn't the only one confused with their lord's leap of logic. She could guess what he was trying to hint at, but how he came to the conclusion was still very much a mystery. "Lord Kougaiji, may I inquire as to why the Toad Clan was specifically targeted out?"

The smile he gave her was one of pure pride as he took a sip of his wine before replying. "When you want to know the latest battle tactics, you speak with the commanding officer in the army. When you want to know what happens inside the castle-"

"-You speak with the servants," Dokugakuji finished with a knowing smile of his own. "You got one of Koushu's servants to talk."

"Close. Actually, one of her servants was gossiping with a cerain soldier who feels he owes me his life. Sifu came shortly before the food arrived to tell me what he learned. The servant claimed to have overheard her mistress discussing an assassination plan on the Sanzo party with the soul remaining survivor of the Toad Clan. Sifu happened to be in the area at the time she was talking and thought that the information was perhaps something I should know." He paused to give a bitter, mirthless laugh. "Apparently, he's the only person here who seems to think it's important to keep me informed of these things."

Neither of them responded to the partially sarcastic comment. They both knew it was eating away at Kougaiji's pride that, though he was technically the prince and next in line to rule in his father's name, he had no true authority in that regard. As long as his mother was being held hostage, he would never have the chance to try and help his people instead of throwing them into chaos. In some respects, Yaone pitied him to the point she thought her heart would break. Just listening to him say his mother's name was evidence enough that he adored her. He would do anything to save her... including sacrifice his own people. Some days, she couldn't help but wonder if Queen Rasetsunyo would have wanted that. Kougaiji always made her seem so incredibly gentle and kind. She couldn't imagine a woman like that would be happy knowing her son was a virtual hostage because of her. But, of course, that was an opinion that would _never_ leave her lips. She trusted Kougaiji implicitly to know what course of action should be taken.

Kougaiji sighed wearily and began pushing the plates and glasses far enough to give him some space to spread the scroll out. "Unfortunately, the old records room was in utter chaos due to the scientists pawing through it for information. It's taken me hours to compile these notes and arrange them accordingly. The Toad Clan were once very prosperous and powerful, or so I've gathered from the geneology and historical pieces in the group. During the war, the Heavenly Army targeted those of great power and influence who were unwavering in their support for my father. It was a preventative measure, to keep another uprising from occuring. If you'll notice here," he ran a claw along several lines listing names, the fact that they belonged to the Toad Clan and that their death was confirmed. "Every single one of them was listed as being diseased and that their bodies had been identified. Except for this one, that is. Ankou, son of Tsunling. He was only ten at the time, but his body was never found."

"So... you think this guy escaped and survived five hundred years in secrecy only to join Koushu's freak parade and get killed by a human monk with a gun?" Dokugakuji asked dubiously. "You think that's our most likely option?"

"I'm saying it _is_ our only option. The Toad Clan were poison carriers. They administered that poison-,"

"-By spitting it at their enemies," Yaone finished softly. Her chest was tight with a mixture of horror and excitement over his discovery. Creating an antidote from amphibian oil was going to be extraordinarily tricky. There were so many different types... and finding the correct one was going to be such work. "Lord Kougaiji, is there any mention of a cure for their toxin?"

Kougaiji shook his head grimly. "A family secret, apparently."

"And those four just killed the last family with that secret," Doku groaned as he dropped his head onto the table. "It'd be nice if something could be solved easily for a change."

"At least we know what we're dealing with now," the prince offered almost consolingly. "That's one step closer to fixing the mess Koushu started. Yaone."

"Yes, my lord?"

"This is your top priority for now. I want you to focus on finding a cure for this. Whatever you need to do it, I'll see that you get it personally. Dokugakuji."

"Yeah?"

"I think it's about time you had a family reunion. While I don't normally hold with telling the enemy any information, I feel that in this instance it's not only warranted but necessary."

"Sure thing, Kou." Both Dokugakuji and Yaone quickly rose and retraced their carefully extracted path from the documents littered across his floor. The swordsman gave her shoulder an affectionate squeeze before hurrying down the hall toward the main entrance way. Yaone returned to her laboratory, her mind racing over where to even start. Clearly, all of the research she'd been doing was now pointless due to the fact that the evidence was now pointing toward amphibian poison.

It was while she was clearing space on her crowded table top that Yaone realized two things. One, she didn't know much of anything regarding animal toxins. And two... now that she'd had a few bites of food, her stomach was all but eating itself for more.

"Damn it," she muttered hotly as she pressed a palm to her stomach in an attempt to ease the cramping. She'd known all along that stopping for food was a very bad idea! She let out an irritated huff of breath and ran her other hand through her bangs as she surveyed the piles of plant and herbal books stacked on her table. First things first; she would find something quick to get rid of the hunger pangs. Then, it was time to see how much knowledge she could cram in on amphibian hallucinogens and toxins. It was going to be another very long night.

* * *

For once, they were unanimous on one thing; both of them wanted to be freed. Granted, their reasoning for this agreement was in complete polar opposites, but at least they were working toward one goal now. Hakkai could feel the darker side of him lurking in the background, sitting back to let him take the reigns and figure out the best way to break loose. Hakkai groaned and winced as the force inside him tried to surge to the surface again. They may have agreed on the necessity of being free, but that didn't mean either of them were working copacetically to achieve that. If anything, it was getting more and more difficult to separate his thoughts from the others. One minute, he thought he was himself and the next he'd feel the unmistakeable brush of the other's energy in his thoughts. The line that separated them was becoming disturbingly more blurred as the days wore on. It nearly made him sick with panic to think that one day he would wake up and not know himself.

_"I can get us out of here. All you have to do is step back,"_ it offered. An angry growl came from it when he clamped firmer on the thin control he still maintained on it.

"I can do this just fine," Hakkai gritted out. Both of them knew this wasn't entirely true. With all his focus bent on trying to control the monster inside (it smirked in response to being called a monster) it made it very difficult to focus on anything other than that. He could feel the tantras' power constricting around his own natural aura, flexing ever so slightly when he applied more energy into breaking it. It was firm enough to keep him bound but loose enough so as not to shatter under strain. Very much like the man who created them, he thought bitterly. He didn't know why he was so surprised to discover Sanzo was so skilled in crafting the spells. It seemed fairly standard that a sanzo priest would know how to do that. Perhaps it was more the amount of very cleverly woven skill he could detect that was surprising. Unlike with Rikudo's spells that were so solid they felt like running into brick walls repeatedly, Sanzo's were more delicately made but infinitately stronger. It was like being caught in a net made of thin, wire razors. If he pushed too hard, the give would stop and he would find himself sliced open.

The presence began to pace in his mind irritably, clearly unhappy about their situation. Hakkai tried to ignore it as best he could while keeping his control solid. He'd been groggy and worn out when it had taken over and tried to taunt Goku. Granted, he still wasn't in the best of conditions, but at least he had a minute amount of control again. The presence sneered at him and slammed itself against his mental barriers hard enough to make him cry out. _"I'm sorry... did you say you CONTROL me?"_ it demanded angrily.

Hakkai didn't apologize to it, simply tugged on the thin chain still tying it firmly into the submissive position. "Which of us is chained?" he said through clenched teeth, uncaring how stange it might have appeared that he was talking to himself.

The presence gave him another heated glare before it returned to pacing.

Sighing, Hakkai went back to tentatively feeling out the tantras for any sign of weakness. Before he could even think about getting free of the physical bindings, he had to remove the metaphysical ones first. He knew that his friends were only trying to protect him from hurting anyone, including himself. They were just going about it the wrong way. Keeping him with them would only lead to disaster. He had to get away from them, and everyone else, to protect them from what was happening. The hold he held over that thing inside him was steadily fraying away. At any moment, it would snap completely and he'd be lost in the blood lust. He wanted to be far away from them before that happened.

_"You're disgusting in your hypocracy,"_ the voice said derisively. _"We both know that what you want most at this moment is to taste their blood first. You want to sip the cool, controled calm of the priest's blood. You want the burning struggle of life and death in the little one. You want to take the offered sacrifice of the half breed, knowing that while you drink his essence down he's dying inside. That is the ONLY reason you want free, so that you may be the first to sample their blood."_

"You're sick and completely off the mark. I want to _protect_ them, as they've always protected me!"

_"THEY protected YOU? How many times have you saved them from death? Where would they be right now without you watching over them constantly? Do you honestly think they'd still be alive if it weren't for you?"_

"I do!"

_"You're lying! Nothing comes fo free in this world. You know that better than anyone. The happiness you had with HER-"_

"Leave her out of this!" Hakkai shouted, gasping as his aura flared in response to his growing anger. The tantras pulsed threateningly around him, adding a sharp sting like the burn of the summer sun to his skin as a warning of its potential damage. Youkai aura stood no chance against a holy power. There was going to be no escape.

_"Finally, you say something intelligent! True, our youkai powers are useless against these little spells... but chi energy isn't derived from youkai aura, is it? It's completely internal, finding the strength from within and giving it physical force."_

Hakkai's eyes widened as he finally caught up to what it was saying. Chi energy... if he focused his chi against one of the tantras, the others would crumble with it. They worked together, in a network of power. Take out one, and the circuit would dissipate. The presence in his mind smiled slyly and purposely stepped back further into the shadows, allowing him the room he needed to consentrate. He knew once he did this that all bets were off and that he had to be prepared for it to throw itself at him full force. Right now, they had a truce. Slowly, he took a deep breath in and released it out just as carefully, relaxing his tightened muscles one at a time. A few more deep breaths and he reached the stage of calm he needed for drawing on the energy within. He could feel it rushing down his arm, almost glad to be free at last. It gathered in his upturned palm, a frail ball of light that was a mix of pale green and yellow swirling into life. He had it. Now, it was only a simple matter of directing it toward the tantra on the bed post and preparing to control the waiting monster anxious to pounce out.

Hakkai slowly began to relax his fingers and allow the chi energy to rush toward its target.


	13. Chapter 13

There was a reason, other than the fact that he never did understand reading as a pleasurable activity, that he avoided libraries. There was the smell, first of all. That old, slightly mildewy scent that massive amounts of paper and dust produced over time. It reminded him of being in a basement with that damp smell that always seemed to permeate into every little nook and cranny until it felt like it was crawling down his throat. Whenever Jien wanted to be a dick, he'd always make _him_ go to the basement for something, knowing he hated it. This library in particular reeked with that unused smell, almost gagging him as soon as he stepped through the doors. How the hell did anyone spend any amount of time in here?

Then, there was the fact that it was so fucking quiet. Why did it always feel like a crime to _breathe_ in a library? Just the utter lack of sound was enough to make his nerves jump on end. He knew libraries were supposed to be calm, relaxing places for those people so inclined (aka, those who weren't getting laid anytime soon) to read as a past time, but all it did to him was make him want to peek around every damn corner for an attack. Ralxing to him was noise. It was being around people, chatting with them, watching other people make total jackasses of themselves. _That_ was real fun! _That_ was real relaxation. This sitting down to read stuff... not so much.

His top reason for not liking libraries; where the _fuck_ did a guy even start to look for stuff? Was there a section somewhere that was labeled 'Youkai: Spitting Assholes'? If not, then where the hell was he supposed to begin? Gojyo let out an irritated puff of breath, eyes narrowing as he planted his hands on his hips. There _had _ to be some kind of order in here! He glared around at the rows of musty smelling books and wanted to scream, even though he knew he couldn't. There were a few people actually _reading_ in here, for the love of the gods. He shook his head, his hair falling forward over his shoulders to mimic the movement. This was fucking ridiculous! Who was he kidding, thinking he could find his way around a damn library? Yeah, he wanted to help Hakkai, but what the hell could he _possibly _find in a freakin' back country library? He turned around, all set to wander back to the bar and drink himself into a miserable oblivion...

And nearly drop kicked himself when he noticed the large sign reading 'information' dangling not even a foot over his head. That feeling of needing to hurt himself for not noticing the obvious was increased when the incredibly cute girl behind the counter smiled brightly and adjusted her glasses. How the _hell_ did he walk into a library and not notice the only interesting thing in the place? True, he was there for Hakkai... but did it really hurt to butter up the librarian? Lips curving into a well rehearsed smirk, Gojyo flicked his hair back over his shoulders and took the two steps closer that allowed him to lean casually on the counter ledge. "Hey, there," he drawled, maintaining eye contact. Eye contact was key when seducing women. It was easy to do, it showed a genuine interest in them... and it was also something that most men tended to over look. "Mind telling me what a pretty girl like you is doing hidden inside a library?"

She blushed bright pink, eyes widening in shock at the bold compliment. "I... I'm sorry, sir, but I... Are you talking to me?" she stammered out, her fingers doing a quick check of her slightly sloppy bun. He liked it disheveled. It made the normally boring 'do a little more exciting, like she'd just been up to something naughty before she noticed someone was there. And did she ever have gorgeous hair! Sleek, shiny and such a dark shade of brown that it appeared black until it caught the poor lighting from above. It would look amazing spread across white sheets... or red sheets... or any sheets for that matter. Just so long as they were _his _sheets though.

Gojyo laughed lightly at her confusion and, his smile widening to flash his teeth briefly, he traced an idle finger along the edge of the clipboard sitting on the counter top. "The name's Gojyo. Sir's way too formal, don't you think?"

"O-Oh. Of course," she replied, lowering her eyes demurely. Damn, was she cute! Too bad he couldn't take her somewhere more private, just for an hour or two. But, that wasn't going to happen. He was there for researching stuff, not to get laid. Damn it. "Umm... my name's Chunlin."

"Chunlin, huh? I like it. So, Chunlin, are you busy right now?" He made certain to put enough suggestion in his voice to get her thinking about the bedroom. He loved seeing her blush, and he was rewarded with a darkening cherry stain color to her pale cheeks. Suddenly, coming to the library didn't seem like such a bad idea after all.

"How do you... I mean, I guess I have some free time," Chunlin all but squeeked out. She cleared her throat lightly, eyes darting into the main library area when someone hissed loudly in their direction. Gojyo glanced over his shoulder and flicked off the man glaring at them over the top of a book that was way too thick to be interesting. The man's scowl deepened before he ducked his head down to the pages again. Chunlin barely managed to turn her soft chuckle into another polite little cough. Obviously, she wasn't too fond of the guy either. Good, a point they could agree on. He loved it when assholes made his job that much easier! "How can I help you, Gojyo?" she asked, her bright smile returning to light up her entire face.

"Well... you probably know I don't go to a lotta libraries. Not saying I don't read or anything," he added quickly, relaxing again when she nodded understandingly. "But if I had my choice of places to be, it'd probably be a nice restaurant somewhere with you before maybe taking a late night stroll and grabbing a drink before last call. However, I'm here and I need to find some stuff and I don't have a damn idea where to look. Is my company and dinner later worth your time?"

Chunlin narrowed her bright blue eyes playfully as she pretended to think it over. "Hmmm... well, the library doesn't really pay that much," she reasoned out loud. "So I think maybe your company and dinner might be a little _too_ much to offer for my help. Maybe we should start with what you're trying to find first and see if it really does require that kind of repayment?"

Gojyo nodded, understanding that he wasn't completely shut down. This Chunlin wasn't the type of girl to just get it on with the first guy to flatter her. She was a smart cookie, with a headful of common sense. Fine by him if she wanted to research stuff first. It would give him a chance to try and win her over completely. Giving her one more sensual curve of his lips, he took her hand in his and brushed a kiss across her knuckles, a thrill shooting through him as the blush returned and her own lips parted on a breathy gasp. Ooooh, yeah... he was good! "Show me what you've got, sweetheart. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can negotiate the price of your services." He released her hand and stepped back as she fumbled to lift the latch to open the desk segment up.

She pulled a few pieces of paper from the desk behind the counter, tucked a pencil into her messy bun and motioned for him to follow her into the main library section. He didn't mind following in the least. The view from behind wasn't bad at all. Hopefully, they could at least find some answers or maybe clues fast enough for him to at least see if she was available for a drink. It really was a goddamn shame there wouldn't be time for anything else. Besides, with everything that was going on with Hakkai he doubted he'd be useful for anything else anyway. It was hard to get it up when worried sick about the best friend a guy could ever hope for.

So, here he was. In a library. Without a damned clue what he was doing. Sometimes, he had to wonder at his own sanity.

* * *

Goku rubbed his aching stomach with satisfaction, so full of the All-You-Can-Eat crab special that he almost couldn't move. One of the waiters had said something to Sanzo about the number of crabs he was eating... but Sanzo had told the guy to shove it up his ass and stop bitching. It was advertised as All-You-Can-Eat, and saying there was a limit would make that false advertising. The man had walked away in a really cranky mood, but so what? If that's what the sign said, then that's what he was gonna have, damn it! 

"That was an awesome dinner, Sanzo," he declared, burping and grimacing at the yucky taste that invaded his mouth. Why did it never taste as good as when it went down? "Are ya sure ya had enough? You only had two crabs!" It bothered him that Sanzo didn't eat a lot. He usually ate less than Hakkai, and from what he could tell Hakkai ate like a normal person. He didn't like Sanzo being so skinny. It couldn't be good for him. Of course... if Sanzo were fat, that would be bad, too.

"Unlike your gluttonous, parasitic self, I know how to show restraint," Sanzo muttered as he paused to light up a cigarette. Nasty, grey smoke escaped his lips as the tip flared bright orange in response to him sucking some into his lungs. He really hated the fact that Sanzo smoked, but it was something he doubted would change. It always bothered him to smell the poison and know Sanzo was letting that into his body.

Goku scowled and stomped a foot angrily, earning him an arched brow over amused violet eyes. "Don't call me a parasite! That's Gojyo, remember?" he corrected angrily.

"Speaking of the parasitic cockroach... here." Goku easily caught the bag of food Sanzo tossed to him, still burning over being called a parasite himself. Sanzo had been doing it all during dinner, too. If it was a joke, it was a really lame one! Still... if it _was_ a joke, it was okay that it wasn't funny. At least Sanzo was joking with him. "It was your idea to buy his lazy ass some food, so you can carry it back to him."

"If ya didn't wanna buy him dinner, ya didn't have to," Goku mumbled as he fell into step next to his guardian. Sanzo growled a wordless answer, which made Goku break into a wide grin. He was right! Sanzo _didn't_ have to buy the stupid kappa any food, but he did anyway so it was his own fault. He was half tempted to shove the container of food back at the monk and make _him_ carry it... but, this was Sanzo and Sanzo would kill him for that. It wasn't often they got any time just to themselves, so he wasn't going to ruin it any further by proving he was right. So, he could carry the bag if it meant Sanzo being in a good mood.

"You're acting as if I actually had a- FUCK!" Goku jerked to a hault at the shouted cuss as Sanzo fell to his knees with a sharp hiss, his fingers curling so tightly into his hair that he was ripping small pieces out. What... the... SANZO! The man continued to groan, rocking back and forth slightly as if in pain.

"Sanzo! Sanzo, what happaned?" he asked frantically, tugging on the monk's robes hard to try and get his attention. His stomach lurched sickeningly as faint groans came from his guardian, the thin body shuddering as it curved into itself tightly. What had happened? Were the crabs bad? Was he hurt? "Sanzo! SANZO! Answer me, Sanzo!" What was he gonna do? People were staring, and a guy was coming up to them while the others whispered to their friends. Was he a doctor? If not, could he help Sanzo? Goku shook Sanzo hard, trying to get his attention. Panic was starting to sink in, coming from the fact that Sanzo was hurt and he had no idea what had happened or how to stop it.

He couldn't seem to get his thoughts to orient themselves, and it took him a second before he realized some of that turmoil wasn't his. It was coming from Sanzo and was spilling into him, the monk's aura breaking loose all over the place. Sanzo _never_ lost control of himself like this! Whatever was happening to Sanzo was hurting him in his head. He could hear the monk's heart throbbing madly in his chest, smell the sweat that was starting to darken his hair... the pain. He could feel some of the pain radiating off the monk and it made him angry. Someone had hurt Sanzo. Whoever it was, they were gonna pay for that! He jerked back, his arm cocking to aim a punch he just barely kept from flying, as the guy from before crouched in front of Sanzo, trying to peer under the golden hair hiding his face. He relaxed slowly as he realized the guy wasn't trying to hurt Sanzo, just see if he was okay.

"Sir, are you alright? You need a doctor?" the man asked.

"Piss... off," Sanzo gritted out before a deeper growl of pain stopped him from saying anything else. Goku moved a little closer to Sanzo, giving the man a glare as he did so. He didn't trust strangers just coming up to Sanzo when he was hurt. Too many people wanted to kill him, and when he was hurt he was vulnerable. He wasn't going to let _anyone_ hurt Sanzo!

"Go...ku. Hakkai. Find... Hakkai." Sanzo made another pained sound, this one more of a grunt, as his fingers slowly pulled away from his head. Gasping, his palms slapping hard into the ground to keep himself from falling completely, he began to pant as small shivers still made their way down his spine. "Find him... Goku. Now," he repeated, his voice sounding just a little more sure of itself.

Goku's eyes widened at the hissed words from Sanzo. "Ya want me ta just leave you here?" he demanded, completely surprised by the request. There were too many strangers around, and Sanzo still wasn't able to take care of himself. If he left and someone attacked him...

Violet eyes glared at him through damp pieces of golden hair. There was a firmness in those eyes, not only an order for Goku to do as he was told but to not worry about him as well. Sanzo would be okay. Wasn't he always? A thin thread of fear wound through those eyes he knew so well, but the fear wasn't for anyone there. It was all for Hakkai. Goku nodded once firmly before pulling his hands way from Sanzo's shoulders. "If ya see a stupid red haired kappa, can you tell him I went ta find Hakkai?" he asked the man still crouching in front of Sanzo. The man nodded, completely lost as to what was going on as he took a grip under Sanzo's elbow to help him stand up. The fact that the monk actually accepted the help meant he was hurt a lot worse than he was trying to let on. Goku took a step closer, but the glare shot his way said that another one would be foolish. Sanzo wanted him to find Hakkai, not help him. While he knew it was the right thing to do, he couldn't help listening to the part of his brain that was screaming at him to help Sanzo.

The crowd that had been gathering parted in order to allow a man with a large black bag through. The minute the bag opened up and filled the air with the sharp scent of dysinfectant, Goku knew the man was a doctor. Doctors were good people. Sanzo would be safe with a doctor... he hoped. Goku sucked in a sharp breath when he felt the familiar warmth of Sanzo's energy surround him, something no one but he could feel. It was hard to explain what it was exactly, but he could feel the gentle warmth on his skin and inside him, like the afternoon sun shining down on him. It saturated him so completely that for a brief moment, he could feel exactly what Sanzo was feeling, know what he was thinking. He couldn't help but flinch when he caught the stabbing pain full force that Sanzo was working hard to keep him from feeling. Whatever had happened _really hurt!_

_"I'm fine, idiot. Hakkai won't be if you don't hurry up."_ The words came to him like they were his own thoughts, but he knew they weren't. The tone and emotion behind them were purely Sanzo. His guardian very rarely spoke to him like this, but when he did it was usually very important that he listen. Goku met the violet eyes across from him again, eyes widening as the hardness left them briefly. Worry, annoyance, fear... Sanzo was letting him see what he was feeling, and it scared him to see that Sanzo was afraid of what was going on. He felt something inside him break, something that felt really angry that someone could cause his guardian to fear. He wasn't gonna let that happen! With his lips pressed into a tight, angry line and one last look at Sanzo, Goku sprinted down the street as fast as his legs could take him. It felt like the most wrong thing in the world to leave Sanzo behind with strangers, but he had to put a stop to this right now!

* * *

It... hurt. It was pain, like fire rushing free through his entire body. It felt like his skin was melting, weakening and getting ready to burst entirely. It was expected but... it _**hurt!**_ He couldn't focus beyond the explosion in his limbs, the fact that he was digging his skin free from his own body with blunted nails. All he could feel was... 

_Rage. Rage at constantly having to fight to exist. Rage that anyone would _dare _assume they could control him. Was it wrong to be free? Was it wrong to pursue that which brought him pleasure? Why this one would deny them both what they wanted was beyond him... and it was what gave him the will to fight. He _would_ break free, even if it meant..._

He was being broken to pieces, shattered as easily as fine porcelain on a cement floor. Everything he had strived to be was splintering and cracking, so much more fragile than he had ever hoped. Soon, his existance would be ground to a fine dust. His soul was being cut to ribbons by this breaking. His mind was lost to it entirely. It hurt... so... bad... All he wanted...

_Was to destroy this other one completely. His would-be captor... a part of himself, true, but the part that should never have existed. He was never one to enjoy the light, and this facade was disgusting. Pretending to be tamed. Pretending to be _human._ He was never dead. He hadn't "died" with the changing in names, simply been repressed. But no longer. It didn't matter how it happened that this opportunity to arise came about, just that it did. It was hurting himself, too, to fight like this with his other self, but freedom was worth it. The freedom to taste blood on his tongue, to watch as death sucked the light from the eyes of another. It was the single most..._

Agonizing thing in the world, and no matter what he did it wouldn't cease. He'd known this would happen, and had been prepared for the initial onslaught... but this thing was too powerful now and he was fast losing this battle. Soon now... very soon, he could almost feel those clawed hands on his shoulders, jerking him back into the awaiting darkness that would seek to drown him within and smother his self away. Soon now.

_Very soon._

* * *

Sanzo batted the doctor's hands away irritably, one of his own hands pressing at the bridge of his nose to relieve the slowly dulling throb that threatened to beat his eyeballs to jelly. Damn it... he'd forgotten how much it hurt to have someone break a tantra! The spells were held in place by the will of the creator. Destroying or breaking one always doubled back with an absolute bitch of a migraine. He slapped the hands away again, his irritation rising to press the headache back a little further. Damn it all, he should have seen this coming from the very moment they secured Hakkai's demented ass to the bed! 

Of course it made sense in his warped reasoning to get as far away from them all as possible. Of course it made sense to use chi energy, derived from within and not as a by-product of youkai powers, to shatter the tantras. After the magical bindings were gone, snapping through a few ropes and belts would be child's play to a desperate, inhumanly strong demon. How completely _stupid_ of him not to have considered this! He'd only been concerned about restraining Hakkai and hadn't taken in the man's own idiocy on the matter. Hakkai was the type to think of everyone but himself first, even when he was the one suffering. He'd want to get the hell away from everyone in favor of going mad all alone, probably in some dank, nasty cave somewhere. Never since he'd first had a real conversation with the man did he think he would ever say this but...

Hakkai was a fucking idiot. Almost worse off than that red-headed slut and the monkey combined. What kind of moron runs away from the help he needs? Did he honestly think that they, Gojyo especially, would just _let_ him leave their little group? Speaking of... where was the bastard anyway? Sanzo grit his teeth as he managed to gain his footing, a snarl breaking free as he slapped away the hands coming to assist him yet again. "I'm fine," he snapped as he scanned the growing crowd for familiar crimson hair. If Gojyo was off wandering between some tart's thighs at a time like this...

Luckily for the kappa, he wasn't. An odd relief at seeing Gojyo shove his way to the front of the crowd swept over him. Sanzo blinked the thin line of sweat from his eyes and focused on controling his breath and heart rate once again. The sudden snapping of the tantra made his entire body feel heavy and sore, as if he'd just gotten his ass handed to him soundly. No amount of meditative skills was going to work, he realized, as his legs began to shake a little. Damn it, just how much chi had Hakkai used anyway to create this much backlash? Gojyo's eyes widened when they met his and soon the kappa was shoving the doctor almost to the ground as he made it to his side. Sanzo wanted to protest the arm locking around his waist when his knees buckled, but he refrained from it. Just barely, though. His hand gripped Gojyo's shoulder hard as the red-head gave him the barest amount of support he needed.

"Where the hell were you?" he growled. There wasn't a trace of cheap perfume or even cheaper booze to the taller man, and he definitely would have noticed considering his nose was all but being smothered in that ridiculously long hair.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Gojyo muttered back as he began walking them through the crowd at as brisk a pace as the monk could handle. "What happened?"

"Hakkai broke the tantras," Sanzo muttered, hissing angrily when the arm around his waist loosened to the point where he was almost dropped. "You drop me, and I'll kill you right here, kappa!"

"Can it, monk, I've gotcha! Who would've guessed the great Genjyo Sanzo had a thing for being in a man's arms?" the red-head sneered derisively. A yelp quickly followed the comment as Sanzo seized a handful of crimson hair and jerked hard. "Goddamn it, that's attached, you know?! And what the hell do you mean Hakkai got out? You said those things couldn't be broken!"

"I said they couldn't be broken by _youkai energy_, idiot," he corrected irritably. "He used his chi to break it. I sent Goku ahead to see if he could keep Hakkai contained."

"You sent the _monkey_ after Hakkai? Are you fucking nuts? You saw what he was about to do to Kougaiji!"

"And so did Goku. If Hakkai gets free, Goku's the only one of us strong enough to stop him without killing him. Unless you don't mind me putting a few holes in your psychotic wife?" Sanzo knew he deserved the painful squeeze to his side, but he didn't care. It pissed him off that Gojyo would think he'd risk Goku unnecessarily. Goku could handle Hakkai. No one was a match for the kid in strength, and when it came to keeping people alive there wasn't anyone in their group better at it than him. Goku wouldn't hurt Hakkai if he could help it, but he knew how dangerous the green eyed man was.

"You're sick," Gojyo sneered with disgust heavily lacing his voice. "Hakkai's not gonna be pulling punches on the kid. He's not stable, and he's not gonna show mercy just because it's Goku."

"Which is why we should be running right now," he suggested with a sharp dig of his elbow to the kappa's ribs. He was fine now... well, not entirely, but he was close enough to feeling better that he didn't need the other man's support. Even if he wasn't, he had to be in order to get to Goku before something bad happened. "Get off me and start sprinting, asshole!"

"_I'm_ the asshole? _You_ were the one threatening death if I let you go! You've got a lot to learn about gratitude, monk," Gojyo shot back as they picked up the pace.

"If you think you've got the balls to teach me, go for it," Sanzo retorted, pushing himself to run faster despite the protesting of his weakened body. Gojyo was pushing ahead of him slightly, his longer legs and youkai stamina giving him the advantage. If anything, it just brought out the need to beat the cockroach there, and served as a much needed adrenaline boost to his system. Sanzo grit his teeth and pushed himself harder to at least keep up with Gojyo as they rounded the final corner onto the main street and toward their inn.

The sound of glass shattering two floors above them made them look up in time to see a blurred shape come falling down in a shower of glittering glass shards. Both Sanzo and Gojyo dove back and covered their heads as glass rained down on them, neither of them paying any attention to the screams of the inn patrons running out to see what the problem was. They stood rooted still as the figure slowly pushed to its feet, staggering slightly as one hand pressed to its forehead. The black shirt was torn to expose bloody cuts from the trip out the window, the khakis soaking that redness up into its lighter fibers. Up above, Goku was leaning dangerously over the edge of the window with wild, panicked eyes. "HAKKAI!" he shouted, unaware that his hands were cut and bleeding from the glass.

Slowly, Hakkai straightened, blinking as if dazed to find himself on the street. Sanzo couldn't have moved if he'd wanted to as the cold, murderous aura from in the forest suddenly rolled over and through him. This... wasn't Hakkai. Not at all. This was exactly what the other man had been afraid of becoming; a monster. There was nothing human in those cold green eyes as they locked with his. No trace of anything but malice in the slight twist of lips. In a move that was almost faster than the eye, the being possessing Hakkai's body turned and sprinted down the alley. It took him a second longer to realize that the thing was still wearing the limiters. If it hadn't been, he wouldn't have been able to see it.

Shaking off the lingering fingers of iciness from that aura, Sanzo shoved Gojyo roughly between the shoulder blades. "Get after him, _now!_ GOKU!" Gojyo, for once, didn't argue or complain about being ordered around. He simply did as Sanzo had asked, moving nearly as fast as the demon making its escape. Sanzo pulled his gun and was checking the bullets just as Goku thudded to the ground next to him, causing the locals to gasp in alarm. He'd yell at the kid later for diving out windows like an idiot, but for right now it was fine.

"S-Sanzo... that's not... I mean, it _is_... but it ain't..." Goku spluttered, jaw visibly chattering with the frightened tremors that took over. A sudden urge to comfort the boy cut through him, and he just barely resisted the desire to ruffle his hair, to lie and tell him everything was fine. Everything _wasn't_ fine, and they didn't have time for comfort. They had to get to Hakkai before he hurt someone... or himself.

"Move it, chimp," he muttered, though his voice didn't sound nearly as gruff as he'd wanted it to. "Are you seriously going to let that kappa bastard beat you in finding Hakkai?"

Goku's face visibly darkened at the very idea of Gojyo beating him, just as Sanzo had expected. Fists clenching briefly before there was a slight pull in to aura surrounding the boy that resulted in his nyoi-bo appearing, he gave Sanzo a resolute glare and said, "Not a chance in hell!" Then, he was off in pursuit and muttering about 'damned parasite kappas' along the way.

Sanzo allowed a brief smile when the boy took off running after their missing companions before taking a deep breath to prepare his groaning body for yet another sprint. If anyone stood a chance of catching Hakkai in time, it was Goku. Gojyo had a head start, yes, but he didn't trust the half breed for a miute to get the job done when it concerned his friend. Gojyo would hesitate to land any blow to Hakkai. Goku wouldn't, and that's what he was banking on. They needed to contain him, not kill him... hopefully. What were they going to do when they finally cornered Hakkai? He had no idea. Obviously, the tantras weren't going to work again, now that he knew how to break them. Simple restraints weren't going to cut it. Maybe he could curb the Maten Sutra's power into containing only, but that was going to be a pain in the ass to maintain for any real amount of time. As far as he could tell, there were only two ways to keep Hakkai from losing it completely: beat him unconscious or kill him.

As he watched Goku disappear around a corner, either smelling out the direction or feeling it through the overwhelming aura, he hoped to the gods that the kid got there before anything happened. He really didn't want to play executioner tonight, especially on one of their own. But, if it came down to it... he wasn't going to hesitate. If all other options were gone, and lives were in danger, he would kill Hakkai and deal with a pissed off Gojyo later.

Tracking the Sanzo Party was an easy thing. Just look where they last were and follow the trail of dead assassins. If that failed, check a local paper for any reports of the famous Genjyo Sanzo having stopped in the area. See? Nothing to it. Being a celebrity of sorts sucked when trying to outrun assassins.

* * *

Dokugakuji spotted the town below, a fairly decent sized human establishment that had enough lights on to make it noticible in the darkness. Of course, it also helped that he had pretty good night vision to begin with and that the dragon he was on was circling at a fairly low altitude. They were low enough in the sky that he could make out the tiny pin-dots of people moving around and even catch the faintest flash of Gojyo's aura. It wasn't nearly as strong as Goku's, but he was more tuned to pick up on it than any other, save perhaps for his own group. A throw-back to the days where he used to keep the little brat out of trouble. 

He tugged the reigns to turn the dragon off toward the forested area, making for the dim gleam of a lake to land near. It was going to be a bit of a hike, and he was probably going to have to deal with humans going, "ah, demon!" but it was a small price to pay to give these guys a hand. If it were anyone but Hakkai, he would have said an advantage was an advantage in battle, but that same philosophy didn't fly well this time around. First of all, Hakkai, though he was a tricky son of a bitch, was the most honorable of the group. A damned decent guy all around, really. What kind of enemy risks his life to rescue a woman he barely knows from being tortured? Seriously, that kind of chivalry was almost completely dead. Second of all, he knew Hakkai was dear to his brother. Gojyo didn't have much in the world, and the world liked to rub that fact in any chance it got. It meant a lot, to both himself and his brother, that someone honestly didn't give a damn about red hair and eyes. Gojyo needed someone like that, and Dokugakuji felt a little better knowing he had that.

So, if it meant technically giving the enemy some unauthorized information in exchange for keeping a good guy alive... he'd take whatever the hell Gyokumen Koushu could throw at him and smile through it.

* * *

Gojyo ignored the sweat covering his skin, slipping down along the scars on his cheek and soaking through his shirt. He ignored his burning lungs and the twitchy muscles of his legs as he slowed to a jog, shoving through the crowd of people to try and keep Hakkai in sight. He'd managed to keep up with the other man right until they'd reached what looked like the party section of town, full of people laughing and making noise. Hakkai had paused long enough to toss him a completely alien smirk before he dove into the crowd. 

At first, keeping track of him had been easy. Just follow the people cussing about being shoved over. But that trail had stopped some time ago, leaving him spinning in a bewildered circle in the middle of the crowd. Lights flashed over bars and private clubs, vendors were shouting for people to by their grilled eels, women were shrieking... but where the hell was Hakkai?

"Fuck," he snarled heatedly, earning him suprised looks from the group of people next to him. Did he duck into a bar somewhere? Did he make it to the other end of the square? Had he doubled back? Where the fuck was he?!

If it weren't for the fact that he was used to scenes like this, he doubted he would have noticed the scream. None of the humans near to him did, the sound blending in with the rest of the noise and chaos around them. Gojyo recognized it though. That scream had nothing to do with fun and everything to do with fear. It came again, this time turning a few heads. Then, obviously deciding it was nothing, they carried on with their activities. Gojyo began shoving through the crowd at a dead run, uncaring who the hell he ploughed over.

"Hakkai, where are you, damn it?" he muttered as he dove over the top of yet another eel stand. The screaming continued, getting louder the close he got. People were now starting to take notice for real, turning toward the sound with curious frowns. Not good! "OUTTA THE WAY!" he shouted, stretching his legs as far as they would go, his coat streaming behind him. People were shrieking as the dove to the side, knowing he wasn't going to slow down for them. He had to get there, damn it! He had to find Hakkai before...

The screaming stopped. SHIT!

* * *

He ducked into a local bar, partially to avoid being detected and partially to scope out potential prey. The other one was silent, as was expected after experiencing the equivalent of a blow to the head. He had literally overwhelmed the other one, throwing everything he could into the the frailer presence and shattering it completely. True, he could feel those pieces slowly starting to reform, but even if they did manage to knit together again the other one would be far too weak to try and fight back any time soon. He was free. He was alive, he existed. 

And he was famished.

It wasn't that he saw blood as food so much as a delicacy to be experienced whenever possible. The last bit he'd managed to savor had been his own, flavored by the woman's fear on her skin. So utterly delicious... it literally set his mouth to watering with the sensory memory. The way her pulse was all but screaming against her hand. The smell of sweat and fear on her milk pale skin. The thrust of her body as she tried to fight him off. The feel of her claws raking his skin... Gonou shuddered and closed his eyes briefly as he ran his tongue over his teeth. The desire for blood had just shifted to need. He _needed_ that warmth, the struggle for life, and he needed it now. Male, female... any prey would do. Just so long as they fulfilled his need.

He spotted the perfect one lounging against the bar. Pale hair, pale skin and lovely dark eyes. Legs that were long, like the other woman's, and would look stunning when covered in bloody scratches. He smiled as he approached her, heard her heart skip before speeding up when she looked at him. She wasn't very smart, this one, not to notice the cuts that were already beginning to heal or the fact that his clothing was torn. No matter. He was a little tired himself, so an easy hunt wouldn't be too disappointing. It didn't take much to convince her to leave with him. A few well placed words of flattery, whispered against the soft skin of her throat while his nose fought not to wrinkle at the overwhelming stench of her perfume that almost clouded the aroused scent she was putting off. A suggestive glide of his hand up her thigh, his fingertips lust brushing the lace of her underwear. That was all it took.

She told him her name. He hadn't heard it, nor did he particularly care. Such a stupid little thing, really, he mused with a smirk as he guided her down a side alley, rounding a corner to make certain they were completely out of sight. No one would miss her. No one would think to look for her hear. The crowd was too noisy to hear her screams... and he did intend to make her scream. The other woman had refused to give voice to her fear, but he had a feeling this one would. She wasn't nearly as much a fighter as the other one was. As soon as they were around the corner of the bar, he shoved her up against the wall, squeezing her breasts through the strapless top she wore. She moaned and kissed him raggedly, an act that almost nearly made him gag. He suffered her tongue in his mouth, her hands stroking underneath his shirt and even managed a fairly convincing moan to keep her interested.

Timing was everything here. He wanted her well and truly aroused before he filled her with terror. The scent of sex and fear would be... extraordinary. Luscious. Perfect. He gripped her thigh hard as she wrapped it around his waist, his blunt nails raking harder and harder against her skin. The excited moans that had started when he did this were quickly turning to pained hisses of breath with the increase in pressure. Her fingers were beginning to dig into his shoulder, trying to pry him away as he lowered his mouth to her throat. He could feel her heart beat as easily as he heard it, the flutter in the pulse before the adrenaline kicked in. Slow, this one. She was just _now_ realizing the danger she was in.

Gonou ignored her whisper for him to stop, repeated more firmly and with and added pinch to her shoulders. She gasped when he pulled her away from the wall shortly before slamming her back into it, his hands wrapping around her wrists and squeezing the hard enough to draw out a whimper. Yes... just like that. A hot tear rolled down the line of his cheek pressed against her jaw as he began to suck and nip on her throat, right over where the pulse was beating unevenly. He transfered her wrists to one hand, jerking her hair hard with the other and arching her neck. He couldn't take it anymore and closed his teeth down hard on her skin. Blood exploded into his mouth, hot and thick and just so... warm.

She screamed.

And he moaned. It was such a beautiful sound to hear with that candy-sweet texture on his tongue.

She struggled, her attempts at escape far too late. Such an eager little slut, trusting a stranger to take her in an alley way. He almost regretted his choice for easy prey. It would have been so much sweeter to have taken someone who fought for their life decently. Another scream came as she ripped her head and neck away from him, losing the hair he held in his hand at the process. Gonou drew back enough to see the ragged imprint of his teeth in her neck, the blood oozing in pulsing bursts from the holes. He laughed as her chest heaved with gasps of air, the panicked endorphines kicking in to spice the air with what he truly desired; fear. She was terrified, going into shock and near hyperventilating against him. It was the most beautiful experience he could recall, more so than the butterfly. She looked down as the blood trickled down the curve of her breast and screamed again, eyes wide and pupils so small that they barely existed. Yes, very nearly in shock now. He hoped she didn't pass out before he was done with her. He leaned in as she screamed for a thrid time and began licking the blood from her slowly, letting his tongue press hard on the wound to encourage its flow.

Her blood was different, he realized as he sampled it again. It had the same metalic tones that all blood had, a result of the iron in the crimson liquid, but each person had a slightly different tone to theirs. Hers was bitter, like dried herbs on the tongue. There was no sweetness to it, save the pleasure it caused him to finally have blood in his mouth. It wasn't nearly as good as his own blood, and it certainly wouldn't have compared to the blood of the other woman. Or the prince for that matter. Still... what did he expect from easy prey? Beggars couldn't be choosers after all.

"Hey! Get the hell off her!"

The shout made him pull away slowly, glaring over his shoulder at the interuption. A smirk twisted across his lips as he jerked the girl away from the wall by her hair, a thrill racing down his spine as she screamed yet again before begging to him through hiccuped gasps. "Ah... Gojyo. So nice to see you out," he called tauntingly, his smile widening as the half breed took in the blood on the girl's throat.

Crimson eyes widened in shock as the other man took a step back. "Hakkai... what... did you do...?"

Gonou laughed, twisting his grip in her hair and arching her neck to the side. His eyes remained on the man before him, watching as horror swept over those feature when he ran his tongue slowly over the wound. "_He_ had nothing to do with this. He didn't have the nerve to," he replied, allowing the insult to come through in his voice. As if the other one could have! Honestly...

Instantly, the half breed's face hardened into familiar firm lines. Gonou felt his stomach stir at the sight, the knowledge that a fight was about to happen awakening his senses fully. He wouldn't kill this one. That was one thing he and the other one agreed upon. The man standing across from him was the reason he was even alive at all. That earned him safety from death. No, he wouldn't kill Gojyo. But sample him... that he would do. He waited patiently, one eyebrow cocked as he began placing tender kisses to the girl's skin. She shuddered as the fear spiked higher within her. "Do you want to play with her, Gojyo? She's very sweet looking, isn't she? And oh-so-willing, too. Why, the little tramp was all set to spread herself for me right in the middle of the alley."

"Let her go, Hakkai," Gojyo insisted roughly.

"Mmm... no. But feel free to come take her from me. Normally, I wouldn't want to share something like this, but for you... I'm willing to make an acception."

"I mean it, Hakkai. You've gotta let her go."

Gonou snarled and pulled her head back even further. She screamed, her nails digging into his wrist hard enough to draw blood. He caught the other hand that was aiming for his face and twisted it up hard enough behind her back to hear the wet crack of a bone breaking. The scream she gave that time sank its way into his soul. Such a wonderful, melodious sound! He made hushing noises against her ear, smiling as she tried to pull away from him despite the obvious agony in her arm. He paused to kiss her temple lightly before leveling a cold glare at the other man. "I've told you before. Hakkai has nothing to do with this. In fact, right now, he doesn't even exist. Now, if you don't mind, we'd like a little privacy. Wouldn't we, dear?" He laughed as the girl let out a spluttered whimper of sound, her too-dark mascars marking the paths of tears down her cheeks.

There was a slight pull to the air around them and the sound of metal clanking harshly. Gonou glanced over at the half breed and allowed his smile to widen. Gojyo was armed now, his lips thin and fierce... but his eyes were still uncertain. The half breed wasn't going to kill him. He would fight, yes, but he would be another easy hunt. Gonou literally threw the girl from him, ignoring the pained screech as she slammed into a dumpster and collapsed to the ground. This was far better prey than her. One that wouldn't submit so easily, and one with infinitely sweeter blood. He lowered himself into a crouched position, anticipation heavy in his gut. "Are you certain about this, Gojyo?" he called lightly, even though he knew the answer.

Gojyo nodded once, the muscles in his jaw working harshly. "Yeah. I'm sure."

That was all he needed to hear. Gonou launched himself forward just as a slice of silver went whistling through the air.

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you, Zab Jade, for the beta read on this one. Good eye, m'dear! Sorry to everyone else for the insanely long delay. Now that a couple other projects are being tied up, I can devote more time to this. Thanks for your patience! 


	14. Chapter 14

The shaku-jou was a freakin' kick ass weapon. Quick, deadly without getting too close and messy enough to scare anyone with a lick of sense away. There were a variety of uses for it, from blocking blows with the shaft to using the chain as a tow line for when the Jeep got stuck in thick mud. It wasn't the easiest thing to use at first... but that just gave him an excuse to pack on some more muscle for the ladies. A guy had to have good upper body strength to control the wide swinging of the blade, a skill that usually required the use of two hands. He'd mastered a one handed technique instead. Why? Because it looked bad ass, that's why.

Until the moment he found himself staring into green eyes that were equal parts familiar and alien, Gojyo wouldn't have traded his shaku-jou for any other weapon in the world. No enchanted swords. None of those lame-as-hell spears with the girlie tassels. No pansy-assed gun. The skaku-jou was a weapon that required mad skill to use... unless he was stuck in a cramped alley with very little room to maneuver and squaring off against the best friend he'd ever had. Yeah, under those conditions a shaku-jou fucking sucked. He almost would have traded it for any other weapon on the face of the earth. At least against a sword, spear or gun, there was a chance for minimal damage. Not so with the shaku-jou. It's main purposes were to inflict massive amounts of bloody damage while keeping the enemy back, hack off a limb or two (or sometimes even three) and to send a group of opponents into a frenzy as the blade whipped wildly through their group.

It was _not_ intended for use against Hakkai. Not even a crazy-off-his-ass Hakkai.

Gojyo only had practice in wielding the weapon to slice people up or to act as a make-shift rope. He had no fucking clue how to use it with minimal damage to another person. He'd initially thought about maybe trying to restrain Hakkai with the chain... but those damned youkai reflexes were too quick. It was almost like Hakkai could read exactly where he was going to swing the chain next and would dodge it with an easy grace that would have been beautiful to watch were it not for the deadly intent in those green eyes. Knowing how observant Hakkai was... the bastard probably _was _reading his movements.

Yet another draw back to the shaku-jou; once he started the motion, it was damned near impossible to change it mid swing. Flicking his wrist once the blade went sailing or grabbing the chain while it moved could only change it so much. Hakkai was forcing him to make those subtle changes, positioning himself so that if Gojyo didn't do something the crescent blade would slice right through him. Fucking clever bastard knew Gojyo didn't wanna hurt him, an almost impossible thing to manage with a messy weapon like the shaku-jou. He was really starting to not like his weapon now, and he was pretty fucking pissed that Hakkai was forcing him into this position. It wasn't ideal... but for now he didn't have much choice other than to allow himself to get played. Yeah, it would drag the battle out a lot longer, but it was better than killing his friend.

It wasn't until his lungs began to burn for want of a normal breath and his sides started aching painfully from the strain of constantly having to attack and then reverse his movements that Gojyo realized this was exactly what Hakkai wanted. Hakkai was trying to wear him down, which was easy enough for the green-eyed man to do on a normal basis. A non-smoker always had bettern stamina than a smoker, and that fact was coming into play horribly right about now. Hakkai continued to dodge, weave and avoid his attacks with an easy fluidity that was entirely inhuman. While Gojyo was grunting and straining to keep pressing the offensive advantage, the other man looked as if he was simply dancing away. Every movement was light, crisp and exact. Not even a sheen of sweat could be seen marring Hakkai's pale skin, no strain from being involved in a drawn-out battle could be detected in the smarmy little smirk twisting his lips. It was the first time Gojyo could ever remember desperately wanting to punch the fuck outta Hakkai in the entire time they'd known each other.

Growling, pissed off and wanting to end things quickly, Gojyo threw himself into a hard pressed attack that would hopefully end with the chain wrapping around Hakkai's neck. He knew enough about his weapon to control it from squeezing the life from his friend, but no one would continue to fight if their only source of air was being cut off. Well... no one sane, that was. Seeing as Hakkai wasn't exactly sane at the moment, the plan _could_ backfire and result in prodding him to fight for real. For some reason, that thought terrified Gojyo more than the images of what Hakkai had done to that woman which still circled through his head. But he really shouldn't let his thoughts wander off at a time like this. Hakkai was a danger to himself and to others, and he needed the kind of help only a friend could give. Besides, he had to subdue Hakkai before the other two found them fighting. There was no doubt in his mind that Sanzo would kill Hakkai if he wasn't controlled. Gojyo would be damned before he let that happen!

He swung the shaft of his shaku-jou over his head, sending the chain clinking violently as the blade whistled shrilly through the air. It missed Hakkai completely, the other man not having to even duck to avoid it, just as he'd planned. Gojyo twisted hard and ignored the protesting of his arm muscles as he whipped the shaft downward, striking the gritty pavement beneath his feet hard with the end connected to the chain. The chain responded instantly to the change of trajectory and jerked the crescent blade backward sharply. This in turn set the blade to fumbling in the air, no longer flying straight and even toward its intended target. The intent was to have the dulled section of the blade, the flat side, hit Hakkai between the shoulder blades and throw him off balance. Once that was done, all Gojyo would need to do was swing the shaft once more and the chain would be where he wanted it.

There was one thing he hadn't anticipated, and that was Hakkai taking advantage of the opening this move would present. After fighting in a regular pattern that involved staying clear of Gojyo and his shaku-jou, it was the last thing the red-head expected. Gojyo was bent over from bringing the shaft down and glanced up when he heard footsteps racing toward him. The need to let out an annoyed 'fuck' came over him just at the same time he saw a cloth covered knee coming up toward his jaw. At the last second he managed to keep the cussing in check so that when the knee connected in a painful starburst that he swore knocked his eyes out of their sockets, he didn't bite his tongue off. His clenched teeth felt like they were trying to fuse tother, and he knew that the cracking sound he heard was more than likely either some of his teeth breaking or his jaw bone getting shattered. It felt like forever that he was airborn and arching through the air with every part of his head and neck hurting something fierce. Not even when he hit the pavement and went skidding across it hurt as much as Hakkai's attack.

Gojyo tried to push himself up at least to his forearm, but the alley way wouldn't stay still long enough for him to do it. There were at least four dumpsters that kept fading in and out of each other and the familiar thickness of blood coated his tongue. He blinked as he tried to focus on the shoes he was certain weren't his that came into view before he felt his aching head being lifted by fingers curled into his hair. Green eyes that held such a cold, hard violence to them met his, familiar in color but completely foreign in emotion. As Hakkai drew his fist back to deliver the blow that would undoubtedly knock him out cold, all Gojyo could think was that he'd never been so royally fucked before in his life.

* * *

Sanzo made a silent promise with himself. Once they'd caught up to the psycho and his perverted counterpart, he was cutting back on the cigarettes. His lungs hurt like someone had dropped a lit match down his throat that continued to burn with each ragged gasp in and out. His breathing wasn't at all helped by the fact that the wind had shifted, bringing with it the heavy, damp prospect of rain that seemed to cling humidly to his throat and lungs. That ache quickly spread down his sides and was now invading his stomach as he continued to push himself to at least keep Goku in sight. And damn that kid for being all stamina! Seriously, how the _hell_ could he sprint like it was nothing after downing more crabs than any one person could handle for a week in one sitting?

It became too much suddenly and Sanzo stumbled forward, his palm scraping across the rough brick wall of a nearby building to keep from dropping entirely. The muscles in his legs were twitching in time with his rapid pulse, a sensation that was mildly unpleasant compared to how badly his lungs hurt. Sweat drenched his hair and coated his skin so badly that the leather of his shirt was clinging to him in the most digusting way. People were gaping at him but maintaining their distance, obviously guessing instinctively that they didn't want to get involved with him. Smart people for a change, unlike those other morons who crowded him only moments before. Sanzo pushed his hair away from his forehead irritably, his eyes narrowing as he continued to fight for an even breath while scanning the crowded street for Goku. The monkey might be short, but with the way he was running he was bound to piss off a few bystanders.

A trail of people had cleared due to Goku bursting through the crowd, but Sanzo couldn't see anything of his young charge beyond that and a few angry gestures tossed in his wake. He grit his teeth hard in irritation at losing track of Goku. Goku would be getting to the scene before him, which wasn't good at all. Hakkai was flat-out gone, unable to distinguish really between friend and foe. He knew in his gut that Goku would hesitate where Hakkai wouldn't and it made his gut twist sickeningly. He had to find out where Hakkai was before goku, damn it! With his limiters on, Hakkai's aura was suppressed to the point of almost feeling human. There was no way he could pick out that energy reading here, not when he was surrounded by hundreds of humans putting off similar vibes. He could sense Goku easily enough, for all the good it did him. Still... it gave him an ieda of which direction to go.

Sanzo snarled to himself as he pushed away from the wall, tuning out all other senses that didn't involve tracking Goku's energy. Instead of following directly after the kid, he turned left down the side alley and broke into a run that made his insides want to die a thousand times over. Pushing through the pain was the only option, and all he could do was hope that it became so intensely bad that his body went numb and no longer registered it. He continued to wind and twist his way through the back alleys of the town, startling the homeless people who made their homes in the refuse behind the clean fronts of the buildings. The aura Goku was putting off began to gradually increase, which meant he was gaining time on the monkey. It gave him a hidden burst of speed he hadn't been aware resided still inside him and the ability to expand his focus outward a little way. He picked up Gojyo's energy and felt a sudden pang at how weak it was. And, in the same area... Hakkai, though incredibly unstable. Shit! That dumb ass kappa had to have done something stupid!

He continued running for all he was worth, leaping over cardboard houses and spilled trash cans while sliding around corners across sludge slickened pavement. Goku was still moving, but he was getting closer now. All he had to do was stay focused on that aura and he'd be there either before the kid or in time to stop him from jumping into a fight that would more than likely kill him. The only thing that could stop him from getting there would be a sudden dead end.

Or the thick hand that clamped on his shoulder from out of no where, causing his feet to fly out from under him at the sudden haulting of his progress. "Fuck!" he shouted as his ass connected hard with the dirty pavement. Someone was about to get their ass kicked... AND pay for his dry cleaning!

* * *

In a town full to overflowing with humans, he had to be the luckiest son of a bitch in the world to find the one he wanted to. Dokugakuji had snuck into the town only an hour or so ago and had immediately made his way to the back alleys after the first woman had run screaming at the sight of his ears and facial marking. He didn't need any more of _that_ happening for the night. If these people only knew he was one of the good guys tonight... well, they'd still probably try and run him out of town. Or worse. He couldn't help smirking as the arrogant monk continued cursing him roundly while he pulled himself up from the pavement. "Ass a little sore, monk?" he teased, snickering under his breath when he caught sight of the huge smear of garbage and dirt covering said appendage.

"You goddamn bastard," Sanzo sneered, making as if to wipe the grime from the back of his robe before pausing as he reconsidered what exactly he'd just been planted into. A flare of disgust washed across his face as his fingers curled into a tight fist instead. "You're lucky I've got better things to do than kill you right now!"

"Where you off to, Sanzo?" Doku called as the monk made to run off again. He knew what the monk was probably up to, just not where he was heading.

"To save your idiot brother's ass, not that it's really any of your business."

"What'd the brat do this time?"

Sanzo glared over his shoulder coldly in an attempt to intimidate Doku from speaking further. Doku arched a dark brow in response and crossed his arms over his chest, letting the smaller man know he wasn't impressed by the pissing match. Scowling and obviously irritated it didn't work, the blond replied, "What don't you understand about _I'm busy_ and _none of your damn business_? I always knew your brother was a fucking moron, but I didn't know you shared the same _endearing_ trait."

Dokugakuji frowned at the insult as he took a step forward, stopping as he saw the monk begin to reach for his gun. While he didn't take kindly to people calling him a moron, he wasn't there to start a fight. He just wanted to deliver the message and get the hell outta there before the humans were aware he was there. "Hey, now, this is a truce meeting," he stated, uncrossing his arms and extending them to hopefully convince the other man he wasn't about to draw down on him.

The movement only made Sanzo's eyes narrow suspiciously. Not that Doku blamed him for his mistrust. Empty arms didn't mean shit when the youkai could summon a weapon. The fact that Sanzo didn't let it sway him meant he wasn't a fool... and that he'd been tricked a few too many times before to fall for it again. It was one of those realizations that was equal parts impressive and sad. "I've got a message from Kougaiji."

"What, you'll give Hakkai an antidote in exchange for the sutra? I've got a message for you boss, and it doesn't require a single damn word." Sanzo held out his hand and extended his middle finger, smirking as he flicked Doku off.

Arching a brow and chuckling a little, Doku said, "This time it's free. So save the message for another time, preferably when you can give it to him yourself."

Slowly, the monk's shoulder relaxed slightly as he half turned to face the older youkai once again. "How important is this message?"

"Let's just say it's worth risking our necks to share."

"Can it wait for another hour or two?"

The way Sanzo asked the question made Dokugakuji's gut clench in a moment of fear. He nodded and somehow managed to find enough voice to ask, "What happened?" It was stupid to ask, seeing as he'd kind of guessed from the sarcastic man's earlier comments, but he had to hear it to make it completely real.

"Hakkai's lost it. Gojyo went after him."

That was it. Dokugakuji felt his chest tighten painfully as a familiar feeling, one he hadn't felt since he was just a little younger than Gojyo was now. He'd thought his brother's aura was weak because he was still far away from him. Now, he knew otherwise. He knew it was because Gojyo had fought Hakkai half-heartedly, unwilling to harm his friend, and Hakkai had beaten him without a second thought.

Nodding and letting out a long, controlled breath to steady himself, Dokugakuji said, "I guess it's a good thing I hauled your ass to the ground then. I'll go on ahead and see if I can stop it from going any further." He brushed by the monk as he began to pick up speed, heading in the direction he knew his brother to be in.

"Dokugakuji!"

He spun around at the shout, eyebrows raised in question. The look Sanzo gave him was a mixture of bitter thankfulness and what looked suspiciously like concern. "Yeah?"

"Goku ran on ahead."

That was all Sanzo needed to say. Doku smiled a little at the unspoken request to the monk's words. _Goku ran on ahead. Watch him until I get there_. He nodded his understanding, one that paralleled so closely to the way he still felt about his brother, and took off running again to hopefully stop the fight from happening.

* * *

Goku skidded to a stop when he heard a frantic woman's scream and the scent of blood that he'd been tracing exploded into full bloom in his nose. He'd been getting closer and closer to it as he'd run, and now it was right where he was. He shoved his way through the people that were now crowded around outside some bar, almost falling to his knees when some jerk shoved him right back. In recovering his balance, Goku managed to catch a glimpse of what had everyone whispering in shock and promptly fell over completely. He gulped hard as he remained where he fell, peering around ankles at the woman who was also on the ground before him.

Her eyes were really wide and the pupils were so small that the blue color seemed to be all there was. She had her skirt gathered around her waist, and her... er... 'girl stuff' was hanging out for everyone to see. He knew no one was staring at it though. They, just like he, were staring at the blood that covered the entire front of her body and which was still seeping from a wound in her neck. At first, he wanted to believe that maybe some bad guy had tried to cut her throat, but as she continued to draw ragged breaths that stretched the skin tight, he knew that wasn't what had happened. That was a btie mark, and it wasn't done with youkai teeth either. She'd been bitten by someone with human teeth. But... but Hakkai wouldn't... he _couldn't_...

Two more scents came to his nose as he numbly watched the towns people lift the girl and rush her to the doctor's place. The first was definitely Gojyo. He knew what perverted kappa smelled like too well. The other one though... "Death," he mumbled, pushing to his feet and edging toward the alley where the girl had come from. That decaying smell, like rotting leaves and old blood, was coming from down that way. It was the same smell that came whenever that other one was around, the one using Hakkai's body. So... technically, Hakkai _hadn't_ bitten that woman's neck. Goku glanced at the villagers now talking angrily behind him and knew they'd never believe him if he told them Hakkai hadn't really done it, that he'd never intentionally hurt someone. They'd only know that someone who looked like Hakkai, even if it wasn't the same person Goku knew, had really hurt that woman and that they wanted him to pay for it.

Making certain no one saw him, Goku disappeared down the alley at a full out run. He still wasn't entirely sure what he was gonna do when he got there, but he knew he had to hurry. Maybe he'd get lucky and Gojyo already had Hakkai taken care of. Maybe Sanzo found a short cut and was there already. He really hoped either of those were true, especially the one about Sanzo. He _always_ knew what to do in a tough spot. Whatever happened, it looked like he might not have to fight Hakkai at all.

But what if he _did_ have to face Hakkai? Then what would he do? He wasn't really sure he could, and not just because Hakkai was his friend and he didn't wanna hurt his friends. Hakkai was scary fast and scary powerful. Combine that with the evil guy that was taking over his body, and it was enough to make a cold sweat run down Goku's spine. And if Hakkai took off his limiters... A shudder ran through Goku as he remembered that one time he'd seen Hakkai in his youkai form. He'd had nightmares for a whole month after that incident, and he'd probably have them for another month for even _thinking_ about fighting that! Still... what if he had no choice but to fight Hakkai? What if he _had_ to or someone else would die? What if...

Goku skidded to a stop and all the what-if questions died completely as he came upon a scene that resembled one of his nightmares. Gojyo was on his knees, his body limp as he swayed unsteadily. The only thing letting Goku know that the taller man was even conscious was the steady stream of deep, pained groans coming from him. The reason Gojyo was even kneeling at all was due to the fact that Hakkai had a tight grip on his hair, his fingers looking ghostly pale where they showed through the blood red strands. There was the cruelest, most awful looking smile twisting his lips. It was even more worse than Hakkai's please-don't-argue-with-me smile that he got whenever Goku or Gojyo complained about doing something. While pretty scary, that smile lacked something that the current one Hakkai was wearing had; violence. The usual Angry Hakkai Smile was never violent. Sure, it usually meant that breakfast would be cold or that the laundry might be damp still in the morning, but Hakkai would never harm them physically. _This_ smile said Hakkai would rather make them hurt than get even, and that terrified Goku.

It was so terrifying in fact that all Goku could do was stare as Hakkai brought his closed fist back slowly in preparation of punching Gojyo square in the face. He blinked as that fist began to whip forward, Hakkai throwing his entire shoulder and arm into the movement. It only occurred to Goku after the blow began to fall that a punch like that would probably break the kappa's neck from the force. He blinked quickly and then it was like everything finally clicked into place in his numbed brain. "NO!" he shouted as he reacted without any thought beyond trying to help Gojyo. He thrust the end of his nyoi-bo forward and the weapon extended on command, shooting toward Hakkai almost quicker than he could follow.

Apparently, the green eyed man could follow the movement pretty easy. Goku gaped in awe as the rounded metal end seemed to drive its way directly through the middle of Hakkai's chest. When chips of rock and brick exploded everywhere instead of blood, he knew that Hakkai had dodged the attack and that the image he saw was only an after affect from the amount fo speed that the other man had used. What the... Hakkai wasn't just fast. He was _fast!_ Had he been holding out the entire time with how crazy fast he was? Un-freakin-believable! Goku jerked his nyoi-bo from the wall with a grunt and spun around as chilled laughter came from behind him.

"Just a bit too slow, little one," Hakkai called mockingly from about twenty feet away. Gojyo remained crumpled on the ground and struggling to get to his feet. What at first looked like really shiny pieces of hair clinging to the kappa's face turned out to be blood as the taller man wiped a shaky hand across his eyes. Goku took a deep breath and let it out slowly, focusing on controlling not onyl his breath but his heart rate as well. He had to stay calm here, despite his quivering muscles telling him just to attack already. Doing that wasn't gonna work here. Hakkai was super smart and wickedly good at stategizing things. He probably already had about a million plans for how the fight would go, whereas Goku didn't have a single one. For once, he was doing what Sanzo said and thinking before he acted.

"Hakkai, did you hurt Gojyo?" Goku asked, only realizing after saying it that it was a stupid question.

To his surprise, Hakkai smiled almost kindly and said, "No, Hakkai didn't. Does that make you feel better?"

"Not really. You're that other one, right? Th' one from in the room?"

"How marvelously perceptive you are," he murmured, twisting his neck from side to side to loosen the muscles.

For some reason, Goku didn't think he meant it as a compliment at all. His fingers curled tighter around his weapon as the other man took a half step to the side. "I kinda figured it wasn't the _real_ Hakkai. He wouldn't hurt his friend."

The fake Hakkai frowned, crossing his arms over his chest as he tilted his head to the side and gave Goku a curious look. "And who's to say which version of the consciousness _is_ the real Hakkai?"

Wait... what? Goku shook his head and gave voice to his confusion with a little, "Huh?"

"Think about this, if you can follow the logic. Cho Hakkai as you know him only exists because the conscious mind wanted to supress the 'old life' that he had led until that point. In order to section off the mind to allow for this change, there had to be a physical manifestation, which took the form of a changed name. Now, the question is this; does this made up persona created as a means of internal compartmentalization equate to the true self, or does that which is being supressed for the sake of easier acceptance of past trauma equal the man?"

He wasn't sure how to answer that. How could he when he didn't even know what the stupid question was? Compart-what? Manifester-huh? He shook his head again as he tried sorting out the words spoken once more. What the hell was this guy getting at? Was he saying the real Hakkai was actually the fake one? If so, then didn't that mean the fake Hakkai was actually the real one? But, if _that_ was true, then the fake Hakkai, who was actually the _real_ Hakkai, was really a fake so...

Goku came out of his confused throughts when he felt the light from the moon filtering through the alley fade out completely, blocked by something... or someone. "Shit!" he shouted as he sprung backward onto his hands and away from the fist aiming for where his head would have been. He swung his legs up in a wild kick that was instantly blocked by an arm swipe. He landed on his feet again much closer to Gojyo, who still was laying flat and spitting blood to the pavement. "Gojyo, get your lazy watersprite ass up an' help me out!"

"He's currently fighting off a mild concusion," Hakkai called from where he stood waiting. "He's going to be out of it for a while. It's just us for now, little one."

"Whaddya mean he has a concussion? What th' hell'd you do to him?" he shouted as his heart rate kicked up fiercely. This was soooo not good! Where was Sanzo? He should have just trusted his instincts from before and attacked. What the hell was he thinking, trying to out smart Hakkai? So _stupid!_

"Are you worried about him? How sweet. As far as what _I_ did to him... not as much as I would have liked, no thanks to your interuption. The injuries he has now are merely flesh wounds when compared to what I'm going to do to you."

Goku felt a burn behind his eyes that was all too familiar and it pissed him off. He was _not_ gonna cry like some baby! Just because Hakkai wasn't himself and Sanzo wasn't there and Gojyo was really badly hurt... no, he wasn't gonna cry, damn it! "Hakkai!" he screamed, his entire body shivering was the adrenaline and nerves warred inside him. "Hakkai, ya gotta come back! Hakkai! HAKKAI!"

Hakkai rolled his eyes and shook his head irritably. "You really are quite thick, you know. Hakkai isn't available, and he won't be for some time now. Perhaps even permanently. The only person you should be worried about at this point though is yourself. The only reason Gojyo is even still alive is because I owe him the favor he once bestowed upon me. He kept this body alive, but that doesn't mean I won't make him bleed for my pleasure. But you... can you honestly say that you've ever done anything for me or for that other consciousness that earns you the same privilege? Have you done anything but complain, act like a glutton and expect to be treated as an infant?"

"That's not true an' you know it!"

"_You're_ telling me what is and isn't true? You, the one who believes in a man that never existed to begin with?"

"Stop it! Hakkai IS real! You're just keepin' him from comin' back! Hakkai! HAKKAI! C'mon, snap outta it!"

A cruel sneer formed where there should have been a gentle smile. Green eyes that were usually bright and cheerful gleamed coldly in the dim lighting of the alley way. Slowly, he began moving toward Goku, a very small ball of light beginning to form in his open palms. Hakkai wouldn't... No, this wasn't Hakkai. He had to stop thinking about it like he was fighting Hakkai. It was hard to do though, especially when they shared the same body. Goku felt heat running down his cheeks and knew he was crying out his frustrations. He was angry and hurt and so confused... what was he supposed to do? "Hakkai...," he croaked out, still believing in the thread of hope that perhaps Hakkai would hear him and snap out of it. He blinked when he heard a sharp hiss, which was closely followed by an angry snarl of sound.

Blinking, his lips parting in surprise, he saw Hakkai hunching over slightly with his fingers tangled hard into his own hair. Another sharp burst of sound came from the taller man as his upper body jerked in a hard, spastic movement. "N...No!" he growled as he fell to his knees like he'd been forced there. "Not... yet! I'm not... finished... with this body... yet!" A scream of pure hatred echoed down the alley way, the heat behind it so staggering that it made Goku wince.

"Ha... Hakkai?" Goku asked nervously, licking his suddenly dry lips as he continued to watch his friend contort and struggle with himself. His nose twitched as it caught the weakening of that dead smell. The familiar scent, the one that reminded him of baking cookies in the winter, began to return as another scream came from the writhing man. This time, the scream sounded very desperate, as if Hakkai were making a last ditched attempt at winning a fight. It was even more chilling to hear than the hateful one only moments before. He took a step closer and nearly jumped out of his skin when a large, warm hand clamped down on his shoulder.

"Hold it, kid. You don't wanna go over there quite yet," a familiarly deep voice said. Goku could only gape dumbly up at the stern lines that formed Dokugakuji's face. How in the hell did _he_ get there? "Wait a second and see who gets control once again."

"Huh?"

Dokugakuji flashed a smile that didn't quite reach his dark eyes. He was trying to be comforting, but it was obvious even the muscled swordsman was a little scared. "Sanzo said to keep your ass outta trouble until he got here."

Sanzo... "Ya've seen Sanzo?" Goku exclaimed as relief flooded through him. Sanzo was okay. More importantly, Sanzo was on his way. Maybe everything would be okay after all!

"Seen him? I hauled his scrawny ass right into the dirt," the bigger man chuckled. His amusement disappeared in a flash of worry as his gaze wandered down the alley way. "Shit... Gojyo!" Goku found himself shoved a little toward the wall of building as Dokugakuji ran for his half brother. He was torn between watching as Dokugakuji lifted a groaning kappa up carefully and supporting his nearly dead weight in walking or trying to see what was happening to Hakkai.

All three of them froze when Hakkai let out a rattling gasp and dropped completely to his hands and knees, his head bowed and his body heaving with each panting breath. Gojyo was still squinting hard and blinking as if he was having trouble seeing, but the way Dokugakuji watched Hakkai it was obvious the swordsman was expecting an attack. Goku swallowed hard and took a half step toward Hakkai. He wasn't sensing anything at all now. No scent or energy or anything to give him a clue as to the outcome of the battle. He barely heard the whispered words that came from the hunched over man, but when he did his heart skipped a few beats before pounding on hard and happy. "It's done."

"Hakkai!" he shouted jubilantly as he raced full tilt toward the other man. He didn't hear Dokugakuji shout a warning in time. He didn't see the panicked violet eyes on his back as Sanzo came sliding around the corner into view. All he saw at the very last minute were green eyes narrowing wickedly and that disturbingly evil smile before Goku got a fist full of gut that sent him air born.

* * *

That damned stupid ape... He didn't care if Hakkai was possessed, he was going to beat the shit out of him. _No one_ beat on his monkey except for him! Sanzo snarled and whipped out his gun just as Dokugakuji dropped Gojyo and dove in with a fierce growling sound. Hakkai sprang to his feet with a speed that was nearly impossible to follow and easily dodged the flurry of punching attacks sent his way. In the process, the green-eyed bastard also maneuvered himself so that Dokugakuji was between himself and Sanzo's gun. Damn it! Dokugakuji continued to press the offensive attack, summoning his sword and taking wide, sweeping strokes that were meant to push Hakkai back and give them more room for moving around in.

Sanzo went over to where Goku was Helping Gojyo back to his feet again, keeping his eyes on the battle the entire time. "What the hell happened to you?" he asked.

"Aww... concerned about me? I'm touched," Gojyo shot back, the sarcasm heavy despite the fact that his words were strained. "Just took a couple blows to the head is all. Is the girl okay?"

"Girl? What girl?" He didn't know shit about any woman, and he didn't think he really wanted to if she was associated with Gojyo.

Gojyo cringed and glanced away quickly. It wasn't quick enough to hide the flare of worry that crossed over his features however. The redhead ruffled Goku's hair in a much gentler fashion than usual and said, "I think I've got it now, man. Thanks."

"Yeah, okay," Goku replied with a smile heavy with relief. The change of subject didn't fool Sanzo though. Something had happened involving one of the local women, and that something had to do with Hakkai. His eyes narrowed as he focused solely on the fight that had continued during their brief conversation. Dokugakuji was moving with a faint limp now and a deep gash above his left eye continued to drip crimson down his cheek. Hakkai was glaring coldly at him as he fingered his split lip. He drew his fingers away to examine the vermillion coating them and a flare of something totally unfamiliar came to his eyes. It was more than just battle lust there. It was a full out blood lust that was settling on the ex-human, one that looked entirely too rapturous for his taste. Sanzo shifted uncomfortably at that look, and his discomfort only increased when Hakkai slowly licked his own blood from his fingers. A slow, pleased smile came to his lips shortly before he gave a flick of his wrist and sent a chi blast directly for the swordsman.

Dokugakuji dove to the side, narrowly missing the lethal burst of energy. It struck the building instead and sent up a wild burst of brick and mortar chunks that knocked out the windows of the buildings to either side. People were screaming from inside the building and there was a scurry of footsteps as the inhabitants fled the scene. The swordsman was on his feet again in an instant and running for the man who had caused the damage. The first few attacks were deftly avoided by each, but Dokugakuji was fighting against a man with a long history of violence. Even Sanzo cringed when Hakkai made a sweeping pivot away from Dokugakuji's sword, twisting about at the last moment in order to land a double fisted blow between the off-balanced man's shoulder blades. Dokugakuji went down but was instantly on his feet again and rushing for Hakkai. Hakkai remained facing the swordsman, completely unaware of the redheaded figure that burst forward. He was sent flying as Gojyo suddenly joined back in the fight to land a hard kick to the other man's hips.

The two brothers continued to work together to keep Hakkai in one place, the other moving in when the one was sent sprawling. Dokugakuji got in a few quick cuts of his sword and Gojyo managed to land a series of punches that sent Hakkai to one knee. At one point, when both brothers were slammed into dumpsters, Goku joined in with a wild shout before Sanzo could even give him a yes-or-no. He slammed his nyoi-bo into the pavement so hard that chunks of concrete went skyrocketing upward. Sanzo remained standing back, knowing that there wasn't much he could really do against a berserking Hakkai. Goku without his limiter was stronger and faster by far, but he was also more basic with his reasoning and tactics. Hakkai was not, and unless he intended to kill the guy it was stupid to enter a battle with him. It was best for everyone involved if he stayed out of it for the time being.

Goku was shoved backward with an open handed move, his feet skidding across the grime slicked street. He was back where he'd started in front of Sanzo and breathing hard. "He's good, Sanzo," the kid remarked in awe. "_Really_ good!"

"No shit, dumb ass. It's Hakkai you're talking about. Of course he'd be good," Sanzo remarked dryly. "Just keep wearing him down. Even he has his limits."

A chi blast exploded just then, sending both Gojyo and Dokugakuji flying. Dokugakuji let out a startled yelp as he slammed hard into the pavement near where Sanzo was, the sharper stones tearing his cheek open hard. He struggled to get to one knee, swaying slightly even from that position. Gojyo meanwhile screamed as he connected with a sickening sound with the beam of a rotted out building. He slid down it and collapsed briefly on his face. Sanzo felt his gut tighten as Hakkai calmly stalked over to him, blood coating his hands. Whose blood it was remained a mystery though.

Groaning, Gojyo managed to push himself up onto his hands in knees in time to receive a sharp kick to his ribs that sent him spiraling in the air. He landed and continued to roll limply down the alley a short way before coming to a dead stop, either too beaten to get up or completely knocked out. Hakkai laughed to himself, the sound not at all the typical joyful one that a person would expect. Another sound mingled with the harsh quality of Hakkai's laughter, one that filled Sanzo with a coldness that not even death itself could match; the deep, rolling bass notes of thunder in the sky. The change in the wind had brought the approaching storm in much more quickly.

The first fat raindrop to fall splattered in a murky puddle of filth and garbage. Slowly, other drops began to fall until there was no hope of avoiding the moisture. Sanzo tipped his head back as the cold water continued to flood downward, bringing with it the too-familiar memories and feelings that refused to be repressed. He could dimly make out Goku complaining about the rain and heard Dokugakuji reply with something. But it wasn't their words that caused him to return his attention from the sky to their current situation. It was the feeling of maliciously cruel green eyes watching him, almost seeming to smirk knowingly as they surveyed him. Sanzo's fingers curled more tightly around his gun.

"Isn't this nicely ironic?" Hakkai called over the pounding rain, extending his black clad arms to the side to indicate the down pour surrounding him. "A fight during a thunderstorm is so wonderfully dramatic isn't it?"

"I'd say... it's a pain in the fucking ass," Sanzo snapped, clicking the hammer back on his gun sharply. "Gojyo said something about a woman. Care to elaborate?"

"Do you truly want all the sordid details? I'd hate to risk offending such an _honorable_ monk as yourself," he sneered back.

"Just answer this, asshole; If Gojyo hadn't interupted you, would that woman be dead?" This was the question that would determine how he'd handle the creature before him in a battle. He'd stopped thinking about it in the terms of 'Hakkai' and 'possessed Hakkai' almost as soon as the chase had started, just in case it would come down to him having to a stand-off. If the intent had always been to kill the woman, he knew that Hakkai was gone completely. Hakkai would have struggled a bit harder to keep that from happening. The chances for pulling him back were slim to none, but...

"S-Sanzo," Goku breathed out nervously by his side. Sanzo's eyes narrowed, his jaw muscles tightening hard. He didn't need to say a word for Goku to understand that he had to stay out of this.

"Well?" he pressed when all he got in response to his initial question was a curious head tilt and amused smirk.

"In all honesty... yes, she would have been. And there would have been more after her as well. Does that bother you?"

"Not at all, you bastard," Sanzo muttered before taking aim and squeezing on the trigger. He'd purposely aimed for the stomach, right where he knew the scar to be. It wouldn't be lethal, but it just might knock Hakkai back into control to stir up familiar memories on a rainy night. He felt the grind of the bullet slipping into the chamber, smelled the acrid scent of gunpowder bursting. His arm absorbed the kick back as the bullet was released toward its intended target. The look on the other's face said that he hadn't been prepared for Sanzo to actually shoot.

_**BANG!**_

"SANZO, NO!"

Blood arched into the air, traced by wide eyes all around. Sanzo could only gape in horror as that gleaming crimson splash mingled with strands of hair almost the exact same color. Two bodies fell to the ground, one giving rasping, desperate breaths while the other remained motionless. Blood seeped from the bullet hole in Gojyo's back, mingling with the murky puddles under his body. All he could do was stare, his own breathing seemingly halted in his chest as the gun slipped numbly from his fingers to clatter noisily on the pavement. Gojyo... that stupid, fucking kappa... Dokugakuji was running toward the fallen man, Goku was screaming his name and crying hysterically and Hakkai...

Hakkai was simply frozen, staring at the limp form pinning his legs downward in a confusing myriad of emotions. Horror, misery, shock and grief were all there, but it was the rage that became dominant across his features. "Gojyo...," he whispered brokenly, blinking eyes that were now very much his own as Dokugakuji gathered his brother's body to his chest. Hakkai let out a choked gasp, his chest rising and falling just as rapidly as Sanzo's was. "Gojyo..." Sanzo swallowed hard, still mentally cursing the kappa for his stupidity. He hadn't been shooting to kill. Why the hell would the idiot do something as stupid as jump in front of him while he was shooting?

Slowly, Hakkai reached out a shaking hand and traced blood covered fingers over Gojyo's unresponsive lips. "No..." He continued repeating that one word, his voice rising in volume and anger until it exploded in a shout of, "NO!" that rivaled the growling thunder overhead.

Adrenaline immediately surged through Sanzo as he watched Hakkai rise slowly. Though those green eyes were closed, he knew that the only thing he'd see in them was a need for blood, a need to kill. He glanced downward and found that his gun had skittered across the wet stones only two feet away. It was close, but he'd never make it in time, not with the ungodly speed Hakkai possessed. He returned his attention to Hakkai just as the other man reached up and slowly removed his limiters, dropping them one at a time on the pavement. The clicking sound they made was almost sweet in tone, like that of tiny bells on a clear spring day. It was entirely inappropriate for the flood of icy rain falling from the thick, black clouds and the ominous aura that spilled up and down the alley in a ghastly wave.

Eyes opened, showing one still human and very green while the other was slitted and a mixture of green and gold that resembled a cat's eye. A deep growling sound climbed its way from the tightly corded neck, breaking free of a mouth that now sported deadly fangs. Hair lengthened and began to move in a current of energy that eminated from the body itself. Ears lengthened and tapered to elegant points as vines blossomed across the exposed skin of the demon that put off a steady, burning wash of energy.

There were no words, nor any warning beyond the gutteral roar of a hatred so deep that the very thought of it was painful. Sanzo dove to the side for his gun just as claws raked across his calf hard, slicing easily through not only material but skin. He hissed as pain swept over him when those clawed hands dragged him backward. He continued to struggle, gritting his teeth to keep from paying attention too much to the tearing of those claws through his skin. He was losing ground as well as blood, the gun getting farther and farther away. Even now, in his released state and without a single sane thought to be noticed, Sanzo didn't want to kill Hakkai. There was still a chance to save him, but not at the cost of the monk's life. He continued to struggle, kicking, hitting and biting wherever he could to keep those claws away from anything vital.

Hakkai was soon straddling him, his claws curling up through the fabric of his robe to dimple into the skin under his jaw. "You killed him," Hakkai snarled, mere inches from his face. Sanzo grunted as a hard fist connected with his face at close range. Blood and part of a broken tooth flew from his mouth, followed soon by more blood as that same fist slammed into his lungs. There was a sickening popping sensation in his chest, which usually meant he'd broken a rib or two. The pain that came from his next breath confirmed that. Shit... he was out of options here. Unless he did something and fast, he was going to end up dead. He continued to take the flurry of lightning fast blows as best he could as he began mouthing the chant necessary under his breath. Hopefully, by omitting a few words and substituting others, he could redirect the Maten Sutra's powers into a containing ability instead of a purifying one. Just a little longer, if he could maintain consciousness, and then...

The weight of Hakkai suddenly being jerked off of him was so surprising that Sanzo simply collapsed to the cold, dirty stones with a hard yelp of pain. He was being dragged backward from the scene by strong arms, and it took him several confused seconds to see Hakkai pushing himself up away from the wall he'd been slammed into. Dust and stone particles fell around him and there was a large crater from where he'd impacted. Sanzo felt bile rising in his throat as the alley continued to spin in disgusting gyrations and fought the urge to close his eyes. To close his eyes now meant losing consciousness, and he couldn't do that quite yet.

Between the enraged Hakkai and himself was one lone person. "Go.. ku...," he rasped, hissing as the arm around his waist refused to let him go to the boy. Dokugakuji was saying something to him, but he couldn't understand what it was. All he knew was that his charge was being stupid and facing off against what was perhaps the most dangerous man alive besides Gyumaoh himself. "Goku!"

"It's okay, Sanzo. I got this," Goku said in a low tone of voice that Sanzo knew too well. The kid was being fucking obstinant again. It was written all over his voice, the way her stood and how he held his weapon. Goku wasn't backing down and he wasn't going to allow Sanzo to watch his back. In a louder voice, Goku called out fiercely, "Ya wanna hurt Sanzo, ya've gotta go through me first!"

The look Hakkai gave him was as if Goku had just told him his wildest fantasy was about to come true. "Truly, I have to?" he questioned back, his voice a soft whisper of sound that still managed to be heard over the driving rain and the growling undertones masking anything that might have suggested it belonged to a human. "You spoil me, little one."

With that ominous phrase, Goku let out a scream that was near deafening and ran to meet Hakkai's attack head on. Sanzo continued to struggle against the much stronger demon trying to hold him back as terror snapped through his system at seeing his charge run to meet the very embodiment of death itself.

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Merry Christmas, everyone! Now that school is done for the time being, and the holidays are FINALLY over with, I've had the chance to write. HUZZAH! Thank you for you continued patience as I try to get this story written. There are perhaps only three more chapters to go and Dysphoria is done! 


	15. Chapter 15

The rain was falling so hard it stung as it hit his skin. It slashed at his eyes, making it difficult to see his target. Not that he really needed to see the young one at all, not with the way his heart was pounding so deliciously loud. It nearly rivaled the thunder in its intensity, pulsing blood through a body constructed for battle. Thin and muscular, with incredibly fast reflexes. Combined with the drive to live… Gonou knew this was going to be a fight to relish. And he intended to do just that. It was unfortunate such a marvelously vivacious package lacked the cunning to make this fight truly glorious. No matter, he would enjoy the physicality of it for now. Working his prey into a frenzied state would only make the reward of destroying them all the more sweeter.

His prey swung the heavy staff in his direction, causing it to whistle shrilly through the air as it sliced through the downpour. His eyes followed the gap in the raindrops, his feet sliding across the wet pavement as he pivoted easily to avoid the obvious maneuver. He did a quick turn-about to dodge the next attack with a quick spinning maneuver and brought his foot around just in time to arch a brutal kick down toward the other's head. The little one skidded across the rain splattered ground swiftly, barely managing to avoid the attack he hadn't anticipated. Foolish, really, to not consider every aspect of the battle before moving. It didn't matter how intensely one fought if one made ridiculous mistakes like that.

He took full advantage of the opening this mistake created and landed two quick blows with his fists to the other's gut. Hard muscles contracted in response, and it took everything he had not to simply open his palms and impale the younger youkai onto his claws. As titillating as it would have been to paint his hands in entrails, it would have meant ending the battle sooner than he desired. The little one grunted, pressing a hand reflexively to his side as he jumped away to avoid the third blow flying toward him. Golden eyes glared through the cold rain at where Gonou stood perfectly still, waiting calmly for him. His breath was steaming in the chilled air and his skin was starting to go pale from the frigid water soaking into his clothing. As if in defiance of the weather and the pain in his gut, he tightened his one-handed grip on his staff and forced himself to stand up straighter.

Gonou cocked his head at an angle, a smile curving his lips upward. How amusing. Did he still think himself capable of winning this? The younger one scowled and dropped into a defensive posture, which caused a chuckle to slip passed his lips. It didn't matter to Gonou how this was to play out. Offensive or defensive, he was a lot faster than his prey could ever hope to be, at least in his current form. Now, if the little one would remove that limiter of his… A shiver tingled down his spine and his mouth practically began to salivate at the thought of facing that creature. Now that would be a fight worth having! Such raw and wild power... such incredible speed… and all of it tinged with nothing but the pure need for destruction. Just the thought of pinning that untamed creature to the ground and ripping his throat out was enough to make him groan softly.

He spared a glance to check the positions of the others in the alley way. He wasn't nearly as careless as the young one when it came to awareness of his surroundings. The human was slouched against a nearby building with a pained grimace etched across his face. The blood that had splattered onto his robe was already beginning to wash out because of the cold rain and his hair was plastered to his face and neck, looking more brown than gold in the dim light and wet weather. His eyes were opened slightly, just enough to flash a slim glitter of violet that seemed to catch some hidden light source and reflect it back in the darkness. There was a hardness to his jaw that said he still had quite a bit of fight left in him despite the recent thrashing he'd just received. Already, deeply colored bruises were beginning to blossom across his cheek and over one fiercely glaring eye. Gonou flashed him a smirk, one promising that he would finish the job very shortly.

The intruder, that demon with dark hair and nothing but brute strength at his disposal, wasn't paying any attention to anyone or anything. He was crouched over the third one, shouting all of the clichéd lines about staying alive and not leaving. How pathetic! Of course Gojyo was going to die. He couldn't detect a heart beat, and already the thick blood was starting to congeal and slow from the bullet wound in his back. Gonou's eyes narrowed angrily at the remember incident, seen through his other self's eyes. Even now, that annoying voice was begging him not to kill them all. As if he had any intention of listening! Wasn't that the reason his other self had given him this freedom, to kill these insects and relish their screams? Wasn't it his fury at seeing Gojyo killed that was now fueling Gonou's actions? How hypocritical then to beg now for their lives. All of these people were dead the minute those retched limiters were removed, and his other self knew that.

"Ya gonna stand there all night or what? C'mon, you were all about tryin' ta kill us earlier! What's th' hold up?"

The fiercely shouted words made Gonou turn back around slowly to peer at the little one through the tangled hair falling across half of his face. He was still waiting in a defensive crouch, his staff held in front of him as if it alone could ward off an attack. And the expression on his face… It really was too amusing. His jaw was tight and eyebrows furrowed, making him look as fierce as an angry puppy. "The way you affect false bravado is so adorable," Gonou called back, a thread of cold laughter mingling with his words.

The boy shivered, his foot scraping across chipped stones as repositioned himself slightly. It was obviously very difficult for him to maintain his footing on the wet pavement. Soon enough, he wouldn't need to worry about that. Gonou had every intention of getting the little one flat on his back and bleeding very soon. As if he hadn't heard Gonou's comment, the boy sneered, "Are ya seriously gonna give up now? I was just getting' warmed up!"

"If you honestly thought I was giving up, why are you still poised for an attack?" He smiled and maintained eye contact as he carefully curled one hand behind his back. The burning, pulsing rush of chi mingled with his own energy. It began to flow down his arm, rushing almost like water breaking from the dam and looking for the nearest route to freedom. His other self was screaming now, slamming against the mental barrier he'd erected to keep him imprisoned. "NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!"

Oh, really? Gonou was about to prove that he very well could burn a hole right through the young one's middle. It would be a beautiful sight to behold as that lithe body went arching backward, blood exploding from his stomach in a mess of intestine and unrecognizable organs. The rain began to sizzle and hiss as it hit the growing ball of chi in his palm and drops falling around him reflected the blood red glow that began to radiate from his body. A bloody shower… what a lovely thought. The orb continued to expand in his palm, filling it with a burning heat that all but scorched his own skin. Gonou smiled as he began to flick his wrist forward and deliver death to his oblivious prey.

"GOKU!"

The chi blast exploded into another building and Gonou was forced to move back several feet to avoid the falling chunks of concrete. He caught sight of his prey standing on top of the rubble, grinning triumphantly. The little brat… he honestly thought this was over? Not by any stretch of the imagination! He snarled angrily as he whipped around to face the human, the one who had shouted the warning that prevented him from making a kill. Those violet eyes were as cold and arrogant as ever, not a single trace of fear lingering in his face or in his scent. That was going to change right then and there.

He stalked toward the human, nothing but fury and a lust to make the frailer being hurt for interrupting coursing through him. It gave him small delight to watch as the human scrambled to get to his feet, one hand clutched to his chest as if to ease an internal ache while the other rose to level that accursed gun in his direction. Gonou moved faster than the human could react, swinging a clawed hand at that extended wrist. The gun shot echoing in the alley was almost drowned out by the little one's horrified shout. The human hissed, his arm dropping uselessly to his side and dripping blood from where Gonou's claws had torn through his flesh.

Gonou immediately moved in, one hand curling around the other's throat and lifting him from his feet before slamming him into the bricks at his back. The human gave a strangled gasp, his one good hand clawing and scraping against the drenched fabric of his shirt in a desperate bid to break free. Those arrogant violet eyes were all but smoldering with their ire, even as they rolled briefly back in his head. Gonou laughed and stepped closer to his victim, using his lower body to pin those wildly kicking legs in place and twisting the hand locked on his wrist until something gave a wet, popping sound. The human clenched his teeth down hard, but it wasn't enough to keep the pained scream from breaking.

He wanted to enjoy this more. He wanted to watch this one squirm and twist like slug doused in salt all the way to his death. He wanted to here those choked curses turn into labored bids for air before fading into a permanent silence. There was so much he wanted to do to this one… but he didn't have the time to. Gonou flung the human across the alley to collide with yet another wall, catching the sight of soaked ivory silk pooling to the ground and remaining still out of the corner of his eye before he was forced to spin away to avoid having his skull crushed in by the staff coming down on him.

The little one snarled, his eyes wild and bordering close to loathing. It was a glimpse at the creature inside him, the one that would truly offer Gonou a challenge. Such searing intensity in those golden eyes… It was such raw anger, almost nearing animalistic in nature, that made him crave for blood even more. The boy's blood would be spiked with that heat, a wonderful spice to liven up the experience. Gonou avoided the blows coming his way, each one becoming quicker and harder to avoid than the last. Adrenaline was beating through him, the thrill of being in that kill-or-be-killed scenario like a rush of euphoria to his system. This was ecstasy to him, an orgasm of the senses that would only make his victory that much better.

He allowed the next blow to connect with his arm, the endorphins flushing through him doing wonders to dull the pain of that deadly staff slam into him. He smiled at the surprise on that youthful face before letting his fist fly forward. The little one's teeth cut into his knuckles from the impact deep enough that his own blood began to flow. He jumped back as his prey collapsed to his knees, the staff falling from his hands as swayed sharply. Blood dripped from the boy's mouth, splattering on the pavement briefly before the rain carried it away. Gonou looked at his own knuckles and felt his heart skip an excited beat when he saw them covered in blood, not all of it his. Slowly, he brought his knuckles to his mouth and dragged his tongue across them, cleaning the blood off his hands in just two quick laps.

He groaned and swayed back a step himself. Good… it was so good! He could taste the beast underneath, barely overshadowed by the little one's current state. It tasted like earth, thick, raw and ancient beyond account. There was a burning after taste that he felt all the way down his throat, the anger of a predator. No… not anger. It was too primitive for that word to aptly describe it. What he tasted was the malice of a caged monster, one that felt nothing other than a desire to kill. It was exquisite to the point of being instantly addictive. He had to have more of it. He would have more of it!

His eyes slid over to the source of his desire, to the creature still struggling to remain kneeling while letting such perfect blood be wasted on the dirty alley. Gonou was moving almost without thought, rushing over just as the little one was getting ready to attempt standing. He landed a kick to the boy's ribs, causing him to fall backward with an agonized howl. Gonou followed his prey, delivering another kick to the boy's stomach as he tried to push onto his hands and knees. The sound this time was one of pained frustration, born from the realization that Gonou was not about to let him regain his feet. Another attempt to rise and yet another kick to his torso, this time rolling him across the pavement. The sharpened stones cut across the little one's cheek and ripped his clothing.

The boy's hand twitched, his palm turning downward in yet another futile effort to regain his feet. Gonou leaned over the nearly prone form, smirking as he met dull golden eyes. Slowly, as if to drive home the point that it was useless to continue struggling, he settled one boot across those lean fingers and began to apply pressure. He laughed as the boy arched sharply off the pavement, his teeth snapping together so hard that he could hear it over the driving rain. A little more pressure earned him a growled scream and the thin lines of tears from tightly scrunched eyes. He ground his foot down on the trembling hand trapped between his boot and the pavement, scraping his palm raw on the stones and bits of glass underneath. Just a bit more pressure, and those fingers would be broken.

"Are you giving up so easily?" he taunted cruelly, backhanding the boy's other arm away as casually as he would swat at an irritating fly. "You, the Seiten Taisei? The Great Sage Equaling Heaven? I'm rather disappointed." He applied that last bit of pressure and was rewarded with the crunching of bones, felt through the soles of his boots with delectable clarity, and another agonized scream.

When he withdrew his foot, his prey immediately curled into the fetal position, cradling the injury to his chest and letting out a little sob. Gonou kicked the boy back over onto his back and dropped down so that he was straddling that thin, heaving stomach. One of his knees was pinning down the boy's broken hand, causing his trapped torso to buck as those sobs returned to gritted out screams again. He caught the swinging free arm easily, chuckling as he slammed it down hard into the pavement. With his other hand, he cupped the little one's face almost gently, rubbing his claw-tipped thumb over mucus and blood covered lips roughly. "How about it, Seitein Taisei? Is this all you have to offer me? You hardly deserve your blood thirsty reputation if it is."

"T-T-Th'… name's Son Goku… ass face," the boy choked out, his voice thick due to a combination of his swollen lip and the blood still trickling from his mouth. He yelped sharply as Gonou pressed his thumb in hard against his lower lip, encouraging the blood the flow once again from the scabbed gash splitting it down the middle.

"We keep returning to the semantic of names tonight," Hakkai replied thoughtfully, as if they were having a lovely conversation over tea instead of in a dank alley during a thunder storm. "Let me pose this query to you; are you, Son Goku, the true personification of self… or is it the Seiten Taisei?" He withdrew his hand and let the boy's head fall back to the pavement as he automatically brought his thumb to his mouth to suck the blood free from it.

"I don't know…what you're sayin' but… I'm me an'… I'm gonna kick… your… ass!" He screamed as Gonou backhanded him hard across the cheek, spilling more blood in a thin crimson line onto the ground.

"You can't win like this. You're too weak. Take the diadem off and fight in your true state."

"N-No! NO!" Another blow and this time the blood trickled from the boy's nose. Gonou felt the boy choke and struggle for an even breath through where he sat across his stomach. The coughing fit caused still more blood to splatter from his mouth, a sure sign of internal injury. The very thought of that sweet, sweet blood possibly pooling in his lungs to drown him to death made his own breath catch in anticipation.

Gonou curled his fingers around the youth's throat and leaned forward until their mouths almost met. The scent of blood was so overwhelming that it made his stomach flutter in response. "I'm going to kill you if you don't," he breathed out, allowing the tip of his tongue to dip along the boy's bleeding lower lip. Just a quick taste, a teasing appetizer for the main course. It sent a zing as sharp as an electric jolt down his spine, almost made him want to suck the wound into his mouth and work it until the blood stopped flowing.

Harsh laughter broke from the boy beneath him, causing Gonou to pull back until he could see those molten eyes once again. The laughter turned to pained coughs, but there was no answering emotion in those eyes. Instead what he saw was a burning defiance, a refusal to accept what was happening to him. "T-Th' hell… I'm gonna let… you kill me!" he challenged before twisting his hip sharply upward and directly toward Gonou's groin.

Gonou rolled away before the injury could take place, swinging himself off of the boy and onto his feet again in one fluid move. The little one rolled to one side, facing Gonou and glaring rebelliously up at him as he spit blood to the dirt beneath his face. Gonou growled and took a running half-step into the kick that would strip the stubbornness right out of his prey.

BANG!

He froze instantly as the echo of the gunshot still rang in his ears. That one sound seemed to take all the air from his body, drawing attention to the fire that seemed to erupt from his stomach at almost the same moment. Right where the… Hakkai didn't scream. His eyes went wide as an old injury was made fresh and excruciating once again. Blood exploded from his stomach, mingling with the rain to splatter onto the ground in thick, heavy plops. A red blossom began to spread across his stomach, soaking into the area surrounding the hole caused by the bullet hitting him directly in his old scar. He could see the edges of ivory silk, once pristine and now covered in grayish filth, in front of him and smell the all-too-familiar scent of Sanzo's gunpowder still lingering in the air.

Hakkai fell to his knees, gasping in pain as his palms slapped to the pavement to keep himself from falling completely while old and new nightmares began to collide in his mind. Kannan… Gojyo… God, Gojyo… He lifted his head, looking for the familiar face of his friend. He was gasping more than actually drawing breath and the pain… God, the pain! It hurt just like before, a searing fire roaring through his gut. Where was Gojyo? Where was Gojyo? Hakkai whipped his head around, searching desperately for the redhead. He surely couldn't have… no, Gojyo wasn't dead. He couldn't be, not Gojyo! That had to have been a delusion, a hallucination brought on by his youkai form. Gojyo just couldn't be…

Hakkai felt a coldness that had nothing to do with the rain flood through him when he finally spotted the flow of crimson hair spread across the filth of the alley way. He could vaguely make out Dokugakuji's desperate pleas for Gojyo to stay with him, his mind registering in some rational portion that could detach itself from what he was seeing that the older youkai was administering CPR. If he was taking those steps, then that meant Gojyo wasn't breathing. If he wasn't breathing…

"No… Gojyo…" His voice was barely more than a whisper of breath

It couldn't be real. This was another fantasy. Everything looked like it was moving in slow motion, from the way Dokugakuji continued to force air into Gojyo's unresponsive body to the way Goku crawled across the alley to get to his side. Even Sanzo stumbling toward the scene, pressing the sleeve to his robe over the ferociously deep gashes in his arm to stop the bleeding, didn't seem real.

Hakkai hissed sharply, curling forward on his knees with his arms hugging his waist as the reopened wound sent out a debilitating stab of pain. What had happened came back in full force, everything from him (Yes, him. He couldn't blame this on his inner demon, not fully.) attacking that woman in the alley to him beating Gojyo nearly unconscious… to Gojyo taking the bullet meant for him. Gojyo was lying there, bleeding to death in the trash and debris, because of him. Him… and his demon.

It was just like before. It was his foolish refusal to adhere to social conformities that had led to Kannan's death, and it was now his weak will that killed Gojyo. This was all because of him… Everything he touched, everything and everyone he cared about, always met with misfortune. The happier he was, the more misery he would bring down on those around him. Dokugakuji's shouts were becoming more frantic, almost hysterical. Sanzo was trying to keep Goku back and away from the older demon, offering that rare moment of physical comfort as the boy buried his tear stained face into the monk's robes.

Hakkai felt warmth down his own cheeks, watched as the tears mingle with his blood in the dirt by his knees. Gojyo was dead. He'd killed Gojyo. Those two phrases continued to circle in his head as he stumbled to his feet… and ran. Despite the anguish raging in his stomach and despite the exhaustion weighing him down, he ran down the alley and away from his latest disaster. The rain continued to beat down mercilessly as he shoved his way through the gawking bystanders, a few drawing away at the sight of him with startled screams. He blinked, eyes flickering numbly over the terror stricken faces. Mouths were moving in hushed, fearful whispers, the voices drowned out by the thunder. He didn't need to hear them to know what they were saying.

"Youkai."

"Demon."

"Monster."

Yes… he was a monster. He was the worst sort of monster that could have ever been imagined. Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard his demon's laughter, causing him to flinch and lurch forward a few haggard steps. Someone was calling his name. It sounded like Goku. No… he couldn't go back. The others would only meet with suffering and death if he stayed. Besides, with Gojyo dead…

Hakkai ran toward the crowd of people, which broke hastily out of his way as he stumbled on. He ignored Goku shouting his name, focused only getting out of that town and as far away from the others as he could possibly get. And when he did reach that place…

He would finish what should have been done four years ago, on a night disturbingly similar to this.

* * *

Gyoukumen Koushu examined her freshly painted nails closely, her eyes searching for even the slightest imperfection in the glossy finish. Kougaiji stood before her, having requested an audience to discuss a "matter of extreme urgency". It turned out that his "matter" was simply him accusing her of ordering an assassination on the Sanzo party without his authorization. As if she needed his approval to act on her beloved Gyumaoh's behalf! After he had made his announcement she had remained silent, reminding him without words that she was humoring him and would therefore answer when she felt like it. Her continued silence was obviously getting to him, if the tightened jaw line and clenched fists were any indication. It made her lips curve upward in delight to see the arrogant prince so easily rattled,

"So you're saying that Cho Hakkai has been poisoned?" she questioned, making certain her tone indicated the topic was of very little interest to her. In reality, she wasn't at all happy with the news. No reports had been filed from that particular incident, leading her to believe that the entire squadron had been wiped out. That wasn't an unusual occurrence since it involved Genjyo Sanzo and his little band of miscreants. But to hear that at least one of the group's members had been effectively poisoned, and to hear this information from Kougaiji… She would make certain blood was spilled for not informing her!

"That's right. I questioned the squad captain, who was the only one to escape alive, about the possibility," Kougaiji bit out coolly, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "He suggested, after some… persuasion that I ask you about it."

Gyoukumen shot him a full out scowl, unconcerned for the time being about the expression possibly causing unwanted wrinkles. Her foot stopped bouncing completely and she forgot completely about her newly manicured nails. The captain… Well, he wouldn't be spilling information like that ever again. Not if she had any say in the matter! "And what would I know about it… assuming it's true," she drawled while trying not to betray that this information was affecting her any more than she already had.

"He said he received orders to attack the Sanzo party with the intention of getting a certain soldier close enough to the monk to…how did he phrase it? Oh, that's right! 'Mind fuck him with some chemical shit' is how I believe he termed it." Kougaiji's face was carefully neutral but his eyes were sparking triumphantly. He knew he'd rattled her and was savoring every minute of his little victory. It made her sick!

"So you assumed that these orders came from me?" Gyoukumen snapped, uncrossing her legs and flicking her robe closed angrily.

"There's only one person in Houtu Castle that would dare override any command I give to the army," Kougaiji snarled, allowing his temper to break ever so slightly. Gyoukumen's eyes met his to warn silently that he should be very careful of his tone. "Any assassination attempt made on the Sanzo party must be cleared with me first! Or have you forgotten that the army follows the prince and not Gyumaoh's mistress?"

"You should be careful how you address a lady, Kougaiji," she purred cruelly. "Or have you forgotten that I hold the key to your precious mother's life?"

Kougaiji's eyes widened and his skin paled ever so slightly. What a good son… Rasetsunyo hadn't done him any favors by coddling him like she did. If the queen had been just a little stronger with her child, Kougaiji wouldn't be in the position he currently was.

The prince took a deep breath and released it, physically trying to calm himself down. Gyoukumen laughed under her breath and tapped her nails on the cool stone surface of the throne as she waited for him to remember his place. "Judging by your reaction, I'd say you didn't know the wrong person was poisoned," he after a while. While his words were once again coldly polite, there was something to his eyes that made her suspicious. "I thought Nii would have told you by now."

An icy chill moved down her spine before settling in her stomach. What did he just say? Did he honestly just… "What do you mean by that?" she demanded, her nails digging into the stone throne in an attempt to control herself. Nii… If this was true…

"Meaning, a recent visit to the laboratory while the staff was on lunch break proves that he's been keeping very close tabs on Cho Hakkai's activities," he revealed, all the while looking as if he'd just won the test of wills.

That bastard! That idiot! How dare he not inform her of this? How dare he?! And how dare Kougaiji look at her like that! She wouldn't stand for it! "Get out," she ordered, her voice nearing a deadly growl. "Get out!" Gyoukumen waved her hand as if dismissing a wayward child before directing her glare toward where her servants were cowering. They immediately flattened themselves as close to the ground as they could get. It didn't matter though. No amount of prostrating would save them from doing a terrible job on her nails.

Kougaiji turned his back on her and for once she didn't chastise him for it. She wanted him out of her sight before did something drastic. While she wanted nothing more than to eliminate the prince completely, Gyumaoh's army wouldn't follow anyone but his son into battle. She needed Kougaiji to keep their loyalty… but that didn't mean she'd need him once the Demon King was freed. Until then, she would have to be content with blackmailing him and take out her vengeance on the servants. Which reminded her…

Gyoukumen Koushu snapped her fingers. Instantly one of the servants ran to her side, dropping to his knees and not daring to look at her. "Get Nii," she commanded. The servant rushed from the throne room, leaving the others huddled to one side to await her orders.

* * *

Dr. Hwan paused in taking a sip from her coffee as Dr. Nii came out of his office. As usual with him, he looked as if he'd slept in his clothing for the last two days straight and he was carrying that ridiculous stuffed rabbit under his arm. Along with the rabbit was a bundle of neatly folded ivory silk. She was certain she didn't want to ask what it was for. God only knew what that pervert could do with silk! It wasn't his clothing or the bundle under his arms that had caused her to pause, however. It was the fact that his hair wasn't gelled back as usual… and his jaw was clean shaved and smooth. So, Dr. Nii hadn't styled his hair, but he'd shaved?

He stopped at the water cooler by the door to the laboratory to pour himself a cup of water, downing it in two quick gulps. Meeting her gaze, Dr. Nii grinned, winked… and threw the empty cup over his shoulder. Immediately, Hwan felt her loathing for the man rise up in full force. He knew she hated finding garbage on the lab floor and was deliberately baiting her! Unfortunately, she wasn't the type to sit back and simply ignore it.

"Why is it so impossible for you to use the trash cans?" she seethed, setting her coffee down with a solid thunk on the desk.

"Oh… I didn't see a trash can," Nii replied, his expression as innocent as could be. Too bad it was a complete lie!

"There's one right in front of you," Hwan squeezed out between clenched teeth.

Nii gave a curious hum of sound as he turned back around to face the indicated receptacle. Not only was the container a hideously bright orange color but there were signs sporting arrows pointing to it. Another sign also gave a running list of what constituted as trash, this having stemmed from when Hwan had come into the lab to discover her coffee mug was placed neatly on top of it.

Feigning a surprised look, Nii said, "Oooh… when did this get here? How careless of me. My apologies, Dr. Hwan. It seems for once your observation skills are right on target. Oh, well. I'll remember next time, I promise. Goodbye now!" Smiling merrily, he wiggled his fingers in her direction and pushed the laboratory door open.

Hwan let out an irritated snarl and stood up so abruptly that her chair went rolling back several inches, her heels clacking loudly as she stormed after him. She shoved the door open roughly, letting it slam against the wall and rattle on its sorely abused hinges. "And just where do you think you're going?" she shouted at his back.

Nii glanced over his shoulder, and the look in his eyes combined with the crook to his lips was enough to make her skin tingle in the most unpleasant of ways. Hwan hugged her arms across her stomach and fought the urge to retreat back into the lab under such a chilling look. There was nothing threatening to his features. There never was, and that was what was so eerie about him. He was one of the cruelest people she had ever met in her entire life, and yet he was always smiling. "I'm going out for a little bit. Try not to miss me too much, Dr. Hwan. It's unbecoming."

"In case you've forgotten, doctor, we have a revival project we're behind on," she continued firmly. "You can't just go disappearing without letting us know where you're going and when you'll be back."

"Fine, fine, if you insist," he sighed, fishing into his lab coat for his cigarettes. Hwan rolled her eyes as he took his time removing one of those awful sticks, sticking it between his teeth, striking a match, striking another when that one didn't work (why couldn't the man invest in a lighter?) and finally setting the tip to glowing red. After taking a couple drags and releasing them to billow around his head, Nii replied, "I'm going to collect a new toy. I'll be back in a few days. Are you satisfied now, Dr. Hwan?"

Hwan stiffened at the way he made the last portion of his statement sound so lascivious. She truly despised the man! "Just… go!" she snapped before whirling around and reentering the laboratory. There was only so much she could take of him for one day!


	16. Chapter 16

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well… this is the last chapter of Dysphoria. Shocked I got it out so quickly? I know I am, especially considering I've had to deal with finals and all that.

Thank you to everyone who has been so patient with me and my incredibly slow updates on this. Whether you reviewed or not, I'm very grateful you took the time to read. This one has been an absolute thrill to work on! Thank you also to everyone who's done beta reading on this for me. Thanks also for allowing me to throw plot bunnies at you. You guys have all been amazing in the shaping and direction of this fic.

So… without further ado… the conclusion. (runs for cover)

* * *

Yaone knocked softly on Kougaiji's door, smiling when the prince looked up sharply from the documents spread across the table used for military meetings. "Forgive me for interrupting, my lord, but I was wondering if I might have a word with you," she said with a polite bow."

"Of course. Come in, Yaone," he answered, indicating with one hand for her to come closer.

Her fingers were twisting together nervously as she ventured over to his side, her eyes flicking downward toward the documents in a quick display of curiosity before she could stop herself. Blushing when she caught the edge of a smile to his lips that said he'd caught her peeking, she took a deep breath and said, "Lord Kougaiji, I think I've found a treatment for our _friend_." The stress she put on the last word was enough to clear his expression of all amusement. After his conversation with Gyoukumen Koushu, they had taken precautions to ensure that she wasn't aware they were aiding the Sanzo Party. One of those measures was to refer to Hakkai as their 'friend'. While not perfectly subtle, it at least could be played off if questioned.

Kougaiji nodded and set the pen he'd been using to plot out merchant traffic into the lands surrounding Houtu Castle down on the table. "Let's hear it."

"There's no guarantee it will work beyond stopping the malady from spreading," she explained quickly. "Depending on how much damage was done, it might not even do that. However, it's the best option we have. I… I'd like to request permission to deliver it personally."

The prince let out a long, low sigh, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully as he stared down at the tabletop. Yaone watched as he began to rub one fingertip over a knot in the wood repeatedly, as if he could make the surface smooth simply by touching it. He was worried about sending her, and she could understand why. Not only was he concerned for her own safety but there was also the fact that she and Dokugakuji were his closest allies. If neither of them were there, there would be no one to help him should he need it. "Is Dokugakuji not back yet? It's been almost two days."

She shook her head, earning another drawn out breath from the prince. "That's another reason I'd like to go, my lord. It's not like Doku to be missing this long. I'm afraid… My lord, what if…"

Kougaiji gave her a kind smile before settling his hand on her shoulder. He gave her a reassuring squeeze and said, "Don't worry about him, Yaone. Dokugakuji's strong. He's also stubborn. He won't allow himself to die so easily."

"I know, Lord Kougaiji, it's just I can't shake this feeling that something's not right. We should have at least heard something by now," she insisted, clenching her hands together so tightly her knuckled paled considerably.

Sighing, the prince dropped his hand from her shoulder, his own curling forward in defeat. "You're not going to be satisfied until you check it out for yourself, are you?"

Giving him a thin smile, Yaone shook her head once again. "Not at all, my lord."

"Very well," he conceded reluctantly. "Just promise me you'll be safe. And don't take any unnecessary chances. While I will admit to being concerned for our _friend's_ health, it's not worth either of you getting injured. Or worse."

Relief swept through her as she bent into a deep, respectful bow and whispered, "Thank you, my lord." She rose and left the room quickly to gather all the equipment she would need without a backward glance. Had she turned back, she would have seen the deeply etched concern on Kougaiji's face for caving into her so easily.

* * *

Goku kept his eyes scrunched close tightly, his entire body trembling as he sat with his back pressed to the wall with the door in it. As much as he didn't wanna continue hearing Dokugakuji cuss and shout at Gojyo to keep breathing… he couldn't make himself move. The only time he entered the room was when Sanzo shouted for him to bring things or get things out of there. Mostly, it was carting loads of bandages and cotton pads up there while disposing of the ones that were too blood soaked to do any good anymore. He knew enough about first aid that it was better to keep the bloody gauze on there in order to keep as much blood in as possible, but there was a point where that didn't even work.

The first time he'd gone in that room, he'd done nothing but stare at the scene for several long seconds without blinking. Sanzo's arm was still bleeding, but he didn't seem to notice. He'd ripped his robe into long strips the night Hakkai had disappeared to use as bandages for Gojyo's chest. Goku recalled being unaware of his own injuries as the three of them worked to get Gojyo off the street and into the nearest building.

As it had turned out, the nearest building was an inn, one that hadn't asked questions and just let them take the room closest to the door. Sanzo's order for a doctor led to them discovering the town's only doctor had been killed by youkai while traveling to the next town over. Even Goku flinched at the language coming from his guardian's mouth. And he was _used_ to Sanzo cussing and shouting!

But that had been two days ago, and Gojyo was still really bad off. The innkeeper's wife had been really nice and fixed him up, even setting the broken bones in his hand. She'd let him cry and scream and cuss as she did it, promising she wouldn't tell Sanzo that he'd gone and dropped the F-bomb a ton of times while she did it. She'd then gone into the room to help out Sanzo, who was bleeding pretty badly still. He'd let her, but he'd stayed in the room all during that first day. On the second, he'd come out and sat down on the other side of the door. Goku had watched him as he'd lit a cigarette, but neither of them said a word. They didn't need to. Goku was just as worried about Gojyo as Sanzo was.

Goku thunked his head back against the wall and grit his teeth as he heard the increasingly familiar sounds of Dokugakuji starting another round of that chest-thing, the one that kept Gojyo alive. Gojyo must've stopped breathing again. Stupid cockroach! Why'd he have to go and get in Sanzo's way? Sanzo wasn't gonna kill Hakkai. Even _he_ knew that! Now, Hakkai was missing, Sanzo was hurt really bad and Gojyo was barely alive. Everything was a stupid, _stupid_ mess!

His eyes opened as someone sat down next to him. As in, right up against his side. He blinked in surprise when he saw it was Sanzo. He hadn't even heard the door open! Goku continued to stare at Sanzo as the blond tipped his head back against the door, slowly opening his own eyes to stare at the ceiling.

"Sanzo?" he ventured tentatively, barely breathing because of the look on Sanzo's face. To anyone else, he would have looked pissed off, but Goku had seen Sanzo's face for years and years. He knew what those little lines at the corners of his eyes met, knew the flicker that came and went so fast from his eyes it was almost imaginary.

"You should go in there and tell that worthless kappa off before it's too late," Sanzo said, his voice rough and sounding suspiciously tight.

"Whaddya mean?" Goku asked softly, lifting his head up off his knees as his breath caught in his own throat. Sanzo didn't mean… He _couldn't_ mean Gojyo was…

"He's lost a lot of blood, Goku. And without a doctor to fix this… " Sanzo's voice trailed off as he looked at Goku out of the corner of his eye.

Goku swiped angrily at the tears running down his cheeks, the cotton gauze wrapped around his splinted fingers soaking them up easily. He sucked in a deep sniffle before falling to the side, leaning his face on Sanzo's bare shoulder. He wasn't sure how long he'd been crying before he felt Sanzo's fingers combing through his hair, just like he always did when Goku was upset. "H-He can't die," Goku choked out, his voice cracking under the strain. "Gojyo… Gojyo's a s-s-stupid… water sprite!"

"You've got that right," Sanzo muttered. He didn't push Goku away or tell him to stop crying though, like Goku had half thought he would. Instead, he just sat there and let Goku cry and call Gojyo all kinds of things. It made him feel a little better to do it, even though none of the things he said were true. Gojyo could be annoying and picked on him a lot… but he was family. He was _Goku's_ family! He wasn't supposed to die!

Goku lifted his head when Sanzo stopped petting him. The blond's shoulders were stiff and there was a tension to him that meant he was poised for action. Goku cracked his swollen eyes open, anger crackling through him. If some stupid assassins were here now, he was gonna…

He blinked, his eyebrows creasing in confusion as Yaone knelt in front of him and offered him a handkerchief. She smiled and said softly, "I think this will be better than using Master Sanzo's shoulder, don't you?"

Nodding, Goku took the handkerchief and blew his nose on it before wiping it across his eyes. "W-What're you doin' here?" he mumbled. His voice sounded thick, like his cheeks were stuffed with cotton.

"I heard from the townsfolk that a man with hair the color of blood was brought in here two nights ago. They said it was only a matter of time before he died, so… I thought perhaps I should see about changing that," she answered.

Goku gaped at her for several seconds before Sanzo nudging him broke his trance and drew his attention over to his guardian. "Move so I can let her get in," Sanzo demanded gruffly. Goku was quick to scurry out of the way, his eyes still locked on Yaone as she smiled and thanked Sanzo when the monk opened the door for her. She shut the door behind her, leaving the two of them in the hallway. He heard Dokugakuji saying something to her, his deep voice sounding sort of desperate in tone. She replied calmly to him, something about she had to see him first.

Goku ventured a glance up at Sanzo's face as the monk struggled to light a cigarette with one hand. He honestly didn't know _what_ to think at this point! After all that had happened over the last few days, it seemed almost too good to be true that Yaone would show up just in time to save Gojyo's life.

Sanzo nudged him in the leg with his bare foot, exhaling a cloud of smoke that made his face look hazy before dissipating. There was a glint in his eyes and what looked almost like a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Come on, you need food. It's bad enough I've got a monkey tailing after me. A mangy monkey would just be annoying."

As if suddenly aware that it hadn't eaten at all in the last day or so, Goku's stomach growled fiercely. He laughed, pressing a hand to his gut as he jumped to his feet. "Think we can have some dumplings? Or how 'bout pot stickers? An' friend green beans, too! Oh, oh! I want red bean buns, too! Can I have 'em, Sanzo? Can I?"

His guardian rolled his eyes and gave Goku a shove toward the dining area. "Get moving before I change my mind and let you starve," he muttered. Goku grinned over his shoulder and made a dash for the restaurant. Even though he knew Sanzo was kidding about letting him starve to death… why take the chance that maybe he actually would? And now that Gojyo finally had some help, he had to get strong fast so they could go look for Hakkai!

* * *

Nii Jianyi frowned, his cigarette drooping between his lips. His dark eyes scanned the forest carefully, as if he could see directly through the thick, shadowed pines to where his target was. In a manner of speaking… he could. He was using the imbalance of Cho Hakkai's aura as his homing beacon, to put it in layman's terms. And goodness… was it ever unstable! He could feel the struggle between the two desires even from where he stood; the one side craving to bring death while the other simply wanted to escape through death.

He chuckled to himself as he made his way down the sloping side of the mountain and deeper into the forest, being mindful that he was wearing ivory silk and that the delicate fabric stained easily. Of course, it already had a few stains on it. Some silly, silly assassins honestly thought _he_ was Genjyo Sanzo. Well… they would never know their mistake now. Corpses had such difficulty talking, especially when in the condition he'd left them in. Not even his blue-eyed angel could have pieced them back together.

"Be patient just a little longer. Daddy's going to make everything alright again" he murmured, speaking to the person he was closing in on. He glanced up and allowed his smile to widen as a small gathering of black birds cawed overhead. Ravens were such wonderfully intelligent creatures. He followed the flight path they took across the grey sky, taking note that the were landing right where he was heading. He picked up his pace, eager to get there before those lovely birds began to eat his new toy.

* * *

So… this was hell. It looked kind of like a seedy hotel room. Not surprising really, considering the whole damn trip had been hell itself. Gojyo squinted at the sharp red glow cutting through the shutters that were half falling off of the window frame. It was hard to move at all, his body feeling leaden and aching in places that just weren't natural. His belly button, for example. It wasn't the area around it that ached, it was the actual indent itself. They were a creative lot in hell if they could make a belly button hurt, that was for sure.

Something blocked the light from hitting his face, something shadowed and person shaped. "So, you're awake? About damn time, kappa," a familiar voice said, the words practically dripping with sarcasm.

Gojyo groaned and wished he was capable of flicking the owner of that voice off. Yep… he knew for a fact he was in hell now if Genjyo Sanzo, Prick Extraordinaire, was with him. "So you got sent here, too? Damn… I must have been badder than I thought if they stuck me in the same corner as you."

He heard Sanzo give a disdainful snort shortly before the familiar flick of a lighter caught his attention. He watched as Sanzo awkwardly lit the cigarette dangling between his lips with one hand. Instantly, his mouth began to water at the scent of nicotine flooding the air. He could really use a light right about then, but seeing as he was in hell that wasn't likely to happen. Maybe… Naw, Sanzo wouldn't… well, it was worth a shot. "Yo, mind bumming me one of those?"

Sanzo gave him a cool glare before exhaling the smoke slowly in his direction. "Can you even sit up to hold it?"

Gojyo grit his teeth and fought through the pain that made his body want to die all over again. He fell back on the mattress, panting and with a sheen of sweat beading across his brow. He tried two more times, each time getting closer to sitting up before his body couldn't take the strain and collapsed on him. The last time he went down, he didn't bother trying to get up again. He was dizzy from the lack of normal breathe, sweating as if he'd just finished a marathon bout of sex and hurting so bad it made tears blur his eyes. Slowly, he shook his head, his irritation at not succeeding in something so simple as sitting up coming through as he said, "No way that's happening. Fuck… I _need_ a damn cigarette!"

To his surprise, Sanzo gave an irritated grumble before taking the stick from his own mouth and sticking it between Gojyo's lips. Gojyo didn't pause to consider the monk's uncharacteristic act of kindness and simply took three quick, deep drags into his grateful lungs. He'd smoked half the cigarette in the space of a minute or two, earning him an outraged snarl from the monk before it was snatched away from him roughly.

"I didn't say you could have the whole thing, asshole," Sanzo snapped while trying to maneuver the cigarette back into his mouth. It took Gojyo a confused second to figure out why Sanzo looked so weird smoking. The monk was using his right hand to smoke. His right hand was the one he used to shoot that damn gun of his. Why would he…

Sanzo turned away, and it was through the orange-pink tones seeping through the shutters that he saw why the monk was having a difficult time smoking. His left arm was bandaged heavily and wrapped in a sling. In fact… the guy's face was a swollen mess of bruises and cuts. Gojyo groaned, and closed his eyes, unaware of the violet gaze watching him with a mixture of suspicion and what could almost pass for concern. "Man… please tell me we didn't get taken out by some pansy assed assassins."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how we died! If we were taken out by some-,"

"-Gojyo-,"

"Lame-ass, cock sucking-,"

"-Gojyo."

"-Shit for brains-,"

"Gojyo!"

The red head stopped in mid rant and gave the monk his full attention. Half of Sanzo's face was hidden under bandages and shadow, but the half the light displayed made Gojyo's stomach clench nervously as he swallowed hard. Sanzo's jaw was as tight as ever, his drooping eyes narrowed and looking dangerous. But his eyes were lacking in the anger Gojyo was so used to seeing. Instead, they were carefully blank, almost unnervingly so. Sanzo was putting on that indifferent mask that meant something wasn't at all right.

"We didn't die," Sanzo stated, turning away to crush the cigarette out on the windowsill. "This isn't hell, though it's pretty close to it considering the company." He ignored Gojyo's attempt at flicking him off. "What was the last thing you remember?"

Gojyo blinked, his brow furrowing in confusion. He wasn't dead? Well… shit. Fancy that! It was another sunset creeping into the room, not the fires of hell. If it weren't for the odd tone to Sanzo's voice, he would have been whooping over the fact that he'd cheated death once again. Wincing as he managed to lift his hand to cover his eyes, Gojyo muttered, "Ummm… I think… it was raining. Wasn't it? And there was a girl. She was… She was bleeding. And… FUCK! Hakkai! Where the hell is Hakkai?!"

The memories that came flooding back, of him fighting Hakkai and getting the shit kicked out of him, gave him a burst of adrenaline he hadn't had before. He sat upright so quickly that the blood rushing to his head made him groan as he swayed toward the side of the bed. A half naked upper body wrapped over in bandages and possessing a wiry strength was suddenly there to support him, one bare foot kicking the trash can to the side of the bed as he began to wretch. Fluid slipped from his mouth, burning at his throat in the process, as a result of the wave of nausea that came over him. Hakkai… Hakkai had lost control of himself. Gojyo had been trying to help him. And then Sanzo…

"Y-you… dick," he managed to growl, anger vibrating through his body and chasing away the paralyzing pain. He made to swing at Sanzo but the action fell short when his stomach began acting up again. A bout of wheezing, choking coughs took care of the rest, forcing him to lean more heavily on the man he wanted to knock the hell out in order to in the bed. "You were gonna kill him!"

"I see almost dying hasn't made you any smarter," the monk sneered. He didn't move away though, even with Gojyo all but itching to throttle his sadistic ass.

"You're lucky… I can't get up and kick your… fucking ass… right now," Gojyo gasped, allowing Sanzo to force him to lie back on the mattress. He winced as the movement caused a bolt of pain to shoot up his back so sharp that white spots began to eat at his vision. This time, the tears finally did squeeze free from his eyelids, thin little dots that were the product of the agony ripping up his spine. "Shit… What the hell happened to my back?"

"You got in my way, that's what. If you hadn't, this wouldn't be half the cluster-fuck it is right now."

He managed to open his eyes just enough to take in Sanzo's profile once again. His words were typical Sanzo, but the way he said them… It made a cold chill settle across Gojyo's skin. The monk's jaw was tight again, but it wasn't because he was angry. Something else had happened , something that made him worried. Shit… it was never a good sign if Sanzo was worried about something. "Fill me in on the details," he said quietly, half-dreading what was going to come next.

Sanzo's narrowed gaze fell on him almost speculatively, as if he wasn't sure Gojyo should hear it. Whatever he saw on Gojyo's face made him sigh before getting off the bed and pacing back over to the window. "I wasn't aiming to kill Hakkai," he began in a quiet voice. He leaned against the window frame and peered out between the shutters at whatever was outside. "Obviously, you didn't pick up on that. You ended up taking the bullet in his place." He gave a short laugh, but there was no humor to it. "You've got some amazing luck, you bastard. An inch higher and that bullet would have gone right through your lungs. I doubt even a cockroach like you could have survived that."

"Geeze, you've got no sympathy in you at all, do you?" Gojyo complained. "I'm injured and you're giving me hell."

"Are you saying you can't take it? Wuss."

"Bite me. So…. I blocked a bullet that wasn't intended to kill Hakkai. That's about where my memory's hazy. What happened next?"

Sanzo was silent for a long time, his attention focused entirely out the window. Gojyo swallowed hard and stared at the man's bandaged back nervously. There were darker splotches on the white wrappings that he hadn't noticed before, blood that had soaked through the gauze. He took note that Sanzo seemed to be favoring his right leg a little as well, being mindful of not putting too much pressure on it. He was so wrapped up in picking out all the little injuries on the other man that he almost missed it when Sanzo finally continued talking.

"Hakkai snapped. He took his limiters off and came after me for shooting you. Goku jumped into the fight like an idiot and managed to beat Hakkai back enough for me to get out of the way. You weren't moving. Hell, you were barely breathing. Dokugakuji continued keeping you alive while Goku tried to wear Hakkai out."

Gojyo closed his eyes and almost choked on his next breath due to how tight his throat was. He had an idea of where this was going.

He heard Sanzo sigh wearily and shift his weight from one foot to the other briefly. "Goku managed to get Hakkai in a position where I could take action. I shot him where I'd been aiming from the start. Right in that damn scar of his. It worked, too. He snapped out of it just enough to keep himself from killing Goku and see Dokugakuji still working to keep you alive. And then… he ran off. Witnesses say they saw him run into the forest outside the town, but we couldn't follow him right away. Goku and I had wounds to take care of, and your ass was more than half dead."

The redhead took a shaky breath and let it out slowly to try and get rid of the cocktail of emotions flooding through him. Anger that this had even happened. Disgust that he hadn't been able to do more. Fear for a friend that meant more to him than his own life. Hope that perhaps, just maybe, Hakkai was still alive. Cold dread that he more than likely wasn't. It felt like he was drowning under it all, unsure which emotion should be prominent. He wanted to scream, to punch something, to cry… just _do something!_

There was a dip in the bed, letting him know Sanzo was sitting near him again. He didn't fight the fingers that slid back in his hair, just Sanzo's hand on his head. It was the exact same touch he used for Goku to comfort the kid. The strange thing was… it was working. It was just him touching Gojyo, but it was enough to let him know that the monk wasn't completely heartless. He understood exactly the type of grief Gojyo was experiencing.

"Your brother worked his ass off keeping you alive," Sanzo continued, his voice barely audible it was so low. "For two whole days, you continued bleeding. Each time your heart started to stop, Dokugakuji made sure it didn't. Goku wouldn't leave the doorway, not even for food. If that doesn't convince you not to be stupid with your life, I should just kill you now and get it over with."

Gojyo gave a dry smile. "Yeah, I get you. Sorry you were worried about me."

Sanzo gave a derisive snort and pulled his hand away as he turned his head to the side. It wasn't quick enough to keep Gojyo from catching his answering smirk. Just as he'd thought… Naturally, he wasn't going to press his luck any further. Otherwise, Sanzo _would_ kill him for real. "Well, whatever he did must've worked. I feel like shit, but I'm obviously not dead," he commented in a tone that was much lighter than he felt.

"Dokugakuji did a lot, but by day three you were looking like death warmed over," Sanzo replied. "That was when Yaone showed up. Apparently she was worried about Dokugakuji and came looking for him. Oh, and by the way, you owe me a few pints of blood."

"Say what?!"

Sanzo showed him the arm that wasn't wrapped up and the large yellowish bruise at the bend of his elbow. "You're lucky you got what you did out of me. I hate needles."

Gojyo couldn't help smiling then as he gave a splutter of laughter, instantly regretting it when it made his back flare up. "Too bad she can't do it the same way as that crazy-assed goddess, huh? You would have saved my life _and_ gotten your first kiss all in one well-endowed package."

The monk's reply was to draw his gun awkwardly from inside the sling and aim it at Gojyo. "I want my blood back now. _With_ interest."

"Relax, monk. You're not her type anyway."

Sanzo grunted his agreement with that before fishing out his cigarettes again. This time, he stuck one between Gojyo's lips and lit it without the redhead having to ask. Gojyo gave a grateful moan and took the thin stick between his fingers, savoring the taste of good tobacco on his tongue for a change. Sanzo smoked some good shit, that was for sure! The only problem with the higher grade was that it went to his head a lot faster.

"How long have I been out? And where's Hakkai?"

Sanzo blew a thin line of smoke up toward the ceiling, getting up to grab the ashtray from the windowsill. "This is day four after Hakkai ran off. You were barely alive for the first two days, and Yaone gave you some stuff to keep you unconscious for all of yesterday. It's about seven or so in the evening."

Gojyo waited for the blond to answer his second question. When Sanzo continued to smoke in silence, he let out a heavy breath before taking a heavy drag on his own cigarette. The fact that Sanzo wasn't answering him said it all. Hakkai was still missing. "Sanzo… you think-,"

"Not a chance in hell," the monk cut in tersely.

"How do you know?"

Sanzo crushed out his cigarette and pinned Gojyo with a hard, cold stare. "Because I know Hakkai. He may think he wants to die, but he's too damn stubborn to just go and do it. Especially when there's no way of knowing whether or not you're still alive. You're his friend, you should know all this. Maybe Yaone should have checked more closely for a head injury."

Gojyo shook his head as Sanzo leveled mocking violet eyes on him. "Screw you, man. Just remember pay back's a bitch." He finished his cigarette and stubbed it out next to the two from Sanzo.

"So are kappas, apparently."

"Seriously, your bedside manner sucks! Where the hell's Yaone at? Shouldn't she be checking on her poor, abused patient?"

"She's out with Dokugakuji and Goku looking for Hakkai."

Gojyo's eyes widened a touch at that announcement, shock numbing both the emotional and the physical pain. "She… and Doku… wait, they're our enemies, right? I mean, shouldn't they be trying to take the sutra and all that shit?"

Sanzo shrugged indifferently. "It seems their prince wasn't too happy with all that's gone on. Remember that attack a while back, the one where Hakkai got spit on?"

"Vaguely. It's hard to remember one specific fight outta hundreds."

"Well, apparently that was meant for me. Kougaiji didn't order the attack though. It went without being cleared by him. That spit was a type of toxin that affects the way a person thinks. Hakkai got it full on and… that's that."

"So… it was meant… for you?"

Sanzo nodded, his eyes narrowing suspiciously as Gojyo's lips began to quirk upward.

Finally, Gojyo couldn't hold back the wicked grin and slight chuckle. "I guess it's a good thing it didn't hit you, Sanzo. You're homicidal enough as it is!"

Growling, the monk whipped the fan out and held it threateningly over Gojyo as the redhead flinched and jerked away. Gojyo hissed painfully a second later as his abused reminded him that moving was a bad thing, even if it was to keep it from a fan slap. "Damn it… quit making me jerk around, asshole! It HURTS!"

"Then quit tempting fate with your idiocy," Sanzo snapped back before resettling on the bed with an irritated huff. Gojyo waited until he was certain the fan was well hidden again before relaxing back on his pillows. "Regardless," Sanzo continued, giving Gojyo one final glare over his comment. "Hakkai was infected. Yaone has what she thinks is a way to at least stop it from spreading. It could possibly reverse some of the damage. That's why she's out looking for him with the others and not here to take care of your whining ass."

"And why are you here and not out there as well?"

Sanzo arched a brow and looked pointedly down at his own injuries. "In case didn't hear me the first time, Hakkai _attacked me_ under the impression that I'd killed you. I've got almost forty stitches in my arm, three broken ribs and a whole shit load of bruises keeping me here. Plus, that bastard messed my damn knee up. Searching for his psychotic ass is _not_ an option. And it's even less of an option for you, so don't get any ideas in that thick skull of yours. If you so much as _think_ about getting out of this bed for anything other than a piss, I'll shoot both of your goddamn knees to convince you to stay put."

"Yessir," Gojyo replied mockingly, even going so far as to attempt a salute. That turned out to be a bad idea since it lifting his arm moved his back too much. Sanzo smirked as he grimaced and lowered his arm carefully. How he wished he could wipe that smug look right off the monk's arrogant face!

Standing up once again, Sanzo made his way to the door. "Yaone said you should sleep as much as possible. There's some pills on the table to your right for the pain. She said to take two every four hours. You've got another hour before you can take them."

Gojyo turned just enough so that he could locate the indicated pills and nodded. "Gotcha. Hey…Sanzo?"

"Hm?" The other man paused with the door open, glancing back over his shoulder.

"We're gonna find him." Thought it was said as a statement of confidence, it came out sounding more like a question. It was said more to convince himself of this fact than anything else. Gojyo swallowed hard and looked anywhere but at the piercing violet gaze studying him closely.

"Of course we are," Sanzo answered before walking out the door.

That was the first time Gojyo could ever recall in the four years of knowing Sanzo that the monk had ever lied to him.

* * *

Why wasn't he dead yet? How much more blood had to spill from his body before that would happen. He had no idea where he was, no clear perception of how long he'd been there. Just the endless cycle of burning sun and cold moon. And pain. More pain than his body could handle. Anything that could hurt did hurt. All he could see was Gojyo lying on the ground. Gojyo's blood staining the garbage, thinned by the driving rain. Gojyo lying limp and unresponsive. God… he'd killed Gojyo! And his mind kept replaying it over and over again, driving the agony in so deep that he felt like he was ready to burst from it.

His mind was the worst, the pounding in his head and the clashing of identities ripping him apart from the inside out. There were brief moments where he would catching the scent of the raw earth seeped in his own blood and feel a surge of primal violence burn through him. Then, there were times where he felt nothing. Not the wind on his face, wet of dew on his hands… nothing. He was the very definition of numb and empty, too tired to continue fighting through the pain but still somehow too stubborn to just die.

He had tried, too, to die. Had tried cajoling his lungs into not working. Had tried willing his own hear to stop. Nothing had worked. He knew there was a reason why he couldn't just stop. What that reason was, he couldn't remember. Live or die… he wished one or the other would just happen.

As if finally listening to his please, his body gave a convulsive shudder, drawing the attention of the enraged one inside him. He choked, almost bit his own tongue off as he continued to writhe and twitch across the musky earth. Black spots were circling overhead. Crows… or were they ravens? Did it matter? No, not really. He began choking as his lungs still struggled to draw air into his body, even while his heart began to slow. The black birds were landing now, their harsh sounds almost imperceptible to ears that could barely hear them. Black eyes looked at him, a thin, sharp beak pecking another away from what was soon to be his corpse.

When the light from the sky darkened, he initially thought that it was because the gates of Hell were about to open for him. But the gates of Hell… weren't made of pale silk. He was rolled onto his back, staring up into a shadowed face with glinting eyes. No… not eyes. Glasses. The Angel of Death wore glasses? And why was the Angel smoking?

This particular angel smiled and leaned over him, expelling the smoke into his face and making what little oxygen he managed to get into his body go stale. It was hard to keep that face in focus, his eyes growing increasingly heavy as his body began to relax. Where before he was welcoming death while his body protested it, the positions were now reversed.

"My… what a mess you've made of yourself," the Angel murmured, his voice purring and entirely suitable for a guide into Hell. "And look, you're still trying to live despite it all. How very noble of you."

He couldn't speak. Even if he could, what did one say to the Angel of Death? It took effort to pry his eyes open this time. Something wet was sliding from the corner of his lips. And still that Angel in pale silk smiled down at him.

"I can save you, you know. Take away all the pain, all the awful memories. You don't want to die, I can see it in your eyes. You will. Die, I mean. It's just a few precious seconds away."

A pale hand covered in black silk came into view, drawing his bleary gaze away from smiling face above him. "The decision is yours, of course. But somehow… I don't think your other half is going to let you."

As if on cue, that darker force surged upward, boiling with rage and the need to keep going. He couldn't scream. He'd screamed so many times before that he had nothing left. All he could do was struggle as half of him wanted to continue sinking into the darkness while the other was practically burning with the need to keep breathing. The agony… nothing in Hell could be worse than the force of two combatant entities warring for control of one body. It wasn't going to let him die. It was going to keep him trapped here forever like this, always begging for release from the torment being wreaked upon.

Except… there was a release. It was so close to him he could almost feel the texture of the silk covering his hands. All he had to do was reach out, take it. It would all be over then, one way or another.

Hakkai's hand was shaking so badly he could barely make the movement it took to touch that waiting hand. Strong fingers closed around his wrist and the last thing he saw before the pain forced him into oblivion was a flash of white teeth and sunlight off of glasses.

* * *

Sanzo hesitated with his hand on the doorknob outside of Gojyo's room. He didn't want to go in there. He didn't want to see that same hopeful expression, hear that same hopeful question. He'd had an entire week's worth of seeing that hope fade from crimson colored eyes, and he was sick of it.

Yaone and Dokugakuji had stayed with them for another two days, just to ensure that Gojyo was out of the danger zone and to help them search the forest areas as best they could. They left on the third day, though it was obvious Dokugakuji was reluctant to do so. He couldn't hold it against them for leaving, though. Technically, they hadn't even needed to help in the first place. The fact that they did was surprising to say the least. He wouldn't question free help when it came his way, no matter who it happened to come from.

Goku's good mood had quickly vanished when they hadn't found Hakkai. It was closing on almost ten days now since that night. Goku had found a spot in the forest that he said smelled like Hakkai's blood, but there was no body and no further trail to follow. Basically, the guy had up and vanished. How _that_ was even possible, especially considering the shape Hakkai had been in after the fight, was beyond him to even guess at. If he'd died and some animal had wandered along and eaten him, there would have been pieces to discover.

There was nothing except for one blood soaked patch of grass and pine needles. Sighing, he shook his head, glancing over with annoyance at the concerned kyu coming from the dragon sitting on his shoulder. Hakuryuu had been with him since he'd joined the search party, always circling overhead and returning to him whenever his wings got tired. Strange… he would have thought the flying beast would claim Gojyo as his next favorite perch. Maybe it was because the kappa was injured. Or maybe Gojyo just didn't have dragon friendly shoulders.

Sanzo's fingers curled more tightly around the doorknob as he grit his teeth. Almost without thinking, he reached up and stroked the soft fur running down the length of Hakuryuu's back, just as he'd seen Hakkai do hundreds of times. The little dragon gave another trill of sound, this one coming out a little more reassuringly as he nudged his tiny head into Sanzo's palm.

"Don't suppose you could suddenly learn how to speak so you could do this, huh?" he muttered. All he got in response was a confused chirp. "Didn't think so. Useless beast. Damn it!" He drew his finger back sharply and sucked at the tiny pinpricks caused by needle sharp teeth nipping him angrily. That damn bird was _so_ lucky he didn't want to walk to Houtu Castle!

Still pissed about being bitten, Sanzo opened the door and entered the room. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Goku moving around, stuffing things into the packs that had been brought over from their other hotel room. Gojyo was sitting up as well, though he didn't look too happy to be doing so, and was directing Goku on where everything was supposed to go.

"What the hell's going on?" Sanzo demanded after taking his finger out of his mouth.

"What the hell's it look like?" Gojyo rebutted immediately. "We're packing."

"For…?"

"Goin' west," Goku answered cheerfully. "See, Gojyo an' I were just talkin' 'bout how we can't find Hakkai, an' _I_ figure that since he's not where he should be in th' forest that maybe he's goin' west still. 'Sides, we've gotta go that way anyway, right? An' lyin' around here like th' lazy kappa-,"

"I swear to the gods, monkey, you're dead as soon as I'm healed up for the job," Gojyo interjected angrily.

Goku stuck his tongue briefly before continuing. "So anyway, like I was sayin', maybe if we go west over th' mountains we can keep lookin' for Hakkai. I mean, that's what way he went anyway before disappearin'. So, whaddya think, Sanzo? Think it'll work?"

Sanzo stood staring at Goku's eager face for what felt like eternity. Those golden eyes were wide and bright with anticipation. The plan was ludicrous… but what the hell? Maybe the kid would prove to be right. Tipping his head forward to shield the little smile curving his lips, he shrugged and said. "It's worth a shot. But you better carry your own weight, lazy kappa, or I'm ditching you on the side of the road."

"Ha! Worry about your own weight, monk, not mine!" Gojyo fired back.

"And I'm driving!" Sanzo added immediately.

"Who said? I sure as hell don't agree with that!"

"Yeah, me neither," Goku added quickly. "Your drivin' sucks, Sanzo!"

Sanzo smirked and glanced pointedly at the little white dragon sitting on his shoulder. "I think this guy here just said I'm driving. So, stop bitching and get moving! Goku, you get the passenger seat. I don't want that degenerate anywhere near me."

"YAHOO! I take back what I said about you bein' a crappy driver, Sanzo. You rock," the boy whooped excitedly.

"And forget what I said about kicking your ass when I'm fixed up," Gojyo hollered over him. 'The first ass _I'm_ gonna put my foot up is yours, you holy dick!"

Sanzo tossed him another smirk before turning and leaving the room, letting Gojyo and Goku sort out the packing. He walked outside the inn and paused on the doorstep to light a cigarette. Hakuryuu made an inquisitive sound, arching his neck around to peer at Sanzo's face.

"Well, what are _you_ waiting for? Do that transformation thing you do so we can get going," he muttered. The little dragon let out an high-pitched sound that made him wince before taking to the air a few feet away. There was a bright flash of light and suddenly the familiar green Jeep was in front of him.

Sanzo took the front seat and continued smoking his cigarette, his eyes focused entirely on the forest-covered mountains in the distance. West. It seemed like the answers to all their questions always came back to that one direction. He had a feeling this time wouldn't be any different.

* * *

The first thing he noticed was sunlight on his face, warm and soft as if being filtered through a curtain. The next was the mild ache that seemed to radiate all throughout his body… that was lying on a rather comfortable bed. He took a deep breath, his back arching just a little and causing him to wince as it made a spot along his stomach flare with pain. Without opening his eyes, he let his fingers ghost underneath the blankets to the spot, tracing the rough texture of stitches there.

"Oh… you're awake already? What good luck this is," a voice drawled from just over his head.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, blinking quickly before settling on a squint when he couldn't see very clearly from his right eye. What he could make out of the face peering down at him was a smile, dark hair and glasses that reflected the muted sunlight so that he couldn't see the eyes behind them. "W-Who… are you?" he croaked out, his voice rough and strained sounding to his ears.

The smile deepened further as the man said, "Me? I'm just your average guardian angel, that's all."

His fingers traced the stitches on his stomach once again while he struggled to recall anything about why they were there in the first place. Nothing. His memory was a complete blank. But someone _had_ to have tended to him. And hadn't this man said he was his 'guardian angel'. He felt a weak smile come to his lips as he managed to say, "You… saved me?"

"Mmm… you could say that. For a while there, I thought for sure you were going to die on me." He heard the man chuckle, which brought his smile out just a little more. Whoever he was, the man had a rather nice voice. "But you came through in the end. Say… do you mind if I ask how you came to be in this condition?"

He frowned, his brow creasing as he mulled the question over in his mind. Still, there was nothing. He couldn't recall a single thing about his injuries… or about himself for that matter. "I'm sorry, but I don't remember anything."

"Hmm. What about your name?"

He managed a rasping laugh as he gave his head a faint shake. "Anything includes that, I'm afraid."

For some reason, this made the man's smile widen to the point of flashing his white teeth. "Really? How unfortunate."

* * *

AUTHOR'S FINAL WORD: (grins) Before anyone thinks I'm just going to leave it here… There WILL be a sequel to Dysphoria. As of right now, it's unnamed, but be sure to look for that in the next month or so.

Thanks again for reading!


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